Let's talk. Take a seat, grab a snack for about 5 minutes. And let me talk about something that has been bothering(?) me for quite a while.

As you probably know Technoblade, or Alex, has passed away. He has had a big impact on many people's lives, even mine. I had watched/listened to the potato war, and loved all the quotes and things he's done in the DreamSMP, and more.

As you probably also know, is that I'm taking a break. I've been stressed out, and have been doing unhealthy coping mechanisms. I love writing, and I am unable to just. Not. Write. For the time that I need, and so I am then in a loop of stress and "coping".
With me staying up at least all night, which makes me not have the right mind to write and make mistakes of simple words I would've never stumble on. I'm someone who hates seeing me make a mistake, so when I do I often bang my head or leg with my fist.

I'm getting of track, Technoblade is someone who I am forever grateful for doing what he did. Everything that he did is something that I try to put in my work....

And fail.. miserably.

The reason Jessie is good at archery is not only because I'm good at it,  it because Techno used a cross bow (which is like a bow!) in the DreamSMP wars.

I enjoy writing books because Techno did, and that inspired me. I sometimes act like him, to keep his legend alive. I have thought (and thinking too) about making a book about him. He is the reason why I stayed here on earth, and continued to do what I want. Because "I want to shoot for the moon, I don't want to look in the mirror and say I could have chosen better."

Now I'm an atheist, but I don't want to kill myself, end up in Heven, and see Technoblade having full on war with god. I would feel ashamed that he did not get what he wished for me, for me to have a long and prosperous life. I know one day I'm going to die, but I don't want to do it myself, I want to die from a car crash, or old age.

Technoblade has inspired many, and millions. Hell, his father is doing what he was! But all good, and bad, things must come to an end.

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I hadn't found out about his death after about 3-4 days when the video was posted, I was on Minecraft when someone said "rip Technoblade." To which I responded "TECHNOBLADE NEVER DIES!" and found out about his death 2 days after that interaction.

I could say that I was devastated, angry, surprised, sad, confused even. But I think could say, maybe even everyone, that a piece of me lest with him. All the feelings I had, was so much, and I had bottled them up. I stoped making anything, and I felt like there was nothing that could not be linked to him.

No one can overcome him.
He will always be the top of everyone.
It will never change. One day I'll look back at this, and be amazed by how far I've, and Technoblade, have become.

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"Not even close Baby! Technoblade never dies! Never question me again, chat. I don't care how many mobs ambush me. I don't care if they're a whole wither army. I don't care if 12 withers spawn on my location. I am incapable of death, iron armor, no helmet. Doesn't matter, I do not die. I do not die!"
-Technoblade, Or Alex. On The DreamSMP.