M/n gets to live forever if y'all don't eat food, drink water, and get 5+ hours of sleep today

After Gon's and Hisoka's 'fight' Banana was going to fight Hisoka, which is probably the only reason Hisoka didn't kill me for sabotaging his fight. Haha.. haha.. ha..

Jinx decided to go back to the Zoldycks mansion at some point, so Illumi never figured out that his cat was a literal god. How long can you live with a god without noticing???

Anywhore, back to Hisoka's fight with banana boi. Killua bought tickets for all of us, including me. Pretty sure he's up to something... Oh well.

Seeing how the banana is still alive I'm assuming that they don't know I went on a date with him.. haha, haha, Hisoka will kill me if finds out.

Oh, the fight is starting. Time to watch a banana die.

"I wonder who's gonna win.." A random idiot whispered.

"Hisoka, he's never even lost a match." An actually smart person whispered back.

"No way, Kastro is going to win." Another idiot chimed in.

"Whatever, enjoy being wrong." Smart person replied.

"Begin!" The referee yelled.

...

...

...

...

Okay, so I may have spaced out for a bit of the fight...

"Next I'll take your arm." Banana boi stated.

"Alright~" Hisoka replied. Honestly what do I expect from him anymore? Of course he'd allow this bitch to make him disabled, then due to plot armor he'll be perfectly fine later.

Hisoka got his arm cut off, which was completely deserved by the way, Banana threatened to take his other arm.

The whole thing ended with Hisoka the clown doing a magic trick, giving some information on Nen that I didn't listen to, and then murdering banana. Yay.

Author isn't lazy I swear. Haha.. haha... ha..

After a bit of talking to Killua (read as: bullying a child) I decided to check up on Whore-soka.

Before reaching Hisoka's room I noticed a person exiting his room. Wait- Machi?

"Hm?" Machi hummed, noticing my presence.

"Hullo." I greeted. I will murder Killua if you don't recognize me.

"What does this have to do with Killua?" Jinx questioned.

"He has a very killable personality." I replied.

"I- okay, whatever you say."

"Y/n?" Machi questioned. Yooooo! Favorite parent 100%.

"It is I mother." I nodded, T-posing to assert dominance.

"...Actually nevermind, I'll just leave."

"No, please do not abandon thyself my dearest mother."

"I'm taking you to therapy." Machi sighed, approach me, her dearest child.

"As much as I loveth you thy dearest mother, I require thy stay six feet away." I stated, stepping back to reach the social distancing requirements.

"Why did I want to adopt you again?" Machi mumbled under her breath.

"Because thyself is the coolest child known to walk the earth." I replied.

"I'm leaving." Machi said, turning to abandon her dearest child.

"Nooooo, do not abandon me dearest mother." I pleaded.

"Then hurry the fuck up." She replied.

"Are you inviting me to walk with you dearest mother?" I asked, dramatically gasping.

"Yes, now hurry up before I change my mind." Machi threatened, walking down the hallway.

"So, where are we going dearest mother?" I asked, now walking beside Machi.

"A, stop calling me that. B, shopping, I'm getting paid." She replied.

"Alright wanted criminal who may or may not be planning to murder my family, can you buy me candy?"

...

"Dearest mother is fine." Machi sighed.

"Please buy me candy my dearest mother."

"Fine."

Machi is currently winning the best parent thing, because c a n d y. Plus we spent the whole time making fun of Hisoka.

"*Gasp* look at those children they're so innocent, can I-" I said, well attempted to say.

"No." Machi cut me off. Rude.

"Please can I just-"

"Absolutely not."

"Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee."

"No."

"What if I-"

"You can not throw those children off a roof."

"What about-"

"You can't set them on fire either."

"C-"

"Blowing them up also isn't allowed."

"Fine."

"Now cmon, I need to buy you shit so I can brag about it to the inferior parents." Machi said, dragging me away from the children.

"Yes, you are the superior parent." I agreed. No one else has bought me food.. well Hisoka technically was on the chart but he was kicked out when he became a simp.

Machi (read as: best parent) bought me a ton of clothes and food while we talked shit about Hisoka. I'm starting to think that Machi doesn't particularly like Hisoka..

Anygays, we decided to text the troupe because 'I need to text more' or some shit.

Hot people

2 people are now online

Cool kid
So how was it being disabled??

Hisoka is now online

Hisoka
1 out of 10 would not recommend~

2 people are now online

Shalnark
What-

Dad
Probably deserved

Cool kid
Kk thanks

Hisoka
No problem~

Hisoka
I have children to train now~

Hisoka is now offline

Cool kid
By that he means "watch Illumi train
and make fun of everyone"

Mother
Sounds like him

Shalnark
I don't understand-

Dad
Sign here if you think Hisoka deserved
being disabled

Mom is now online

Mother
I'm signing

Mom
I'm signing

Shalnark
I'll sign Ig

2 people are now online

Illumi
I'm signing

Feitan
signing

3 people are now online

Nobunaga
Signing

Uvogin
Signing

Gay
Signing

Cool kid
Y'all hate Hisoka so much tho 🤣

Hisoka is now online

Hisoka
I'm signing~

Cool kid
🤨🤨🧐🧐

Hisoka
I'm bored~

Cool kid
Ok then

Cool kid
I'm also bored-

Cool kid
Ideas plsss

Mother
Ignoring Hisoka

Dad
^

Mom
^

Feitan
^

Hisoka
^~

Illumi
^ and dating me

Nobunaga
^

Shalnark
^ and murder tho

Uvogin
^

Gay
^ and changing my name

Cool kid
Hisoka is secretly a depressed bitch
revealed?? 🤨🤨🤨

Hisoka
I want to see how long you could ignore
me~

Cool kid
Can we play Minecraft later Shal?

Shalnark
Sure

Shalnark
Is Gon playing??

Cool kid
Yeah him and Killua will be

Cool kid
Kalluto might play to-

Shalnark
K

Cool kid
So much emotion 😍🤪😎🤩

Shalnark
Ikr 🤪😎😘🙄

Cool kid
Slayyyyyy💅✨💖

Shalnark
Yuhhhhhhh 🥵🥳😜🙄💅✨

Cool kid
😫🤪😍💅✨🙄🤩🛐

Mother
T H E R A P Y

Cool kid
No thanks💅✨

Illumi
Where are you though?

Hisoka
I haven't seen you since my fight~

Cool kid
I'm shopping lol

Shalnark
Anyone ever notice how "lol" looks like
a person drowning???

Cool kid
Wait-

Cool kid
lol <— help I'm drowning

Mother
Exactly why y'all need therapy

Shalnark
Just breath then?

Cool kid
😮‍💨

Cool kid
Thanks💞💞

Shalnark
No problem 😫✨💞✨

Cool kid
😫🤩💞✨🤪

Shalnark
Lol

Cool kid
So- I'm bored

Shalnark
Same 😔

Cool kid
Y'all wanna murder children- i mean 😔

Shalnark
Sure- I mean 😢

Cool kid
When should we meet up then?- I
mean 😭

Shalnark
I can be there tomorrow- I mean 😖

Cool kid
Wait are you stalking me?- I mean 🥱

Shalnark
Yuh- I mean 😴

Cool kid
Do I look good then?- I mean 😴😴

Shalnark
Yuhh- I mean 😫😫

Cool kid
Thanks- I mean 🥵🥵🥵

Shalnark
Pls marry me- I mean 😳😳

Cool kid
Sure- I mean 💍

Dad
No

Hisoka
No~

Mom
Absolutely not

Illumi
No

Feitan
No

Shalnark
Haha I'm in danger- I mean 😰

Cool kid
Sucks- I mean 🙄

Shalnark
Top 10 anime betrayals- I mean 😭😭

Cool kid
#4 will surprise you- I mean 😗

Shalnark
Damn- I gotta go walk my goldfish

Cool kid
Oh- I gtg sell my grandma on eBay brb

Shalnark
K I'm back

Cool kid
Same

Shalnark
Oh shit- my goldfish is drowning

Cool kid
Oh no😱😱

Cool kid
One sec my cat is barking

Shalnark
Fuck I lost my phone- have you seen it??

Cool kid
Nah- I gtg fold my dishes brb

Shalnark
I found it but I have to go give my turtle
a hair cut

Cool kid
K i have to shampoo my grass for a sec

Shalnark
Ima go feed my pet rock

Cool kid
I'll vacuum my wall then

Shalnark
I'm back but I gotta go read a movie

Cool kid
Oh- Ima just wash my soap then

Shalnark
Kk gonna go water my pool

Cool kid
Nice I'm mopping my carpet

Shalnark
I'll give my fish a bubble bath real quick

Cool kid
Oof I gotta vacuum the driveway

Shalnark
Sucks I'm mowing my carpet now

Cool kid
Kk I'll just go eat some water then

Shalnark
Ima drink some doughnuts

Cool kid
Oh ima go stalk myself then

Shalnark
Brb I gotta win a staring contest with
my wall

Cool kid
Nice I'll go play tennis with my shark

Mother
T h e r a p y

Cool kid
I'm a runner I'm a track star

Shalnark
At this point I'm just yeeting myself to
the moon-

Cool kid
Same 🤪

Dad
You both are fucked up

Cool kid
Ik 😌💅✨

Shalnark
Yuh🙄💅✨

Cool kid
I'm still bored tho

Hisoka
We know~

Cool kid
Not everyone ignoring me 💔

Shalnark
Oh- you're actually ignoring Hisoka

Feitan
good

Illumi
Finally

Mother
Everyone should ignore Hisoka

Dad
Who's Hisoka?

Mom
^

Hisoka
Alright~

Cool kid
Anyways- I'm still bored

Mom
😑

Mom is now offline
Dad is now offline

Cool kid
Ouch-

Cool kid
Can we shop more dearest mother?

Mother
Sure

2 people are now online

Mom
Wait-

Dad
...

2 people are now offline

Hisoka
Thought that would happen~

Word count: 1622

Fun Facts:

• So give me idea for how Hisoka should annoy Y/n while Y/n is ignoring him- pls be evil chaos is necessary

• Does anyone know suicidal song parodies because when I search it up it just gives me the suicide prevention number thing

Talking about suicide prevention number- a girl once asked my (older) brother for his phone number and he gave her the suicide prevention number 💀 imagine that girl calling them and finding out 💀💀💀

• How many of you want me to show you Jinx's human form???