COME THE FIRST DAY OF sophomore year, I feel different but everything looks the same.

I didn't know how much I grew over the summer until Dad forced me to try on my button-up shirt on Saturday—too tight around the armpits. He bought me a whole new uniform and sent Mom the bill.

Suki's parents dropped her off today while I took the chartered bus. The main building of Carsonville Academy looms on the lush green lawn, all bricked stone and Palladian windows. When I walk past the imposing cenotaph on the pathway, the rest of the bus-riders filing from the road onto the grass, it hits me how lucky I am.

Not because I knocked up my teenage girlfriend and only discovered it a third of the way through the pregnancy. From most angles, I am incredibly unlucky. Or reckless. Maybe I brought this on myself by having sex, like biting the Apple of Eden.

But from another precise angle—the angle when my head and my heart and my reality are in syzygy—I'm lucky because I still have Suki. I know she worries about a litany of things larger than she lets on. When I try to talk about how she's feeling, a rehearsed type of answer comes out.

And every so often I'll see that infomercial for pregnancy vitamin supplement tablets on TV. Hey, have you thought about this? I want to text Suki, except I catch myself. Of course, she's thought of this. She thinks of everything. I just can't imagine feeling what she feels, something so encompassing that suddenly her own dreams pale in importance.

It must be some revolutionary type of emotion.

For a moment, I thought we would break up. I thought Suki would be overpowered with that incomprehensible love for the thing inside her. She'd end things with me when she realised my failings, when she realised I couldn't step up to the plate. I mean, that's what you do when deadbeat boyfriends can't own their responsibilities, right?

But I'm lucky. I'm still with the girl I love. The girl I love is smart, and more understanding than I ever thought possible. Good boyfriends don't always make good fathers. I'm really grateful she knows that. Because if I tried to be the latter, I can easily imagine myself ceasing to be the former.

So the whole debacle has made me freshly dedicated to Suki. If she ever left me, she'd take the wind, the leaves, the colours and the sounds from my world. My life would be monotone and silent and cold. While she'll have me, I'm going to be the best boyfriend I can to her.

So imagine my joy when I leave homeroom class and waltz into Math, immediately spotting her silky black hair and slender frame.

"Well, well, well." I smile cheekily at Suki when I take the seat next to her. Finally, a class together. "This year might be better than I thought."

Suki jolts at my familiar face, whirling around with shining eyes. She arches her brow and quivers her oh-so kissable lips. "Don't think this means I'm letting you copy my homework."

"I'm more than capable of failing on my own. I'm just happy I get one class with my gi—"

"Terrence," she hushes sweetly. The tip of her pencil eraser presses into the corner of her mouth, deepening the smile already forming. "Not here."

"Pfft. No-one's even looking."

"They're listening," Suki replies. Then she winks at me.

It's only on special occasions that she winks, because Suki is not a naturally flirtatious person. Believe me, she's sexy as hell when she wants to be—but more in a sly, scheming, give me what I want or I'll tease it out of you kind of way.

That wink feels so special and secretive that I fall silent immediately, resolutely stealing glances at her throughout the lesson.

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After school, I wait for Suki to emerge from the bathroom.

It's been forty minutes since school let out, and the hallways are still. Carsonville High School is empty except for some school teams and extracurricular clubs. They're all either inside classrooms or on the football field, seemingly miles away. I'm supposed to walk with her to the 8091E bus station—the one used by public transport routes, eight minutes away from the Academy.

Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, she catches the bus to the dance studio where she takes ballroom classes, dances for two hours, then gets picked up by her parents. Suki carries the big duffle bag that appears thrice a week.

"Give me that," I tell her.

"I can carry it myself."

"I know you can." I roll my eyes and loop a hand underneath the strap, tugging it onto my own shoulder. It's ridiculously heavy. "Fuck. What's in here?"

"Eh. You know. My textbooks, and my dance gear. And a water bottle."

I couldn't imagine sticking to her schedule, let alone doing that and gestating a foetus. But I don't bring that up. While she can forget about it, I think she should take every opportunity. If she's serious about being a mother to that foetus, there will come a time when all else fades away. Maybe even me.

Which is why I've got to be the perfect boyfriend right now, when I still have a chance.

Suki takes a seat at the end of the bus station bench. I come up behind her, and rest her bag by her feet. I gently brush her hair over one shoulder, working at the knots in her shoulders and upper back. It's just me and Suki, the way I like it.

Suki sighs. When she raises her head to speak, her words come out wary. "No-one knows that we're dating."

My hands halt on her trapezius muscle, thumbs pressed in but not circling. I laugh incredulously. "What?"

"I kept it from everyone," Suki says apologetically. "And now that we're in a class together, we need to pretend we aren't anything to each other. If my parents found out, they wouldn't let me have any unsupervised time, believe me. We'd never be able to see each other."

My heart gives a pathetic jolt. "I thought your parents knew about me."

That was what she told me. And her father had delivered her to a date with me once, albeit shielded behind the tinted windows of his car.

"Your dad dropped you off at the cinema on Valentine's Day. Didn't he see me then?"

"I told them I got asked out for Valentine's Day, but I made it seem like it was a one-time date. I said nothing's going to happen with you, I just said yes out of pity, and that we didn't talk again."

Wow. That stung. First that she lied, but second just the thought of being a one-off. I kind of liked the idea of everyone knowing Suki was mine, and I was hers.

"What the fuck?"

"It's not that I'm embarrassed of you," she hastily reassured me, watching my brow furrow deeper.

Well, I never even thought that. Now I might.

"See, I'm not a conventional Christian. But my parents are. They're religious, and paranoid, and strict as hell. No boys, no parties, no crop tops. I love you, Terrence, but I know I could never convince them that you're worth it."

I sigh, my anger ebbing away under her sweet, plaintive voice. Her parents do seem like a nightmare sometimes, from the rants Suki sometimes goes on. My hands pick up their firm ministrations, kneading out the physical tension. Nothing can be said for emotional tension.

"It makes it worse that I know some people from my church at the Academy. If any of them ever saw me with you, the whole church community would find out. They're notoriously judgmental, and they gossip a lot," she explains.

"I thought faith isn't about judging people."

"Mine isn't." Even though Suki loves my massages, and her bus is due to arrive in two minutes, she reaches her hand up to still mine. "I wish it was the case for everyone." She swings around the end of the bench, wrapping her arms around my hips while I stand before her.

"So... I'm your dirty little secret?" My breath leaks out of me while I look down at her.

Those deep, dark, consuming eyes. I used to think I could get lost in those eyes—I still believe that. But lately, I've come to define it more accurately that I can never find anything in those eyes. Life was a labyrinth and Suki my guiding thread. Now, Suki's the labyrinth and I'm without a guide. I just love her so much.

"You're the most precious secret I have," she whispers, softly kissing my knuckle. "I only hid things to protect our relationship, Terrence. I don't want rumours or ridicule."

"Well, fine. I get that. But you could have told me." I pull my hand out of hers. "You could have let me know we were supposed to be keeping us a secret. Me and you against the world, not you going solo."

"I didn't want to burden you."

"Burden me? I've got no burdens. You should have let me in."

"But it turned out fine. You had a great year, no-one found out, and I'm letting you in now," Suki retorts. "This year, we're gonna have to work together, okay? It is me and you against the world. I promise."

"You still lied to me. For our whole relationship."

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I thought— look, boys and locker room talk and..."

"And what? I would brag about having sex with you to whoever would listen and your parents would find out? Is that how you see me?"

Suki narrows her eyes. "Don't do that. That was a valid fear for me, and I say was because I obviously know you better now. It's not even a problem anymore, so can we move on?"

Now I realise everything I know about Suki is at her behest.

I know as much of her as she lets out. She could have secrets if she wanted to, and I'd never know about them. Just like how she never mentioned, for the eight or so months we've been dating, that I've been a secret.

I told everyone that mattered to me. Maybe Dad brings that camp to a grand population of one, but I still shared it with him. I owned that Suki owned me.

Her aversion to PDA. Those weeks I hunted for her locker. The fact I could never find her at school last year. Terrence, not now in Math class. That wink that I've never seen before. It all takes on a bitter tinge in my mind.

But good boyfriends don't pick arguments over small things. Rational. Calm. It's not like she did it for malicious reasons; she tried to make spending time together as attainable as possible. I guess whatever reasons she had for keeping me on the outs were well-intentioned. And she's right—this year, we're going to have to be a team through everything. Ups, downs, and in-betweens.

"You said you didn't care what anyone thought of you," Suki reminds me, eyes inquisitive. "So I thought you wouldn't care if people knew or not."

"It's not about that."

Suki's phone buzzes in the pocket of her plaid skirt.

Her brows pinch apologetically. She only gives the notification a glance, shielding the screen from the sun with her hand, before telling me, "Just my parents. They want to check if I'm okay getting on the bus. Anyway, you said it's not about what people think."

"Well. Maybe, I want people to know you're mine," I admit. "But it's mostly that I want you to tell me what's going on. All the time, even if you think I won't care."

"I get it. I will. I love you, troublemaker that you are. You know that, right?" Suki waits for me to nod before she continues. "Forgive me?"

I can't say no to those doe eyes, especially peering up at me like that.

"There's nothing to forgive," I say resolutely. I bend down to kiss her forehead. "I get it. And I love you, too."

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A / N :

It's nearly been a year since the first chapter! Let me know if you need any part of the timeline clarified. So far the major events are: Dare Week in late October, Terrence and Suki start dating after Thanksgiving, Suki conceives in late June, and now it's September.

If you liked this chapter remember to vote, comment and follow me <3

Aimee x