J U N E  1 9 7 7

GIVEN EVERYTHING, CLARA THOUGHT she did alright on her N.E.W.T. exams. Taking her anxiety over The Order as well as the near panic attack she had in the middle of the practical portion of her Herbology exam into consideration, her performance didn't meet her own expectations.

But there was no use in worrying about it now, it would be another four weeks before the owl arrived at Potter Manor clutching her results in its talons.

It felt unfair that the end of her final year at Hogwarts had been soured in her last month within these castle walls. Even the end of year feast didn't feel nearly as festive as it should have, given the fact that Gryffindor had just won the House Cup for the first time in at least six years.

But none of it mattered to Clara anymore. It all seemed so trivial and insignificant in the grand scheme of things. How was she meant to be thrilled over a silly house competition when she was mere moments from entering the real world – from fighting in a war.

Having barely touched her food, both Fabian and James expressed their concern but she brushed them both off saying it was just left over nerves from her exams. It seemed, at least for the time being, that the excuse was sufficient enough as neither pressed any further.

But that was the previous night. Now, Clara found herself making that same familiar trek from the castle back to the train station at Hogsmeade for one final time. It was a bittersweet feeling – more bitter than sweet, admittedly.

Once on the train, Clara found herself in a compartment with Marlene, Lily, and Lily's friend Mary. Although conversation within the group was minimal. The two younger girls were the only ones who carried on any form of discussion while Clara and Marlene merely sat by and listened.

After that fateful day in Dumbledore's office, she and Marlene hadn't really discussed The Order any further. It was like the elephant in the room that they both desperately wanted to ignore, and ignore they did.

"Hey Lara, I've been looking for you!" Fabian smiled brightly from the doorway of the compartment.

For a moment, she contemplated ignoring her boyfriend. As cruel as it sounded, Clara had become quite talented at pretending The Order didn't exist. Which included refusing to discuss with Fabian that she was almost certain he and Gideon had been recruited by Dumbledore as well. But she knew she couldn't avoid it for much longer. The shock that would be on Fabian's face when they saw each other at their first Order meeting wasn't something she wanted to endure.

"I was actually just about to come and find you. I wanted to have a word with you," she paused for a moment, "alone."

Fabian's brows knit together, concern twisting his freckled features. Clara moved out of the compartment she'd been sharing with the girls, ignoring Lily and Mary's murmurings as she passed. She knew they likely thought she'd decided to breakup with Fabian, but at least Marlene would know that wasn't the truth. The blonde had been urging Clara to talk with Fabian for weeks, after all.

Clara kept her eyes on the ground as Fabian led them to a vacant compartment. Following him inside, Clara wordlessly closed the door behind her. After taking a seat across from Fabian, she finally brought her eyes up to his to see the worry still written all over his face.

"Everything alright?" he asked.

Clara only shook her head. The past four weeks she'd been ignoring the inevitable truth that he and Gideon had been called to speak with Professor Dumbledore for the exact same reason as she and Marlene had. She hadn't been brave enough to broach the subject with him for fear that their fates truly were aligned, leading them down a path of danger that neither could refuse.

"What's wrong, Lara?"

A nauseous feeling of anxiety began rising up her throat. If she continued avoiding the conversation, she knew it would only get worse. So she let out a sigh and dropped her eyes to his shoes.

"Why were you called to Dumbledore's office last month?"

Fabian hesitated for a moment before a half-hearted laugh fell from his lips, "How did you know about that?"

Clara still refused to meet his eyes, but she could still picture the deep crease between his brows despite his best efforts to have her believe it was truly nothing out of the ordinary.

"Please just answer the question." she pleaded quietly.

A brief silence grew in the compartment and Clara wondered if Fabian could hear her erratic heartbeat echoing off the walls.

"We just got in a bit of trouble with Flitwick, it was nothing." the usual jovial tone in his voice didn't feel as genuine to Clara. There was an emptiness in his voice, a thin layer of fear. And she knew exactly why.

She tensed her jaw as she finally glanced up at Fabian. It seemed like a well rehearsed line, an alibi the twins had agreed upon at the off chance they were ever confronted about this very thing.

But Clara knew. Even if she hadn't been recruited herself, she knew Fabian well enough to see through this ruse.

"Don't lie to me." There was no venom in her tone, rather, there was a hint of desperation. The longing need to know that they were in this together.

"I'm not lying." he insisted.

Clara tried to not grow frustrated. She knew he was only trying to protect her from the danger he and his brother had unwillingly found themselves in. And really, she couldn't blame him. She had been anything but honest with James for the exact same reason. The desperate desire to keep him ignorant all in the hopes of keeping her brother safe was driving her to be deceitful as well.

"I know you are," she replied before taking in a deep breath, "Fab, I know you're lying because I was called to his office too."

Fabian leaned forward, trying in vein to hide his shock, "Clara, what are you talking about?"

"Marlene and I," she began, but her voice quickly grew shaky as her fear began to creep up.

All of her frustration with Fabian diminished as she grew annoyed with herself. She wanted to be strong, she wanted to be brave, but she wasn't. She was scared. Scratch that, she was down right mortified.

How could she not be?

Her best friend had been recruited into this mess as well and she had a muggle-born mother. The grandparents Marlene adored were only vaguely aware of the Wizarding world. If anyone would be the first to have a target on their back for being involved in this war, it would be Marlene and her family.

Dumbledore knew this, he had to, and yet he had essentially asked the blonde to be a spy for him within the Ministry where suspected Death Eaters roamed every day for their regular nine to five jobs. The thought alone made Clara's skin crawl, filling every inch of her body with a sort of fear she'd never felt before.

Then there was the idea that in less than one year's time, her own brother would somehow find himself being roped into this as well the second he turned seventeen.

It didn't take a genius to know that James would never turn down the opportunity to fight for what he believed in. Any outsider could see that James Potter was an 'act first, think later' sort of boy.

Brave and self-assured. Those were the defining characteristics of James Potter. Traits that he'd inherited from their father, attributes that Clara had once longed for. But now they only made her feel resentful. All because Dumbledore would likely use it against him for the Order. He'd be seen as a soldier who'd blindly go into danger for the greater good. As if it were some sort of cruel prophecy she had no power to change.

All of Clara's fear must have been written on her face clear as day, because Fabian's stood from his seat to move beside her, "It's okay. We're going to be okay."

He was quick to pull out his wand, drawing the blinds on the compartment so no curious onlookers could observe the girl who was mere moments from breaking down. In the safety of their solitude, Clara finally let everything she had been bottling in for the last several weeks loose. As though he had the power to hold her together while she fell to pieces, Fabian wrapped his arms around her tightly.

She cried into his chest as he ran a hand up and down her spine while whispering his reassurances that they would be alright. When Clara had finally calmed down enough, she pulled away from his embrace and looked up into his ocean eyes. For a split second she did feel safe, like she knew that Fabian would do anything to protect her. All without him having to say a single word, she knew.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked as he reached up to wipe away her tears with his thumb.

She shrugged and shook her head, "It was too much. Learning about The Order and then N.E.W.T.s and trying to make sure James didn't find out. At the time, I don't think I could have handled knowing that you two really were involved."

He gave her an understanding nod, "So you and Curly as well, then?"

To his delight, the sound of Marlene's nickname made the corner of Clara's lips curl up ever so slightly. When she nodded, Fabian let out a sigh, "Is it bad that I'm sort of relieved?"

Clara considered it for a moment before shaking her head, "No, I don't think so. It's sort of comforting to realize you're not in it alone. But the more I think about all of us being involved, the more I almost wish it was just me."

Fabian didn't seem to take too well to her last sentence, based on the look on his face, "You can't fight this on your own."

"I know, I just wish you, Gideon, and Mar didn't have to join."

Fabian grabbed her hands and looked at her intently, "Listen to me, Clara. No one is forcing us to join, it's a choice. Gideon and I talked it out and we want to fight."

"It doesn't feel like a choice. If I tell Dumbledore I want nothing to do with The Order, what does that make me?"

"Brave." he said simply and all she did was roll her eyes, "I mean it. It takes an immense amount of bravery to say no."

"Not if my reasoning behind saying no is because I'm a coward." she dismissed.

"If you don't want to join, don't. It doesn't make you a bad person. Not in my eyes. But if you do want to, even the smallest bit, I'll be with you every step of the way."

Clara smiled slightly. Fabian really was the best thing to happen to her in her last year at Hogwarts. Everything with him was so easy and she hoped it would always stay this way.

She leaned forward and pressed her lips against his gently, hoping he could look past the salty taste of her tears that lingered. As their kiss deepened, Clara almost believed she could feel her bravery growing just by his touch.

But after a moment Fabian pulled back slightly, whispering against her lips,"There's something I've been wanting to tell you."

When she pulled away, she couldn't deny the worry that filled her body at what he was about to say. The thought of him confessing to her that he loved her flashed in her mind and it caused a rush of fear to consume her.

She wasn't ready for those words.

The last thing she wanted was for him to say it out of obligation. If he felt like he had to just because they were heading into a war together. And, as much as she hated herself for it, there was still a lingering fondness for Sirius in her heart that she didn't unpacked. Even if she hadn't spoken to him in months. Yet it was still enough to feel as though she wasn't deserving enough of this potential confession from Fabian.

"Yes?" she inquired weakly.

He pulled back and smiled at her brightly, the sight of it was just enough to quell some of her worries.

"So you know how Gid and I are going to be helping out my dad at his Quidditch Shop?"

Clara replied with a nod. At least the conversation didn't seem to be going down the road she had been nervous about. Not yet, anyway.

"Well, there's a flat above it that he's just been using for storage and he says he'll let Gideon and I move into it if we clear it out ourselves."

The excitement in his voice caused Clara's own smile to form, "That's great!"

"Yeah! And you want to know the best part?"

A laugh fell through Clara's lips as Fabian wiggled his brows at her, "Tell me."

"The shop is really close to the hospital." he said before a faint blush formed over his freckled cheeks, "I was thinking you could come over after work sometimes and maybe stay the night. Only if you want to, of course."

Fabian rarely got flustered, so his sudden change in demeanor was quite endearing to her, "Of course I want to."

A breath of relief fell through his lips as he smiled, "I can't wait for you to see it, I might even let you pick out the duvet."

"Oh, what an honor that would be," she teased as her own cheeks flashed crimson at the idea of her and Fabian sharing a room.

The idea was lovely, she couldn't deny it. Plus spending most evenings with the twins meant she'd know they were safe and vice versa. There was also the fact that the more time she spent in the flat above Mr. Prewett's Quidditch Shop, the less time she would have to spend under the same roof as Sirius in Potter Manor.

To avoid any further complications in her life, it seemed like staying with Fabian would be the best option for Clara.