Eat food, drink water, and get 5+ hours of sleep everyday or Jinx and Dave will disappear, never to be seen again.

"So, when are we going to kill the king?" I asked. Obviously we won't let him live for a whole month. Twenty seven days at max.

"Mm, not sure. Whenever we get bored I guess." Killua replied.

"You both are aware that he is in the same room as us?" Kalluto asked, grabbing yet another ice cream cone.

"You just don't want us to kill him because he buys you ice cream."

"...Shut up."

"Hey! King guy, when do you want to die?" Gon asked. Gon, I love you, but what the actual fuck. You don't just ask someone when they want to die. That takes away the surprise aspect of it.

"The sooner the better." Well I guess we won't be killing him for at least another week. We must torture him more.

"Alright, we won't take that into consideration." Gon stated.

"Anyways. King guy, have you ever been covered in electric eels?"

"Oh god no-"

"God is dead ..literally. No one can save you now." I mean, Jinx could save you, but why would he want to?

Yay, now the king can go zippity zap! That day was so much fun. Not for the king of course, but he doesn't matter.

Idk- time skip of an unspecified amount of time

"At least there's only four of you..." The king mumbled. You are going to regret saying that.

"Killua! He's getting used to us! Get the others!"Gon shouted.

"Yes daddy- I mean sir."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"NOM."

"Stop eating ice cream so damn loud!"

"Stop calling Gon 'daddy'."

"...I'll just summon the others."

"What is wrong with humans..." The king muttered, already looking for any possible exits.

"According to my research, not all humans are like this. These ones are just ...different." Pouf informed.

"You're right, I'm not like other humans. I'm a pterodactyl!"

*Insert high pitched screaming noises* (My sound effects are just 😫)

"Y/n shut up! We have a ritual to start!"

"Fine. Who are you summoning anyways?"

"The cult." Oh shit.

"...There's more of you?"

Little did he know. There's a whole ass troupe. Are they mentally unstable? Well yes, but not as bad as us. But they are murderers who would probably dislike someone who attempted to kill me.

But the cult, oh god, the cult. The most mentally unstable people you will ever know. I once saw Anzai and Harou cover Shuko in feathers and then toss her off the building to see if she would fly. And that was the smartest and safest thing I saw them do that week.

We were at Heavens Arena.

They tossed Shuko off a 200+ story building.

That was the safest thing they did.

Breaking into the Zoldycks mansion and living in their vents for a week was a very close second.

Basically what I'm saying is, it gets a lot worse.

"Gon, light the candles." Oh, we must get ready.

"Y/n, start the music."

5, 4, 3, 2, 1!
We're going on a trip in our favorite rocket ship
Zooming through the sky, Little Einsteins
Climb aboard, get ready to explore
There's so much to find, Little Einsteins
We're going on a mission, start the countdown 5, 4, 3, 2, 1
Everyone to rocket, rev it up now RRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
We're going on a trip in our favorite rocket ship
Zooming through the sky, Little Einsteins
Climb aboard, get ready to explore
There's so much to find, Little Einsteins
Come on, let's go, Little Einsteins
We need you, Little Einsteins
Yeah!

"Who summoned us?" The cult asked in unison. Well that's not creepy at all. And you already know everyone?

"Oh god, there's more of them..." The king muttered.

"We are Y/n's favorite children. We require your assistance in annoying someone." Gon replied.

"Their favorite children you say?" Urara questioned.

"Yeah." Killua said.

"Sounds about right. All of us suck." Anzai stated.

"Anzai!"

"It's the truth."

"...Fair."

"So, will you help us?" Gon asked. Yes. Yes they will. A. Because it's not a choice. And B. Because they love being annoying.

"Absolutely! Who are we annoying- Ooo, cat!"

"That's Shuko for you..." Urara mumbled.

"Hey that's my cat!"

"Mine now!"

"Killua let them pet Pitou."

"Shuko share the cat."

"No!"

"Damn. Hey Gon, want to bond over our 'cat obsessed friend' problems?" Urara asked.

"Sure!" Gon replied.

"Friend!? Friend!? I'm your boyfriend!" Killua shouted.

"Well now you've made me feel single! Hand over the emotional support cat!" Shuko ordered.

"Hell no! My boyfriend just called me a friend, I need my emotional support cat!" Killua replied.

About an hour of arguing over who gets to pet Pitou

(Yes, Pitou just sat there silently as two children fought over him-)

"And that's how me and Killua started dating!" Gon explained.

"...You do realize that you were set up on hundreds of dates with Killua, right?" Urara asked. No! Don't tell him!

"No I wasn't- ...Oh."

"Urara you fucking snitch!" I shouted. All my life's work!

*Inaudible arguing*

Meanwhile with Anzai and Kalluto

"...Hello small child." Anzai greeted.

"...Hello."

"..."

"..."

"...So, want to go sacrifice some people?"

"If it means we can get away from them, absolutely."

Meanwhile with Harou and the King-

*Cries in corner*

Back to Y/n-

"How could you tell him!"

"Well first i mesmerized a lot of words. And then I used a select few of those words to form a sentence."

"All I'm hearing is that you made a remix of the dictionary."

"...No- no no no- why is that accurate!?"

I love ruining peoples day with random facts. Actually, talking about random facts, the king has not had the pleasure of listening to some random facts.

"Did you know that if you stop procrastinating you're technically just procrastinating procrastinating?"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...What?"

Well now that everyone is silent, I can continue with my facts. We love facts.

"All pets have Stockholm syndrome, we lock them in our houses until they love us."

"You better stop-"

"Reading is actually just mesmerizing a lot of words."

"Wait no-"

"A book is just a remix of the dictionary."

"Shut up."

"Most people's first word of the year is happy."

"What? ...Oh, absolutely not."

"Dentists are reverse tooth fairies, they take money and fix teeth."

"I still don't like the fact that the idea of a fairy paying for my teeth is supposed to be a good thing."

"Water doesn't have a taste, but when you mix water with any other drink it tastes 'watery'."

"...Please stop."

"Your pets have no idea that you control the temperature inside your house."

"Yes, I am a god! Bow down inferior animals!"

"Harou, shut up."

"Birds probably see telephone poles as special types of trees."

"Those tree just are built different."

"If you water water it grows."

"...what?"

"Painkillers are the 'mute notifications' for your body."

"I need a mute button for you."

"Your dog thinks you go hunt for groceries."

"...No. Fuck you."

"Most of the things you own will exist longer than you."

"Well that got dark fast."

"..."

"Oh god, you're going to make it darker, aren't you?"

"If you die in a self-driving car the car will still continue to drive to its destination."

"C'mon! Why! Just why!"

"If cereal is considered soup, then milk is broth."

"Then what is the cinnamon roll?"

"...Dumplings?"

"And the spaghetti?"

"The noodles."

"People with two prosthetic legs can pick their height."

"Short people really about to Google how to lose both of their legs."

"If you choke on water you failed the two most important things you need to do to survive."

"Damn people can really be failures."

"When it rains tall people get wet first."

"Haha! Fuck you tall people!"

"The higher the level in a building the cleaner the stairs get."

"Yeah, sounds about right."

"Every time you paint your room it becomes fractionally smaller."

"No. No, no."

"There are more than 7 billion birthdays in only 365 days."

"...Why."

"If an object is large enough it becomes a location."

"Please shut up. Please."

"Computers and explosives have become more powerful while shrinking in size."

"Oh yeah, I almost forgot. Surprise shawtyyyyy!" Killua shouted, tossing 69 bombs at the king.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...Is he dead?" Urara asked.

"...Yes?" Killua replied.

"Why was that a question?"

"I don't know how to check if they're dead or not!"

"You are literally a professional assassin! How do you not know how to check if they're dead or not!?"

"I usually just stab them a couple more times, and then I'm sure that they're dead!"

"...So are we just gonna stab him until he bleeds out then?" Gon asked.

"I guess."

Well if the king wasn't dead before he definitely is now!

And then we took over the world and everyone lived happily ever after.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN'T HAVE CHOCO-ROBOTS FOR A YEAR!?!? WE'RE GOING TO WAR!"

...Never mind.

Word count: 1562

Fun Facts:

• Started on: April 17th (I think...)
Ended on: September 30th. (That's when I finished writing this, now when I updated it)

• I'll just immediately start writing another fanfic- because I have, you guessed it, ✨No life✨

• And now Wrong number (HxH) is completed! I'm not sorry for all the braincells you all lost along the way! :D