Remember last chapter, when Jinx said that if he died Y/n would take over his title as god of chaos, and then Y/n mentioned that he would never die?

Well if y'all don't drink water, eat food, and get 5+ hours of sleep today Jinx dies.

You all know that I'm capable of Killing
Jinx. Just a couple of words, and he dies. I am the ultimate god. Don't test me.

🧚✨🌺💞💞Onto the story✨💞🌸💖🌷

Kalluto ended falling asleep. The child needs to sleep more.. so I did what any suicidal person would do in this situation: Text murderers who commonly talk about kidnapping you and killing your family.

I mean, y'all do that basically everyday, right?

Hot people

Cool kid is now online

Cool kid
Y'all I somehow survived-

8 people are now online

Shalnark
How-

Cool kid
Don't talk to me you traitor

Dad
*Shocked Pikachu face*

Cool kid
Hey aren't you that person that abandoned
me when I needed you 🤨

Feitan
hi

Illumi
Bitch you pushed me off a building-

Feitan
not sorry

Hisoka
You pushed me off a building first
though~

Illumi
I yeeted you of the building*

Illumi
It's completely different

Cool kid
Time to play a fun game!

Shalnark
??

Mom
This won't be good 😃

Cool kid
Who do I love more??? 😌

Hisoka
Me~

Illumi
Probably not me

Feitan
me

Cool kid
✨Myself✨

Cool kid
Illumi being a mood tho

Illumi
Somebody please kill me

Hisoka
Alright~

Cool kid
I mean- while you're at it

Cool kid
You could just stabbity stab me

Cool kid
It's not even that hard or anything-

Hisoka
No~

Feitan
kill me

Illumi
Yeah- just kill all of us-

Mom
T h e r a p y

Mother
Y/n no

Cool kid
Wait- I just remembered something-

Cool kid
Hisoka owes me a favor

Cool kid
Two actually-

Cool kid
So what should I use them on-

Illumi
Have him kill himself

Feitan
die

Cool kid
Alright, so what I'm hearing is Hisoka can't
call me any pet names for a month

Illumi
How do you get that from-

Illumi
Actually never mind I don't want to know
what goes on in your head

Hisoka
Are you using a favor then?~

Cool kid
Sure- only call me Y/n for a month

Feitan
die better

Cool kid
Don't I owe you a favor-

Feitan
date

Dad
Feitan.

Cool kid
Okay- when?

Feitan
tomorrow

Mom
No

Dad
Absolutely not

Illumi
Want to go on a date in two days?

Cool kid
Sure?

Hisoka
We're going on a date in three days
then~

Cool kid
Not even a question- but ok

Dad
Why do I even try 😐

Cool kid
Alright I have another favor tho-

Feitan
die.

Cool kid
Feitan no-

Feitan
:(

Cool kid
Ehhh- I'll save it for later-

Hisoka
Alright Y/n~

Cool kid
Feels kinda weird lol

Cool kid
Anyways- I'm bored

Shalnark
Murder someone

Cool kid
Can't get up rn

Cool kid
Child is asleep

Shalnark
Kill the child

Cool kid
If the child dies I would kill everyone in
this chat and then myself

Dad
Ouch- even me?

Cool kid
Wait- I could just revive the child never
mind lol

Shalnark
Since when???

Cool kid
Since I became a god?

Mother
What-

Mom
I cannot tell if you're serious

Cool kid
Oh yeah- a couple days ago I got godly
powers because someone was lazy

Illumi
W h a t

Cool kid
Idk how this is confusing-

Cool kid
I'm a god now that's about all that's
changed

Cool kid
I'm just realizing that my life's actually
boring af

Mother
So you become a god and think it's just
a typical Tuesday-

Cool kid
Saturday*

Mom
Why didn't we just kick you out of the groupchat on day 1

Cool kid
I have no idea

Cool kid
Anyways- I'm bored

Mom
I preferred it when you didn't text

Cool kid
That's the most obvious lie ever

Cool kid
I'm still bored tho

Dad
✌️🫡

Dad is now offline

Mom
Amazing idea

Mom is now offline

Cool kid
Ouch

Mother
Sucks

Cool kid
Well I was going to say that you're the
official favorite but I've changed my mind
now🙄

Shalnark
Lol

Cool kid
I am still bored tho-

Mom is now online

Mom
We know so shut up

Mom is now offline

Cool kid
🥲 my own mom betrayed me

Shalnark
I would give you moral support but I have questionable morals

Cool kid
Lol

Cool kid
Oh- child waking up-

Cool kid is now offline

In real life-

"What time is it?" Kalluto mumbled, rubbing his eyes.

"About 7 am." I replied, setting my phone down.

After that we did what every person does at 7 am: Eat ice cream and watch murder documentaries.

Because the author is lazy, and wants to speedrun getting to Yorknew arc, here's a summary of what I did the next couple of days:

Texted murderers

Went on a date literally every day

Made a shop owner think I was cheating on people (see above)

Murdered two families without their consent

Trained Grass boi, Chocolate addict, and Favorite chi- I mean Ice cream addict

Watched murder documentaries

Sold my grandma on EBay

Helped some normal people turn their life around by making them successful murderers

Broke 'Dave' out of prison

Made some really bad decisions

Walked my pet goldfish

Murdered someone with their consent

Ate candy, and nothing but candy.

Or, in other words: had the life you all wish you had. Which is why you're on Wattpad, to pretend like you have a different life!

But back to speedrunning this arc.

Gon's fight with one of the disabled disappointments was scheduled today. Luckily Illumi, somehow being the only responsible adult, stopped Gon from scheduling the fight immediately. (again, I will edit this out if you see it as offensive)

Because Gon is an idiot. Who the fuck tries to fight a Nen user when they barely know Nen!?

Wait- okay maybe I kinda did that but that's unimportant.

Anygays, seeing how he had actually been training in Nen, no thanks to Hisoka who spent the whole time attempting to annoy Illumi, Gon actually had a pretty good chance of winning the fight.

I would say I bought tickets to the fight, but I'm surrounded by simps who happen to be rich.

Haha, I'm never going to pay for anything ever again. I'm not complaining though. Buy me shit whenever you want.

As far as Gon's fight went though, his opponent will probably be unable to move for a couple of weeks.

The fight was hilarious though. Gon hit the guy before he could even attack, and when someone is trained by an insanely skilled Nen user they don't tend to learn how to hold back.

He hit the guy, almost killing him, and then immediately started apologizing. Everyone in the audience apparently loves Gon now though.

The next day Killua's fight was scheduled, and some of the same people were in the audience because people want Gon and Killua to date now.

So everything was going great!

Until it fucking wasn't.

"What do you mean you scheduled a fight with Hisoka!?"

Gon somehow decided that fighting someone on the same skill level as Illumi, who has literally beat him up in the name of 'training', was a great fucking idea.

"I have to! I won't use my Hunters License until I punch Hisoka!" Gon replied.

"No, Gon, they have a point. Fighting Hisoka is not a good idea." Killua agreed. Thank you!

"Haven't really seen Hisoka much but it doesn't sound like a good idea." Kalluto added.

Yeah, it's a terrible idea." Illumi stated. Is anyone going to question when he got here? No? Alright then.

"Terrible idea." Feitan chimed in. Is nobody questioning how people are randomly appearing?

"It is a horrible decision~" Hisoka said.

"Hisoka we can talk about why you think that fighting my child is a good idea later." I'm going to kill him.

"Your child?" Gon questioned.

"Unimportant right now. We apparently have to set up some ground rules. Rule one, do not fight Hisoka. Rule two, text me, Killua, or Kalluto before you make any decisions that could end up in you being harmed."

"And text us before you decide what to wear." Killua chimed in.

"Perfect, there are only two rules so it should be easy to remember."

"Do I really have to text you before I decide my outfit?" Gon whined.

"Yes." Everyone, minus Gon, said. Feitan didn't even see his old outfit and he agreed.

After that Gon begged me to allow him to fight Hisoka for the next two hours.

"Fine. I'll allow you to fight Hisoka on one condition, after you land a hit on him you have to forfeit."

"Yay! Thank you (mom/dad)"

...

...

...

...

...

"Why are you guys staring at me?" Gon questioned, unaware of what he said.

"Gon, what did you just say?" Killua asked.

"Uhh, thank you (mom/dad)... Oh-" This Illegal adoption was very successful.

"You are my child now. You have no choice. This isn't an option." I stated.

"Okay!" Gon replied.

Amount of parents Gon has: 1

And for anyone saying it should be 2, Mito is technically his aunt. I mean, maybe Leorio or Kurapika, but that's after the Yorknew arc-

There's nobody else's that I can think of that could be his parent though.

Word count: 1689

Fun Facts:

• Gon: *Punches opponent*
Opponent: *on the verge of death*
Gon: Oh! Are you okay? I'm so sorry i didn't mean to do that- I didn't know you were that weak I was just trying to-

• I have decided that if I write another story after this one I'm going to add 'Dave'. 'Dave' will be in every story I write. And one day, I might show you what 'Dave' looks like.

• Okay so I'm pretty sure that in the cannon Kastro vs Hisoka was before Hisoka vs Gon, but seeing how Gon didn't get hurt by the top guy, Hisoka vs Gon will be a couple days before Hisoka vs Kastro