"So what, in this vacuous wasteland of a planet, is there to care about?
What's left to believe in?
You."
-Sam Miller of Paradise Fears

Alice

Penn stared at me. For a good five minutes all he did was stare at me. And all I did was sit there, looking at my knees, trying not to cry.

"Alice," be began, "you can tell me anything. I know we only recently met, and we still don't know each other too well, but you can talk to me. I would never judge you or hurt you. You know that don't you?" It sounded like he meant it. I wanted to believe that he meant it.
"He said the same thing." My voice came out as a hoarse whisper.
"Who is he?" His voice held just a bit of anger. I kept staring at my knees. I didn't want to see the face of another angry man.
"Sawyer," saying his name out loud made a shiver slither down my back. I didn't want to even think about him.
Penn said nothing. I expected him to ask "who is Sawyer?" Or "what did he do?" But he didn't.

Eventually I grew tired of the silence and snuck a glance up at him. He was already looking at me, his expression unreadable. Very slowly, as if to not spook me, his hand reached out and it found perch on my knee. The touch sent an unexpected and comforting warmth through me.

"It's alright Alice. You don't have to tell me now. When you're ready, I'll be here, I'm not going anywhere." He spoke with finality. This statement from a man that should have terrified me actually brought me reassurance. I continued to look at him through my lashes; I had never seen a kinder man. Or a more attractive one.

"Thank you, Penn." I whispered.
His eyes closed for a moment when I said his name. A tiny smile tugged at the corner of his mouth.
"I'm always here for you, Alice," I wanted so badly to believe him. I didn't even really know Penn, yet somehow, I trusted him. So I did something I never in a million years thought I would do. I asked him to stay.

"Penn?"
"Yes Alice?"
"Will you stay with me today? I don't think I want to be alone again." Penn didn't miss a beat before answering, "of course."

He didn't question me as to why I wanted him to stay, or what I meant when I said "again", he just agreed. With no hesitation.

"So what should we do today?" He asked, getting comfortable on the couch. His arm swung over the back of the couch, his fingers nearly brushed my shoulder.
"We- um- we could watch a movie." I suggested, his proximity made me nervous, but in a good way.

He turned his piercing brown gaze to me and smiled. "Go pick a movie, sweetheart. Do you mind if I raid the kitchen?"
"Go ahead," I struggled not to whispered. I didn't want to tell him that the pet name had sent a jolt of happiness through me.

Penn came back five minutes later with cans of soda and several large bags of tortilla chips, all carefully balanced in his arms. I already had the movie in the DVD player, ready to go.

"So what movie did you pick?" He set the food on the coffee table and flopped down next to me, shooting me another smile. God, I loved when he smiled.

"Paris When It Sizzles."
"Huh. I've never seen that one. First time for everything right?"
I didn't answer the rhetoric question, I just pressed play and the movie began.

~~~

"Now I know why you keep nibbling on my neck, you're some kind of a werewolf!"
"No no, my dear, I'm a vam-"

"I don't get this movie at all." Penn interrupted one of my favorite scenes.
"It's Audrey Hepburn. It's a classic. Now shush."
"There is some weird stuff going down. Are they on drugs or something?"
"Penn!" I laughed in both frustration and amusement. "Just watch the movie!" I returned my attention to the TV screen while his focused on something else; me.

Ten minutes later and I could still feel his burning gaze on the side of my face.

"I like when you laugh." His voice was almost inaudible, but I think he wanted me to hear it.
My face flushed red and I swung my hair over my shoulder to cover it. Penn didn't seem to like that. He brushed the bright blue hair behind my ear, fingers lingering for a moment.

"Penn?"
"Yes sweetheart?"
"I think I'm ready to talk about it now." Penn shifted to face me, placing a comforting hand on my knee. He didn't say anything, and in a way I was grateful. This was difficult enough as it is.

"I- I don't even know if I can talk about it yet, but I can try. But will you promise me something?"
"Anything." His tone was serious.
"Okay. I'm going to tell you this because I've never had anyone be there for me on this day. And now you are. Do- do you have a day in your life that you completely dread?"
"No, I don't."
"Well, I do; November 6th. Two years ago today, something happened. Something I can't undo or forget no matter how much I want to," I hesitated. I was scared to tell him. Afraid of how he will look me once he knows. He's going to judge me, I don't know if I can take that.

Penn must have noticed my hesitance, "sweetheart do you remember what I told you earlier?"
I thought hard but couldn't figure out what he was referring to; I shook my head.
"I will never judge you or hurt you. Never." His hand found its way to my chin, turning me to face him. I stared into his eyes, mesmerized by their coffee-like color.

"Do you understand Alice?" He didn't call me sweetheart, that's what told me he was serious. I ignored the tiny sting in my chest when he didn't call me by the new nickname and nodded to answer his question. I took a deep breath, ready to continue. My hand was now held in Penn's much larger, warmer hand.

"Two years ago today my boyfriend raped me." My eyes squeezed shut, not wanting to see his face of disgust.

Penn didn't say anything. He didn't move. I don't even think he was breathing. But then he spoke.
"Keep going Alice, it's okay." My were eyes still closed, a spark of hope rang though me. Maybe I wouldn't lose one of the only friends I've made in years.

"I don't really want to talk about the details of it, the nightmares are enough to remind me.  But I can tell you that when my parents found out what happened to me they shut down. My father left. He said he was going to the market and he never came back. My mother threw herself into her work. She began spending less and less time at home. And I was left alone. I didn't have any friends. The one parent I had left couldn't even look at me. I was all alone. I suffered through hell every day for two years. Slowly, painfully, I managed to claw my way back to sanity. To whatever shred of a normal life I had left after those years of pain."

My eyes remained shut. I knew this time that Penn really had stopped breathing. It scared me. I barely knew him, but I knew that I didn't want to lose him. We stayed silent and unmoving for a good five minutes, just sitting. What he did next stunned me beyond words.

Penn's hands wound around my waist and pulled me onto his lap where I sat sideways. Strong arms pressed me into his chest and his face buried itself in my hair. He took a few deep breaths before speaking in a voice so quiet that I almost didn't hear it.
"I will never judge you. I will never hurt you. I will never abandon you. I'm here Alice, I'm not going anywhere."

My bottom lip trembled at his words. The tears that I had been holding back for so long finally spilled over the edge. I pressed my face into Penn's warm chest; he held me even tighter to him.
"Thank you Penn," I spoke though my sobs. "Thank you for staying with me."
"I will never leave you Alice. Remember that. I'm always going to be there when you need me."

A small yawn broke free from my mouth, I tried to hide it in shirt so he wouldn't know how tired I was.

"Go to sleep sweetheart, I'll be here." Still cuddled tightly into Penn's chest, I could already feel the waves of sleep washing over me. I thought I heard him say something, but I was too far into dreamland to hear anything.

I fell into a sound sleep, knowing that for the first time in years I had someone to care about. And someone to care about me.