Chapter 16: Soph

"You okay?"

Tears stung my eyes. Frustration. Fear. Anger. My fingers still clutched the anchor beside me. A safety net.

"Sophia?"

"I need a minute," I forced out.

"Here." A bottle was pressed into my spare hand. "Drink something. You look like you're about to pass out. I'll call Ed as soon as we're somewhere quieter."

"No."

"Uh, what?"

"No. Don't bring him back. If he comes back, then they'll come back, and I just can't..."

"We're driving. It's okay. They're gone."

For the first time since climbing into the car, I opened my eyes. Buildings sped by outside the window. The back of the car was empty except for Aaron, sitting in the middle seat next to me, his hand still crushed in mine.

I let go.

"I'm sorry."

"It's fine."

"It's just... I'm not good with crowds."

"I see that."

My eyes fell to the bottle he'd passed me. I unscrewed the cap with trembling fingers and took a small sip.

"I'm sorry," I said again.

A small breath of laughter floated through the tiny space between us.

"Stop saying that. Hearing you apologise to me is unnerving."

The water quenched my dry mouth, so I guzzled some more. Kept going until the bottle was half empty.

"What happened?" Aaron asked, his confident voice unusually soft. "I mean, you're not good with crowds—I get it. But you're dating one of the most famous men on the planet. This can't be the first time you've been swarmed?"

I shook my head. "No, but usually I'm with Ed's team, who I know and trust. And I'm familiar with their processes, how they deal with people, where they position themselves. Your team works differently. I'm not saying they work wrong, but it wasn't what I was used to, there were suddenly people in parts of my vision where they're not normally, and it threw me, and..."

I clamped my mouth shut. This was Aaron. I'd already humiliated myself with a panic attack and grabbing onto him. I didn't need to make myself look even more pathetic.

"Shit, I'm sorry." His apology was gruff, like it tasted unfamiliar. It probably did. "If I'd have known, we could have restructured."

I said nothing and angled my face towards the window instead. Aaron took the hint, for once, and stopped talking.

Eventually the streets became familiar, and we pulled into the hotel alley. The engine continued to purr as the car stopped by the side entrance. I inhaled a deep breath.

If I told Ed what had happened, he'd blame himself for leaving me. If I didn't tell him, Aaron would no doubt bring it up at some point. Honesty. Communication. The two foundations of our relationship. I had to respect that. It had to come from me.

I unfastened my seatbelt. I couldn't even remember putting it on. Aaron's head was bowed towards his phone, scrolling through sports pages.

"Thank you," I said to him.

His eyes shifted across to me in acknowledgement. "You're welcome."

The door on my side of the car swung open.

"Soph." Ed held the door with one hand and reached for me with the other. "Are you okay? Were there any issues?"

"I'm fine." I shuffled to slide out, and the bottle of water skidded off my lap and hit the tarmac between Ed's feet with a crunch.

We both stared down at it, then Ed's gaze slowly lifted to mine. He parted his lips to say something, then leaned around me to speak to Aaron.

"Hey, man. I've had a change of heart. Not in the mood to go out again tonight. Rain check?"

As the two boys spoke, I crouched down to retrieve the bottle. The paper label had torn upon impact, so I picked at it, trying to even out the damage. Muffled voices behind me became lost in the din of screams rattling through my head. My heart started to thump faster again. Every beat pumped panicked heat through my veins, bleeding to the surface of my skin. Burning from the inside out. Air evaporated. My throat constricted. My chest blazed.

A hand landed on my back. I jumped and spun. Ed's eyes widened, both his palms held up in apology.

"Sorry. Didn't mean to startle you."

I swallowed the dry lump in my throat. I wanted a drink, but the bottle was covered in dirt and who knows what germs.

"Let's go to bed." Ed nodded towards the side entrance but didn't move to touch me again.

Bottle clutched in one hand, I edged around the car and towards the door. Danny opened it for us. The silence inside the familiar corridor soothed some of the lingering fear. I stood in front of the lift and waited. And waited. It never normally took this long. Why was the universe punishing me today?

From behind me, Ed reached around to press the button. The metal panels instantly parted.

Right.

During the journey up, we didn't speak. My eyes burned with exhaustion, but every time I closed them, I saw the crowd again. It seemed to grow each time. Become more violent. Persistent.

The second we arrived at the suite, I stripped out of my dress and climbed into the shower. Hot water scorched my body. I scrubbed my skin, shampooed my hair, lathered on conditioner, then rinsed.

When I emerged from the bathroom, I felt more alive. More me. Until I spotted Ed sitting on one of the sofas, phone in one hand, the other covering his forehead as he stared down at the screen.

As I strolled closer, I heard the faint sounds of screams. Tinny and distorted coming from the phone, but familiar all the same.

I sat beside him, but he continued to watch the video. Aaron and me, hand in hand, pushing our way through the crowds. My head was down, my body angled towards him as I clung on.

Fuck. A video of Aaron and me leaving a restaurant together, holding hands. I was even leaning into him.

"It's not what it looks like." My voice came out small, defeated.

Ed turned off the video and tossed his phone onto the opposite sofa. It bounced off the cushion and tumbled to the floor.

"I swear," I said, firmer this time. "He was just helping me through the crowd. There was nothing even remotely romantic or sexual—"

"You think that's what I'm upset about?" Ed twisted to face me, jaw tight. "Because I'm not. I'm upset that I was forced to leave you alone, and then you were mauled, had a panic attack, and felt so scared that you resorted to Aaron's help. That's what I'm upset about."

Relief washed over me, only to be replaced by a different kind of guilt when Ed propped his elbows on his knees and buried his face in his palms.

"God, I hate that this has happened to you again. And because of me. Again." He dropped his hands and collapsed back into the sofa, eyes closed. "All I want is for you to be safe and happy. I failed in that tonight."

"Ed..." I inched closer and touched his thigh. "It's not your fault. At all. Please don't think that way. This was just a series of bad coincidences. Lacey being seen. A crowd gathering. Getting split up from you. Aaron's team working differently to what I'm used to..."

"You shouldn't have been split up from me. That wasn't a bad coincidence. It was a bad decision. Danny's not going to have a job tomorrow."

My grip on his thigh tensed. "Please. I don't want to be the reason someone loses their job. You are the priority, and—"

"No!" Eyes wide, his hands scooped up mine and squeezed. "We are a team. My safety is not more important than yours."

I leaned to rest my forehead against his. "Can we just go to bed?"

He swallowed. "Yeah. Of course. If that's what you want."

After slipping into my pyjamas, I towel-dried my hair and then climbed into bed. Ed lay beside me, hands folded behind his head, staring up at the ceiling.

I wriggled across the mattress and settled my cheek on his warm, hard chest.

"Maybe I should speak to Helen or Mark about getting help," I said quietly. "Like therapy or something."

Sighing, Ed wrapped his arms around me. "Is that what you want?"

"I'm just being realistic," I replied. "I've got by so far through avoiding crowded places. It was easy enough to do. To control. But..."

"...But you can't control when my fans are going to swarm you."

I shut my eyes. "Aaron was there too. Maybe that's why it was so bad tonight. Three celebrities together: Lacey, you, him..."

"Four, including you."

"Maybe. But I don't want to lie here feeling sorry for myself when there are potentially things I can do to help the fear moving forwards."

"Hm. I just hate that it'll come to that. I want to be able to protect you and keep you safe—"

I tilted my head back to look at him. "Ed, come on. I get it. Honestly, I do. But you can't. I knew what to expect when we went public. And I'm the one with the problem. I should be the one to fix it."

"But it's only a problem because of me. Because of the lifestyle I choose to—"

"I love this life, too. I love the glamour. I love feeling important. I love having people who think they know me, even though they don't. I love having fans! It's surreal and exciting. And then I love coming home to you every night, cuddling in bed, and feeling like we're in our own private bubble, anyway from everyone else, living our version of reality. But more than all of that, I love you. And I swear nothing will ever change that."

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Thank you for reading :) xx

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Now the video is circulating social media, how do you think people are going to react to it?

For anyone who's a fan of Behind Office Doors, I've just posted a steamy bonus chapter on Ream. It's available via my Beach Holiday tier, which also gives you the full-length version of Office Affairs and early access to this book and Bodyguard!