"I lay my heart down with the rest at her feet"
-Hozier

Alice

The world was dark.

Not in the "who turned off the lights" sort of way. But in a "the sun has been extinguished" sort of way. A metaphorical darkness that slowly creeps into the real world, like a shadow that constantly stalks along behind you, distorting life with its smoky fingers.

The weight on my chest was far too heavy for me to hold up. I couldn't breathe. My eyes were trapdoors, refusing to release the latch and open, refusing to let in the light. I prayed these trapdoors would open. I was tired of the dark.

There was nothing but darkness in this chasm I've been trapped in. My arms stretched out, reaching for something, someone, I could not reach.

I heard the hushed murmuring of a broken soul. There were no words. Just the quiet sounds of desperation, of guilt.

Then came the pain.

It started small; just a pinprick on my neck. Then it grew. It spread to my fingers, my toes, and everything in between. What was once a pinprick had slowly evolved into a raging fire. The flames licked at my body, consuming everything within their wicked grasp.

But the evil flames brought with them the light.

Gray shapes began to form in front of me. A door. A dresser. The chair beside me. A shadowy form occupied the chair, dripping over the armrests and spilling onto the silken sheets beside me.

The fire never subsided. But the longer I lay there the easier it became to ignore it. How long had I been here?

Sound washed over me like a sudden flood. The creak of a faraway door. The rustle of clothing. The chainsaw being started far too close to my ear.

I wanted to wake up. I was tired of laying in the flames, of listening in but not knowing the source. It was time to wake up.

I don't know where I found the willpower to pry back the trapdoors and open my eyes, but I did.

This world resembled the chasm I've been stuck in. But it was far superior to my world of shadows.

This world was made of color. Red like the draperies. Blue like the blanket that covered me. Brown like his eyes.

"Alice," the word was barely breathed out but I saw the motion of his lips. He looked like he had just woken up. That explained the chainsaw.

I looked at this new world that I had awoken to. It was familiar to me. Everything about it felt like comfort and strangely enough, it felt like home. And for a brief moment I felt safe in this world.

Then came the memories.

The darkness. The icy cement walls. The pain. It all came rushing back at me.

I bolted up, the navy comforter fell away from me. The burning in my neck was unbearable. 

"The candle," I panted. My numb fingers found my hair, getting caught in the greasy knots. I realized it now. It was too late now.

"Candle?" He asked, "Alice, what candle? What are you talking about? Please look at me," his pleading voice barely registered past the ringing in my ears.

"The candle. I knocked down the candle. Oh my god," my fingernails tore into my skull, my eyes squinted shut. "He's dead isn't he?"

"Sweetheart, who are you talking about?" He spoke as if he was talking to a scared child.

I snapped.

"Sawyer!" I shouted, finally meeting his eyes. "He's dead isn't he? The candle. I killed him."

Realization finally dawned in Penns eyes. His mouth opened as if to speak but no words came out. I could see the hesitation in his eyes, he didn't know how to say it.

He didn't know how to admit to me that I had killed someone.

It was indirect, unintentional, whatever the hell you want to call it. But it doesn't change the fact that it was my fault.

I hit him unconscious, I knocked down a candle in a house made of wood. I escaped while he burned.

And I had to live with that.

"The cabin burned quickly. Chances are that he didn't even have time to wake up before he was dead. You didn't know Alice," calloused fingers brushed over my bandaged knuckles. "You couldn't have known."

We sat in silence. Words couldn't help us.

My spare hand found the dulling ache  in my neck.

Jagged flesh met my timid fingers. Shreds of skin hung away from my neck, leaving stinging wounds open to the air. It hurt to touch, as if a wild animal had mindlessly masticated part of my flesh and spat it back out.

Penns stern fingers pried my hand away from the mauled skin of my neck. "It'll hurt for a while but it will heal. It had to be done." The words came out with only a small hint of remorse.

I was lost again. My mind refused function properly. I didn't recall hurting my neck. "What is this?"

Penn drew in a pained breath, chocolate eyes bored into mine.

"It's my mark."
"Your mark?" I didn't understand. "What the hell does that mean? Did you bite me?" Panic flooded my system.

"I'm sorry Alice. I haven't explained any of this to you. There was never the chance. I guess there's no time like the present," he took a deep breath and continued.

"The mark is a bite, it binds together two mates. A mark is powerful, that is why my bite healed you." His hand dragged over his face in exhaustion. "When the patrols found you outside in the snow you were an inch away from death. The doctor patched you up, you were healing fine, but you weren't waking up. You could describe it as something akin to a coma. The doctor told me that there was slim chance that you would wake up if you were marked."

His head hung low after explaining this to me. But despite the explanation, I still did not understand what this meant. Penn seemed to notice my silence.

"The marking healed you and brought you out of your sleep. But it has tied us together. It isn't something to be taken lightly. A marking without consent is painful, it burns like hell, for both parties. It's because being with someone you do not wish to be with is like that as well; like hell." Penn sighed in defeat, letting go of my hand.

"I wanted so badly for you to want to be with me that I did not take into consideration the consequences. I was selfish. The mark is meant to be a symbol of love; two people showing the world that they belong to each other. And I abused that. I marked you because I love you. I didn't think whether or not you loved me also. And for that I am eternally sorry Alice."

His words continued to fill the room. But they fell of deaf ears. All I could hear was those three words ringing in me head.

I love you.

What did I know of love? Nothing. Aside from my parents when I was young, I had never loved someone. I didn't know what it meant to feel that way about a person.

"Alice? Please say someth-"

"You love me?"

I stared straight into his eyes.

"No Alice. I do not love you."

I wanted to see the emotions that were held captive behind his irises. What I saw knocked the breath out of me.

"I am deeply, irrefutably in love with you." I drew a sharp breath.

The most raw of human emotions swirled within his eyes. It looked like love.

But I did not know how to feel the same.

The man that sat before me was hardly even a man. It was impossible to say how human he was. Was he a man, or was he the animal that had been revealed to me weeks prior? Did it matter what he was?

I had come back to Red Hills despite his animal side. But it still scared me, chilled me to the core. And I wasn't so sure I was ready to deal with the wolf in him.

"I am in love with you, and I want to be with you Alice." His hands sprung out to take hold of my own. A burning gaze held my eyes captive.

There was fire burning in my lungs.

"I want to be with you. I want to help you heal and move past all the insanity that went on. I want to marry you."