*Jordan

I have been expecting something to go wrong the entire evening, that when everything goes right—perfectly right—my nerves buzz as if I've been caught in the middle of messing up. I'm so on edge, I'm ready to fall into imaginary pits.

A condom. That's what a one-night stand is supposed to have. I exhale, an idea sparking to life. "It's just been a really, really long time. I guess I forgot. Here, let me."

To his obvious surprise, I take a firm hold of his dick. Instead of putting on the condom, though, I ease his erection into my mouth and suck until I'm halfway down the shaft. His cock stretches my mouth wide.

He groans, stroking the side of my lips. I let go to roll on the condom, but, impatient, he finishes for me. Leaning back, he beckons. "All right. You're in charge."

I swallow nervously and move over him. As large as that erection is, and as long as it's been since I've been with a man, I wonder if this is going to work. He grips the pillows, breath catching in his throat.

I take him in, sliding down until I rest at the base of his cock. Other than a faint inhale and the tightening of his jaw, he didn't move. I can do this. I can be in control.

I rotate my hips, grinding into him, hitting those sweet spots on my sex. From the look on his face, he's enjoying it, too. He grasps my hips, moving with me at my pace. Liquid heat coils through me, from feet to head. I pick up speed, loving the pressure of him inside me. My sex clenches as I rock against him. I gasp for air, unable to think about anything but the feel of him.

"Keep going, beautiful," he says. "You can do this."

He calls me beautiful and something inside my chest snaps free. I almost begin to cry. Or laugh. Or shout. He tells me I can do this, but I have no idea what I'm supposed to do. Make him come?

I shudder and ride him harder at the thought. Yes, I want his come inside me, even if he is wearing the condom. I want him to orgasm so hard, he shakes the room. The bedframe hits the wall with low thuds in the rhythm I set, but I think it should be louder. I want the whole world to know when he comes because I'm fucking him.

"Switch," I say. "Give it to me."

Instantly he flips me over. I lock my legs behind his pelvis, and he drives into me. The bed slams into the wall. He's filling me, stretching me so completely with his cock. I grit my teeth in pleasure as he picks up speed.

His arms support him away from my chest and for a moment I want that closeness of a full body touch, however the sight of the ropey muscles and flat stomach is too sexy to end. I watch as the orgasm starts to take him. It sends me over the edge for the third time.

He pushes deeply inside me and I can feel his cock contracting. He shouts.

Fluttering waves flood my body from my core to my scalp and even my ties and calves start to cramp. I gasp for air, letting the pleasure take me as long as I can make it last.

He lowers himself to one elbow on his side to not collapse on me. I unwrap my legs partly so he can take off the condom and wipe himself down. He's turned away from me.

Then suddenly, I don't know what to do or say. Does he expect me to leave? Will he jump up for a shower, like Trey used to do, and if so, should I leave then? I freeze on the bed.

With a noisy sigh, he relaxes, stretching out. He puts an arm around my waist and pulls me in to rest against his chest. I freeze. What does he want from exactly? Then he nuzzles my hair, and I melt. I snuggle in against him, as close as I can possibly get. Once again the tension that was building rushes from me. He has that effect on me, when no amount of yoga, after work glasses of wine, meditation, or self-help videos has helped me.

I smile secretly to myself. Of all the things I had on my bucket list long ago, kissing Cole was on the top. And I did it.

And then some...

Oh, yes. I did it and then some.

He kisses my forehead and his big arms curl around me tighter.

"Do you," I say and then pause. "Do you want me to stay?"

"I said all night." His voice rumbled, low and edged. "I want you all night. I'm not done with you, yet."

My heart jumps at his words. He wants me all night. Which means, there will be more. I lift my chin to see his face. I want to look at him—this man who was a boy I adored for so long. He takes it as an invitation to kiss my neck, and I don't stop him.

He makes the night last and I lose count of the things he does to me. On all fours, sliding off the mattress so I have to hold on, in the bathroom, against the wall. He makes me feel wanted and worshipped. I take it. I needed it more than I'll ever let him know.

I don't really rest during the second part of the night, but doze, dipping in and out of a shallow sleep. But I don't mind. Cole is like a furnace next to me, and I either keep an arm draped around him or he pulls my backside into a spoon cuddle a few times in his sleep.

I have missed this closeness. Or, I have missed the possibility of this kind of closeness, since I never really had it to begin with. When Trey and I first started dating—sneaking out at night for a quick screw in his car or at the park among the trees, we never had this kind of moment afterwards. What I understood of sex was that I should give it to him when he wanted it, and not ask for anything in return. For so long, I thought love and sex was one sided. He wasn't even interested in cuddling or holding me, if I'm being honest, and that was when he still acted like he loved me. At least, we went places together.

Later, after I was pregnant that first time, he completely lost interest in me unless he was horny. And after that...

I can't bear to think about how it was after the miscarriage.

Cole is a massive magnet made of lava and heady, masculinity. He smells wonderful. When I wake up a bit and turn in his embrace, I take a deep inhalation, making the moment last. Memorizing the details.

As the sky turns pale pink through the Venetian blinds, I slide from his arms and onto the scratchy, cheap carpet. Without a noise, I get dressed. I want to kiss him one last time, but his breathing is already more shallow than during the dark hours of the night. I might wake him up.

And I can't let him keep me here.

I'd never have the strength to leave—I wouldn't want to. I barely have enough time to get home, shower, have some coffee and head for work as it is.

Heart aching for that last, impossible kiss goodbye, I watch him sleep from the side of the bed for a minute, tracing the lines of his face with only my eyes.

I tiptoe from the room and close the door with a tiny click.

Please, don't let anyone have noticed my car in the back.

At least I don't have to worry about anyone seeing me as they drive by. The road is empty at this hour. By seven, when I drive by again, it will be hopping, but not now. I hurry down the stairs, hair hiding my face just in case, and run around the building to my car.

I hop in my car and take a second to send a message to Sharon. She won't mind the early hour, she probably won't even notice. But she'll see I finally got to do walk of shame—or shame, shame, shame, girl, looks like you had a good night, as she always jokes about it.

There. I did it. Now back to my real life. I turn my key in the ignition and knuckles rap sharply on my window.

I jump, letting out a little scream.

Fuck. Fuck! Trey is going to find out. He'll have proof that I'm a cheap slut after all these years. Heart lodged in my throat, I push back my hair and peek out the window. A disgruntled older man with a flannel shirt and large belly is glaring at me. I don't know him.

Should I be scared or thankfully? Just because I don't him, doesn't mean he doesn't know me—or Trey. My heart pounds against my ribs. My hands are icy cold.

He motions for me to roll down the window, and I crack it carefully.

"Lady, you aren't supposed to park back here. This is for deliveries and trash pick-up. You're lucky I didn't call the tow-truck."

Lady. Tow-truck.

I suck in a deep breath of air. He has no idea who I am or what I did last night. "I'm so sorry. It won't happen again. I didn't mean to stay so long, but my friend was having a rough night. You know how it is." I nod, as if agreeing for him, relieved beyond belief when he picks at his teeth instead of mentioning Trey or suddenly recognizing me. It had been a couple of years since I was on the local news every night, begging for someone to help me.

My own head echoes my voice, If you have any information, or have had any contact at all with—

"All right." He steps back and spits. "Get out of here, and don't let it happen again."

I wave goodbye contritely and pull around to the front parking lot. The car idles as I cast one last glance at Cole's window.

I kiss my fingers, remembering the touch of his lips on mine. But I don't raise my hand in a wave goodbye. There can't ever be anything between us. I can't have any man, no matter who, in my life, but most especially, I can't have a man who once upon a time raised hell in this small town.

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