Y/n dies if y'all don't eat food, drink water, and get 5+ hours of sleep today

It was a normal day, well only if you ignore the fact that Gon scheduled his death for today, besides that it was a pretty normal day.

Gon's fight was scheduled for later in the day, so currently I was watching a harem fight.

Also, Jinx has (somehow) not been found. So I won that bet.

"The betrayal :(" Jinx whined for the 24,465,788th time.

"I'm past the point of questioning how you used the ":(" in real life." I replied.

"How did you even make everyone love you?" Jinx questioned. Uhh, about that..

"I have no idea."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Man's just got yeeted across the room." I stated, watching the harem fight.

Currently Hisoka and Feitan had a truce, and Illumi was being murdered.

...Never mind, there is no longer a truce. Harem fights are hilarious.

I silently exited the room. I love watching them fight and shit, but I need a fucking break. Going on dates with people. Every. Single. Goddamn. Day. is tiring, even if they are hot.

I honestly didn't even know that it was possible for someone to be that much of a simp. But it is, Hisoka, Feitan, and Illumi have proved that.

Anyways, back to Gon's death.

RIP, you will be missed, unlike that ugly ass outfit you used to wear, we will never miss that outfit.

I entered Gon's room, because I was looking for Gon, and when you're looking for someone you tend to check their room.

I was going to scold Gon again, but that could wait.

Killua, Gon, and Kalluto apparently fell asleep while cuddling, and it was cute as fuck. I took a quick picture before silently exiting the room. The author would give you a picture but they couldn't find any.

Hmmmmmm... who can I annoy now... The troupe is out because the simps are there, same with the cult...

Random people it is then!

Now this next part is a secret, you cannot tell Kalluto about this: I went to the ice cream shop.

"A (favorite ice cream flavor) ice cream cone." Warning: I will be judging you based on what your favorite ice cream flavor is.

"Alright, thanks for breaking me out of prison by the way." 'Dave' replied.

"No problem, I can break you out if you ever get arrested again." I said, grabbing my ice cream cone.

"Yeah, I'm still going to tell Kalluto you went here without him." Dave stated. Dammit.

"Is this a blackmail situation?" I questioned.

"100 dollar tip every time you come here and a guaranteed breakout if I get arrested." He replied.

"That's it?"

"Give me blackmail on people whenever I request it, Teach me how to hide bodies, and kill any Karens." 'Dave' responded. I regret asking.

"Fine. You don't even need to blackmail me on the Karen one though." I said. Now time to wait for Karen's to annoy.

Luckily, or unluckily in the Karen's case, I didn't have to wait long.

Because I'm a literal god, I used my powers for a very necessary purpose: annoying Karens. I had disguised myself as an employee, simply because why not?

"What can I get yo-"

"I want a two scoop ice cream cone, make left half of the first scoop chocolate, and the right one mint, and..." Karen cut me off, giving me an ungodly long order.

And because I'm not an actual employee, I did what everyone pretending to be an ice cream shop employee does: I gave her an ice cream cone, not any ice cream, just the cone.

"This isn't what I ordered! You need to learn some respect! Let me speak to your manager!" The Karen shouted.

"Bitch I am the manager." I replied.

"What did you just call me!? I'm filing a complaint, you'll be fired for this! Now give me my ice cream cone!" She yelled.

"I don't think you can be fired if you don't even work here, but mk." I said, handing her another ice cream cone, again, just the cone.

"Let me speak to your boss!" Karen shouted, completely ignoring everything I've said. I feel sorry for anyone who has to deal with Karens...

"I am the boss, and no, you may not talk to me." I replied.

"You've lost a costumer because of this!" She yelled, storming out of the shop.

"Fucking thank you. She was here everyday with those fucking long ass orders." 'Dave' said. And from the looks on the other customers faces I assume that they were also tired of that bitch.

I'm such a good person. I may murder a couple people without their consent, and I may burn down houses, and toss children off buildings, but those are just small crimes, nothing to important.

Time to annoy more people! I exited the ice cream shop, after tipping 'Dave' of course, making sure to avoid cameras so that Kalluto would never find out.

Hmmm what to do....

(SpongeBob narrator voice)
5 minutes later

*Insert sound of beating up a door* "Hello do you have time to talk about our lord and savior-"

"No, I'm an atheist I don't believe in Jesus or God.." The guy cut me off. What is it with everyone not letting me speak?

"No, our lord and savior is Jinxus crimes" I informed. Jinx is superior.

"I- what?"

"Would you like to talk about Jinxus crimes, Jinx for short."

"...Sure?"

"Perfect. Jinxus crimes is the god of chaos, he is far superior to any god. And he is inviting you to join his cult."

"...I don't have anything better to do anyways."

"Amazing, now as a fellow cult member you shall inform others of Jinxus. We must spread the word." I stated.

"Why the fuck not, this is exactly what I had planned for today." The guy replied.

"Yes, many people wish to join a cult, but do to their lack of coolness they cannot."

"...What am I doing with my life?" The guy mumbled.

"Alright 'Steve' I shall leave to go collect more cult members, remember to do crimes."

"My names not-"

"Goodbye 'Steve'." I said, walking backwards out of his house.

I continued to spread the word of Jinxus crimes, more commonly known as Jinx.

I definitely didn't blow up a hospital after that, you guys believe me right? Me, blow up a hospital? Me? I would never do such a thing. That's like saying that I would set a child on fire, I obviously wouldn't.

I did definitely make children drop their ice cream cones. It's like stealing candy from a baby, which I also did.

Now what should I do??

Hot people

Cool kid is now online

Cool kid
You're all going to hell ✨bye✨

Cool kid is now offline
5 people are now online

Shalnark
Ik💅✨

Mother
What-

Hisoka
We know~

Dad
Yeah probably

Mom
We definitely are

In real life

Ah yes, perfect responses. I mean they are murderers, I'm pretty sure that's not a 'morally acceptable' thing. Like keep your morals away from me bitch.

Oh shit- Gon's going to die soon, I should probably say my goodbyes.

I teleported into Gon's room, Killua and Kalluto were already there.

"What are you both doing?" I asked. Killua and Kalluto were backing Gon into a corner, attempting to force a piece of paper into his hands.

"He won't write his will!" Killua complained.

"He's about to die and he won't even give us money that he won't use." Kalluto muttered, definitely wanting to spend it on ice cream.

"Actually..." I gave Gon some advice before leaving to find my seat with Killua and Kalluto. This will be a fucking hilarious fight, even if it is going to be extremely one sided.

Gon entered the arena, punched Hisoka before the fight started, and then yeeted the badge at his face, then he forfeited. Just a friendly reminder: The match hadn't even started yet. Also, the audience loves Gon even more now.

Like I said: extremely one sided.

"I assume you gave him that idea~" Hisoka said after finding me in his room stealing candy.

Flashback to before the fight

"You could just punch him before the fight begins, couldn't you?"

Flashback end

"Nah, it was probably Killua." I replied. Hisoka definitely believed me.. yeah no he didn't. Oh well.

"Oh well~ He did punch me after all~" Hisoka stated, stealing my candy from me.

"Hey! Give that back!" I yelled, attempting to grab the candy back.

"No thanks Y/n~" Hisoka replied. I- still weird.

"Fine." I huffed, turning to leave the room. I have my own candy anyways.

"Aww~ Leaving already~" I ignored Hisoka and left. Because ew clown.

I ate my candy, which was boring compared to stealing Hisoka's candy.

Oof.

Word count: 1576

Fun Facts:

• Not my depressed ass literally thinking about giving y'all my address so you can send me snacks- I'm fully aware that I can't tho, my parents would question why I'm getting a load of packages- plus y'all might not even buy me food if I did 😔

• I love how I make Gon and Hisoka's fight just a paragraph- I have decided that knocking on a door takes a paragraph, and a fucking fight that was the only reason a whole arc existed also takes a paragraph

• Hisoka wasn't allowed to fight our child after all- sucks to be him