Hey guys, I'm not sure what's up with chapter 89 but if you didn't see it before this, well, I suppose my app is crapping out. If you did, then I wish it would tell me 😭

─────── • ❥ • ───────

"Ready to go?" YangYang enquired from the front door as Renjun checked for his old apartment keys and zipped his jacket.

"Yeah, let's head out." Before I chicken out, he thought and chewed into his bottom lip. In recent days, he'd been fighting against this huge urge to go back to the complex and see how it was. Externally, he didn't want to do it; couldn't bare the thought of running into the boys and having to make conversation. Yet internally, his heart was tearing in two and his conscience kept a not-so-gentle reminder that they'd be leaving soon. If not already. He'd never forgive himself and his own stubbornness if he never got to say goodbye.

He'd told YangYang he wanted to get the rest of his stuff from the apartment and be done with it. It was reason enough for the younger to agree.

The couple traipsed down the streets for about half an hour, noticing decorations coming down around them after the holidays and menus changing in restaurants to accommodate that. Renjun couldn't find it in himself to enjoy this time, and his hands balled into fists in his pockets at the thought that he wouldn't even be able to have Christmas with them. No New Years, no Valentines Day. No hot summer like they had before.

His mother was visiting in a week or two as well to top it all off. She wanted to see his new life, meet the guy he'd fallen for, and she'd insisted she wanted to see his neighbours...and he wasn't able to confess that it probably wouldn't happen. This was all starting to feel out of his control again.

When he eventually snapped out of his daydreams and worries, his eyes glided directly upwards to find his old home right before YangYang muttered, "We're here." Renjun's stomach dropped a mile and suddenly he wasn't so sure he could do this. "Okay, let me know when you're ready or if you need help to carry your stuff. I'll do a bit of window shopping."

"You're not coming?"

His nose crinkled awkwardly and he looked to his boots, "those guys make me anxious. But," he returned the eye-contact again, "if you want me to go, I'll go. I don't mind, really."

The shorter rolled out his neck and thought about the pros and cons before deciding it was probably for the best that they never met YangYang again. He didn't want to go alone, but the alternative was equally quite...

"It's fine. You go ahead," he smiled and waved him off. "I'll call you when I'm done."

"Jun," the taller pursed his cold lips and glanced to the new, towering building, "if they hassle you or anything, text me. Okay? It's six to one."

"They aren't insane, Yang. They're not dangerous—"

"You don't know what stewing in misery can make people do. Just...be careful."

Oh, I know all too well, he thought and sighed out a puff of condensation. If they're remotely like me, they won't have the energy to fight. He nodded softly and turned to head to the doors. "I'll see you later. If I don't text in the next hour, then maybe head home. There's a chance I'll get to clear the air..."

"Renjun—"

"It's okay," he promised, waving a gloved hand. "Later?"

The brunette hesitated and looked as though he wanted to say something else...but waved back regardless and mumbled a 'later' in return.

Renjun trudged inside and wrapped his arms around himself as he breathed in the familiar scent of a diffuser disguising the fading smell of paint. His gaze swept over the walls, the communal living area, the reception Taeyong lived in. And thankfully, was occupying right now.

"Hey," he smiled hopefully and caught the landlord off guard.

"Renjun? Hi!" He grinned and pushed his scraggly brown fringe off his brow where it'd grown too long. He placed a huge stack of papers down in front of him and beckoned him over. "It's been a while. Two months? How are you?"

"I'm...alright."

"Code name for shit, I get it," he nodded with an understanding Renjun had been longing to see for ages. "They've been pretty depressed too, really. Any sign of reconciliation? Ah, is that why you're here?"

"Unfortunately, no," the smaller frowned and dropped his hands to rest by his sides in anxious fists. Although he was glad Taeyong had brought them up instead of him...it looked less desperate and sad. "I'm actually here to get more of my stuff. They sort of hate me now."

"Very untrue," the brunette chuckled dismally and shuffled some sheets of paper around to find something. "If they hated you, it wouldn't look like this."

"Like what?"

"Like the end of a Shakespearean tragedy. I'm waiting for something dramatic to happen."

Renjun breathed a small sigh of relief and couldn't help but smile at the sentiment. He wanted to see them a little more now, and his resolve to keep this 'normal life' up was starting to crumble even further. "Are they here?"

"Just about," Taeyong hummed and leaned on his elbows over the desk. "They're leaving within the week, you know. Things are in motion and I hate to say it looks like you're being forcefully removed from the clockwork. Is there really nothing that can be said to fix it? I was contemplating writing a novel about you lot, but I can't if you're all miserable in the end."

"Write a happy ending then," he scoffed with a small laugh, but it nearly broke into a choke. He was barely keeping it together. "Something beautiful...unlike real life."

The elder held his gaze and watched as the blonde-ravenette started to break into tears. He tried to stifle his helpless sobbing with his hand but failed and had to close his eyes to find composure.

"I don't know if they're up there, but..." Taeyong murmured and spied the foot of the staircase metres away, "you might see them."

"I don't think I should," Renjun sniffed and rubbed his eyes so harshly they started to stain red. "But I need to see my apartment anyway, so..."

"Okay. Off you go." It was a comfort seeing him, really. An unchanging part of their old lives still sitting where he always sat. Their disorganised landlord truly was a wonder. "I have tissues down here when you come back."

"I'll return for those," the smaller tried to chuckle, but it came out weak and watery. He turned away before he really did melt and started towards the stairs. It was quiet in here, without the usual bustle of the six others making trouble of themselves. In fact, most signs of life were gone and Renjun could only assume it was due to the fact that they were leaving for good soon.

The doors of the third floor were all closed and possibly locked. His key wouldn't work anymore, but he didn't want it to. He couldn't handle having access to people he loved more than life itself. He made it across the hall to his own apartment before twisting the key and eliciting a little sigh when it popped open and welcomed him in. He didn't overly feel welcome, though.

When he stepped inside and turned to close the door, he noticed the first apartment's threshold was slightly exposed where the door hadn't been closed the full way. His heartbeat sped up exponentially when he thought that Mark might've been in there. Maybe even a couple of the others. Why did they keep six separate apartments when they practically lived together?

He quickly shut himself in to sever that string tugging him towards the others. The young male pressed his lips together and knocked his forehead against the wooden surface, resting it there and squeezing his eyes shut. As he tuned into the sounds around him, he could hear movement next door, rustling in a kitchen. Chenle.

So they were here.

"Never mind," he whispered, standing back and looking around at the desolate space. He'd taken most of his stuff, and didn't own much to begin with. This excuse of taking it all back with him was just that: an excuse. He didn't even want to do this.

He trailed towards his bedroom and saw the white, crisp sheets still untouched from when he'd last left. His hand trailed along the twisting shapes embroidered into the cream hem and be lay back against the mattress and stared up to the ceiling. The fan wasn't spinning, but it wasn't really the time of year for a breeze.

It was silent all over again, save for the manic beating of his heart in his ears. His fingers clawed into the sheets as he closed his eyes, and visions of the boys surrounding him in this very room took him someplace better. A time when Jisung would wander in at night with stories of his terrors, when Chenle would already be in here, waiting for him to join him for sleep. When Mark and Jeno would scare him awake in the mornings and disturb his once peaceful dreams. He missed dreaming the way he had in this bed.

He wasn't sure when it had happened, but once he opened his eyes again it had already been two hours. He'd finally fallen asleep without guilt stabbing his chest. A chill swept over his figure, but he knew it was just his body warming back up after shutting down for a while.

A vibration against his hip had him shivering, and he elicited a soundless yawn before stretching and opting to ignore it. It'll be YangYang wondering if I'm alright. He was alright; better than he had felt in ages, honestly. But he couldn't just bask in this silence and solitude forever, and even though it pained him to do so, he threw his legs over the side of the bed and sat up.

Renjun had never really felt a whole lot for this apartment, only those living in the surrounding ones. But now that he was back and could smell and see all that was familiar again...he realised he'd missed it. He missed the memories he'd made in it, the people he'd shut out and let in. Now that he was back, it didn't seem like his home anymore.

I didn't really leave much, he blinked tiredly and rubbed his eyes for a new reason altogether. They burned a little after crying and now he could've used a decade of sleep. The odd belongings he'd deemed unnecessary in his new life stared back at him from the cabinets, drawers, countertops. They still didn't feel important and honestly, he'd just ditch them once he brought them back. YangYang would wonder why he bothered, but that was a conversation for future Renjun. Present Renjun didn't give a fuck.

Grabbing a plastic bag from under the kitchenette sink, he shook it open and started tossing random things inside. A lot of the utensils he'd bought for the living areas could stay, and he was certain Taeyong would've appreciated the spares for the downstairs room. Anything he already had at Yang's could stay here too. That left pretty much nothing.

A pointless journey in this regard, but he'd already known that coming here.

Renjun felt overheated in his coat and wanted to shrug it off, but there was no point when he was just about to leave again anyway. One more cursory glance across the apartment assured him it was empty of love and devoid of life. Just how he'd found it. It was probably about time he talked to the complex owner about him moving out.

As he shut the front door behind him and locked it for possibly the last time, his lashes gathered tears again and he was on the verge of racing back in and cuddling up in that bed. The plastic bag felt limp in his grasp and he made steps to move off down the hallway. But again, that damn door across the way was ajar...just inviting him in.

Don't be stupid, he scolded himself, trying to pass it and stopping short at the top of the stairs. But it was Mark's room. He was the most reasonable, maybe he would've wanted a conversation too. Some closure.

Or maybe you've fucked up for the last time and he wants you gone.

As he stood overlooking the second and ground floor, his stomach tightened like all the contents were being crushed and his brain was frying from all the 'what ifs' he kept pushing away, and the 'please don't leave me behind' on the tip of his tongue. Fuck it, he gritted his teeth and turned around to march into the vulnerable apartment, you only live once!

He tossed the bag of silly junk to the floor once he was inside and closed the door behind him. His breathing grew laborious and his steps were faltering the closer he got to the bedroom. His legs moved with muscle memory and before he could back out of it, he pushed open the door he'd entered a hundred times before and cast his eyes down to the man laying upon the soft, pastel blue sheets. He hadn't even huddled under the duvet, only lay over it like he'd been in a rush and just collapsed. Hell, his shoes were still on and he was in jeans and a long-sleeved t-shirt.

"Mark?" Renjun whispered cautiously, shying away at first and then realising the elder was fast asleep. His initial thought was to leave him be and run along like a good little home-wrecker, but then he couldn't bring himself to actually go through with it. His heart sank and he nearly got down on his knees there and wailed, though instead of being more of an annoyance, the blonde-ravenette edged into the bedroom and closed the door behind him again.

He slid out of his shoes and threw his coat off beside them, walking over quietly to then take off Mark's and leave them by the white wardrobe. The ravenette rolled onto his side from the disturbance and curled up into foetal position, looking ever so innocent and peaceful. Did he sleep better now that Renjun was gone? Was he less stressed now that it was just the six of them again?

A part of the younger boy hoped not, but he equally didn't want to be a shadow over there lives either. Every time he closed his eyes and saw them all break down into hysterics around him, it was almost enough to make him throw up with guilt. So instead of alerting his former neighbour to his presence, he just lay down beside him and faced his back, gently noting with his fingers how long the actor's hair was growing at the back. Was it for an upcoming movie? He looked as gorgeous as ever.

The phone in his pocket buzzed again, and he quickly tugged it out, responded to his boyfriend that he'd be late and that he was caught up talking and shut it off...hoping to not have to think about the real world for a while. As he pushed down even more urges to cry, he pressed his body flush against Mark's back and rested his forehead against his firm muscles, smiling despite his distress at the overwhelmingly familiar smell of the actor's body wash and spray. He missed this. All of it.

He wished he was stronger and had what it took to be the person he was that night at the premier.

─────── • ❥ • ───────