23

Spidey
WARNING
DO NOT ENTER THE COMMUNAL AREAS!!!

Mr Stark
What?

Spidey
If you are desperate for breakfast, get an Uber eats delivered to your window.

Mr Stark
Urgh I'm gonna regret asking but
Why?

Harley
It's not safe, Anthony.

Mr Stark
Oh not you too

Spidey
We're only trying to save you, Mr Stark

Mr Stark
Have I been demoted from Dad?

Harley
This is a MiLiTaRy OpErAtIoN, ANTHONY, formalities are necessary.

Capsicle
What is there to save us from?

Spidey
A crazy Russian spy.

Mr Stark
no
I have been awake for less than five minutes
I haven't had my coffee
I refuse to deal with this.

Harley
Real responsible.

Capsicle
Peter, would do you mean by a Russian spy?

Spidey
Well...y'know...
A spy/secret agent/undercover operative...
Who happens to be Russian

Capsicle
And how do you know about this spy?

Spidey
I had an unfortunate encounter on my quest for breakfast

Capsicle
Care to elaborate?

Spidey
I'd really rather not.

Capsicle
Peter.

Spidey
Ok so I was just on my way to try a combination of Lucky Charms and Fruit Loops, and found a scary Russian lady on the couch.
I froze, she pointed a gun at me, a mild fight occurred (I totally dominated), and I managed to escape with not only my life, but my cereal too.

Capsicle
You engaged by yourself?!

Spidey
Nobody is getting between me and my food.

Capsicle
Why do I even bother trying with you?

Spidey
:/

Capsicle
Is the assailant detained?

Spidey
Oh absolutely not.

Capsicle
So there's a hostile on the loose?

Spidey
I wouldn't say that...

Capsicle
What aren't you telling me?

Spidey
She's with Мама.

Capsicle
So Natasha is restraining the intruder?

Spidey
Oh absolutely not!

Capsicle
Then what is she doing‽

Spidey
Helping with her wounds and catching her up on stuff she's missed

Capsicle
What?
I don't blame Stark for deciding not to deal with this

Frostbite
It's alright, Stevie
I have an idea what's going on
Peter

Spidey
Top o' the morning to ya

Frostbite
Is the intruder someone that Nat already knew?

Spidey
Yep

Frostbite
From her childhood?

Spidey
Indeed

Frostbite
How did the spy get in?

Spidey
Probably the normal way

Frostbite
Did Natasha let her in?

Spidey
Yes

Frostbite
Ok now we're getting somewhere!
Would've been helpful if you mentioned this sooner.

Spidey
O

h well

Frostbite

Is this 'spy' even here to spy on anyone or anything?

Spidey
Not as far as I'm aware
But cmon man it sounds cooler to say I won a fight with a Russian spy than my Мама had to save me after I got pinned to the wall with a knife!

Mr Stark
YOU WHAT

Frostbite
Hush, spawn of Howard.
Peter, did you fight a Black Widow over cereal?

Spidey
I mean, technically...
Yes

Capsicle
There's another Widow here?
Should we engage?

Frostbite
If you think you'd win, then good luck, go right ahead

Capsicle
Bucky are you really not going to help?

Frostbite
I've had more than enough experience fighting those demon ballerinas in my life, thanks, but you have fun

Capsicle
Fine, I'll do it myself then

Natalia
Steven Grant Rogers, think very carefully about what you're about to do

Capsicle
I plan to deal with a potential threat and interrogate her until I can determine what is the best course of action.

Natalia
You will not.

Capsicle
Why? Are you on her side?
I thought you stopped working for the KGB and Red Room.

Natalia
Yes, and so has my sister, so please leave us be while we stitch up our wounds.

Capsicle
You have a sister?

Hawk
Yelena?

Natalia
Yeah
She knows about you, Clint
I gave her a quick tour of all Budapest's highlights

Hawk
When we you in Budapest???

Natalia
A few days ago, before the prison break.

Hawk
What prison break?!

Natalia
The one to get Alexei before going to Saint Petersburg

Hawk
Why were you in Saint Petersburg?

Natalia
To convince Melina to help us take down the Red Room

Hawk
I THOUGHT WE ALREADY DID THAT!

Natalia
Well as it turned out, Dreykov lived
So we made sure to kill him properly this time

Hawk
You weren't even gone for a week...

Spidey
Wow that sounds like a crazy story
I bet Mr Fury is going to love hearing the mission report for that one!

Natalia
Ah forgot about that...

Capsicle
Forgot about what?

Natalia
SHIELD, policies, mission reports, laws, all that stuff

Capsicle
You forgot
About LAWS

Spidey
Happens to the best of us

Capsicle
I need to lie down
Nobody disturb me for at least three hours, preferably five

Mr Stark
If you want my advice, Cap, there are some drinks that do wonders to help with the headaches that are usually only caused by the children

Capsicle
Don't tempt me.

Some Hours Later

Spidey
I'm starving!

Natalia
I thought you took tons of food with you

Spidey
That was ages ago!

Harley
We had to eat!

Spidey
Also we may have uh domesticated a squad of attack pigeons...

Natalia
What?

Harley
We offered food to pigeons
And led them to Sam's room

Natalia
Why?

Spidey
We thought maybe he'd be happier if he had some family come to visit him when he gets back from his mission

Natalia
Ok then, someone else can deal with that.
And if you want food, maceroni and cheese will be ready in fifteen minutes

Spidey
Yippee!

Mr Stark
Is that really a nutritious meal for a growing spiderling?

Natalia
You and the others may also attend.

Mr Stark
Alright I'll let it slide just this once

Harley
Did you just get bribed with food?

Spidey
I believe he did

Mr Stark
You'll both be eating vegetables later.

Spidey
But Dad!
Maceroni is a vegetable!

Harley
Uh actually no, Peter, it's not

Spidey
WHAT

MAC AND CHEESE TIME

Peter carefully walked towards the dining room, keeping an eye out for any unexpected Russians on the way.
To his relief, his Мама was already there, setting the table.

Harley, Tony, Clint, Bucky, and Red Guardians greatest adversary soon joined them, all ravenous after being denied breakfast.

To everyone's surprise, Natasha sat down with them, opposite an unclaimed space.

"Nat, has one of the others come back from the mission early?" Steve inquired, after noticing the empty place. He got no answer, as Natasha chose to take the more ominous approach and ignore him.

After a minute of awkward silence, Peter spoke up, "So when exactly is this mac and cheese happening?"
To this, Natasha actually responded after sighing and glancing towards the kitchen, "It should be less than a minute, so try to remain patient."

Despite this, Natasha's relaxed unmoving state left the others confused and exchanging quizzical glances with one another, however these glances were quickly ended with a scowl from the secret keeper.

Soon (yet still not soon enough) the food arrived, but it was not Nat who brought it. Yelena proudly swaggered into the room, with the mac and cheese in hand.

All eyes with fixed intently on her, and Steve was cautiously watching for any signs of hostility.

Completely ignoring the tension, Yelena casually said, "You know, it's rude to pester about how long something is taking. However, I will overlook it as I understand that my cooking is just that incredible," then put the bowl of cheesy goodness down in the centre of the table and took a seat.

Slowly, Steve, Tony, Clint, and Bucky turned to look at Yelena, while she - along with Peter, Harley, and Nat - helped herself to the spectacular food.

Only once she had shovelled a huge amount of maceroni into her mouth did she acknowledge their stares. Yelena looked over at her sister in disbelief and asked between chews, "Did you really not tell them that I'm going to be staying?"

In freakishly good synchronisation, the confused dudes turned their attention to Natasha to see her reaction.

Natasha glanced up briefly from her food, took another bite, and shrugged her shoulders, earning an annoyed groan from Yelena, who flicked a maceroni at her incredibly unhelpful older sister's face as revenge.