"I bet you kiss your knuckles right before they touch my cheek"
-Halsey

Penn

Ten days.

It's been ten days since Alice fled my home and my arms while I slept. I was going insane. My wolf was growing more impatient by the millisecond. He wants his mate. And he hates me for not going after her. But what could I do? I'm so unsure of how to proceed with her. I don't want to scare her off. I'm supposed to be a leader and yet I don't even know how to handle this.

"Alpha?" A knock sounded on my office door.
"Come in."
"Sorry for disrupting, Alpha. Here are the papers you asked for. Twelve warriors were injured in the last attack. No casualties so far." Ellis set the papers down on my desk before sitting in one of the chairs across from me. I looked up at him expectantly.

"Thank you Ellis. These hunter attacks are getting worse. I think we'll need to employ an around the clock watch. We need a way of detecting these attacks early on. I don't want anyone else getting hurt." I pinched the bridge of my nose, sighing in frustration. Ellis continued to sit across from me.

"What is it Ellis?" I asked expectantly. My temper has been very short these past couple of weeks.
"You haven't been sleeping Alpha." He wasn't wrong. I get three or four hours a night, on a good day.

"That is none of your concern." I turn my attention back to the papers on my desk.
"I'm not saying this as your Beta. I'm saying this as your friend. Julian Penn Castel, you are my Alpha, but you have not lived as long as I have. And one thing that I know from experience is that you need her. I know you do. I also know that you haven't shifted since you first found her and that it's bound to be getting to you."

He wasn't wrong. My wolf had been snarling at me and thrashing around inside my mind, wanting to be let out. It has cost me many headaches, and the fury of my wolf. Who is still livid with me for not allowing him to meet his mate. He's refusing to speak to me at the moment.

"I know, Ellis. And you're crazy to think that it doesn't kill me to be away from her. I want nothing more than to have my mate at my side. I just don't know what to do." My head dropped down into my hands.

Ellis lay a comforting hand on my back. "You'll have her. You just have to proceed slowly." My wolf growled at his words. He wanted his mate now, something I was depriving him of.

"How do I start?" I asked, sounding completely defeated. It was not a good feeling for an Alpha. Or anyone for that matter.

"Talk to her," he said, before he walked out of my office, leaving me to my thoughts.

~~~

Alice

The light flickered on, sending a buzz through the room.
He was coming.

Footsteps pounded down the stairs and worn brown boots came to rest in front of my face. My cheek was pressed into the cold concrete, my only clothing was an oversized T-shirt and a pair of underwear. He had taken all my other things away.

He knelt down, grimy fingers brushed over my face. With a sudden jerk he pulled my head back by the hair, exposing my neck.

A filthy smirk sat on his face as he put his mouth to my neck, biting and sucking harshly. An unpleasant shiver crawled down my spine, I think he mistook it for pleasure.

"Hhm. Excited to see me baby?" His mouth continued to assault my neck, moving down to my chest. I was too weak to fight.

I didn't know how long I had been trapped there. I did know that he rarely fed me. And when he did it would be nothing more than some stale bread and a plastic bottle of water, the cap already open. I knew that I shouldn't drink it, but the thirst was killing me.

"I've had a rough day baby. You're gonna help me relieve some of this tension I've been feeling." His voice clawed at my ears.

His hand left my face, going instead for my legs. I heard the sound of shredding fabric when he ripped my underwear from my body. I began to struggle.

No. He couldn't do this. Granted he had already assaulted me with his hands, but he had never gone further than that. This was the man who had told me he loved me. He wouldn't.

He didn't stop with my underwear. My shirt was pulled roughly over my head, leaving me completely naked in front of the monster. Tears began to stream down my face and incoherent sounds of protest left my mouth. I didn't want this.

He took my wrists in a death grip and pinned them down beside my head. My voice was still gone, I couldn't scream. I struggled harder, kicking at him in an attempt prevent what was going to happen.

Both of his hands slithered their way to my thighs, prying them apart. This couldn't be happening. Tears continued to run down my face.

The sound of a zipper caught my attention. The monster glared lazily into my eyes as he pulled his pants down, exposing the bulge in his boxers. I tried to scream but nothing came out.

In a flash his boxers were gone and he knelt in front of me. I turned my head away; I didn't want to see this.

"Look at me! Watch me as I take what you wouldn't give me." One of his hands pulled harshly at my hair, turning me to face him. I whimpered in fear. I knew what would happen. I knew I was powerless to stop it.

He pried my legs open once more, glaring coldly at me. I fought him as best I could through the haze and coldness that surrounded me.

"Stop struggling you little bitch!" He yelled angrily at me. His fist came into contact with my temple, nearly rendering me unconscious. But it didn't hurt nearly as much as what he did next.

My voice found the strength to let out a hoarse scream as he did the unspeakable; the pain that shot up between my legs and throughout my body was unbearable. I screamed louder, my cries of pain drowned out his groans.

"St-stop. Sawyer, please stop." I pleaded with him. Hoping that he would end this torture. But he just groaned louder.

"Shut the hell up and enjoy this. We both know this is the only love you'll ever get from a man. You should be thanking me for this you miserable little bitch!" The hand that was still tangled in my hair unwound itself, ripping out a few strands.

That same hand found its way to my forehead. Gripping tightly to my skull, he smashed it down on the concrete floor.

A weak cry left my lips as everything faded to black.

~~~

I woke up to near darkness. The only light in the room came from a naked light bulb that hung from the ceiling. I was completely bare. Every inch of my shivering body was in pain.

I didn't need to ask what happened. The bruises on my thighs and the painful soreness between my legs told me everything I needed to know. I felt broken. Used. Tainted. He had finally done the unspeakable. He had taken everything from me. I had nothing. I was nothing.

I woke up gasping for air. The nightmare from two years ago replaying in my head. Even now he still had an affect on me. The mere memory of him brought fear and pain to my life. Especially today.

~~~

Halloween had come and gone. October had left and the chill of November took its place. I had done my best to not think of what had gone down a little under two weeks ago. I've tried not to think of Penn. And I had succeeded; somewhat.

My mother had come back. She stayed for a full week, surprisingly enough. She had told me that she would be staying until the 15th. That all changed when she saw the kitchen calendar just yesterday morning. She saw the square and the date that I had scratched out in black sharpie. We both knew what it meant.

And before I could blink she was gone. Claiming that an unexpected meeting had come up. It was a lie. She couldn't even stand to look at me on this day, and we both knew it.

When I woke up from my nightmare this morning a sense of dread was hanging over me, just as it had the year before.

November 6th was not my friend. It was a Friday, and I still had school. But when the buzzing of my alarm rang me into consciousness I couldn't find it in myself to even crawl from my bed. There was no way I could go to school.

It was now noon. I had yet to leave the bed, even though my bladder was killing me. With a great deal of reluctance, I dragged myself to the bathroom to shower and do my usual routine.

I came back into my room half an hour later, only to hear a buzzing on my bedside table. I sighed. I knew exactly who was calling.

Eli had texted me this morning around eight. Then again at half past eight. Fifteen minutes after that he resorted to calling me. I figured he would stop once school was in session, but the buzzing continued.

I had yet to answer him. Now at half past noon, he continued to call. Persistent little bugger, I'll give him that. But I just couldn't be around people today. Not when I was constantly looking over my shoulder. Not when everything I laid eyes on nearly drove me to tears. Not when I felt so numb.

The buzzing from my phone stopped, making me sigh in relief. I collapsed onto my bed and pulled the covers over my head, not caring that my hair was wet. I was about to fall asleep when a knocking sounded downstairs.

I ignored it and curled up under the covers, making myself as small as possible. The knocking persisted, refusing to let up. I groaned, nearly crying in frustration, and threw the blankets off.

I crept slowly through the hall and down the stairs. Every creek of the floorboards made me jump and sent my heart racing. I tried to even my breathing but to no avail. Giving up on trying to achieve calmness, I pulled open the door.

All I saw was expensive leather shoes. I moved my eyes upwards. Black pants. Gray dress shirt. Black leather jacket. Furrowed brow. Concerned dark brown eyes. Penn.

I didn't know what to do. So I continued to stand in the doorway, mouth hanging open.

"Hello Alice," he broke the silence first. His voice seemed to snap me out of my haze.
"W-what do you want?" My voice quivered. Why did I have to be so weak?
"Could we talk?" His eyes pleaded as they bored into mine.
I don't know what came over me, but I found myself agreeing. "Come in," I whispered.

Penn brushed past me and into my house. It was still sparsely furnished, and it was nowhere near as grand as his house, but he didn't seem to mind. He stood beside me while I closed the door and it made me a bit nervous. Especially today.

With my eyes on the ground, I walked to the couch, hearing him follow behind me. I plopped down on the far end and he sat more towards the middle, turning to look at me. I didn't know what to say. Or if I should even say anything.

"Eli told me you didn't go to school today. He says he tried calling but you didn't answer. He stayed home because he's worried sick about you." I could have sworn there was an edge to his voice as he bit out the last part of his statement.

"Tell him not to take it personally. I don't really want to see anyone today. Friend or not." I looked down at my knees.

"Alice. Why did you not go to school today?" He cut right to the chase. "What happened to make you run away from my house? From me?" His voice held concern.

I peaked over at him, tears blurring my vision. "I can't tell you. I can't tell anyone." My voice broke.