Eat food, drink water, and sleep for 5+ hours today or the monster under your bed will steal all you candy

The next couple of days consisted of, meeting Oreo man, making terrible decisions, and regretting our life decisions. So basically, everything was normal, except there was an Oreo there.

But we got Gon and Killua to go on another date!

"You call it really bad at darts, I call it freestyle acupuncture!" And they're back.

"Gon, you got us kicked out!"

"It's not my fault they were so close to the dart board!"

"They were on the other side of the room!"

"I only stabbed eighteen people!"

"You managed to hit five people with the same dart!"

"They should've dodged!"

"They aren't professionals Gon!"

"Hey, on the bright side, Gon can use darts as a weapon!" I stated. He has no idea who he's going to hit, but he's going to hit them.

"Absolutely not, I'm not going to get stabbed by a dart because of Gon!" Killua shouted.

"Damn." Man can't even dodge a dart. Maybe I should let Illumi train him.

...

Never mind, I'm not that evil. Talking about evil.

✨P a r e n t s✨

Child is now online

Child
So you know how M/n exists?

3 people are now online

Child
And you know how we need to fix that problem?

Dad
We're killing M/n now?

Mother
We're killing M/n now.**

Child
So violent

Child
We're simply curing her existence

Child
Most likely using a people opener 🔪

Mom
😐😐😑😐😐😑😐😐

Child
Pure ✨D i s s a p o i n t m e n t✨

Mom
I call dibs on killing M/n

Child
Curing her existence**

Mother
I'm killing her actually

Child
It's still curing her existence**

Child
No need to be so violent🙄🙄

Mother
You toss children off of roofs for fun😐

Child
I am simply teaching them to fly.

Child
Sadly they are not good learners.

Dad
Y/n will choose who kills them

Dad
Cures her existence*

Child
Thank you dearest father

Child
Now

Child
I'm fucking killing that bitch🤪🤪

Mother
I didn't know that it was possible to
become even more disappointed in you

Child
Dadddd-

Dad
😐😐😐😐

Child
Couldn't even be bothered to blink🥲

Mother
We killing a bitch or not??

Mom
^^^

Child
Yeah yeah- who's bouta find where she is ??

Child
I call not it😗

Dad
Shalnark probably-

Shalnark has used his 'I have no life' powers to hack into the chat

Shalnark
FINALLLYYYYYYYYYYYY

Shalnark
I have been ✨waiting✨ for this

Shalnark
I will be ✨joining✨ you for this

Dad
Shalnark

Shalnark
*Insert location*

(Your moms house is finally factually correct for a location)

Child
I'll race y'all there!

Y/n is now offline

I won.

Teleportation is actually very useful!

Anywhore, that's not important, it's time to kill a bitch.

Now, as a literal god, I obviously sent her to a nightmare dimension. Because why the fuck not!

So now I get to hangout with my parents and the family dog, more commonly known as Shalnark.

"You all know how I'm an amazing child, and how amazing children deserve candy-"

"No." Chrollo cut me off. How rude. Am I an amazing child? Absolutely not. But I want candy.

"Please?"

"No."

"But dadddddd."

"No."

"Fine, I didn't want to do this."

Readers, go wild. You are given full permission to simp. Actually, please simp. I'm asking you to simp.

And that's how I made Chrollo cry in the corner. I'm great at that. I must make everyone cry in corners.

"So are you sure-"

"You're still not getting candy." Machi stated. No, dearest mother how dare you! The betrayal.

"You need to be healthy for once in your life." Paku added. Not you to!

"Healthy? Don't know her." Shalnark said, eating pop tarts. Where the fuck did he get those?

"I would never do this to my children." I complained. Kalluto would never be told to stop eating ice cream. I'm such a good parent.

"You shouldn't be allowed within a mile of a child." Machi muttered. Hey!

"We should probably make sure your children are okay." Paku said.

"They're definitely not." I replied. Is nobody going to check on Chrollo?

"..."

"Yeah we're going to check on the children."

"Fineeeeeeee."

I teleported them to the house, finally getting Chrollo to stop crying in the corner. Sucks to be him.

...

"What the actual fuck."

Gon and Killua were playing tag, destroying everything in sight. Kalluto was Fortnite dancing while hanging on the ceiling, because screw gravity. Jinx was T-posing on the counter while eating chocolate, in his human form of course. Dave was there for some reason, dancing to the Barney theme song.

So in other words, it was chaos.

I obviously did the only thing I could do in this situation, turn up the volume on the Barney song, and started Fortnite dancing on the ceiling with Kalluto.

Machi walked backwards out of the house, regretting her life decisions. Paku just stared in shock. And Chrollo deals with the troupe so he was used to this.

"You're all going to hell, bye!" Killua shouted while running past Chrollo and Paku. Yeah, most mass murderers probably don't go to heaven. That's okay, Jinx already fought god so heaven is pointless.

"Alright tiny demons, we must cause chaos." I stated, causing everyone to immediately stop and grab all the glitter bombs they have.

Gon offered Chrollo a couple glitter bombs.

"I'm going to regret this." Chrollo muttered, grabbing the glitter bombs.

Machi, Paku, and Shalnark also got glitter bombs, so it was time to cause chaos.

"We need this city covered in glitter by tonight." Killua said, giving ever a list of places that we needed to glitter bomb.

About 2 hours later

We had finally finished glitter bombing the city, and it looks like the coolest fucking pride parade in existence. Now obviously we were all covered in glitter, well, everyone except Jinx.

"Are you absolutely sure I can't glitter bomb the troupe?" Killua asked, for the thirtieth time this hour. It's 1:05. 

"...Only if someone records it!"

"Yes!" Me, Killua, Gon, Shalnark, and Machi shouted. Yes, Machi. Who doesn't want a video of mass murderers getting glitter bombed?

Now obviously we made a special one for Gay, a rainbow one of course.

🥵🥵Hot emo boy🥵🥵

Y/n is now online

Y/n
Bouta glitter bomb the troupe- get a camera ;)

Y/n is now offline

"So we shouldn't die now?" Gon asked.

"The only dangerous one won't be glittered bombed, we're safe." I replied.

I teleported us there and everyone tossed their glitter bombs, Gay obviously being covered in rainbow glitter.

Surprisingly Chrollo also decided to glitter bomb them with us, specifically Uvogin, we won't question what Uvo did.

Feitan sent us the video a bit later, showing us everyone's reactions. And it was hilarious.

Gay was curled up into a ball in the corner while everyone else congratulated him on coming out of the closet.

Uvogin was choking on glitter.

Nobunaga was the only trying to help Uvogin not die.

Franklin couldn't care less.

Shizuku thought she looked amazing. Because she did. Please marry me.

Kortopi also couldn't care less.

Bonolenov was making fun of Gay, as he should.

And Hisoka was sadly not there. I'll have to glitter bomb him later.

My parents and Shalnark had to go, which was very sad. Maybe if I fall in love with anxiety it will also leave me.

Whenever Hisoka gets there he'll be confused as fuck. Just imagine walking into a room, expecting to see semi-professional murderers, and instead you get glitter. Just glitter. Everything is glitter. Glitter is love. Glitter is life. Jinx also loves glitter, especially in the bomb variety.

Talking about Jinx, where is he?

"Committing mass murder." Without me?? How rude.

...

Damn, ignoring me now. I'll figure out what my children are doing then, my favorite children, not the cult. Kalluto supremacy.

"Hey Y/n we're gonna watch the videos of us glitter bombing the city!" Gon said, dragging me over to the living room to watch.

Holy shit, we have taken over YouTube. Now just to stop procrastinating and take over the world.

"Hey Gon, I saw Pikachu." Killua mentioned, rewinding the video. Damn, poor Pikachu got covered in glitter. Man is probably coughing up glitter still.

"Ooo, we should see if we got Leorio!"

And that's how we ended up staying up all night watching peoples reactions to getting covered in glitter.

Word count: 1521

Fun Facts:

• The killing M/n thing was so fast- but hanging out with parents is way more important

• We must congratulate Phinks on coming out as gay. 🏳️‍🌈✨💅

• Bruh I love glitter- like it's ✨a m a z i n g✨- I can commonly be found with glitter in my hair- I also eat glitter for no reason- I think I have issues

Also-

If you are a chaotic idiot and have friended me on Discord tell me what your username is- I wanna create a group chat with all the chaotic idiots 🦟🦗🦟🦗🦟🦗