You're fucking tired. You have mainlined about eight cups of coffee today. Your kids have so much energy and need constant supervision. By the time they're finally in bed, you kiss their perfect heads and marvel at how you created such wonderful little monsters.

You just want to collapse into bed but instead have to face a mountain of dishes and laundry and then somehow find time to squeeze out a few words onto the page.

#parentlife, am I right? And I'm only a mom of one!

It can be so hard to juggle life demands, work demands, and also be able to pursue your passions and hobbies. At a later date we'll touch on work vs. writing, but today is all about the struggles of balancing writing life with family life.

Writing Around Kids

EmeraldBaynton, a homeschooling mom of two, says one of her biggest challenges is "Probably explaining (continuously, over and over) that when Mom has her laptop open she is working. In the same way Dad is working when he's not home. No matter how hard I try to confine writing to times when I shouldn't be needed by my kids, I am always, always interrupted."

Scheduling writing time can seem an impossible task, let alone with kids in the mix. They have their own schedules and needs, and especially when they're little, they don't often understand that mommy or daddy need some alone time.

BrandiSchonberg, mom of three, says, "Little ones don't understand why you can't just stop what you are doing every 5 minutes. Or why what Scooby just did to the monster doesn't blow your mind while you are trying to write a fight scene!"

This is so relatable! Jumping_Jiminys has an eighteen-month-old that's always running around, and she said her biggest struggle is that, "writing during nap time is that whilst she's asleep is when I need to shower, wash clothes, tidy her toys have breakfast so after that's all done I have about 30mins left to write."

It can be hard sometimes to choose between life and writing, and writing often takes a backburner especially if it's not classified as 'work.' If you're just starting out, and are writing that first novel so that you can eventually query or try to be a writer for a living, it can feel like it's just a hobby.

If this sounds like you, then you maybe need to change perspective. If you want to write for a living, then you need to make writing your job. Maybe then it will be easier to convince yourself it's okay to carve out time for it. That really helped me a lot, when I put my foot down with myself and said that this was what I wanted to do, and started scheduling a day out of the house where my husband stays home and I go to the library or a cafe and work on writing and my author brand for a solid 8-10 hours. My little one calls it my 'workday,' and it's not only good focus time, it's also some time for me to just recharge by myself.

But herein lies another issue that a lot of us parents face. How do we reconcile 'me time' with 'work time'? For some of us, labeling the writing time as work would then reframe it so that it doesn't feel like downtime. And it's super important to have time for yourself, too. You're still a person as well as a mom or a dad, even though it sometimes doesn't feel that way. And if your writing time doesn't make you feel like you're doing something to relax and focus on yourself, then maybe you need to further compartmentalize.

Doing something for yourself every day, be it a bath or ten minutes of Candy Crush or just an uninterrupted shit, is so important for your mental health and well-being. If writing doesn't fit under that category, then acknowledge that and modify your routine accordingly.

Scheduling Time vs. Squeezing It In

Some parents find that structure works best for them. Whether it be a specific time every day or week that the spouse can mind the kids or a babysitter, or during school, this works because they have a set time that they know they'll be able to work. This can take the stress out of the rest of the day because you're not feeling like you should be doing something else, and even sometimes feeling guilty for feeling that way.

BrandiSchonberg says, "Since November, I try and write 30-60 min a night and devote at least 3-4 hours a day on Saturday and Sunday. I've dedicated myself to a Wednesday and Saturday Wattpad update schedule, so committing to that helps me stay on track. After years and years of not being good about committing to my writing, I've finally hit my stride."

While this isn't a super structured system, it's a great idea to aim to do some every day, even if it's just a half hour in a night. Working those creative muscles and making sure that it's habit to create every day is so important to training your body to just power through it.

Most of the parents I chatted with, however, tout squeezing in writing time whenever they can. Vianna Goodwin, mom of four, says, "Kids have a horrible sense of time, so asking them to give you 1 hour uninterrupted takes some doing. Plus, there's 4 of them, so they don't always operate on the same timeline. I do most of my writing when my husband is home, or when they're watching a movie, or sleeping." She also has "an age-appropriate art station that is fully stocked in a child-proofed room adjacent to my office. I set them up with an independent project, ensure that they have a sippy cup and belly is already full, then I take about an hour to write."

Things like stations for independent play are a great way to get a bit of chill time, so that you can get some work done and your child is stimulating their brains as well. Vianna also mentioned taking the kids to the library or the park and sitting and writing while they read and play.

I know in my area there are lots of free playgroup programs for kids six and under. This is always a great break of an hour or two where my daughter can go and run around and play with other toddlers, and I can either chill and chat with other adults or sit with my phone and make notes or edit.

After krazydiamond, mom of two, had to cram writing time in between a full time job and zero childcare, her "trial and error let me to discovering the beauty of Pomodoro sprints, which are (fancy) timed structured sprints but they are super effective and keep me focused. Even if I can only squeeze in two or three sprints a day, I can usually pull 1-2k words out on a bad day. It was magical and I never looked back."

This is a bit of a blend of scheduling and squeezing. If you approach your day calmly knowing that at some point there is going to be a point where you know that you'll be able to dedicate some time, and then jump when you have the chance, then that can make your routine a lot less stressful.

I'm blessed that my three-year-old is fairly independent, and loves to read and do puzzles and set up big adventures with her stuffies and dolls across the living room. I play with her a lot, but she's always very good when I tell her I'm going to step back and do some work. The only interruptions are if she wants to eat something (which is often, I swear toddlers never get full!) and I don't have to feel like I'm rushing.

When she was smaller, however, she was incredibly needy and a terrible sleeper and needed lots of attention and I was exhausted most of the time. At that point I wasn't writing very much per day, and doing it on my phone everywhere. Which brings us to...

Writing Everywhere with ANYTHING

krazydiamond says "I think the most important advice I can give is writing can happen on anything and anywhere. It might be an ideal set up to have a handy laptop you can open anywhere, but you can write on your phone, on a napkin, on a tiny notebook you keep in your purse while you sit in the waiting room (yes I have done this). It isn't just about making time, but also adapting to the situation. Don't chain yourself to limitations of what 'writing time' should look like and open yourself up to possibilities."

This is so true, and something that all writers try to promote, not just parents! If you want to write, you have to write, anywhere, using anything! If you're at all like me and you've got inspiration coming out of your ears but also mom-brain like a sieve, writing constantly is a necessity.

If I'm driving or doing dishes with occupied hands I just talk to myself so I don't forget stuff. This is getting more difficult as my daughter gets older, though, as she's super curious as to why mommy is having conversations with herself. I tell her I'm playing pretend just like she does. (Side note, talking my dialogue out helps me work on inflection and natural-sounding conversations. I look like a maniac talking to myself but it's totally worth it.)

Dark_Writes, father of two, says, "My biggest challenge with time management is the fact that I rarely have any. [...] I have to create gaps in my day that allow me to write. I have a fairly active job, so that means I utilize my phone like crazy, writing and editing on the stairs, in the hallway, or while I'm commuting."

Using a phone for writing can be daunting, especially if you're used to a full keyboard. But don't be discouraged, and don't make excuses! You CAN do it, you just need to get used to it. If being able to slam out a few sentences with one thumb while walking the dog is the difference between words that day and no words that day, then it's worth it, right?

Don't Be So Hard on Yourself

At the end of the day (or the beginning, or the middle, really) you're a human being. You need sustenance and emotional support and rest just like everyone else. And if you don't feel like you accomplished everything you wanted to do that day, try to focus on what you DID do. And remember that tomorrow is always another day.

BrandiSchonberg says, "Jot down notes, if that's all you can do. Dream about your stories. They'll be there when you are ready."

This is important to remember! If you're thinking and dreaming and mentally plotting, you're still writing! That totally still counts. And jotting down notes? Guess what? That's words written! Track that shit!

Jumping_Jiminys can add to this with her advice, "Everything counts towards writing a story, you don't always have to strive to finish a chapter in the time you have. Developing your plot, writing a character profile, researching about aspects of the universe your story is in all helps in the finishing of the book, with those things in mind you won't feel like you haven't done something towards your book."

If you're a plotter then working on outlines and character profiles are still flexing those creative muscles.

Vianna Goodwin says, "There is never enough time in the day, but what I found is that I could make time if I reminded myself that independent play was brain stimulating so I could turn off some of that mommy guilt." Guilt over taking time for yourself over parenting is a normal thing and we all experience it. But it's imperative to remember that you're a person too, and Vianna adds, "I'm also setting an example for them that their dreams are valuable and worth the time I put in, and they see me putting myself first for short periods of time and having a healthy balance in life. I promise you can do this, and furthermore, I promise your children won't hate you."

She stresses the importance of making sure that you're 'all-in' with the kids when you are with them, so that they understand that you can compartmentalizations your time and you're not distracted while you're focusing on them. Try and set time limits for play and routine and work, so they have a clear indication of what your playtime and work time is. This might help them understand your needs better as well.

krazydiamond uses the Pomodoro technique, which is a work scheduling technique that allows for tasks to be done in short bursts with brake in between. She says, "If time feels like an enemy, something like a Pomodoro might be a golden ticket. Having that set timer helps focus and pull you into the zone."

Dark_Writes is all about not agonizing over his work. He says, "If I do, nothing gets done. I've learned to be efficient and get what I can. I try to keep my chapters at no more than 1,200 words. That way I can publish a chapter every day or two, which allows me to feel like I've accomplished my goal. That keeps me motivated. I don't get to edit as much as I'd like, but the people of Wattpad do a good job of catching what I miss. I think I'm more prolific now than at any other point in my life because I have learned to just write."

The Bottom Line

If this article has seemed a little softer on you all than the others, fear not! I'm not letting you off the hook that easily. As much as I want you to feel good about what you can do while writing and parenting, I also want to motivate you to still write words.

Don't read this chapter and take away that it's cool to procrastinate because parenting is hard (which I get it dude it totally is!). Take away that these badass people can write every day while parenting like a fucking boss, and you can too! You just need to figure out what works for you.

Don't stress over not having enough time. I know it's hard, but just chill out. If you spend all day goofing off with your kid, don't feel bad that you didn't get any writing done. Once they go down for the night sit down for twenty minutes and bang out a few sentences. Type a bit on your phone while walking the dog. Jot down some notes in between folding eighteen loads of laundry.

Every word is more words than none. Every bit helps.

Activity

Today's activity isn't so much a writing activity as it is me inviting you to share your story about being a writer parent! Tell me about your struggles and what you do to try to push through to balance parenting and writing. And then feel goddamn good about yourself that you're able to do it all!

A huge thank you to everyone that chatted with me about their situations and processes to help this article come to fruition.

Check out BrandiSchonberg on Wattpad, where she's working on her YA fantasy series, starting with The Gate.

You can find Jumping_Jiminys on Wattpad as well, with her dystopian novel Perfect 10.

krazydiamond is a Wattpad Star, with a library of twenty-four stories to sink your teeth into!

EmeraldBaynton is working on her fantasy epic, Illusion, on Wattpad.

Dark_Writes is famous for his Vote Your Adventure books, with a new one starting this week, Werewolves vs. Zombies!

And Vianna Goodwin has a middle-grade fantasy coming out at the end of 2019, The Book of Legends. You can find her on Twitter as @GoodwinVianna.