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J J W O O D F O R D

It feels weird being out without Finn, knowing he's at home and we're here. But he wanted to test himself and prove that he doesn't need to give into his alcohol cravings. I'm proud of him and I need to tell him more.

I realise how hard this must be for him. I felt guilty but I know this is something he needs to do so he can find a piece of his sanity again.

The beer that sits in front of me makes my stomach ache I feel so bad. I know Finn will get better, I know he will find light at the end of the tunnel because he is strong and I believe in him.

I just hope that he can believe in himself.

"Man, I really don't want to go back to University," Joe huffs as he sips on his drink.

My head nods automatically. "Same," I admit. "One last year and I'm done though. It can't come soon enough."

"Look after Finn this year, won't you?" Cal says and I tilt my head.

"As always."

He smiles back at me. I can tell he's grateful. "He needs as much support as he can get."

"I'm glad he has you," Joe comments. "You're a good friend, JJ."

Warmth glows in my chest. I'd like to think that I am a good friend. I know what it's like to be alone and suffer with whatever is going on in your life and now I refuse to let anyone I'm close with go through the same thing.

Joe's eyes flick past my shoulder. "Oh, fucking no."

I twist to see Finn approaching us and I sigh. His face is struck with a look of anger, brows pinching together I can see all the creases in his forehead. "It's barely been an hour!" Cal shouts as he approaches but he doesn't look at them, he keeps his eyes on me.

Finn's body looms over mine as I sit on the bench, his chest heaving with a new found fury that I haven't seen before. "What's up?"

"Are you in love with my sister?"

I don't miss the way Joe and Cal share a glance with one another but I try to ignore them. Shit. He knows.

"What?" Joe blurts out but Finn doesn't take his eyes off me for a second.

His jaw tightens and I see how it ticks. "Are you in love with my sister?"

The loudness of his voice gains us some attention and I wish we weren't doing this right now. I stand from the bench and advance on his height. His fists tighten at his sides as he waits for a response.

Ivy must have said something and by the looks of things, it didn't go down well.

"Tell me," Finn snaps, his tone heavy.

"Yeah," I state simply. "I am."

Joe and Cal are practically gawking at the conversation. I don't want to pay them any attention because the only person I want to talk to right now is Finn.

Finn exhales a breath with a sound like he's disgusted and heartbroken. He turns away, shaking his head. "Shit. Shit!"

"Let's go and talk about this," I step closer to him, lowering my voice.

His nostrils flare. "Talk about what? The fact you stabbed me in the back? The fact you've been sneaking around behind my back hoping that I don't find out? Am I that much of a joke to you, JJ?"

"No, we just knew how you'd react." I say calmly, folding my arms over my chest.

"Like what?!"

"Like this!" I can't help but match his tone.

Finn's blue eyes simmer and I can see the utter betrayal sitting there. We shouldn't have kept it from him for this long but it was Ivy's call to make. I didn't want to rush her if she wasn't ready, I know how hard it's been for her. If anything our connection has strengthened in that time and now I really know what I want and that's her.

I want her to be my girlfriend. I want her to come visit me at University. I want all of it and I don't want to lose Finn because of it. I want them both. But I know that he won't accept it—not right away.

"Like what? A brother who is worried for his sister?" He grumbles with a sour expression.

My face recoils from his harsh words and my chest turns to stone. I take one step closer to him and flick my eyes between his. "If you think I'd ever hurt Ivy then you don't know me very well at all. We didn't get together because of you. We met before I even got here. Our paths crossed on purpose before you got the chance to introduce us. We didn't meet because of you."

Finn's hands tremble in front of him. "But you're still my best friend."

I shrug once and let the words out before I bottle them up. "And I'm still in love with Ivy."

"Fuck," he turns away, his head falling into his hands. "I can't even hear you say that."

My teeth clamp down on the inside of my cheek as I watch him. When he says nothing more I decide to open up my heart and be honest. "She makes me happy. Isn't that what you want to hear? We make each other happy. She is a fucking amazing girl and I'm so blessed to have met her. I never knew how lucky I was to have someone in my life until she finally let me in after months."

Finn scowls at me. "What are you talking about?"

"For months she pushed me away and denied our connection because of what you'd think. She didn't want to upset you. She denied her own happiness and her true feelings because he was worried about how it would affect you. She forced herself away from me when she didn't want to admit her feelings for me because she had your best interests at heart. But I told her that she needs to do things for herself. Do things that make her happy and not for anyone else's opinion." I say, dropping my tone so Finn doesn't think I'm having a go at him.

He looks at the ground, eyes hard and focused.

"Do you think I wanted this to happen? Do you think I wanted to keep this from you? These last few months have given me so much guilt but when I finally saw Ivy step out of that shell she's been in for the last few years, I decided it was worth it. Because you know what? She's happy now. She is finally letting that light inside her shine like it always should have." My chest rumbles with all the emotions that I'm pouring out.

Finn meets my eyes. His mouth opens once and then twice. He shakes his head.

"If you make me choose then I automatically pick her." I state with all seriousness.

He blinks rapidly and then furrows his brows at me. "I would never make you choose. I just can't—" he cuts himself off. "This isn't something that I can just accept and be fine with straight away. I don't know if I'm fine with this at all. It's fucking with my head and God, I want a shot of sambuca so badly."

I step forward and press a hand to his shoulder. "Let's get the fuck out of here. Being in a pub isn't going to do you any good. I don't even want this beer."

"I don't know if I have much else to say right now," he says slowly, eyes growing tired and I can only imagine the battle that's going on in his head right now.

"Come on," I beckon my head towards the exit. "Let's get out of here."

As I start walking he follows, surprisingly. We head to a bench where I perch but Finn decides to pace in front of me. "I'm sorry," I exhale. "For keeping this from you, for not saying anything."

He runs his hands down his face, releasing a strangled breath. "Knowing you guys have slept together and been intimate together is making me feel nauseous and I don't want to punch a wall right now."

I grimace at his words. "It's more than the physical stuff, Finn. She was there for me when I found out news on my mothers treatment and I was there for her when she came home in pieces when Tom and his shitty friends were harassing her. And so many other times where we have just needed each other. It made sense."

Finn meets my eyes when I finish my sentence. "God, my head is spinning."

"I know," I sigh. "I know this isn't easy for you. After everything with Ben, believing what happened to Ivy is your fault but it wasn't. She's capable of making her own decisions."

When he continues to pace it makes me feel uncomfortable. "Sit down, please." I urge.

He glances at the space beside me and huffs out a breath before perching on the edge. Elbows resting on knees and hands covering the lower part of his face as we stare out at the sea in front of us.

"You're in love with her," he repeats blankly.

I say nothing but nod. I don't think he needs to hear me say it again for the third time.

"All summer?"

"Yeah." I rasp. "I just couldn't stay away."

Finn breathes out through his nose sharply. "I can't believe I didn't even see it."

"Me either," I admit. "Please can we not lose our friendship over this. I'm sorry for keeping the secret but I wanted what Ivy wanted. I'm glad she was the one to tell you, she's been living with so much guilt herself. I just want to see her smile, she deserves it after everything she's been through."

"Yeah, tell me about it."

I chew on the inside of my mouth. "It's your turn next to be happy, Finn."

"Doubt anyone is going to want my sorry ass. Alcohol problems and clearly can't control their anger." He grumbles as he rolls his eyes.

"You didn't hit me," I state simply.

He turns to me with pinched brows. "I'd never hit you. Unless you hurt her, then I'd kill you."

A small smile develops on my lips. "I'd give you full permission to kill me if I ever hurt her."

Finn flicks his eyes between mine as he notices the honesty glimmering there. He pulls back after a few moments when he realises I'm telling the truth. The thought of hurting that girl haunts me, let alone actually doing it. I'd never be able to live with myself.

"This is serious, serious?" He asks as his expression drops as if finally realising what we've been talking about the entire time.

I nod. "Yeah. It's very serious."

"Oh, shit."

He buries his head back into his hands.

God. This is going to be a long night.

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Author's Note

GUYS. I'm so proud of Finn. I feel like this could have gone so differently!

Also JJ admitting he's in love with Ivy, I can't😫😫😫😫

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