Y/n's POV

"Applicant #302, Gittarackur, is the third to pass. Total time, twelve hours and two minutes."

"I'd figured you'd already crossed the finish line." Who you is? Who you be? I don't even know your ass. No but seriously, do I know you?

"Y/n this is Illumi's disguise~" Hisoka explained after noticing that I was confused. Oh, He looks way better without it. "Gittarackur." Illumi, er Gittarackur? Said.

"All right! I'm the first to finish!" You're not though?

"Applicant #295, Hanzo, it the fourth to pass. Total time, twelve hours and three minutes." Oh it's the stupid bald guy.

"No! I can't believe this! I came in fourth..." Did- Did he just speedrun the five stages of grief?

"Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance." I mumble underneath my breath. Causing Hisoka and Il-Gittarackur to look at me.

"He just speedran grief." I explain while pointing at Bald guyᵗᵐ, causing Hisoka to laugh.

"Hey Glitter-Cracker want to play cards?" I ask, maybe he can beat Hisoka.

"Gittarackur. And not with him." Glitter-Cracker responds, causing Hisoka to frown.

"I'll call you Glitter-Cracker until you play cards with us."

"I can and will murder you." Glitter-Cracker says, now holding a yellow pin.

"Ooo, are those enchanted with Nen?" I ask.

"you know Nen?" Glitter-Cracker questions.

"I just found out about today, now play cards with us." I explain

"No."

"Please Glitter-Cracker"

"No."

"Glitter-Cracker"

"No."

"Glitter-Cracker"

"No."

"Glitter-Cracker"

"No."

"Glitter-Cracker"

"Fine." That worked!?

"Hm~ I'm surprised that worked~" I'm surprised I didn't die!

"You are aware that he will cheat, right?" Gittarackur asks, now sitting beside me and Hisoka.

"Yep." I respond.

"And you still want to play?" Why do I want to play? Ehhh doesn't matter.

✨Timeskip✨ because we all know that Hisoka cheated and won every game.

"I'm quitting." Gittarackur said, setting his cards down.

"I'm also quitting." I add, also setting my cards down.

"Aw~ And we we're having so much fun~" Hisoka taunted.

"You. You were having so much fun." Gittarackur corrected.

"Why did I want to play cards with you anyways?" I question.

"I have no idea." Gittarackur responds.

"Don't be like that~ You're both just sore losers~" Hisoka taunted again.

"Yes I am. Now my only goal is to annoy the shit out of you." I replied.

"Oh?~ And how are you going to do that darling?~" Hisoka questioned.

"A paper cut is a trees last revenge." I responded. This may or may not work, but it's worth a shot.

"You know that doesn't work on me~" Hisoka replies.

"Money is only useful when you get rid of it."

"There are probably people that are allergic to dinosaurs, but they'll never know."

"Most pets die without knowing their owners names."

"Dog toys live a horrifying life in the Toy Story universe."

"Jellyfish and cucumbers are ninety-five percent water, there's a five percent difference between a cucumber and a jellyfish."

"Grapefruit is a fruit, named after a fruit."

"A goldfishes job is to introduce children to death."

"Yawning is literally your twenty percent battery notice."

(SpongeBob narrator voice)
A few hours later

"Technically, axes are chop sticks."

"Fall and winter are partners in crime, fall kills plants and winter hides them."

"Your pets have no idea you control the temperature inside your house."

"Ice sweats itself to death."

"Surgeons preform accurate stabbing until the patient feels better."

"When you're fighting a boss in easy mode the boss is fighting in hard mode."

"If a murderer is chasing you, you're both running for your life." Gittarackur adds.

"Yo! If you trip and fall but don't die, you survived a collision with a planet."

"Both of you now?~" Hisoka says, obviously tired of my bullshit.

"It would be really unfortunate to have a heart attack while playing charades." Gittarackur continues, completely ignoring Hisoka. I feel weirdly threatened by that statement...

"Biking is actually vegan horse riding." I add, also ignoring Hisoka.

"If you were the oldest person alive, everyone who was alive when you were born would be dead." That's obvious, but still sad.

"Once you know how to read, you can't stop reading."

"If dogs could use phones they'd file missing person reports all day long." That's actually sad.

"Someone, somewhere, is watering a plastic plant they think is real."

"If you wear a wool sweater under a sheepskin jacket you are basically wearing a inside out sheep." That's- wait- no- no.

"You can remove any letter from the word 'seat' and still end up with a real word."

"Everyone has an off button if you punch them hard enough." Facts, one-hundred percent.

"Fried chicken and fried eggs are the same food, just at different stages."

"Normally the floor stops gravity from killing us, but if we get far enough away from it gravity uses the floor to kill us." I- no, absolutely not.

"Can both of you shut up!" An applicant yelled. Oh yeah, there's other people here.

"I'll shut up if one of you punch Hisoka in the face." I said, so basically never.

"That's suicide!" Another applicant yelled.

"I know." I respond.

"I can just kill you instead!" An applicant threatens.

"Dude! That's Hisokas girlfriend!" Another applicant warned.

"Wait what?" The applicant who threatened me says, confused.

"If spiders were as big as crabs humans would probably eat them." I taunt.

"Surgeons are legally allowed to cut and stab people." Gittaracur adds.

"Trash bags are invented just to be thrown away."

"When you read a book you're actually staring at a dead tree." And hallucinating to.

"If we forget something that happens when we're alone, that memory is now wiped from history forever."

"If you choke a Smurf what color does it turn?" That's dark, but now I'm curious.

(SpongeBob narrator voice)
A few hours later

"The easiest way to make people uncomfortable is to ride in a elevator facing the wall instead of the door."

"Each breath you take is closer to your last." Gittarackur chill, they don't all have to be dark as fuck.

"Shut up!" An applicant shouted. Oh my god, all the applicants look like they're going insane.

"Tag stands for touch and go." I continue, completely ignoring the applicant.

"I wonder how many cars that drove by had somebody kidnapped in the backseat." Gittarackur adds, also completely ignoring the applicant.

"When you take notes in history class you're technically rewriting history."

"Dying of old age is dying of not dying." Wait-oh shit.

"Camping is just being homeless for fun."

"If you become a surgeon you're legally allowed to stab people." Gittarackur, do you have an obsession with stabbing people or somethin?

"What do we have to do to make you stop?" An applicant asked, practically begging at this point.

"I've already told you, punch Hisoka." I inform them for the second time.

"You're telling us to punch the guy who killed someone for bumping into him!" Another applicant yells.

"That's just suicide!" Someone else adds.

"I'd also prefer if you stopped darling~" Hisoka finally spoke up.

"See!? Even he wants you to stop!" Someone shouts.

"Annoying you is kind of the point." I inform Hisoka.

"What do I have to do to make you both
stop?~" Hisoka asks.

"I don't know... annoying you is quite fun after all." I respond.

"I agree." Gittarackur adds.

"I can still murder you darling~" Hisoka threatens.

"You can but will you?" I question.

"I doubt he would quite yet." Gittarackur backs me up.

"Please! Just stop! You're driving me insane!" An applicant yells.

"You may be right~ but knocking you out isn't above me~" Hisoka threatens again.

"Gittarackur can still continue for me." I respond.

"Oh~ I can knock him out as well~" Hisoka adds.

"No, you can't." Gittarackur corrects.

"Fighting is not allowed at this point of the Hunter exam." The examiner says over the intercom.

"Fine~" Hisoka replies, clearly annoyed.

"Hm.. I'll stop on one condition." I tell Hisoka, earning sighs of relief from the other applicants.

"What is it?~" Hisoka questions.

"You owe me another favor." I reply.

"Fine~" Hisoka responds, earning even more sighs of relief.

"I never said Gittarackur would stop though." I inform everyone, causing the applicants to let out strings of curses and annoyed grunts.

"I'll stop if you owe me a favor as well." Gittarackur adds.

"Alright~" Hisoka replies.

"Oof, now I have nothing to do." I complain.

"Agreed." Gittarackur complains as well.

"We can play cards~" Hisoka suggests with a taunting tone.

"No." Me and Gittarackur reply at the same time.

"Alright~" Hisoka says, before starting to build a card tower.

✨Timeskip✨ A couple very boring days later

"Only three minutes remaining." Gon and Killua still aren't here? The exam's gonna be boring then.

"I made it..." Huh? Did that guy just die? Sucks I guess.

"He's dead.." He was an idiot. "What a fool, it's better to live and try again then to pass and die." Exactly!

"He still had it better then us... we had to deal with those stupid facts." Someone complained.

"Yeah... those people need mental help." Another person adds.

"One minute remains." The examiner said over the intercom.

"Looks like it'll just be the twenty of us here." Oof without Gon and Killua this'll be so boring. Huh?

"Kurapika, applicant #405, is the twenty-first to pass. Killua, applicant #100, is the twenty-second to pass. Gon, applicant #406, is the twenty-third to pass. Total time, seventy-one hours and fifty-nine minutes." Talk about a late entrance.

"Thirty seconds remain." So, any more people extremely late to arrive?

"Leorio, applicant #404, is the twenty-fourth to pass. Tonpa, applicant #16 it the twenty-fifth to pass. Total time, seventy-one hours and fifty-nine minutes." I swear I'm jinxing this shit.

"The Third Phase of the exam is over. Twenty-six applicants have passed, including one deceased."

"Hey! Y/n!" Gon shouts, waving at me.

"Yo." I greet, walking towards them.

"Where did you go? Did you fall down a trapdoor? What did you place? What was your challenge?" Gon starts asking way to many questions for me to answer.

"Chill, Yes I fell down a trapdoor, I got second place, I had to fight ten prisoners." I answer Gons questions.

"Oh, Sorry!" Gon apologizes, rubbing the back of his head.

"It's fine, now what did you have to do?" I ask Gon.

"Oh! We also had to fight prisoners! Killua was really cool, he took out someone's heart!" Gon says a little to loud, causing the applicant to stare at us.

"Shut up! People can hear you y'know!" Killua tells Gon.

"Killua Zoldyck, stealing hearts since age twelve. No, seriously." I say, causing Kurapika to laugh.

"Hey look! The door opened!" Leorio shouts.

Word count: 1906

This part of the story ends at some point in Season 1 Episode 12 Final x Test of x Resolve

Fun Facts:

• I honestly believe that Illumi's mind works like a depressed teenagers would- is that just me???

• I'm incredibly lonely- I mean- Y/n was very proud of themselves for successfully annoying Hisoka! Though they didn't sleep the rest of the time because of Hisoka being there. (Illumi didn't sleep either tho-)

• Hisoka now owes Y/n two favors, and Illumi one! Now, I have no idea how to use these so, all ideas would be helpful! (The eviler the better 🙃)