"My ass is sweating!" Sam exclaims as we walk to my car after school. "It actually slides with each step."

"Gross," I say with a laugh. Unlocking the door, I get in and start the engine while Sam lingers outside the door. She's hoping that Dan will show like he'd promised, and they would go wherever it is that they'd planned and then I wouldn't have to drive her home.

While she waits in vain for her loser boyfriend who I already know won't show, I crank up the radio. Never Be The Same blasts and I sing along. I'm still singing when Sam finally gets in and slams the door shut.

"Easy," I say in a warning tone. "Don't take your anger out on my baby."

She reaches over and changes the radio station. Lee Brice replaces Camila Cabello, and I sigh. Country is Sam's go to genre when she's upset and if she's starting this early then her mood probably won't improve any time soon.

She's quiet as I drive, and I can tell that she's pissed by the way that she harrumphs to herself every couple of minutes.

When I pull into her driveway, she gets out but instead of walking away, she looks at me expectantly. It takes me a second to get that she wants me to go in with her. I start to shake my head because there's no way that I can go in there. Jessie's everywhere in that house and the thought of confronting all the memories of us that I'd left behind scares me more than Sam's glare does.

"You owe me this." She folds her arms and her lips quiver. Shit. "You owe me this much," she says quietly.

Reluctantly, I follow Sam inside without pausing to look around at the house that I hadn't been in in over a year.

When we get to her room, I make a beeline for the bed that's easily double the size of mine and throw myself onto it. "I've missed your giant ass room," I tell her with a sigh. Unintentionally, I sniff her down comforter and then hold it close to me. I'm filled with a sense of belonging when the familiar lavender scent works its way into my nerves.

"Q, should I break up with him?" The tremor in her voice makes me look at her instantly. She's staring at me with huge brown eyes that hold tears that are no doubt about to fall.

"I don't know," I tell her, although when it comes to Dan, my answer is usually always to let him go. This time, however, I can tell that she's serious. More serious than she's ever been in the hundred times that we've had this conversation. Somehow it seems wrong to just dismiss it with my usual "hell to the yes!"

She starts to cry and I'm off the bed in an instant and holding her. "He's so wrong for me."

"It be like that sometimes," I say lightly and hope that she gets that I'm trying to be funny. She does. Her entire body vibrates as her sobs give way to laughter. "Maybe it's not you," I tell her while guiding us to the bed. She angles her body so that her head is resting in my lap. I pull at her hair tie and let her mane free. "You were wrong for each other. I mean, you're not even into the same things. You like monogamy and he likes sleeping with random girls."

She hits me lightly. You're not that funny."

"Well, no. But I'm serious, Sam. You are never going to be enough for him."

Tears roll down her cheek as she nods. "I wish, Q..."

"I know."

"No, you don't." She wipes her eyes and her lips quiver. "I wish we'd had what you and Jessie do."

Ugh. "Samantha," I say with a sigh. "We have nothing. You don't want that."

Sam sniffles. "You have everything when you have love," she says quietly. "You're just too blind to see it."

I'd rather talk about my parents' divorce, that's how much I don't want to have this conversation. "You guys just don't understand," I say because I know that she needs to hear it. "You're looking in from the outside and from there everything looks doable and like I'm just being stubborn for the hell of it. I'm not, by the way. And it's not." Wiping away a stray tear that had run onto the bridge of her nose, I give her a sad smile. "I love him with everything that I have, but love is rarely enough."

"It should be," she whispers.

"Yeah, but it's not."

I lay with Sam until she falls asleep and then I go downstairs to get something to eat.

Her parents are in the kitchen when I walk in. Mrs. Harper gives me a warm smile and rushes over to hug me. I hug her back with a laugh.

"We've missed you," Mr. Harper says with a smile equally as warm. He doesn't hug me because that would require him to leave his seat, but he pats my shoulder when I sit beside him at the counter. "Jessie's out back."

"Are you two back together?" Mrs. Harper asks. Her hopeful tone nearly guts me. I've really made a mess of so many lives. "It's okay, if you're not," she adds when I don't respond. "We're just happy to have you here."

"Thanks," I say with a smile that's too bright. "I think I'll go find him."

"Take this." His Mom gives me two cans of soda and a bag of pretzels. "Just to tide you guys over until I'm done with dinner. Now, scram."

I laugh all the way to the backyard where I find Jessie sitting on the grass with his phone to his ear. I wave and sit too but with enough space between us that I can't overhear his conversation.

I'm munching on caramel covered pretzels and feeling irrationally jealous of the person on the other end of the phone call. I know that I told him to move on and believe me, I know that we have to move on, but I don't think I'm ready to face the reality that I've all but pushed us into.

"Sorry," Jessie says as he lays his phone beside him. "What's up?"

I hold out the bag of pretzels and when he declines, I offer him a soda which he accepts.

"Your date?" I try to sound casual as I ask this but even to me, I sound jealous.

"Yeah."

He doesn't offer any more information and I don't ask. We just sit in silence which I disturb with every crunch.

"Can we talk about us?" Jessie asks when I've made my way to the last of the pretzels and my soda is long gone.

The sigh that I unleash can probably be heard ten miles away. "I suppose it won't be the worst thing in the world." I say it with a smile, one that he returns.

"I keep telling myself that there's something that I could've done to prevent us from being so broken," he begins in a voice that sounds dangerously close to being broken itself. "But now I know that maybe we just weren't meant to be, you know?"

My heart beats wildly in my chest and my hands go all clammy at his words. I feel sick. It's the kind of feeling that overtakes your body when you know that someone is about to break your heart and you're helpless to stop it. I don't want to be helpless though. "Are you breaking up with me after the fact?" I ask lightly. "Because if you are, I'm gonna have to stop you right there."

He doesn't laugh. He doesn't smile either. He just stares at me like he doesn't know what I'm even talking about. "Q, not everything is a joke."

"Who said that? That person was a liar. Everything can be a joke, it just depends on who's telling the story." By this point, even my toes begin to sweat a little, but I can't back down. I don't even know why I'm fighting it when just an hour ago I was telling Sam that our love was a lost cause.

"I wish you wouldn't hide behind your humor." His eyes are as sad as my entire body feels. "I wish you'd just say... something."

I throw my hands up dramatically. "Jessie, I don't know what to say. Part of me wants to die whenever I think about us being done for good, but the more reasonable part knows that I've got to let you go."

"So, we're both stuck then."

I shrug. "It's definitely the worst of times."

He smiles just like I knew he would.

When we were kids and I slept over, his dad would read to us before dinner. He didn't read us entire books like most parents would. Instead he'd pick a few lines from whatever was his favorite at the time and we'd hold onto those lines until the next time. We as in me and Jessie. Sam wasn't much for anything that wasn't lit up on a screen, so she'd be fast asleep by the time reading time came around and miraculously be wide awake for dinner.

The night that he'd read the lines from A Tale of Two Cities, had been right after me and Jessie had had our first kiss. It was awkward and full of too much teeth, but it had been ours and therefore more special than anything else I'd ever had up until that point. It wouldn't have mattered what his father had read, I'd have cherished it regardless because it reminded me of him.

"It's the season of darkness," Jessie says with a smile so sad that it tugs at my heartstrings.

"I'm sorry."

His turn to shrug. "Shit happens."

I smile. "Yeah, especially to us. I totally blame you, by the way."

"I'll take it."

His mother comes out then and when she spots us, she waves. Time for dinner.

We head inside and I'm not even surprised to see that Sam is already seated. She gestures to the chair beside her and I comply. Jessie sits directly opposite me.

I don't know how to feel about anything. It feels so final and yet, it doesn't. And it makes no sense.

"What's with you?" Jessie asks Sam when his parents leave to get the spaghetti.

"Broke up with Daniel," she replies sullenly. "And no, I don't want to talk about it."

I give her hand a gentle squeeze. I'm proud of her for finally breaking things off, but I'm also sad because I know that she is. I could kick Dan's ass just for that.

After dinner we find ourselves on the porch. Nobody's talking. We're each lost in our thoughts. Occasionally Sam will sniffle and one of us will reach over and pat her hands or give her a hug.

I'm filled with an immense sadness. I'd almost thrown all of this away. Not that this situation is ideal, but I would've missed the chance to be here. I'd have missed being Sam's comforter. She'd have been just fine with Jessie, but you need more than your brother sometimes.

I know that I sound like a broken record when it comes to my feelings on our very messed up situation, but I'm beyond stuck in this cycle of regret.

"Do you guys remember the time we went to the carnival?" Sam asks, her voice wavering on every word.

"Which one?" Jessie asks.

I laugh at that because we've been to every carnival since we were old enough to go by ourselves. It's been sort of a tradition of ours and even when we'd made other friends, going to the carnival in the summer was always something that the three of us did together.

Except this year. This summer I hadn't gone anywhere. I'd laid in bed most days just sort of existing. It had driven my mom insane.

"I don't have a specific one," Sam says. "I just wanted to break the ice."

Jessie smiles at her and then rolls his eyes at at me. She was going to be just fine.

"I think I should head home," I tell them when it looks like Sam is done with her tears.

"I'll wait for you by your car," Jessie offers.

I toss my keys to him so that he can get the heat going and then I hug Sam. "You'll call me if you feel like texting Dan?"

"I've already blocked him and deleted his number." She says it proudly and although her smile isn't steady, I know that she's going to be just fine. "I've learned from the best."

I laugh and hug her goodbye. "Still, call me."

"I will," she says as I walk away.

Jessie's leaning against my door and he opens his arms for me. "We can be friends, right?" He asks when he lets me go. I nod. "Even if we date other people?"

I nod again. "Especially if we date other people." Its such a lie, but he doesn't call me out on it. I think he wants to believe it just as much as I do.

"Text me when you're home, alright?"

"Sure thing, Mom," I say with a chuckle as I slide into my seat. "Such a worrier."

"Just trying to be a good friend." He seems super proud of himself at his words.

"Oh, you're the best." I say it like it's our little secret and when he rolls his eyes, I put the car in reverse. "Later, gater."

"Later," he calls out as I back out of the driveway.

I honk my horn when I'm out on the street and they both wave. A smile overtakes me because for the first time in forever, I feel as though we're all going to be okay.