"I'm a wanderess.
I'm a one night stand.
Don't belong to no city.
Don't belong to no man"
-Halsey

Alice

I lay the jacket down on the chair beside my carry on, checking to make sure that I had everything for my flight. So many things were racing through my mind.

I thought life in a small town would be simple, boring even. But no, my life simply was not conducive with normality. Why the hell did he have to say that? Why couldn't we have just gone on as we had been? He should know that I'm not ready for that.

A light tap came on the wall of windows behind me. I nearly jumped out of my skin. Another tap, and another, another. Rain; it was just the rain. I breathed a sigh of relief.

Ever since I had woken up from the darkness two weeks ago I've been paranoid. That is, after coming to the realization that I had caused Sawyers death. Every moan of the wind, every creak of the floorboards, every shadow on the wall was him. I kept expecting to turn around and come face to face with the burned flesh of the man who ruined me.

The fairy lights on my ceiling were on, despite the dim sunlight still showing outside the window. I hated the dark more than ever, it reminded me of that world of shadows. The one I lay in for hours, waiting for the hellish fire to end me.

Unconsciously, my hand found the painful flesh of my neck. His mark.

The torn skin was purple and it hurt like hell but it was starting to heal. Scar tissue was already visible where it was forming around the edges of the bite.

My fingers brushed over the mark. I felt a wave of pain flood my heart. This was not my pain. No, this was his pain; Penn. He wasn't kidding when he said the mark tied us to one another. Every time I touched his mark he felt the pain of my rejection. I had never wanted to hurt him.

Two weeks ago he proposed to me. What the hell was he thinking? I'm only seventeen, I can't get married. Teenage marriage is just a nasty divorce waiting to happen.

I've been thinking the proposal over ever since. It was impossible not to think about it. The memory of it was just another one of demons I couldn't seem to shake.

Occasionally my fingers would find the mark on my neck, a nervous habit I seemed to be developing. And every time I did this I knew he could feel it; the pain of my rejection.

I had never wanted to hurt him. He made me happier than anyone else in this world, why would I want to hurt him. I didn't want to, but I did. The shredded flesh of my neck was a constant reminder to both of us. A reminder of what I had given up, thrown away.

Penn lived in a world that believes in destiny and soul mates. And I can't bring myself to believe in those things. I don't think having a soul mate guarantees love.

Love is hard. Love is difficult and messy. And it hurts like hell. It can consume you to the point where you can't breathe. It's getting up every morning and going through hell because you know that when you get out there is someone wonderful waiting for you. Because once you get through it and deal with the messy parts, it's easy. In the end it's supposed to be easy.

And nothing about this life was easy.

I trekked into the closet, taking the last thing off the hanger. Just then a quiet knock came on the door. "Ali, you in there?" Eli. The thought of my friend made me smile down at my shoes. He clearly still hadn't learned how to use a doorbell.

"You can come in," my voice was quiet and a bit hoarse from not being in use, doctors orders, but I knew he heard me.

Eli's wild head of curls poked around the door, a small smile lit his face when he saw me. I was going to miss him.

He bounced his way into the room like he owned it, plopping down on my bed. His happy demeanor dissolved when he saw the boxes. The ones that held all of the stuff I deemed important enough to take with me.

"What's with the boxes, short stack?" A little wrinkle was forming between his brows.

There was no way to escape this confession. "I'm moving Eli," I let out a heavy breath.

The crease in between his eyebrows now seemed permanently etched into his skin. "What? But- but what about school? Your mom? And the pack? Where are you going to go? Do you even have money?" He looked like a kicked puppy. "What about me, Ali?" Seeing my best friend in pain hurt me. Knowing I was the cause of it killed me.

"I have do this Eli. I can finish the semester online. My mom is hardly ever home and she wouldn't care if I left anyway. The only good thing she ever did for me was start a college fund, I'm going to use that to fund my move to New York. The movers are coming to pick up the boxes later today." The look on Eli's face told me that he hated that plan.

"I hate that plan." Guess I was right.

"I'm sorry Eli, I never wanted to hurt anyone. I just can't seem to help screwing things up." I sniffled, trying to keep the tears at bay.

I folded up the sweater that was still in my hands, laying it neatly inside the box with the others. Closing the cardboard flaps I taped them shut.

I heard Eli sigh deeply. "Ali are you sure about this?" He lay stiffly on my bed, one of the few things in my room that hadn't been packed.

I sighed. "Not at all. I'm scared Eli, terrified actually." I sank down at the foot of the bed. "I don't know what's going to happen. But I know I have to do this," I turned to look at my best friend.

Eli sat up cross legged beside me. "But what about Penn? You're not just going to leave him," he whispered to me as if the statement was the most absurd thing he's ever heard.

I let out a ragged breath, trying not to cry, again. "I like him Eli, I may even love him, but I can't be with him."

"But why not? You two are mates, you're fated to be together. You're supposed to be the packs alpha female," his voice rose in desperation. I looked up at my best friend, my only friend, in all the time I had known him he had been nothing but happy. Now there was sadness in his eyes, and I was the cause of it.

"I don't believe in fate," a tiny, pained smile formed on my face. "I'd like to believe that I'm in charge of my own life. I have no intention of being tied down to one place or person simply because the universe says it must be so."

Eli seemed to think that over for a minute before shooting me a tiny smile. "You know Ali, you're like a little sister to me," he smiled down at me. "And it's a brothers job to support his little sister." He took a deep breath and let it out in a rush of air. "So, what's left to pack?"

My eyes flooded with tears, I just couldn't help it. I flung myself at Eli, burying my face in his shoulder. He squeezed me close, comforting me as I cried. He really was the best person I'd ever met.

After I let out all of my tears I finally pulled back from his hug. "There's nothing left to pack, I'm all set." He shot me a pained smile, "Well okay then, I'll take you to the airport."

Standing up from the bed I cast one last look around my room. Out of all the places I had lived this one had felt the most like home. And that had everything to do with the people I had met.

I wiped a stray tear off my cheek. "Hey now, none of that," Eli stood next to. "You're gonna be just fine, we both know that. And I have your number so trust me when I say you're gonna get sick of hearing from me ten thousand times a day. I may even fly out to New York just bug you," he cracked a silly grin at me. "I'm still your best friend Ali, you can't get rid of me that easy."

"I'm counting on it," I shot a grin of my own up at him.

Eli threw a heavy arm over my shoulders, handing me my jacket and carry on. "Come on short stack, you're gonna miss your flight." I smiled up at him and he grinned back at me as we walked together out of the house and into the rain. 

Authors Note:
This was the final chapter of Written In The Stars.