"Do I look like I'm showing yet?" I asked Harper as I stood in front of the mirror and the doctor's office. To me, it looked like I was pregnant. There was a faint bump where my flat stomach used to be. Yeah, I was definitely showing. 

Harper never looked up from the magazine she was flipping through while she was sitting in the corner chair. "I'm not touching that with a ten-foot pole."

She was always so snarky. "Come on, Harper. Tell me! I do, right? I look pregnant. Be honest."

She scoffed as she flipped another page. "Danielle said you accused her of calling you fat when she invited you to lunch the other day. You think I'm going to risk poking Mama Bear? No, thank you. Now, put on your paper dress thingy. The doctor will be in soon."

Today was my official twelve week checkup. That meant I was one week away from my second trimester. Thankfully I haven't been feeling as nauseous since over the past few days. My appetite has been better, my energy slightly better, and I've been making sure to keep up with my food journal. I also started to actually enjoy yoga. It was surprising since I was never the 'relax in quiet' type.

Back to the point, I've been trying to keep myself, and my mind, busy. That was the trick. The more free time I had, the more I thought about Nate and Ayden. The more I thought about them, the more I worried. The more I worried, the more I stressed myself out and made my blood pressure would rise.

Harper, Jackson, and I have been hoping to receive an update from Ryan soon. He's been keeping us in the loop while his dad has been reaching out to his contacts overseas. I told Harper that, unless she gets any real news, don't bother telling me. The same old "no news yet" update was getting old and adding even more anxiety.

My emotions were still all over the place. About everything. One of the joys of pregnancy. Yesterday, when we went to go visit Cherise, I broke down on the way there and on the way back. But at least I was able to keep it together while we were visiting.

Jamie's mom was there for me when my parents died, and it seemed to hit me pretty hard that she was battling cancer. I promised her I would make sure that I was doing everything I could to help her. I also promised her that I would start coming by a couple times a week to see if she needed anything. It was also another way for me to keep busy. She was looking really good since her surgery. They were hoping she would be cancer free now. Unfortunately, it was a waiting game.

Harper went with me to go visit her yesterday, and she also had a little bit of a breakdown after we saw Cherise. I didn't bring it up, but I knew she was remembering when she went to London and Jackson's mom passed away. I also couldn't help but overhear when Harper had the uncomfortable conversation with Jackson regarding Cherise's condition.

Even though he got emotional about it, he was the amazing man that I knew. He told Harper that he would help any way he could with her. When I heard that-- I was amazed. I thought about a lot of stuff that's happened over the past year.

I never thought Harper would be in a happy committed relationship. Not because of who she was, but because her parents forced her into an arranged marriage she didn't want. Then there was me. After Adam, I went around thinking that all guys were jerks. I knew that was normal after a breakup, but I was never expecting to meet someone like Ayden.

Just as I finished putting on that annoying paper dress, the door to my exam room finally opened. As always, Dr. Wilson came in with a welcoming smile. After sanitizing her hands, she slipped on some gloves and quickly looked over my chart.

"Hey, Lanie! Sorry I was running a few minutes late today. I had an emergency C-section this morning." 

"Oh, it's fine," I quickly answered. "I hope they're okay." 

"Both mom and baby are doing well, thank you." She put my chart down and looked up at me. "So, looks like you're right at 12 weeks. How are you feeling?"

I let out a deep breath as I hopped up on the examination chair thingy. "I'm feeling okay. The normal stuff, I guess. I'm feeling some fatigue. I'm not feeling as nauseous as I was before, but I have been feeling some dizziness."

"Unfortunately, dizziness is common at this stage. You can also expect to experience an increased sense of smell, more fatigue, or the occasional headache. Good news though," she added with a grin, "you should have fewer trips to the bathroom."

"Well, that's a relief," I replied with a laugh. I was over having to pee every ten freaking seconds.

"Lie back for me," Dr. Wilson instructed. I did as she asked and she opened the paper dress I was wearing. "Okay, Lanie. This gel is going to be cold."

Even though I was expecting the frigid sensation, my body still flinched when she applied it. She grabbed the wand and placed it to my belly. My eyes immediately went to the monitor.

Dr. Wilson moved the wand around gently until the amazing sound of my baby's heartbeat filled the room.

"Ah, there we are," Dr. Wilson grinned as she pointed to the screen. "There is your baby. Strong heartbeat. Looks to be in the perfect position, as well. Great size, too. About the size of a lime."

"A lime?" I asked incredulously before glancing to Harper. "Did you hear that?" 

Harper's face lit up and she came to stand next to me. She beamed as she studied the monitor. "I see that. She's right-- totally looks like a lime." How come the song Lime in da' Coconut was in my head? Ugh. 

When I looked back the screen, I cursed under my breath. I felt that familiar burning sensation in my nose and eyes that told me the tears were coming. It wasn't all from excitement, however. As much as I loved Harper, I wished Ayden was here. 

"Here, Lanie." 

I turned back to Harper. She was holding a few tissues out for me. "Shit," I breathed as I took them from her and dabbed at my eyes. "Sorry, guys. I'm a freaking mess over here." 

Dr. Wilson typed something on her computer before she wiped the gel off of my belly. "You have nothing to apologize for, Lanie. Your hormones and emotions are all heightened. Not to mention, everything else you have going on." 

I sat up on the table and Dr. Wilson kept her tone light and calm. "You have a great support system here, Lanie. Keep doing what you've been doing and I want to see you in two weeks. For right now, I'm still considering this a high-risk pregnancy." 

I nodded my head because speaking seemed impossible. Everything seemed impossible. I needed Ayden here. I needed Nate here. Where were they? 

"Lanie, why don't you get dressed and we'll grab some food on the way home." 

I tried to get control of my emotions as I placed my hand on my belly. "I can't do this alone, Harp. I can't raise this baby alone. I need Ayden and Nate here." 

She rested her hand comfortingly on my arm. Her tone was gentle, but her eyes were fierce. I knew she was trying to get a point across. "Lanie, you are not alone. Do you hear me? Ayden and Nate will come home and they will be here." 

I shook my head at her repeatedly. "You don't know that! They could be dead, or--"

"You're right, we don't know that. But I believe it. Hey," she snapped when I tried to look away from her, "we may not be able to know for sure, but you know what I do know?" 

"What?" 

"If something did happen to them, you still wont be alone. You have me, Jackson, Ryan, Danielle, and Jaime. That child is going to be overwhelmed with love." She arched a brow. "I mean, you've seen how protective Jackson is of you, imagine how he's going to be with that baby."

I couldn't hold back my chuckle. She was right; and so was Dr. Wilson. I did have an amazing support system. We didn't know what was going to happen, but I needed to get my emotions in check. I wiped at my eyes and let out a heavy sigh. 

"Better?" Harper asked. 

"Yes. Thank you." 

"Good," Harper replied with a smile. "Now, are you ready to get dressed?" 

I hopped off of the table and grabbed my clothes. "Yeah, I'm ready. I'll get dressed and schedule my appointment. Meet you out front?" 

Harper grabbed her purse and gave me a quick hug before she started for the door. "Meet you there!" 

After a few more deep breaths, I finally felt a little more in control of myself. I slid the sonogram picture in my wallet after I got dressed, then started for the check out counter. I scheduled my follow-up appointment and got a refill prescription for my blood pressure meds. Once I was in the car with Harper, we headed to get some food. After a ten minute debate, we decided to get some food from Chipotle. Luckily, there was a location close to her apartment. After we picked up food for the three of us, Jackson included, we finally turned on Harper's street. 

"Thank you, Harper."

She scrunched her face. "For what?" 

"Everything! You have done so much for me. I mean, you and Jackson have gone above and beyond. I just want to say thank you and tell you that it really means a lot to me." 

We found a parking spot and Harper laughed as she we got out of the car. 

"What's so funny?" I asked her as we started walking to her apartment. 

"You. When did you become so mushy? Who are you, and what have you done with my best friend?" 

I rolled my eyes at her. "Nice, Harp. Way to ruin the moment." 

We were almost to her door and we both froze. Neither of us took another step. In front of us, waiting outside of the door expectantly, was Jackson and Ryan. Oh no. This-- this wasn't good.

Jackson cleared his throat and took a few steps toward us. My suspicions were confirmed when he wouldn't break eye contact with me. "We have news." 

I would've dropped the food I was carrying if Harper hadn't have grabbed it from me. This was it. My hand immediately went to the my new little baby bump. 

"They're dead," I looked from Jackson to Ryan, "aren't they?"