*Jordan

I turn towards my secluded house hidden behind a narrow strip of forest, wind down the long drive and pull to a stop at the front. Morning mist flows onto my yard from the trees—trees which are creeping closer to my house every year. One day, they will swallow it. I shudder, the image of tree roots and limbs crushing the house while I am trapped inside, unable to run. This house has been my only home for as long as I can remember, but I haven't felt as though I was living for so many years. I was here alone when I married Trey—far too young to be either on my own or getting married. I was so foolish then. I was so lonely.

Here I am again, alone.

But I'll never leave.

This is the last place I held her, where I sang lullabies, and smelled her soft scent. Nothing matters more than bringing her home. I stumble from the car, already cursing my weakness for going to Cole's room. I can't afford weakness. I don't deserve to be loved or touched. This is Trey's game, and I have to play if I ever want to see her again.

By the time I walk through the door, my chest seizes up, airways closed off, chilled sweat erupts all over me, and heart pounding.

I fall to my knees on the living room wooden floor.

What have I done? What have I done?

I can't stop asking myself the same question. Then, the inevitable accusation from the dark corners of my mind. You have ruined your chances of ever getting her back.

I choke and sob. If anyone saw me and word gets around. If one his friends finds out, and tells him...it's over. He will never let me have her again, out of pure spite. He would have proof that I am the whoring, evil, uncaring, abusive mother he told everyone I was.

What have I done? Nothing Cole gave me, nothing could ever feel as good as holding her in my arms again, having her with me and knowing she was safe. Nothing. I wrap my arms around myself. The memory of him holding me both tears me apart and keeps me from screaming in pain.

I would do anything to have my baby back. Anything. I would fight, lie, and yes, I think I would even kill for her. But I can't bear to think that there would never be another time with Cole.

My heart breaks over and over as I remember the night with him, but imagining that someone saw. Someone heard the noise or looked through the blinds. Some sick pervert followed me from the bar, and right this moment that person was telling someone else.

The man working at the hotel saw me. He saw my car. He probably knew the room number and therefore, Cole's name. All he has to do is mention it once to the wrong person, and I'm finished.

It's a small town. A rumor will get around faster than a forest fire during a drought.

I sob into the floor, staining the wood. I tell myself it wasn't worth it, that I'm an idiot. When I can finally breathe, I crawl to the stairs across the room and pull myself up to take a shower.

I cry all through my shower, washing him off me, sending him away and down the drain. It could never be. I could never have a relationship, so why would I throw away my chances at seeing my daughter for a one-night stand?

It didn't matter that he made me feel loved—I loved her and as her mother, she should be with me. Trey might get tired of taking care of her. He might hate dragging her around in secrecy. One wrong word, one false move and the police would catch him. He might decide it isn't worth it—but not if everyone here knew I was sleeping around.

God, Cole, why did you have to come back to town?

No one else could have broken through my resolve. No one else would have that power over me. No one else has ever moved me like you did in school and seeing you here brought it all rushing back.

The empty hole in my chest aches as images play out in my head. I remember seeing Cole for the first time in the seventh grade.

I fell for him instantly.

He walked in pre-algebra on the first day of school, scowling, dark hair in his eyes, a scuff mark on his cheek and hands and wrists drawn on in blue ink. His jeans were ripped to shreds and his shirt half-tucked in. He sat next to me in the back without a word. I knew, I knew in an instant that home was bad for him, too. I could tell he tried to hide his pain, the same as I tried to hide mine. By then, my mother had been dead for several years, and my older sisters could only protect me so much from our father's neglect and drunken rages.

I watched Cole's every move those first days. He was a year older, but I was advanced in several subjects. No matter how I tried to get his attention when I passed papers his way or smiled when we crossed paths in the hallway, he never noticed me, though. Several weeks and a handful of fights later, he was transferred to a different class than mine—for the troublemakers.

For the next several years as we went from middle to high school, he was trouble. Girls fell hard and fast for him, but he never kept one for long, all the jocks hated him, and the nerds stayed out of his way. Not that I ever heard of him bullying anyone. Quite the contrary. I heard he beat up Trey's best friend, Jackson, once when he stole money from another kid and then kicked him out of the locker room wearing only a towel.

Then he set the gym on fire and he was gone. From one day to the next. And I never had a chance to say hi. I never got around to asking him to sit with me under the bleachers during a pep rally. I never got a kiss.

He went from stirring up trouble in school to lighting up the town overnight.

My junior year, Trey decided he loved me and I was swept off my stupid, ignorant feet. Bitterness and regret fill my soul and I feel sick to my stomach and completely wrung out. Somehow, I manage to get some make-up on and dry my hair, put on my clothes. I tell myself to forget last night.

I make coffee to go and grab a brown banana for breakfast in the car. The kids get to the center early, and I have to be there. I can't afford mistakes or missed appointments. I settle into the driver's seat.

Sharon texts me and I read it quickly.

Sharon: Wut???? Glad you finally had some fun—save some love for me and I want all the deets see you on Monday

I put the phone on the passenger side and stare at the encroaching woods surrounding my beat-up, one-hundred year old house. It used to be beautiful. When we were girls—my heart squeezes hard for this other loss—when we were little and Mom and Dad first bought it from his cousins, the house was gorgeous. The porch didn't sag, the roof was clean, the yard and flower beds impeccable. The little kitchen smelled of baked cookies and big, family meals. There were swings, and heavy, knotted ropes hanging from huge branches. The paint was perfect instead of flaking and the window screens were whole.

Now...

Tears sting my eyes, and I blink them back. I had on waterproof mascara and a minimum of powder and blush, but I didn't want streaks and red eyes for the parents to see.

Now, the house is waiting, like I am to start living again. Maybe one day. Maybe soon. Who knows, maybe my sisters would come home one day. I'll be here, waiting until they do. I'll be here for everyone.

If Trey would come out of hiding and bring back my daughter, I wouldn't even press charges. I wouldn't care. I would forgive him for running off with her, stealing her from me. If only I could get her back. I still believe that someone in town has contact with him. Whoever that person is, I can only hope they tell him I am walking the line, behaving exactly as I should.

My offer of sixty-five grand for a reward hadn't tempted anyone at the time. It still stood. It's the most money I could possibly manage, but apparently, it's not enough to tempt anyone. I send out my silent prayer to the angels. Let Trey hear that I am being good and waiting patiently.

I don't need anyone or anything but her. I tell myself that fact over and over.

I start the car and circle the drive to leave, refusing to look at the old Ford gathering dust in the car-port, as always. It reminds me of my own heart, gathering dust in my chest. Useless. Unused. Forgotten.

No man, no matter how hot, riding through town for a few days will distract me. There could never be anything between Cole and me. He is the wrong man for me, at any time of my life. I don't need trouble. I don't need someone who can't wait to get out of town. I don't need him prying out my secrets—he would be able to hurt me easier. I should never have dreamed and taken the risk of being with him. Every disaster in my life—every loss has been tied up with a man. There's a lesson in there somewhere, if only I can figure out what it is...

It's not until I pass the trees on my way down my drive that I see it. Acid fear curdles my stomach. Brandon's car is parked in the bushes a few hundred feet off. He's walking along the edge of the woods towards it, a couple of dead grey squirrels in one hand and a slim rifle in the other. He must have arrived before dawn. As I drive past, he raises the rifle sideways in a sort of sick hello.

I know what it means. He noticed me driving home at dawn from somewhere. I grip the steering wheel harder and try not to scream in frustration. There are three people in the town who are most likely to know where Trey took my daughter when he kidnapped her. His mother, his sister, and his best friend, Brandon.

And Brandon just pointed his rifle at my car.

*** Thank you for reading!!! Lots of love and hugs to all of you!!! ***