I'M ONLY WORKING NEW YEAR'S for the public holiday pay.

All the other cinema assistants are in high school or college. The prospect of waking up early for the morning shift didn't appeal to them. Probably because they've had a late night getting hammered out of their minds. This is fine by me because I'll sweep up the paycheck.

Of course, Suki and I got into an argument about how much I've been working over the winter break. I hate myself for raising my voice to her, about the Christmas Day mishap, when she made a simple mistake. We've smoothed everything over on the phone, and I swore to try harder to resolve my emotions calmly. I'll work through my issues by myself. Suki doesn't have to change a thing.

One of my coworkers pushes open the door to the staffroom, leaning her head in. "Someone's here to see you. Suki?"

"Yep. I'll be right out."

A sly grin overtakes her face. "Girlfriend?"

"None of your business."

Suki and I arranged to meet during my lunch break today. At the moment I don't have a lot of spare time. Her parents don't allow her to take public transport after dark. So this is the best we can do. It will be the first time we've seen each other since before school let out for Christmas, but I'm almost glad that's the case.

I needed the time to process our last argument.

Suki waits to the side of the ticketing line, a huge olive green parka dwarfing her torso. I couldn't pick out her pregnancy bump if I tried.

My gaze roams down the oversized garment, brows pricking up with amusement. Subtle.

Suki recognises my expression, and her lips stretch into a dry smile, eyes rolling. Best I could do.

We haven't said a thing to each other, but I know from our little exchange that everything's going to be okay.

In the staffroom, I pull her to me, bodies flush together, and kiss her on the cheek. "I'm a rude dick and Merry Christmas."

"I'm a forgetful asshole and Merry Christmas." Suki smiles back, shivering as she adjusts to the warmth of the staffroom. The tips of her nose and ears are a vivid red, like holly berries.

"Everything okay at home?" I ask, preparing two cups of cheap hot chocolate for us. I thump the lid of the tin with my fist. "How were the cousins?"

"They're fine. Mom mentioned that you came over on Thanksgiving, and now the girls all want to meet you."

My cheeks warm at the prospect. Suki's cousins are between the ages of four and twelve, which means screaming little girls. Flattered, but no thank you.

"Well, I think they'd be fucking disappointed if they ever did."

"They wouldn't," she scoffs. "They're already gone, anyways. Left on the twenty-eighth." Suki pulls out a tiny box from the depths of her snow jacket, barely larger than a ring box. "I, um, got you something small for Christmas."

Gratitude curls low in my belly; I never get many gifts. Dad is a functional gift-giver, a fan of socks, backpacks and clothing. Mom sends the predictable $500 on each important milestone: birthdays, holidays, graduations.

I unwrap the gift and slip the contents from the container. It's a miniature music box—without the box, though, just the notched cylinder and a thin metal crank. Smaller than my palm, and light as a matchbox.

Taking great care with the delicate mechanisms, I crank it through one revolution. The room fills with a romantic, lilting melody.

Suki lowers her mug of hot chocolate, smiling pleasantly at me. "It's La vie en rose. It means life in pink, or wearing rose-tinted glasses. Not like love-blinds-you, I don't think, but some people interpret it that way." Her cheeks puff out when she huffs suddenly, forcing her words into a firm sentence: "My point is. I bought it and it's the sappiest song, but you know, I get sappy around you sometimes."

I have the widest shit-eating grin on my face. Over a year and she still gets nervous around me. I know Suki hates giving gifts. It wasn't a love language spoken in her house when she was growing up. So the fact she tried her best to find something heartfelt for me... well, it warms me from top to toe.

I walk to the staffroom lockers, unzipping my backpack to retrieve another navy velvet box. It's longer, rectangular, this time. Suki's eyes go wide when she opens the box, her brown irises shimmering with emotion.

"Here's your gift, baby. I hope you like it."

She draws the necklace out with a delicately extended finger. The chain is a similar shade of silver to her ring and the pendant is a single leaf, wrought with wire so thin that it seems transparent in the light. I mean, it doesn't really match the ring, but it also screamed Suki! at me when I saw it in the jewellers.

"To match your ring, except it doesn't match. I'll probably end up getting you a whole set one day. Earrings and a bracelet, too, promise."

"It's lovely," she murmurs. "Can you put it on me?"

I happily oblige, brushing her hair over one shoulder and clasping the chain around her neck.

I wander around to the side of Suki's chair, trying to see her as if I was a stranger, or someone selling necklaces. I think it suits her. Her hair looks really shiny. Face rosy, skin glowing. Suki grins up at me, turning her body sideways so she can wrap her arms around my waist and lean her chin against my navel.

My throat closes up. "You look so beautiful."

"You look so beautiful," she whispers back, a hand gingerly tracing the pendant. "I feel so bad. I got you a music box, and you got me this. It was twelve dollars," she snorts, face flushing red. "Sorry."

"So? I don't care about money parity." Suki's eyelids droop a little, and I notice a twitch between her brows. "What's the problem?"

"I love this. Love, love, love this. But don't... don't buy more extravagant stuff if it means working so hard. You deserve a break, too."

"I'm fine. And I like treating you. You just worry about putting your feet up as often as possible."

"I don't need to be looked after like a housewife."

"No, you need to be looked after like a pregnant girlfriend."

Suki's lips part to shoot something sassy back at me, but her ringtone interrupts. Her face scrunches up when she reads the caller ID. My hands stroke her upper back; I catch a glimpse of the caller from my high vantage point. "Your parents?"

"Yeah." She declines the call. "They want me home."

"But you just got here."

How does she know they want her home, anyway? Maybe they want her to pick up some milk on the way home.

"I know. I'm really sorry about this."

Suki stands and picks up her tote bag. She sculls the remainder of her hot chocolate, rinses the mug and places it neatly in the dishwasher. My mouth drops open.

"I can try to get away tomorrow to see you. You'll have your break at the same time as today?"

Is she actually leaving me right now? On Christmas? Well, it's January, but still—it's our little Christmas. And New Year's.

"Yes, but—" I catch her wrist in my hand and spin her around. Suki's eyes flash with some unreadable emotion before a blank mask slams down over her features. "Hold up. Do they know you're with me right now?"

"Yes. Of course."

"Suki."

Her gaze falls to the floor. She shifts her weight between her toes, and eventually answers slowly, "Uh... no."

"Suki, what's going on? I thought you didn't have to lie anymore. Not to your parents, and not to me."

"God, I'm not lying to you, Terrence."

For a second she seems panicked, wavering on her feet like a tree in a hurricane. Her hands clutch at the roots of her hair. Then she pins me with such a hopeless expression that I somehow brace for disaster.

"I— I told them."

Huh?

"They were wondering why I was too tired to see my cousins off at the airport, and they were going to take me to the doctor's to get a blood test anyway, so—"

Oh.

Oh.

My face must have frozen in place. That's why Suki grows steadily more frantic as she searches my eyes. The cat's out of the bag. Her parents know I knocked their daughter up. Are they going to kill me now? Did she come to warn me I have only one day left to live?

"—I think they suspected anaemia. They were going to find out soon. It was bound to happen."

"Oh, fuck." I flop back down into my seat, my knees suddenly numb and rubbery.

She doesn't leave, after all. Thank God. Suki decides to stay and hold my hand through this, me stroking her left palm while she returns the favour with her other hand. Comforting each other.

I peer at her, so opaque, worry heavy in my lungs. "How did they react?"

Her laugh shoots into the air, pitchy, rapid, and too harsh for the situation. So, not good at all.

"Well. I'm not supposed to be with you right now. How do you think they took it?" Her grip tightens on me. That's how I know she's really scared.

"Shit. How are you doing?"

Suki swallows. "They didn't disown me. Didn't kick me out. That's good. They're just really... hurt. Angry. Upset that I didn't go to them for help."

"That's understandable." Suddenly, a fragment of Suki's explanation pings into the fore. I was too tired to see my cousins off at the airport. "Wait. Did they find out the day your cousins left?"

"Yeah. When they came home."

I sit up straighter in my chair, pulling Suki to stand between my legs. The skin of her cheek is ridiculously soft when I stroke it with my hand, tilting her face to look at me. "That was five days ago."

"Hm." She asks casually, "Is it?"

Uh, yeah. I feel really left out. "You— you didn't think to tell me about it?"

"I've been doing damage control."

I drop my hand. "I could have helped. I would have driven over and supported you through it."

"I don't need it—"

"—even if they wouldn't let me in. I could have climbed your fucking roof or something."

"Terrence."

I wouldn't have let you go through this alone.

We've both talked so much about the day we'd tell our parents. We made a pact to do it on the same day and meet up afterward—when they inevitably kicked us out of the house for the time being to process things.

We promised each other.

Suki shrugs, stepping away from me and taking the seat around the corner of the table. "What do you want me to say?"

She leans back into her chair, watching me like I'm a ticking time bomb. But I'm not going to explode or raise my voice at her this time. I'm calm, and I'm breaking inside. My chest burns. My nose stings. This hurts.

Is this what she wanted?

I don't know what is shittier about Suki tackling the single most terrifying part of the pregnancy alone. The thought she intended to keep me away, thus purposely hiding another thing from me. Or the thought that she didn't intend it, thus making me so unimportant that it completely slipped her mind to come to me for support.

"I thought we're in this together. I thought you were going to tell me everything that happened. Big or small. Good or bad. What the fuck?"

"Do you want an apology?"

"No. No, I don't." I realise with a shuddering sadness, "It would be fake. You're not even remorseful right now. What the fuck, Suki?"

"What?" As if on cue, her phone rings again. Suki sighs. "I've got bigger problems to update my boyfriend—"

"To update the father of the fucking baby?" I interrupt, my voice incredulous, unable to keep the sting out of it. "Oh, yeah. I completely understand. I'm just a side quest. Thanks. For the music box."

I need to get out of this room. I'm so tired of busting my ass. Working long hours. Travelling in the cold to see her. Keeping my own fears under lock and key. Hiding our relationship from the school. Facing her parents. All this and getting some half-hearted attention in return.

"I'll walk you out. Don't worry, I'll stick to the shadows so whoever picks you up doesn't see me."

Somehow Suki's smiles and wit have lost their lustre. Don't get me wrong, I still love her. Except, the person I was last year would have been completely taken in by those sweet nothings. He would have considered it the best relationship ever if it was late-night conversations, fooling around and nothing else.

But not now. Now, I want more than sweet nothings and sex.

I want her to rely on me the way I rely on her. I want her to trust me with the big, shitty, petrifying stuff. I want to feel included in her decision-making processes. I want to know my actions impact her as much as hers do. She could destroy me with a single word, but I couldn't dent her with a bullet. I don't want merely a girlfriend. I want a partner.

And that's not who I see sitting in front of me. I don't even know what to say to her.

"Terrence, wait. I can stay. Let's talk about this—"

"No, it's fine. Truly."

Suki was expecting ire, and she falters when she realises I'm not angry. I'm just...

So tired.

"I won't take up your time anymore. I'll let you get back to your bigger problems."

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A / N :

Get ready for a triple update! Summer internship / my day job / social life after lockdown has been rather busy, so this baby has fallen to side sadly. I'm making up for it with a bundle of chapters that (personally, I think) are the some of the most tender, emotionally up-and-down in the story.

Suki and Terrence, man. They kill me.

Aimee <3