So this might be a tad cringey but it was fan requested and here it is. Thank you to those that submitted questions. I love y'all. She loves y'all too *wink*. This is dedicated to you.

So here goes a fat load of nothing.

*****

(Scene is an interview room. There are four seats arranged on one side of a table facing the audience and a fifth occupied seat where the interviewer sits, waiting nervously as he drums on the table. In front of each empty chair there is a letter. Suddenly there is a blinding light in the room, when it dims there are four new additions to the room; a boy and three girls.)

Ash: Okay this is weird. What just happened?

Caleb: Ash? Where did our house go?

Hailey: Where are we?

Ash: Hailey?

Hailey: (Blushes.) Oh, hey Ash.

(Awkward stare ensues.)

Cait: Hi! Caitlin here. Also present, also confused.

Interviewer: (Clears throat.) If you would take a seat.

Ash, Cait, Hailey, Caleb: (Turn as they finally notice his presence.) Who are you?

Interviewer: (Sighs.) Just take your seats. The letters on the table will explain everything.

Ash: (Folds her arms.) You're right there, you could just tell us.

Interviewer: Yes but-

Cait: I mean she's right. You kidnapped us or something. It's the least you could do

Interviewer: I didn't kidnap you. You would know that if you would just-

Hailey: Or you could read it to us. I mean you are closer.

Interviewer: Just sit and read the damn letters!

Caleb: Guys let's just read the letters.

Interviewer: Thank you!

(They settle down at the table in the order of Caleb, Ash, Hailey and Cait from left to right.)

Caleb: So what do we have-seriously?

Hailey: Are you kidding me?

Cait: 'You have been pulled out of your reality through a temporary fourth wall breach to answer a few fan questions by the will of the Creator.' That's it?

Ash: This is what you could not read? Dude it's literally one sentence.

Interviewer: I know but I printed the letters already. It seemed fair.

Caleb: Well let's get this over with. I've got game night in a few hours.

Ash: And I have math homework.

Caleb, Hailey, Cait: You have what???

Ash: Don't judge me. I don't exactly have better plans.

Interviewer: Fear not. In your reality, time is frozen and when you return, you will have no recollection of this moment.

Hailey: Thank God. The lives of my troops are at stake. (All eyes turn to her.) What?

Cait: (Coughs.) Weird.

Interviewer: Well then. Shall we begin?

Caleb: Of course.

Interviewer: The identities of the readers will remain unmentioned.

Ash: What's the point? It's not like we could decide to hunt them down and kill them. (Evil smile.)

Interviewer: (Laughs.) Orders from above.

Ash: Fine. Go on.

Interviewer: First question goes to you Ash. I don't know if you have seen me before but, will you smash or pass me?

Ash: (Laughs.) Talk about starting things off with a bang.

Interviewer: Concentrate please.

Ash: She hot? It better be a she.

Interviewer: I'm not supposed to say.

Ash: Just answer the damn question.

Interviewer: Yes she's hot. (Whispers.) Jesus Christ.

Ash: I don't know. Maybe we should discuss that over lunch.

Interviewer: Next question, still for Ash. What is your ideal type?

Ash: (Glances over at Hailey.) I don't think I have one. But I have a feeling I'm about to find out.

Interviewer: Next question. Your weakness?

Ash: (Grins and looks off into space.) Brown eyes.

Cait: (Nudges Hailey and whistles.)

Interviewer: What is your hobby?

Ash: Are you serious? Kicking *beep*, baby.

Interviewer: (Raises an eyebrow in alarm.)

Ash: Soccer balls. Not castrating boys...That's my second hobby.

Caleb: (Winces.) Don't remind me.

Interviewer: Moving on. What do you find alluring about girls?

Ash: They're a lot more interesting and sensitive too. Women have multiple *beep* and they don't blow their *beep* in seconds. (Pauses.) I thought this was rated eighteen, why am I getting censored?

Interviewer: The story? Sure, but this is live TV.

Interviewer: Next question, still for Ash-

Cait: Ah come on. What happened to the rest of us?

Interviewer: I'm getting to you all.

Caleb: How many more does she get?

Interviewer: Five. Now, the question. Do you feel bad because you are bi?

Ash: The *beep*? Who the *beep* was that? How dare you? I am very very gay thank you very much. And about that I do not feel bad, why should I?

Interviewer: Moving on.

Ash: You better

Interviewer: Who is your favorite character?

Ash: Easy. My brother Caleb.

Caleb: Aww!

Ash: Callate perra. Oh so you don't censor Spanish eh? (Mutters a row of expletives till the beeping resumes.)

Interviewer: We finally got the translator working.

Ash: (Exhales.) I'm done now. Man that felt good.

Interviewer: Are you happy with your role or you wish you were straight?

Ash: I've addressed this. Next question.

Interviewer: Have you thought of kissing Hailey after that night?

Ash: After what night?

Interviewer: Oh dear. N-next question please.

Ash: Hold your horses. What is he or she talking about?

Interviewer: It's a she. The answer is not mine to give unfortunately.

Ash: So that's what I've been trying to remember. (Turns to stare at Hailey.) And why you were so awkward the day after.

Cait: For the record, I only just found out. And we're not exactly friends.

Ash: (Huffs.) Go on.

Interviewer: If you were to pick between Adesewa_x and Rita writes, who would you pick?

Ash: (Laughs.) What happened to a good old fashioned threesome?

Interviewer: That's the final question for Ash for now, but there's a postscript. I think you are reality. I feel like, we connect in a way, although I'm not as hot or beautiful as you.

Ash: Darling, there's no one as hot or beautiful as me. Same goes for you. (Winks.) And I'm happy you know I'm real. Maybe we can connect more.

Interviewer: First question for Hailey. Why does Hailey seem to be stalking Ash?

Cait: (Rolls her eyes.) Tell me about it.

Hailey: (Turns red at the cheeks.) Oh... Because I am.

Interviewer: Next question. What does Ash think of Hailey? Well there's no need to answer that. I have a feeling it will be clear soon enough.

Ash: What does that even mean?

Interviewer: For me to know and for you to find out.

Interviewer: What is Ash's past really about?

Ash: Well you see when a man and a woman love each other very much; a Spanish hottie and an American billionaire to be specific, they come together and well...come together. And when they fail the first time to create perfection; case in point my brother-

Caleb: Hey!

Ash: -they try again. And so I was born.

Interviewer: I'm not sure that's what they mean.

Ash: Well it's what they're getting, so...

Interviewer: Alright then. What does Maddie think of Ash, is she in love, lust? Or just concerned?

Ash: Isn't that question supposed to go to Maddie? She isn't with us.

Interviewer: Yes well now you get to answer on her behalf.

Ash: But I'm not her. How do I answer how she feels about me? Just breach her here like you did us.

Interviewer: (Nervous laugh.) That's not possible. Our funding for this interviewer is not exactly ginormous. With our budget we can't do that. Do you know how much an inter-dimensional breach costs?

Ash: Er... No?

Caleb: I'll take this one. Maddie loves Ash. It's more big sister who *beeps* you on the weekends than anything else.

Ash: (Scowls.) Thank you very much for that.

Interviewer: Next question, does Cait have romantic feelings for Hailey?

Cait: What the *beep*! No! Ew! Gross! I mean Hailey, I love you but ew!

Hailey: One 'no' was enough, Cait.

Cait: What if hot boys are watching? Don't ruin my chances, babe.

Interviewer: Question for Hailey. Hailey, what do you think of your best friend?

Hailey: She's an idiot.

Cait: Fair enough.

Interviewer: Apart from being envious do you think Maddie is good for Ash?

Hailey: Okay that's not fair! Pass.

Cait: No no, I'm also curious.

Hailey: (Grumbles.) I really cannot answer that. It's really not fair.

Cait: Fine, I'll answer on your behalf. Hailey is a martyr so she's going to say yes that she does think that, because she does. It's not true though.

Hailey: (Mouths.) Thank you.

Ash: (Stares in Hailey's direction but says nothing.)

Interviewer: Next question, still for Hailey. What do you think of Ash? Also no need to answer that. It will be seen soon enough.

Hailey: What does that mean?

Interviewer: (Ignores her.) Do you think Ash can ever like you?

Cait: Okay that's harsh. Who sent that?

Hailey: Cait, calm down. I'll answer. (Puts her eyes to the floor.) Well I don't know. I hope so.

Interviewer: Next question, what qualities does Ash have that you like?

Hailey: (Groans.) Why me? (Sighs.) Fine. I love that she has dark grey eyes. I love all her tattoos, I hope she'll tell me about them one day. I love her personality. I love her um...physical appearance. I love that she plays soccer. I love watching her play...

Interviewer: Thank you. That is more then enough. Still on you. Do you like your role?

Hailey: My role? I do. I hope it gets better but I do.

Interviewer: First question for Caleb. Caleb, how much do you love your girlfriend?

Ash: (Loud groan.) Jesus Christ! Don't go there. They're probably going to get married.

Cait: (Laughs.) Aren't they already married?

Caleb: Haters. Well yes, very much.

Interviewer: Question for Hailey I'm guessing. It's not specified. Deep down, what do you think of Maddie.

Hailey: I don't think we've talked before but if Ash could date her she must be a great person.

Interviewer: That was beautiful. Now to Hailey's best friend, do you think Hailey is dumb for liking Ash?

Cait: Not one bit. She's *beep*ing crazy though.

Interviewer: Hailey do you think you can unlike Ash it you put more effort or you are in too deep?

Hailey: I don't think I want to find out.

Interviewer: I think that's all we have.

Cait: Turn the paper around.

Interviewer: Oh. Right. (Turns the paper over.) Okay we've got a few last minute additions. First one just says, ask Ash who she would sleep with, me or her coach with some weird sweating emoji.

Ash: Coach Henderson for the win. No doubt. Sorry love.

Interviewer: Ask Caleb how big is his dick?

Ash: (Glowers at him.) If you answer, you die.

Caleb: (Rolls his eyes.) Oh so it's okay to talk nonsense but when it's my turn your feelings are considered. (Covers his mouth and mouths at the audience.) Pretty big.

Interviewer: Next one goes, ask Hailey if she is still a virgin?

Cait: Definitely.

Hailey: (Frowns at Cait.) Hey!!!

Cait: (Rolls eyes.) Show of hands if you knew.

(All hands are raised including the interviewers.)

Interviewer: Final question. Ask Cait who would turn her lesbian, Ash or Hailey?

Cait: Ew! Nobody. I'm one hundred percent straight. (Looks at Ash.) Make that ninety-eight percent.

Interviewer: Now we've exhausted all questions. Thank you for your time.

Cait: Wait I noticed Caleb and I got way less questions. What are we? Side characters?

Caleb: Yeah. Who's the main character?

Interviewer: (Looks off stage.) Uh now would be a good time to send them home!

Cait: You're not getting away that-

(Blinding light shines once more and when it dims, Ash is left with the interviewer.)

Interviewer: Why are you still here?

Ash: I'm Batman bitch.

(She snaps her fingers and vanishes.)

Interviewer: Well that was weird. I really need to stop giving my main characters so much power. (Eyes widen in horror.) Oops!

(Runs off to the left. Curtain falls.)