M A R C H  1 9 7 7

.・。.・゜✭・.・✧・゜・。.

THE FOLLOWING MORNING, an exhausted James Potter ambled down to the common room just before breakfast. Clara, on the other hand, was bright-eyed and alert, having long since forgotten the anxiety she felt when Lily had awoken her the night before. She had been in the midst of a conversation with Fabian and Gideon when her brother approached them and cleared his throat. All three turned to the boy who admittedly looked a bit worse for wear.

"Alright, Potter?" Fabian asked James with a lilt of amusement.

"You look like you've been hit by about eighteen Bludgers, mate." Gideon added with a chuckle, which earned him a sharp elbow in the ribs from Clara.

"Could I have a word?" James asked his sister, ignoring the twins entirely.

His tone was much more serious than she'd ever heard and her face fell as she gave him a nod. Fabian's arm slipped from her shoulder as she stepped away from the twins and followed her brother into the sixth year boys' dorm. It was completely empty, the usual suspects she thought would have been sleeping in on a Sunday were nowhere to be seen.

Two unmade beds showed some sign of life. But the other two bunks in between these dishevelled states of crumpled sheets looked pristine and untouched since the last time the house elves had made their rounds the morning before.

Clara took a seat on the empty bed to the right of James'. With no evidence as to whose perfectly made bed she was sitting on, Clara found herself instinctively glancing around for any clues. The half empty packet of cigarettes on the nightstand was all the affirmation she needed to know that she was sitting on Sirius' bed. As her fingers ran over the crimson duvet, it was clear that he hadn't slept there last night. But before she could allow her mind to run wild, finding some sort of explanation as to why, her brother sat down on his own bed and cleared his throat, gathering all of her attention.

James took off his glasses and rubbed along the bridge of his crooked nose with pinched fingers as a sigh slipped from his lips. As he replaced the spectacles, he met his sister's gaze, "Something bad happened last night."

Fear flashed in her eyes, "Is it mum and dad? Are they alright?"

He shook his head quickly, "No, no. It's nothing like that."

"Then what's wrong? What happened?"

The worry in his sister's voice was not something James had been prepared to handle. It was always her taking care of him, her who had to deal with the serious issues in their lives, her who had all the answers, her being the responsible one. James was entirely out of his depths.

Another sigh escaped from the troubled boy and then silence as his brows pinched together while his eyes were fixed to the floor. A weary hand ran through his dark and unruly hair, tugging at the strands for a moment as he tried to get his thoughts in order.

"I always said I told you everything, Clara," he glanced up at her over his glasses, "But that wasn't entirely the truth."

Clara's frown deepened, "What are you saying, James?"

"I've been hiding something from you for a while but now I feel like I can't anymore. Last night..." he paused and looked down at his hands that had been wringing together nervously "last night could have ended really badly. And the thought of something happening to me and you not knowing why is eating me up."

Clara shook her head in confusion, "You're scaring me. Just spit it out."

His jaw clenched as a battle raged on in his mind. It was clear that his tongue desperately wanted to tell his sister the truth but his brain was doing everything in its power to convince him not to.

"James." she said once more with force.

Finally, he met his older sister's gaze. The identical flecks of hazel within each set of eyes told vastly different stories as one pair was filled with fear while the other was overcome with guilt.

"It's complicated, there's a lot to it and–" he cut himself off with yet another sigh.

"Just tell me what happened."

"It's Sirius." was all James said and Clara's heart plummeted to her feet.

Without any clarification, she felt as though the intense worry coursing through her veins may cause her to throw up. Her hands instinctively clenched to the crimson blanket beneath her, as if she were actually holding on to Sirius himself. What could have possibly happened to him? She had just seen him at dinner the night before – although she was careful to avoid his gaze at the time, she suddenly wished she hadn't.

"Where is he? Is he okay? " her voice was more urgent than she wanted it to sound, but James didn't seem to take notice.

"He's fine, I'm not sure where he is, but he's fine. It's just that... Clara, Pads screwed up. Badly."

"What did he do?"

James hesitated for a moment, "I want to tell you more, but maybe we should go somewhere else to talk."

The relief of knowing Sirius was safe had quickly been replaced by frustration. James had scared her half to death, putting ideas of the boy being hurt in her mind when she was already struggling to not care so much about him in the first place. Her fingers relaxed and released their grip on Sirius' sheets, but she was anything but calm.

"You dragged me all the way up here just to tell me that Sirius messed up and now you're sending me on some journey for answers?"

"I want to tell you, Clara. I do, believe me."

"So why can't you? We're alone, it's not like the portraits care about your gossip or Sirius' fuck ups."

James rubbed his temples, clearly frustrated with the direction this conversation was going, "Just come with me, I can't tell you here. Not without permission."

Clara's own frustration grew, "Permission? From who?"

"Please just come with me." he pleaded.

Part of her wanted to refuse, to sit here definitely and force him to spit it out. Since when did James ever need anyone's permission anyway? But the hazel eyes that matched her own were filled with such guilt and anxiety that she felt as though she couldn't do that to him. All of her frustrations would need to be set aside if she wanted the truth.

"Fine." was all she said and James nodded as he rose to his feet.

The two walked silently as he led them out of Gryffindor tower, all the way down to the Hospital Wing. Questions were circling through her mind once she realised the path they were on.

Was this about Remus' illness? Or had Sirius managed to get himself hurt and James didn't have the heart to tell her?

Once they reached their destination, James paused outside the large oak door and turned to her, "He doesn't know I'm bringing you, so I think I should go in alone first and talk to him."

Clara had yet to find out who he even was.

Of course she'd assumed since the beginning of the term that Remus was the one hidden behind the curtain in that secluded cot closest to Madam Pomfrey's office. Over and over again, she had connected the dots and they always led back to Remus. Even if Sirius and James had both refused to confirm her theories.

Speaking of Sirius; if it was him waiting in the Hospital Wing instead of Remus, why would James even think to bring her here? Then a new kind of fear struck her. Had her brother been able to read between the lines and see her growing fondness for his best friend over recent months? Or had Sirius noticed it himself and said something to James?

The Potter siblings had a curious way of speaking with a twin-like telepathy when they were much younger. But unlike the true connection of twins, their own signals began getting fuzzier as they grew older and less reliant on one another. Some days it felt like she couldn't even begin to guess what James was truly thinking. Today was one of those days.

Even though her mind was flooded with curiosity, all Clara did was nod at her brother before he turned and disappeared through the door. It felt like ages before he finally returned to the door to beckon her inside. She followed her brother inside the wing that had familiarised herself with all term. But her surroundings now felt completely foreign to her as her Mary Janes clicked against the stone floor.

Each cot in the wing was vacant with pristine white sheets. All of them, but one. The usual bed that had been hidden from her view was now on full display as Remus laid there, looking more frail than she had ever seen him look. Peter was in a chair beside the bed and he gave her a brief, friendly wave as they approached.

Sirius, however, was nowhere to be seen.

James pulled up two more chairs and the Potters took their seats at Remus' bedside. The boy's cheeks were sunken as if he'd missed far too many meals and the ghostly complexion on his face made the mysterious scars that adorned his face even more prominent than they usually were.

In all of Clara's days of reading medical textbooks and shadowing Madam Pomfrey, she'd never felt overly emotional about any patient's condition. She prided herself on that fact - on her professionalism and her innate ability to put healing first and feelings second. But seeing Remus like this was different. Seeing him in such a state caused a painful lump to form in her throat and she fought desperately to choke it down before it turned into broken sobs.

Despite her presence, Remus' gaze never met hers. It was as though he wanted to pretend he was all alone in the vast wing and he instead focused all of his attention on the ceiling. Regardless, Clara could still see the anguish within his caramel coloured eyes. She just couldn't tell if it was from the physical pain he was in or all the secrets that James needed his permission to tell her about.

Before she could inquire, James cleared his throat and rubbed his hand on the back of his neck, "Well, uh, I suppose we owe you some answers, then."

Clara's eyes fell on her brother, but not before she glanced at Peter who looked away from her almost immediately. This was clearly hard on all three of them and her brother had unfortunately been appointed the role of divulging the cause of their tension. So, she silently nodded at James, rather than spewing the millions of questions racing through her mind that she wanted to ask the boys.

Then, James told her everything.

About Remus' lycanthropy and their animagus forms. He told her about the situation the night before, about how Sirius had betrayed all of their trust and had roped Severus into a nearly deadly situation in the name of being a prank. Then, she learned that it had been James who saved the Slytherin boy in the end.

Tears formed in the corners of James' eyes as he spoke about Sirius. He had to pause for a moment and remove his glasses to wipe them away before continuing. At first glance, Sirius' betrayal seemed as though it would have affected Remus most of all, given the fact that his lycanthropy had been used as some sort of sick trap masquerading as a joke.

The truth was that it seemed as though the bond between two boys who met on the Hogwarts Express all those years ago was well and truly broken as a result. Sirius was no longer James' brother and that broke him irreparably.

It all was a lot to take in. Silence fell as Clara couldn't even begin to form words. All the questions she had faded away as they had been replaced with sorrow for the boys around her. After a moment, she glanced over at Remus whose own emotions seemed to have finally gotten the better of him as a single tear trickled down his pale cheek.

Whether it was his friends' tears that brought his own to the surface or the fact that he was being forced to listen to James recount the previous night's events that was the cause, Clara wasn't quite sure. What she was sure of, though, was that Remus Lupin deserved love and friendship. The type of friendship that James and Peter provided. The unconditional love of brothers and – if he was willing to have her, a sister as well.

"Remus..." she started, but was cut off by him almost immediately.

"Don't. Whatever it is, Clara, I don't want to hear it." he cut her off sharply, despite his tears causing his voice to waver.

Clara could understand why he felt so defensive. Perhaps it was the thought that Clara would think differently of him now that was causing so much pain within the boy. Or maybe the fear that Severus would reveal his secret to everyone in the castle. Or perhaps, it was the fact that the boy who was supposed to be his best friend had betrayed his trust in the most unforgivable way.

It was likely a combination of all three. A deep hurt that the three who sat at his bedside couldn't hope to heal, despite their best efforts. A swirling poison of dread that consumed him from the inside out. A self-destructive desire that made him believe being bitter and alone was safer than further endangering the remaining friends surrounding his bedside.

When she realised her words wouldn't bring him any comfort, she resorted to laying her hand over his. As she rubbed her thumb over the back of his icy, cold hand soothingly, a heartbreaking sob finally escaped from his throat. As he covered his face with his other hand, Clara sat there in silence, feeling more helpless than she ever had in her life. James and Peter had their eyes glued to their shoes, desperately trying to hide their own sorrow from their friend.

"You're the boy my mum sends a double chocolate cake to on every single birthday." Clara's words stifled the sniffles for a moment as Remus reluctantly met her gaze, "You're the boy who I need around to reach for books on the top shelf in the library because you're so bloody tall."

"Remus, you're my brother's friend who I dislike the least" she smiled at him before turning her head towards the Pettigrew boy with remorse, "Sorry, Peter."

A choked laugh escaped from Remus, although she could tell it was reluctant as his frown soon returned. Clara ached for the boy whose amber eyes were bloodshot from a lack of sleep and an abundance of tears. Remus deserved inner peace and she wasn't sure he would ever find it. But at least for a moment, she was able to make him laugh.

"Clara, this whole thing," Remus paused as his jaw clenched slightly, "I'm dangerous, I don't want you to think I'm going to hurt James. I have no control when I... I just don't want you to be scared of me."

Her brows furrowed as she tightened her grip on his hand and shook her head, "There's nothing you could do to make me scared of you, Remus."

The boy gave her a weary smile, yet his eyes reflected disbelief. But Clara wasn't deterred by his scepticism. Over time, she'd be able to prove to him that she didn't see the monster he believed he was. She was determined to strengthen her friendship with him, not as a favour to James or out of pity for Remus. No, it was because the older Clara got, the more she realised she'd been trying so hard to keep her friends and her brother's friends strictly separate for no real reason at all.

While Clara felt certain that she, nor any of her friends, would never find themselves directly involved in fighting the darkness that was looming outside of the castle walls, she realised then that there was nothing more important than treasuring friendships in these uncertain times.

Thanks to Sirius' betrayal, it had put everything into focus for Clara. Standing beside true friends through thick and thin, that's what would make all the difference in the long run. It helped her see that the person she was most loyal to in her life was James. She loved her brother dearly, with every fibre of her being, which meant she loved his friends. At the very least, she would try to – depending on their frequency of pranks on her going forward.

When the time came for Peter, James, and Clara to leave the Hospital Wing, they bid Remus a reluctant goodbye as Madam Pomfrey shooed them away. They all promised to visit him when they could throughout over the next few days. But once the doors to the Hospital Wing closed behind them, Clara's sympathy towards Remus transformed into anger towards Sirius. She abruptly stopped at the end of the corridor, causing the remaining half of the Marauders to turn to her in confusion.

"Where is he?" she asked, her expression matching that of her stern mother, Euphemia, more than ever before.

Neither boy needed any clarification that she was inquiring about Sirius. As if sharing one mind, both Peter and James shrugged in unison.

"I don't really care to know. I'm afraid of what I'll do if I see him." James muttered bitterly.

His own sorrow had evolved into anger as well. While Clara hated to see her brother in such a state, she honestly couldn't blame him.

"If I had to guess, I reckon he spent the night with Marlene. He didn't stay in our dorm last night, which was probably for the best." Peter replied after a moment, sending a nervous look towards James.

"If he knows what's good for him, he won't show his face anywhere near me." James mumbled under his breath.

In most cases, James Potter was a lover, not a fighter. Of the two of them, Clara was always more assertive, at least with her words. So to see James this resentful towards someone she knew he had once considered family, was quite unnerving to her. Although she couldn't really blame him. After seeing how broken down Remus had been as a direct result of Sirius' actions, her own blood was near a boiling point.

She wondered if Sirius had confided what transpired the night before in Marlene, if she knew all the horrible details of the things he had done to his best friend just to spite Severus. Then she wondered if the blonde would be the only friend willing to stand by him even after knowing the damage he had caused. Despite her growing fondness for Sirius, Clara couldn't say the same.

All of her affection towards Sirius seemed to vanish along with James and Peter's adoration for their closest friend. Even the thought of Sirius not only losing his real family but also his found family in less than a year wasn't enough for her to sympathise with him at that moment.

She wanted to find him, to yell at him, to make him feel how much hurt he had caused the people he claimed to love. Not only to Remus, who was laying in the hospital wing – a mere shell of the boy she knew. But to James as well, whose bright eyes and loving smile had been corrupted into a bitter hatred that she never wanted to see fill his soul. Her brother had the biggest heart and at the young age of sixteen, had just experienced true betrayal. For that alone, Clara would go to war. James wouldn't even have to ask.

But more than her desire to scream at Sirius, forcing him to face what he had done, what she really wanted was to never see his face again. For the mere sight of him would only serve to remind her how she had been growing to trust the boy who had so willingly discarded those who loved him in favour of spurning someone he hated.

And so, for the next month, avoiding Sirius Black is exactly what Clara and the remaining Marauders did.