ch 58

Chandhini didn't cry like she used to do after their fights. she just got up from sofa and went to her small room where she hung her clothes and put her private things she bought from her own money. it was her secret room but....even this room belonged to him. she sat down on bed.  Her hand went to the mangulsutar on her neck. she touched the black beads. Ayi had said that the knots of this thread brought the bride closer to her husband and his family but these knots had slowly taken everything of hers. 

He didn't love her, she had accepted but he hated her she had realized it today. The journey of his love to hate had been slow but was permanent. She could feel it. People treat even beggars better than he treated her.

she looked around the room feeling the loneliness. she got up and grabbed her diaries which she had stored in the drawers, she opened and read them, how naive she was, how stupid. It made sense though, she thoughts as she teared her first diary page by page, he taught me how to talk, he taught me how to walk, taught me how to hope, taught me how to dream.... she finished with first diary and opened the second one and started tearing it too....he taught me how to love, he taught me how to desire, he taught me how to be selfish and today he taught me how to hate...

yes, she hated him a little today, he had taken away her innocence, her believe in goodness and left her with obligations, servitude and insecurities.

one by one she tore all of them until her hands hurt, then she took them all downstairs and threw them in garbage bin. she looked at the bin with sad eyes for a moment, those were her torn hopes she had from this relationship. From now onward, she will try to repay Arnav and Khushi and everyone for their kindness by trying to make this relationship work and not hurt them any further.  She was not shameless.

...........................

Advay expected some more fights, tantrums but chandhini didn't say anything. She stopped going to academy. She took care of each of his needs, even though servants cooked the food, washed and ironed the clothes but she made sure they were where he needed them. She had already started doing it earlier but now it was like his needs were before hers. She woke up when he woke up, she didn't go to sleep until he did and she never fought with him. During weekends, she helped Khushi, got up in morning for Pooja with everyone, and she even started to dress in sarees. He didn't know what to make of this change. It was good for him but it was just so out of character for her.

Even khushi who had been happy by her changed behavior had teased her about attending all the boring pooja's regularly.

 Chandhini had complained in past when ataya ji used to keep arranging all night long pooja's every weekend. 

In reply to ayi's teasing, Chandhini had looked down and had said,'' ayi, as long as it keeps you all happy.'' This had brought smile on Arnav and khushi's faces.

...

Mumbai

Chandhini sat next to ataya ji listening to her instruction,'' You should always be dressed appropriately. I am so happy that finally you have started to wear the sarees. Now, try to wear a bit of heavy jewelery too. You are married. You should wear few gold bangles all the the time, and you never wear any rings. Bare hands all the time. Not good, wear at least one or two  rings and never take off you sindhoor or mangulsutar.''

Chandhini nodded.

Ataya ji patted her on cheeks,''good girl. I have arranged a special Pooja for you and Advay in the evening and tomorrow we will go to mandir together.''

Chandhini nodded and said,,''Do you want to make you tea or you want to eat something,its still one hour till dinner.''

Ataya ji smiled,''A cup of tea would be great especially if you make it with your hands.''

Chandhini nodded and went to kitchen. Sheekha followed her in kitchen and asked her,''what's wrong with you?''

Chandhini,''Me? Nothing. Just making tea.''

Sheekha,''Its just not this tea, whats with this change in dressing style?''

Chandhini,''why, everyone wears it. You,ayi,di.''

Sheekha,''but you don't.''

Chandhini,''I decided to change my style.''

Sheekha,''If you want to do it.Its okay but if you are doing this for Ataya ji, then listen to me, that woman can never be happy, it's my personal experience.''

Chandhini smiled,''I know.''

Sheekha looked at her face,''Did something happen, you are very quiet for past few months.''

Chandhini paused in the process of pouring tea into mug, she never thought that sheekha would be so perceptive,'' Nothing. I am fine. Just maturing up.''

Sheekha nodded,''If you need me, I am just a phone call away.''

Chandhini grabbed her hand and give it a little thankful squeeze, she hadn't forgotten how sheekha had defended her in front of Veer.

Chandhini,''Can you please put some sweets and biscuits on plates?''

...

Delhi

Chandhini cut the apple and arranged it on plate. Then, she passed it Advay who was watching cricket match. He picked up a piece using a fork since he hated getting his hands sticky and ate it.

chandhini thought about it again but there was no other way. 

Chandhini,''Advay can I get internship at your office?''

Advay still looking at tv,'' hmm what did you say?''

Chandhini,''Can I get an internship at your office.''

Advay,''Didn't your teachers offered you one?''Raizada institution arranged for their students to have work experience.

Chandhini looked at her hands,''My grades are not good.''

Advay,''Sorry, then I can't do it. It means someone talented and deserving out there won't get this internship.''

Chandhini didn't want to ask him again but she really needed this internship to get a job in future,''But surely can create an extra space.''

Advay,'' I don't do compromises on my company's reputation. I only hire talented people. Repeat the subjects where your grades are low. Then, we will talk again.''

Chandhini protested, 'But that might mean another year at college while everyone else will be graduating.''

Advay,'' It's up to you. I told you to not do your teaching job. As expected your grades are low. Your degree is useless with such grades. Now, the best thing is that you repeat the subjects and then apply for internship at a suitable place.'' He wanted to say that with her teaching job she still won't have enough time to properly study but he held his tongue. He didn't want another fight. 

Chandhini quietly went upstairs. She didn't want to repeat but it seemed their was no other option. 

 Her mobile rang, it was gauri,'' Are you coming today?''

Chandhini looked at time,''Yes, I am just leaving, see you in an hour.''

Gauri,''I will pick you from  the bus stop near to your home, that will save you time. Leave half an hour later, ok?''

Chandhini smiled, Gauri was so caring and nice,''ok. See you in a bit.''

Advay watched her going out with the potato sack/bag but said nothing. She had stopped the academy but now she was giving teaching classes from gauri's home. This girl! But he held his tongue again. She was so quiet these days that he didn't want to say anything. After she left he called suresh again asking about chandhini's bank statements.

Suresh,'' Sir, she hasn't used any money.''

Advay frowned and said,''ok. Keep me updated about naintal project.''

Suresh,''Yes, sir.''

After the call finished, he got up and gazed out the garden, his mind on her, why isn't she using that money?

...

After finishing the tuition, chandhini went to local cloth market with Gauri. Gauri was getting married and getting the clothes made up for her wedding. Chandhini helped her pick up the cloth designs.

Chandhini,''You are going to stitch them yourself?''

Gauri,''Yes. I am good at it.''

Chandhini,''You are good at everything. It gives me a complex.''

Gauri laughed,'' Necessity makes everyone the expert. Now, what about your chappal, I can see the strap is ready to break. Get it mended.''

Chandhini frowned as she looked down at her feet, was it going to break? It was a cheap pair she had purchased using her own money and had been constantly wearing them, ''I think I will wait until it breaks.''

Gauri shook her head, ''I am experienced that's why I am warning you but as you wish.''

...

Mumbai

Chandhini got out of the car. She had come out with ayi, sheekha and Veer to buy birthday gift for Kavya. They went into the mall checking different things. sheekha was telling her about one of their friends who got divorced. She was listening to her when she felt her chappal strap break. 

Cursing inside, she took of fher hair band and bent down to place it over the strap to keep it in place. She flicked her hairs back, it had not taken her more than two minutes, ayi and veer who were walking ahead didn't even notice. sheekha frowned, ''what are you doing?''

Chandhini,''nothing, my shoe strap broke down. So, what did kavita say?''

sheekha,'' Are you crazy, let get a new pair.'' she looked around for a shop.

Chandhini waved at her as she started walking, ''It's alright, I will get it later.''

she  watched her still puzzled but then started to walk with her.

All of them were searching for birthday presents, chandhini kept looking at the price tags, it was becoming almost a habit. usually anything which appealed to her turned out to be too out of budget. She kept looking but was worried as others had already bought the gifts and were waiting for her to finish. 

Chandhini eyes fell on a beautiful teddy bear. It was same size as Kavya. she kept looking at the bear, it was going to be really expensive but it was just perfect for kavya. she checked the price tag and let out a deep breath, really out of my budget but...she decided to buy it. Her little princess deserved it.

...

Delhi

Chandhini counted the money, after the bus fares and other bills and Kavya's present, she had  only 300 rupees left in her bag. It was five days until she get her next pay. Either she could buy a pair of shoes or eat lunch and dinner outside which she needed to do because she had classes during the day and tuition in evening at Gauri's place. It felt too awkward to daily eat at Gauri's place and her working hours made it impossible to reach home on time for lunch or dinner.  she had fallen ill couple of time because of outside food but her stomach had finally learned to be strong.

She thought about what to do. She could buy the shoes and get lunch box made from home and not buy anything for dinner. she could drink milk and eat heavily at breakfast. That was the best solution and it was for few days only until she got her next tuition fee.

...