Uh- um- take care of yourselves- because if you don't then uh- um- yeah.

"Alright, the King is going to be born soon. What are we doing to prepare?"

"I'm getting glitter bombs!"

"I've got the regular bombs!"

"I've got the hockey pucks!"

"And I got all the pride parade shit!"

"Good. Who is handling music?"

"...Killua and Y/n."

"And why are Killua and Y/n handling the music?"

"Because everyone else has terrible taste..."

"Good. And who is choosing Gon's outfit?"

"Killua and Y/n."

"And why are Killua and Y/n choosing Gon's outfit?"

"Because Gon has terrible fashion taste."

This is emotional abuse, it's just the truth. You all know that I'm right.

Anywhore, the king is going to have a very pleasant birth. I mean, did you hear him say he didn't want to be glitter bombed immediately after being born? Exactly. It's just an accurate birthday party, because it is literally the day he was born.

Plus, he's not going to survive long enough to have another birthday. I'll make sure of that. He probably won't even survive a month.

I'd say that he will be seeing god soon, but god is dead so...

About 1 millisecond after the king's birth

"Surprise shawty!"

And then, after the magical words were spoken, all hell broke loose. I mean we really outdid ourselves this time.

Hockey pucks were flying everywhere.

There were glitter bombs and regular bombs going off every couple of seconds.

Misery x CPR x Reese's puffs was being blasted at full volume through 18 speakers.

And army of animals, ranging from birds to raccoons, were attacking everyone in sight.

Pride flags were being tossed around everywhere.

Killua got his hands on a paintball gun. That was fun.

At the end everything was either destroyed or covered in paint, glitter, and pride flags. All of the chimera ants in the room, excluding the royal guards and the king of course, ended up dying. One poor chimera ant actually survived at first, but he was then beat to death with hockey pucks.

Like I said, we really outdid ourselves this time. I'm sure we made a great first impression on the 'King'.

Judging by the fact that he tried to kill us, I'm guessing he did not like his surprise party. Which honestly hurt my feelings, I forced Killua to take a lot of time to set this up.

The 'trying to kill us' part was very much deserved though. It didn't work, but it was deserved. I love being immortal.

Talking about people trying to kill us, Pitou never did try to kill us. This is why Pitou is the favorite. Well that and the fact that they're a cat. I love cats.

Needless to say, the king definitely had a lot of questions. Amd all his questions were answered ...with another question.

Of course, all of the questions we asked in return started with 'why', because we are literal children. And 'why' not?

Anyways I'm pretty sure the king absolutely loves us. Because we're just so amazing. I can't thing of a single person who hates us.

Hint the sarcasm.

Anygays, the next couple of days were spent constantly annoying the King. The whole castle being covered in glitter was a daily thing.

The words 'Surprise shawtyyyyy!' now strike fear into the kings heart. Those magical words are just insanely traumatizing. The King will never look at hockey pucks the same again.

I wonder, how traumatized is the King? I mean he's had to deal with our bullshit for about two weeks now...

Flashback number 1

"Pizza delivery!"

"Get away from me!"

"Don't you want to open the box?"

"No! Stay away!"

Flashback end

It was in fact not pizza, it was a delivery of 50,000 spiders. The King loved that. Spiders are just so easy to get rid of. Such a fun day.

Flashback number 2

"Why?"

"Why?"

"Why?"

"Why?"

"Why?"

"Why?"

"Why?"

"Why?"

"Why?"

"Why?"

"Why?"

"Why?"

"I'm not even doing anything!"

"Why?"

Flashback end

Ah yes, the joy of children. No seriously, how does anyone want children?

(The author despises children.)

Flashback number 3

"...Why is there a giant box in the middle of the room?"

"It's just a late birthday present."

"Oh. ...I'm no longer accepting presents."

"A shame. Killua, light the fireworks."

"Fireworks? ...Shit."

Flashback end

Apparently fireworks are not meant to be used indoors! The King loved the hundreds of fireworks exploding in his face.

Flashback number 4

"It's silent... Pitou do you sense the demons anywhere?"

"Hmm, Nope!"

"Goddamnit. They're planning something."

"Hello bitches and bros and non-binary hoes! Today on Top Ten Reasons Why we have: Top ten reasons why you should always check your castle for stray cats!"

Flashback end

10,000 stray cats invading your castle can be thought of as a problem. Me and Killua however, would think of that as a gift from the gods.

And by 'the gods' I mean Jinx.

Flashback number 5

"Croissants? Dropped."

"Chickens? Looked at."

"Road? Works ahead."

"Your actions? Have consequences."

"Them? Were roommates."

"Shavacado? Fre."

"Hotel? Trivago."

"What are they even saying!?"

Flashback end

Apparently Pitou knew exactly what we were saying, and decided to not tell the King. That was a good choice, we didn't want to have to kill Pitou.

Flashback number 6

"If I multiply Michael Jackson by pizza and carry the 500 how many remaining dodgeballs will fit into outer space?"

"Given the fact that pigs are chicken, the absence of the 27th letter of the alphabet: 19 is the main problem to this solution. Factually when you grab a hat and eat then a watermelon will fall from the ground this makes it so that the IPhone 12 Pro Max is actually Mr beasts pet snail, Robert. So the answer you were looking for is lavender orange."

"...what?"

Flashback end

That was such an educational day. The king only lost all of his braincells.

Flashback number 7

"Can you four just stop talking!"

"...We don't talk about Bruno!"

"Not again..."

Flashback end

Apparently some people do not like listening to We Don't Talk About Bruno thousands of times a week. Gon is not one of those people.

Flashback number 8

*Insert a large amount of explosion sounds.*

*Insert an even larger amount of screaming sounds.*

Flashback end

Don't question what happened there. That's the most we can show you without turning this books rating to mature, due to graphic descriptions of violence.

Flashback number 9

"Hello there! Would you like to buy some ice cream? It's not a choice. It tastes amazing! I will sacrifice you to Jinx if you don't. And it's not that expensive! If you don't buy it you will be paying with your soul. Get one today!"

"Oh god, there's another one."

Flashback end

Needless to say, the king is scared of Dave. Everyone should be scared of Dave. Buy some ice cream and you won't get hurt. We swear.

Flashback number 10

"Why is it so dark?"

"Welcome back to: Top Ten Reasons Why! Today on Top Ten Reasons Why we have: top ten reasons why you shouldn't leave four mentally unstable children in your castle unsupervised!"

"Oh god no..."

Flashback end

Many hockey pucks were thrown that day.

(That was the end of all the flashbacks I swear-)

Okay, so maybe the king is extremely traumatized. But, that's good. This going to be the worst, and only, month of his life.

Oh, it's almost midnight. Time to go visit the king!

"It's 11:59? Those demons haven't shown up yet..." The King analyzed.

Little did he know. We had set about 100 glitter bombs to go off at exactly two seconds away from midnight.

Many raccoons were armed with bombs and hockey pucks. All of them ready to attack. It will be very hard to dodge when you're choking on glitter.

Oh yes, we can't forget the fireworks. There is a lot of fireworks ready to be set off.

Thirty seconds until midnight...

Twenty seconds until midnight...

Ten seconds until midnight...

Five seconds until midnight...

You can see the amount of hope on his face. The hope that we won't show up. That he can finally have a peaceful day. We will never let that happen.

Due to a large amount of violent activities we cannot show you these scenes.

"I hate children..."

Word count: 1442

Fun Facts:

• The King: exists
Y/n and the children: Personally I wouldn't let that slide

• Chapter 90 is gonna be the last chapter of this book-

• 0 ideas for fun facts so uh- um- uh- yeah