(I'm a S I M P😫😫😫)

Eat food, drink water, and sleep for 5+ hours today or the chocolate chips in your cookies will always turn out to be raisins :)

After successfully annoying the troupe, and almost dying for doing so, I went back to insult Gon.

...

Goddamnit, fail at something so I can make fun of you. Gon was, sadly, succeeding at developing his ability. Yay.

Timeskip to when Killua and Kalluto return because the author is still an 👹idiot👹 with absolutely no 👹ideas👹

"Killua, Kalluto!" Gon shouted. Yay my favorite chi- I mean Kalluto is back. That.. thing is also back.

"Yay! Now you all can get back to torture- I mean, training." I said.

"I told you we should've not come back." Kalluto whispered to Killua. Rude. It was only so mild torture.

"At least it isn't Illumi." Killua whispered back.

"I heard my name." Illumi said, literally popping up from the ground.

What the actual fuck.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Please don't steal our toes." Gon begged.

"No guarantees." Illumi replied. Ah yes, we're all mentally stable.

Oh right, he's going to kill me soon. Very sad, anyways-

(Anygays* sorry I had to- the gay in me needed to)

"So saying his name does summon him." Kalluto said. ...Does Illumi just have tunnels underground?

"Who are you anyways?" Bisky questioned. This is Pretty Princess. He is the ruler of all groundhogs. Sometimes he'll magically transform into a pin head called Glitter cracker.

Pretty Princess's known friends are: Pinky pie from my little pony, and an emo cultist that is also a Lucifer wannabe.

"What's with that talking Barbie doll?" Illumi asked.

Killua being yeeted into the air count: 2
Illumi being yeeted into the air count: 1

I'm glad she never heard me call her Barbie...

"Now, would someone explain who he is?" Bisky asked again.

"69 years ago, a groundhog on steroids emerged from the ground. This groundhog evolved into a Princess, and so, at the age of 6, Illuminati was born." I explained.

"I- what?"

"Yeah, sounds about right." Killua replied.

"I'm just imagining a human wearing a groundhog costume with a pink dress on-" Gon said.

"And sometimes the groundhog Princess will have tea parties with with the child of Ronald McDonald." I added.

"What is wrong with all of you..." Kalluto muttered. Rude.

"E v e r y t h i n g :)." Killua replied.

...

...

"Okay how the fuck-"

"What?"

"How the hell did you use the smiley face in real life!?" Kalluto asked. Ah look at this child, he still has some mentally stability left. Don't worry, we'll change that.

"Shhhh, that's not important. Stay oblivious." Killua whispered. Yes, there's no need to worry, you're completely safe.

"...Illumi I want to go home." Kalluto muttered, hiding behind Illumi. Shhhh, you're safe here, you'll be fine.

"They don't actually want to go home. They're completely safe. Give us the child." Killua said.

"I can't save you, good luck." Illumi whispered to Kalluto before going back into his hole. I swear he has tunnels. There's no way he doesn't have tunnels.

Anywhore, just in case you all were wondering, Kalluto is completely safe. Kalluto is not currently being sacrificed to a horse god. Trust me.

"So, Kalluto, what do you want to talk about?" Gon asked. We're not trying to get answers about what it was like being sacrificed to a horse god, just in case you were wondering.

"Please leave me alone.." Kalluto begged. Shh, the sacrifice, that didn't happen, wasn't traumatizing. Mainly because it didn't happen.

"Oh. Y/n, what do you want to talk about?" Ooo, I finally get to share some more disturbing facts that ruin peoples day!

"When Elsa passes away Olaf's gonna die too, 'cause the magic will be gone." I replied.

"What the fuck-"

"If a toy in Toy Story died, all the toys would know, but the kid would keep playing with the corpse."

"I-"

"The Krusty Krab from SpongeBob is literally a crab trap. The famous burger is called a Krabby patty. Connect the dots."

"..."

"..."

"Wait, no-"

"Scar from the Lion king most likely ate Mufasa after killing him, he even has a Lion skull later on in the movie."

"Kill yourself."

"I've been waiting for this one-"

"Not actually, you're not allowed to die." Gon said. I was so close!

"What are you going to ruin for us next?" Killua muttered. Everything. I won't stop until you're just as suicidal as I am.

"I can do song parodies." I replied.

"Please don't." I'll take that as a yes.

"I hate you, you hate me, let's team up and kill Barney. With an RPG and a 4x4. No more purple dinosaur."

"Nobody likes Barney anyways. Fucking dinosaur bitch."

"A duck walked up to a lemonade stand and he shot the man running the stand, then he waddled away, waddle waddle waddle."

"Not the duck song-"

"Everyday it's-a getting closer, gonna stick a fork in my mother fucking toaster! Shocks from this will surely come my way. Everyday it's-a getting faster, everything is crumbling, my life is a disaster. I cannot wait to simply pass away."

"Mood."

"Mood."

"Mood."

"Drink me some bleach boys and yeet my soul, I wanna get tossed in a fucking hole."

"Mood."

"Same though."

"Mood x2"

"Hit or miss, depression is a bitch huh? You got anxiety I bet it never leaves ya!"

"I leave for thirty minutes-" Bisky said. Haha, I can explain... Never mind, I can't explain. All I know is that we did not try to sacrifice Kalluto's to a horse god.

After that we started to actually play the game. *cough* collect Pokémon cards *cough* And by we I mean that I watched everyone else collect cards and did absolutely nothing to help.

Oh yeah, we also traded a card with a loser with terrible fashion taste. I'd rather see Gon's old outfit then whatever he had on. I can't even call those clothes.

"Are there any other events for getting restricted slot cards?"

"Uh, I think there are, but let me see." And then we went to some gambling place thing. Now I get to see the looks on peoples faces as they realize that they just lost all their life savings. Yay.

"Prizes from the slots?" Gon questioned.

"Well, it is the city of gambling after all." Killua said. Lol, look at those losers, they're all losing money.

"You have a .01% change of winning. That's just one in 10,000."

"So it all comes down to luck. That's pretty risky... I know! Hey Gon, use that dice!"

Wait, what dice? Eh, I can't be bothered to care.

"Now, if we get great luck, we can win."

And then Gon started talking about how risky it was. Very boring.

"It's not like it's gonna kill me, right?" Killua said. Ooo, what's gonna kill who? Am I going to die?

*Insert the most amazing explosion sound affect you've ever heard.*

"Oh no! A slot machine exploded!" Someone shouted. Well yes, I noticed.

"I knew something was wrong. That guy just hit the jackpot five times in a row."

"And he was acting weird. He kept rolling some funny looking die."

"Hey Killua, how many times do you think you can roll that before you die?" I asked.

"I'm betting 16 times. I have homosexual supporting cast plot armor after all." Killua replied.

In the end, Killua got punched into the sky. Sucks.

Killua being yeeted into the air count: 3
Illumi being yeeted into the air count: 1

I think Bisky has something against the Zoldycks. I'm just saying.

I watched everyone else collect cards for the next few days. Very boring.

"Yeah! We're halfway there!" Gon shouted.

"Our 50th card! All right!"

And I'm bored.

"Any of you guys want to go annoy the Phantom troupe?" I asked. It's not an option anyways. I'm just giving you the illusion of free will.

"Yeah, sure."

"Yeah!"

"It's not like I have a choice."

"Wait what-"

(Feel free to guess who said what-)

Insert enderman teleporting sound

"Hello inferior creatures." I greeted.

Well that's rude. Gay decided to attempt to shoot me. Very rude and inconsiderate. It hurts my feelings.

"Gay- Phinks give my my gun back." Pakunoda said. Ha, loser.

"Anygays, how are you all doing in the collection of Pokémon cards?" I asked.

"Alright, we're just going to steal them all." Machi replied.

"Can someone explain why I'm standing in front of the phantom troupe?" Bisky said. Oh yeah. ...I might have forgotten to tell you about this.

Word count: 1590

Fun Facts:

• OMFG- what if- w h a t  i f- Illumi just has fucking underground tunnels all around the Zoldyck's estate- I think this is hilarious-

Silva just trying to give Illumi his mission information and Illumi just pops out of the ground, grabs the file and then immediately goes back down *cough* gremlin *cough*

• I'm probably gonna make the Greed Island arc short-ish because it doesn't follow the canon all that much- *cough* it's all filler chapters *cough* plus they are speedrunning it-

• Yay slow writing because I have 👹absolutely no ideas👹 and 🤡no fucking motivation🤡

As a gift I shall let you see- ✨Cat girl Jinx✨

Same rules, you may simp respectfully. Emphasis on respectfully.

Important 😔😔

@Besause Added my book to a reading list named "If you don't update I will strangle you 😃"

I'm suicidal.

This is the end of the book guys, I'm no longer allowed to update

I'm probably joking...