(Are y'all happy now?)

Eat food, drink water, and sleep for 5+ hours today or 3 baby zombies will chase you in your Minecraft survival world

For the next few days Gon, Killua, and Kalluto we're attempting to catch Pokémon to collect Pokémon cards. Yes I'm upset that Ging completely copied Pokémon.

I'm honestly gonna skip over some of Bisky's training arc because Y/n ain't really doing anything-

Killua and Gon were using.. whatever that technique is called, to spar.

Meaning I had to spar with Kalluto.

Meaning I had to actually do things.

Meaning I spent the rest of the day crying in the corner.

Meaning- I'll stop.

Anyways, because Kalluto is my favorite- I mean, I love all my children equally, I obviously went easy on him.

Lol, no.

I beat the absolute shit out of that child. I healed him afterwards, of course. Kalluto definitely learned faster than Gon and Killua did though.

"You've made a lot of progress. It looks you three are ready to enter the final phase of your training!" Bisky, our lord and savior, said. So I don't get to beat up the children more? Damn.

"You'll start training in individual categories." Bisky stated, putting her finger up. Oh, three. God I'm so good at this. After all this hard training, I've finally done it, I've finally learned how to count. Those pesky kindergartners don't stand a chance now.

"The number three!"

"Bingo! That was a tie." Bisky said. I still was first. "You can train exclusively in your own category. In the case of an Enhancer, you'll focus on your Enhancer skills while training in your Transmuter and Emitter abilities equally. That'll help you master your own category faster." Bisky explained.

"Nine!"

"Kalluto was slower, 1,000 push-ups."

I wonder if I could get the troupe to play Greed Island with us... Eh, not like I'll give them a choice.

Time to kidnap- I mean gather some troupe members.

Insert the sound of an enderman teleporting behind you while you're in a cave and on half a heart

"Hello-" I was, very rudely, cut off by loud screaming. I was just trying to say hello. Damn. 

"Y/n, why must you give me so many heart attacks?" Shalnark whined. You scream like a girl.

"It's not my fault you get scared easily." Shalnark you act exactly like a teenage girl. Always on a phone, obsessed with said phone, mood swings, that basically sums it up. (I'm not saying every teenage girl acts like this-)

"Whatever."

"Anyways, I'm kidnapping- I mean, gathering troupe members to play Greed Island with me, Gon, Killua, and Favorite chil- I mean Kalluto." I said. I'm not kidnapping y'all, I'm just forcing you to hang out with me! This isn't a hostage situation, it's just friendship. You just need to be optimistic about this!

My terrible advice of the day: life sucks, but you just need to be optimistic! Getting kidnapped? No! You're making friends, with just a bit more force! (This is actually good advice with a terrible example-)

"Do I get a choice?"

"Haha, of course not!" Why would you think you have free will? I've already decided that you don't get human rights.

And that's how I got the Phantom troupe to play Greed Island!

"Do we really have to play this dumb game?" Gay complained. It is a dumb game, it's literally just Pokémon on steroids.

"I don't remember giving you the right to speak." I stated. You don't have basic human rights.

"Boss-"

"They didn't give you permission to speak." Chrollo said. Ha, fucking loser. Imagine not having human rights.

"How do we play anyways?" Pakunoda asked. I honestly have no fucking idea.

"Collect Pokémon cards, get more Pokémon cards then everyone else." I replied. Ah yes, I'm so smert.

...

Smart*

Don't question how I made a spelling mistakes in real life. I'm still smrat.

...Fuck.

...

...

We don't talk about that. Moving on.

"Anygays, have fun. I'll be back in 2-180 business days" I said before teleporting back to Bisky, Gon, and Kalluto. I feel like I'm forgetting something... Oh well, it can't be to important if I forgot it. *cough* Killua *cough*

"So what did I miss?" I asked, causing the children to yeet themselves across the field.

"Stop randomly teleporting behind us!" Killua shouted. Oh, so that's what I forgot. So it wasn't that important after all.

"Where did you go anyways?" Gon asked.

"I, very nicely, asked the troupe to play without any sort of threat or removal of human rights." I replied. Trust me. I would never lie. You all trust me, right?

"So the troupe is playing now.." Killua said. Yes, that's what I just said. Fucking idiot.

"Then we'll have to beat the game before they can!" Gon stated. Yes, we must show them that we are the superior creatures. After we win we shall T-pose to assert dominance.

"I believe we have training to do." Bisky mentioned.

"Oh, right. Sorry." Gon replied.

"The number 8!" Kalluto and Killua shouted.

"Gon, 1000 push-ups."

"Aww man!"

"Creeper, aw man-"

"Kalluto stop."

"So we back in the mine-"

"Kalluto no."

"Got our pickaxe swinging from side to side-"

"Kalluto this isn't healthy."

Ah yes, the trauma.

Timeskip because I have no ideas (probably because I'm sleep deprived-)

I wonder if I could get Illuminati to play...

I'm going to try. Why? Because I have no self preservation. There's only a 75% chance he kills me.

Update: I have forced Illumi to play, he is now attempting to kill me.

Update 2: I have survived. Barely.

Update 3: Please send hel-

...

Well, good news: Illumi is now playing Greed Island with me! Bad news: the next time he sees me in going to be brutally murdered.

Oh well, it's fineeeee. Now it's time to teleport directly behind Killua and play Minecraft cave sounds, specially a baby zombie sound. God, I'm so nice. I'm such a good parent.

1.8 seconds later

*Insert the sound baby zombies use to strike fear into the hearts of whatever poor player they encounter*

*Insert the sound of Killua screaming like anyone would when a baby zombie was chasing them*

"Killua look outttttt!" Gon screamed. (Shh, I'm in denial.)

"Y/n you're a fucking bitch!" Killua yelled. I'm very aware.

"What happened to you?" Kalluto asked. If you're talking about how I look like I got in a fight with a raccoon and lost, Illumi happened.

"Yeah, what did you do, fight a raccoon?" Killua scoffed.

"It was probably three raccoons." Gon mentioned. Aww, you think it would take at least three raccoons to beat me!

In reality, I would definitely lose a fight to a single raccoon. I would never actually tell anyone that.

"They definitely had knifes." Kalluto added.

"One of them had a gun."

"Who brings a gun to a knife fight? Fucking loser."

"Yeah, you obviously bring a grenade."

"Or a nuke."

"Or a glitter bomb."

"And there was actually a fourth raccoon with a sniper."

One hour later

"Alright, but when you want cereal, what do you put first: the milk, the cereal, the bowl, or the cinnamon roll?" I asked.

"The bowl." Killua replied.

"Really? I've always put the cinnamon roll in first." Gon said.

"But then the cinnamon roll gets squished!"

"But you put the cinnamon roll, then the bowl, then the milk, then the cereal, and then another cinnamon roll. And then you eat it like a sandwich!"

"Okay, that's a great sandwich of cereal. But have you ever considered adding the spaghetti first?" Kalluto asked.

Moral of the story: none of us are mentally stable. We should not be allowed near cereal. Or raccoons.. or anything for that matter.

"Killua, you have to apply for the hunter exam!" Gon exclaimed. Oh yeah, fucking loser failed the exam.

"Aw man, and right when training was starting to get kind of fun, too." Killua said. Lol, fucking loser.

"Don't you have to apply before the year ends?" Kalluto asked.

"Yeah. How do we leave the game anyways?" Killua replied.

"I stole some spell cards earlier." Kalluto mentioned.

"Can any of them transport us out of the game?" Gon asked.

"Yeah, I have two leave spell cards." Kalluto replied.

"Two? Then you could also go to the exam." Gon suggested.

"Yes. Please get me away from this tortur- I mean training." Kalluto replied.

I lost two of my children today. I didn't really care about one of them though.. I mean- I love all of my children equally.

Word count: 1529

Fun Facts:

• This chapter only took three days to write, it's fineeeeee, everything is fineeeee- everything is awesome! Everything is cool when you're part of a team! I'll stop-

• So how do you make your cereal- (The whole cereal conversation is actually a conversation I've had with my dad 🫡)

• Now the troupe and Illumi are playing Greed Island- they chose to do this, they weren't forced to. Trust me :). This was completely their choice :) T r u s t  M e :)

Here's more Feitan fanart Ig-

And hers cute shut because ✨cute Fei supremacy✨