QUOTE OF THE CHAPTER:

"Without pain, without sacrifice we would have nothing. Like the first monkey shot into space."
― Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club

Dedication: sarena_a (Sarena is the nano queen.)

***

CHAPTER THIRTY THREE

Next day at school, I try my best not to speak to Calvin.

All I want to do is to tell him that it's a misunderstanding and Richard's cruel plan to split us. I want to ask him if he will really let Richard win this game. If he will give up on us. But I know he did - that day when he called me slut, he did.

Each time I see him at the corridor, with Stella or alone, I feel so terrible. I must have been there with him, asked him how he feels and maybe stolen a kiss or two. I must have smelled his - my favourite - scent ever and hugged him whenever I wished. But here I am, thinking of the consequences of my faults that will never be forgiven either by me or him.

Happiness never meant to be with me, anyway.

I don't listen to lectures and leave the class after some minutes since whenever the teacher talks, it starts to suffocate me. After second block, I completely give up and find myself on a bench in schoolyard. I remain silent for a while, trying to ease my thoughts and the fire killing me inside.

It's until someone sits beside me without a word. I know who he is although I wish he was someone else - someone named Calvin Gilmore. Looking down, I let out a sigh. "Why did you come?"

"You seem alone," he says smilingly.

"Fuck off, Richard."

In return, he just laughs and his hand lands on mine at the bench. Shooting a glare at him, I immediately take my hand back. It makes him even laugh harder - he's a fucking asshole I can't wait to kill.

"Hope you choke on and die," I hiss, standing up and going to find a place where he can't find me at. I look back to see him sitting there with a true delight on his face. "And don't you dare follow me."

"I'll see you later, Pierce," he says with a wink and a smug grin plasters on his face.

"Fuck you."

My days go with stalking Calvin religiously, avoiding Richard at all costs and trying to hide from him. Stella sometimes glances at me with that pitiful smile and it makes me sick. She's nice and I totally get where she's coming from but she played a role - a huge role in this disaster. Nonetheless I probably would do the same.

That's why I'm so keen to help her.

Stella looks weirdly at me when we end up at a table of a small coffee shop. "You want to hang out with me?" She asks softly but in shock. "After what I've done to you."

I smile and look at her. "It's not your fault, I forgive you Stella."

She examines my face for a while until she breaks into a smile as well. "Thank you, Jack. Hope you sort out with Calvin because I'm so sorry-"

"I don't think it's possible," I cut her off. "But it's okay. I hurt him enough so I should let him go."

"He's broken - he barely talks." She leans and holds my hands. "I'm sorry." Looking at her face, I know she is sincere of her words. Before I can answer, a waitress chime in, asking our orders.

"Hot chocolate," she says smilingly.

"Latte."

When the waitress moves to another table to take orders, her attention lands on me again. "I will introduce you to someone today," I say.

She frowns. "Did you hire someone to kill me?"

I laugh at her horror. "No, this girl is...like you."

"Like me?" She asks confusedly. "Oh." Her face reddens and she looks down. "You told her? I don't - I don't want to know anyone about it."

"It's who you are," I say firmly. "And no. You are going to tell her yourself."

She glances at me with a hint of hesitation. "Thank you Jack, you're not a bad person. You deserve Calvin."

"Can you stop talking about him?" I say uneasily. When thinking about him makes me cry, the last thing I want is to talk about him. "I don't want to."

She nods in anticipation and sips from her hot chocolate that the waitress brought in the middle of conversation. The coffee shop is almost full, and there are lots of voices speaking together. It feels great to be in a loud place that I can't hear my own thoughts. I check the time and realise Lauren should have been here by now.

"So," she starts off. "Have you talked to Richard about it?"

I roll my eyes. "He loves me."

"That guy is unstoppable - I hate him."

"I don't want to talk about him either, Stella," I groan and she shuts up again. Where is Lauren, anyway? That's when someone pushes open the door and walks over to our table. Finally Lauren.

"Hey girls," she says, taking her sunglasses off. She looks so beautiful with her mini shorts and a slim t-shirt that accentuates her curves. "Hello," she greets Stella, "I'm Lauren." She extends out her hand.

"Stella," she replies, shaking Lauren's hand.

Lauren, in turn, turns to me with a grin on her face. "What's up, Jack? Any better?"

I nod with a half-grin and watch her sit down opposing to us. She raises her arm to the waitress and orders a lemonade. "I'm burning," she explains to us laughingly. "So, you are Jack's friend?"

"Yeah," Stella says uncomfortably.

Lauren looks at her intently and then, me as if asking what's going on with her eyes. Meanwhile, her lemonade receives and she takes a long sip. "So why did you call me, Jack?"

I nudge Stella on her leg and she glances at me with no clue. Then, it dawns on her. "I - I'm gay."

Lauren spits out the lemonade and looks at her, horrified. I hand her a tissue to wipe her mouth off and throw a what-the-hell look at Stella and she looks down with embarrassment. "I'm sorry," Lauren mumbles when she wipes off her mouth. "I was just taken aback - I mean I didn't know you knew." She throws a nervous glance at me and turns at Stella with another smile. "It's good that you admitted it to yourself and..."-she looks at me-"to your friends. A huge step."

"I didn't, actually," Stella says awkwardly, "I had to."

"I didn't force her," I say immediately because it sounds like I forced her. "It's a long story."

"Okay," Lauren says suspiciously. "Then, what do you want from me?"

"I thought you could help her. If she meets people like her, she may feel better." I glance at Stella. "She has been bullied lately."

"Oh,"-Lauren's face falls-"tell me more about it. I'm so sorry Stella."

I decide to leave them alone to talk. I stand up and smile at both. "So, you better talk alone. See you later."

"Thanks Jack," Stella says and Lauren waves at me.

When I vacate the table, I feel like I've done the right thing for the first time.

***

I silently sit by myself in dining hall, watching people laughing in pairs and having fun. I've always been alone, before Calvin, but it never bothered me as it does right now. I want him back and lately I've been forcing myself to find a way to talk to him but nothing seems logical and reasonable enough to make an appearance. Also I am scared of being hurt - yes, Jack Pierce is scared of something.

I suddenly hear the displeasant voice of Megan and turn my head towards her. She is so busy flirting with random guys - preferably footballers - but her disgusting appearance rings a bell in my head.

Why haven't I thought of this before? I am going to use Calvin's soft spot.

With a ghost of smirk, I walk over to Megan and her gaze turns onto me confusedly. "What?" She says and I grin wide in return.

I grab her arm and drag her along with me to the bathroom - the place we always end up. "Come with me."

She is confused but now mixed with horror. She tries to shove her arm off but she can't. "What did I do this time?" She whines in misery. "I am sorry, okay? I didn't mean to."

I tuck her into the bathroom and glare at those girls who are gossipping there. They don't say anything and leave. Good to know I still have the same impact on people. Then, I control the cabins and they are all empty. When I look at Megan, she seems nervous. She crosses her arms defensively and she looks at me questioningly. "I need your help," I say after a deep breath.

"My help?" She repeates in disbelief. "You? Help? From me?"

Looking down, I reply. "You heard me."

She starts to laugh. "I just - oh my goodness. Jack Pierce needs help from Megan."

"Don't be so full of yourself," I snap with a glare.

"What is it?" She asks, her disgusting smirk still on his face. "How can I help you?"

"I need you to punch me."

She pauses for a second, her eyebrows tilting with shock. "Punch you?"

"Are you deaf?"

"Why would you want me to punch you?"

"Will you do it?" I ask instead, skipping her question.

"Will I do it?" I hate myself for the trump card I hand her. But I have no other choice - I need to go to him somehow and bruised/hurt card seems the best. "What do I gain from this?"

"I thought you'd ask that,"-I smirk-"you'll finally beat Jack Pierce. You will be even popular and you'll punch me. I don't know if this isn't advantage, what is."

She mulls over my words, her eyes land on me and finally, she answers. "No."

I don't take no as an answer. "Really?" She nods. "Why?"

"Because,"-she grins-"I know why you are doing this. You want Calvin to pity you. And this opportunity will totally provide that for you. He might forgive you." She stopped. "Oh, I would never want that, Jack. Your happiness. Especially your happiness caused by me." She steps even closer until we are inches away. "Maybe you can understand what it means to burn whenever you see him with someone else. So close but far away. He smiles and you want to explode the world."

"So you take revenge?" I ask. "Believe me, I didn't know he loved me."

"I don't know why he chose you over me." I want to ask for how long she knows. "He told me long ago - he said he's finally happy and I should be happy for him. But you. With you. That seemed unbelievable." She starts crying out of nowhere. "I love him - yeah, I have a crappy way showing it but I do."

"You love the fame he provides."

"No," she says with teary eyes. "I love him."

I roll my eyes. "Okay, love puppy, just being a true friend here. Richard doesn't deserve your love - he has a fucked mind." I lean against the bathroom wall and glance at her. Her jaw is tight, eyes closed and she is hardly breathing.

The next moment, she is looking at me again. "I won't do it. I won't do a favour to you."

I roll my eyes, cursing at myself for pushing it at the first place-I'm back with a better idea-and sigh. "Okay, I don't need you anyway."

She looks at me confused, and with the next move I make, her eyes are as wide as Sponge Bob's and her mouth is almost reaching to the ground. "W-what the hell! Are you crazy?"

The reason why she gives such a reaction is that I might have punched myself on the face. And fuck, it hurts now.

With a wounded smirk on my face, I reach forward to the door, unlock it and leave her there with the shock she's dealing with. I touch my mouth with my fingertip and notice blood on it. It seems real enough to make him believe and hopefully, pity me.

***