dakota's pov +

people always say that your time at college is some of the best years of your life and my freshman year at stanford so far has definitely proved that.

i've been here for about six months now and even though i sometimes dread waking up for an early lecture, my english literature course has been everything that i wanted it to be.

it doesn't reach the standard of what nyu would have been but the experiences i've had so far make it ten times better.

college is so much different than high school - here, i immediately felt like i belonged and i'm not spending my whole time with severe anxiety and dealing with bitchy classmates.

as surprising as it is, aria is my closest friend here and fortunately my room mate - we immediately bonded once i settled in, alongside our neighbours isaac and luka.

even though i'm with my new friends 24/7, i still can't go without talking to jonah, kelsey or liam. including when they adorably cry about how much they miss me.

i settled down on a lunch table with aria outside the college cafeteria. we met up after our classes and the food here isn't actually half bad.

"seriously, if i have to sit through another lecture about combinatorics and probability, i'm going to scream" aria held her head in her hands.

i laughed, "it's been months, why haven't you changed your major yet?".

"because my parents like that i take math, i did want to take math but i also wanted to take fashion but that's not practical enough for my family" she mimicked.

"they're not the ones taking the subject".

"i know" she groaned. "could my life get anymore complicated?".

"not with my presence, it can't" luka appeared, greeting us with hugs around our necks. isaac followed behind him as they joined us on the table.

"dakota, i've got a surprise for you" isaac sat himself beside me. he took out a few wrapped brownies from his bag and i gasped as he placed them next to my plate.

"you didn't!" i happily clapped my hands together and started unwrapping the food.

isaac's mom literally makes homemade brownies and sends them to him every month. i always go on about how amazing they are because they truly are the best brownies i've ever had.

"um, where are our homemade brownies?" aria protested.

"yeah, i didn't know that your mom was taking orders now" luka added.

"she's not but i know how much dakota loves them" isaac flashed me a smile and wink.

"hey! i've been your best friend for four years and i've never gotten my own batch" luka held out his arms with shock.

he tried to reach over and take one from me but i slapped his hand away with my mouth already full.

"well become as pretty as dakota, then you'll get your own batch" isaac shrugged his shoulders, leaving me and him to chuckle at luka's pouty face.

isaac and i immediately clicked when we first met. he studies film and media studies so our lectures are in the same department and we tend to walk to and from classes together.

he's always been a flirt and more so after we drunkenly kissed, but it's not in a fuckboy way. i kind of enjoy it and i know that all he really wants is for me to give him a chance and to be honest, i'd be stupid not to.

i just don't know if i'm ready for another relationship after what went down with jack.

"are you all coming to the rave tonight?" aria questioned, picking around her salad with a fork.

"i'm down" isaac rested his arm on the top of my chair, before turning to me. "how about you?".

i shook my head at his smirking lips, "i can't. my friends are visiting this weekend but if we get bored, we'll tag along".

"well, i'm coming but only because it's been so fucking long since i got lit and drunk" luka grinned and started flamboyantly doing the milly rock, making us all laugh as per usual.

+

once kelsey and jonah arrived at the campus, we bought some snacks and headed back to mine and aria's dorm to catch up.

it always feels great knowing that they're still my best friends even though kelsey is at caltech studying chemistry and jonah is ace-ing his art major at cali school of arts.

"college has always been great but the only issue is not being able to see your face everyday" jonah complained, laying down onto my double bed.

"but if you were all the way here with me, you wouldn't be able to see connor as much as you do" i pointed out.

kelsey ripped open a bag of chips, "how are you and connor?".

"in the prime of our relationship" he happily sang. "honestly if we keep this up, he could be the one".

"woah, you're still nineteen jonah" kelsey reminded him.

"connor's joked about it many times" he brushed off the comment. "like last month, i went to visit him at usc and we were so drunk and talking about how much we loved each other that he got down on one knee. sam and jack even tried to marry us".

jonah chuckled at the past event until he cleared his throat at kelsey's glare. i frowned at them, knowing very well why since this regularly happens. but i shook it off and moved on.

"so there's this rave tonight, a bunch of my friends here are going and—" i paused when i noticed the sympathetic stares that my best friends were giving me.

i ate a few chips from the bag and shrugged. "what?" i questioned.

"are you ever going to talk about it, dee?" jonah softly asked.

i tucked my hair behind my ear and straightened myself up, "talk about what?".

"...jack" kelsey revealed.

"guys, i seriously don't want to fucking get—".

"dakota, it's been months and all you do is get angry when someone mentions him just to avoid the topic, but you haven't properly spoken about what happened between you two - to anybody" she added.

i sighed and pushed my hair back as i really thought i could avoid this conversation for way longer than i have been.

"i don't know what happened" i chuckled a little to lighten my fallen mood. "one moment we're talking every day, falling asleep on facetime, saying how much we miss each other then all of a sudden it just stopped".

i thought back to the last few conversations and laughs that jack and i shared before we practically became strangers to one another.

i continued, "it was one missed call after the other and we stopped having things to talk about. then one time, we argued and ignored each other for while until a while turned into this".

"don't you miss him?" jonah wondered and from his eyes, i could tell he was relating the situation to his own relationship - thinking about being away from connor.

my lips moved a little but nothing came out as i bit the bottom one to hold back my tears.

"it's been almost five months since we've seen or spoke to each other" i avoided the question. "and if he cared, he would have called".

kelsey furrowed her brows, "why didn't you call h—".

"i did" i clarified. "twice, but i got his voicemail and made myself look like an idiot".

jonah and kelsey still held that same empathetic look that i needed them to get rid of now.

"look, i'm doing fine guys, stop worrying. i have new friends, great classes, there's isaac" i explained. "anyways, i have more important things to focus on than my ex being too busy to put down his football and call me back".

and it was true. most relationships get strained when people go off to college and the ones that do last include two people who put in the effort.

maybe i was right back in high school when he wouldn't even notice me, maybe jack and i just weren't meant to be.

-

IM BACK BBYS

what a sad way to begin this book lmao i'm sorry but next chapter will be jack's pov

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