As my eyes opened the only thing that I could focus on was how much my stomach hurt. Seeing at what I'd just done it made sense. The part that confused me was that I wasn't in my bed where I had laid down. Instead, I was lifting myself off cold tiles that weren't doing anything to help the clawing pain in my stomach go away. Glancing around I realized, I wasn't alone. In fact, I was surrounded by a mix of family, friends, and people in blue uniforms. Nurses my fogged brain registered as I scanned the hospital. As I approached my mother, I realized she had mascara running down her face and fresh tears in her eyes. The sight seemed to cause my pain to get worse. I squeezed my eyes tight, willing my emotions to stabilize and focus on what was happening around me. Why was she crying if I was right here? She wouldn't even look at me. In fact, no one was paying attention to me.

Before I could process what that meant, a man in the blue clothes came towards my mother and father, who had just joined her side.

"Mr. and Mrs. Reynolds." He nodded at them with a sad look in his eyes. "There's good and bad news. Bad news is that Lila is currently unconscious and we're not sure when she's going to wake up. The good news is that even though she's in a coma, she is stable. And it doesn't look like we have any issues that can't be fixed."

Unconscious? Were they joking? I was standing just a couple feet away from them. Realizing I hadn't spoken, I cleared my throat. Once they finally saw me, they would stop all this ridiculous crying. A part of my brain couldn't help but point out that I was the reason they were crying in the first place. Shut up, shut up, shut up I begged as I cleared my scratchy throat.

"Mom. Dad. I'm fine. Please stop crying." They didn't even glance at me.

I pinched myself thinking that this had to be some absurd dream. When nothing happened, I turned around scanning the room.

To the side we're a couple of my friends, depending on what you'd define a "friend". Some of them you could tell had been crying and others just looked mad or annoyed that they had to be bothered with this. No surprise there. There was a reason that I was in a hospital instead of asleep in my own bed and they weren't innocent. There also had to be a reason why I was invisible and I needed to figure out what it was. This couldn't be the afterlife because then that meant I was stuck in the one place I was trying to escape.

Walking over to the group, I waited for them to look at me, but just like my parents they didn't even spare me a glance. If they couldn't see me then I'd just listen in on their conversation to see what was going on. Although, I was already starting to develop an idea.

"Can you believe she really did this to herself? I mean she never gave any signs that—fuck, how didn't I see it?" Caleb raked his hand through his hair, obviously mad. While at first, I thought he was mad at me, I realized that he was frustrated with himself more than anything. Admittedly, Caleb is one of the last people I thought would hold himself responsible for my suicide.

"None of us did dude. Why am I even here? She hated me and she's okay for Christ sakes. Can we go now Skye?" Miles directed his question to his girlfriend, Skye, who also happened to be one of my best friends. Although, he did have a point. I wasn't his biggest fan, because I always thought she deserved more than who he could ever be. Then again at one point I'd also considered him to be a close friend, so the words that I wish didn't bother me stung more than I wanted them to. I had to remind myself that with Miles everything was a façade and he would never summon the courage to express how he really felt about me. Not that I could say I was any better than him.

Not wanting to hear anymore I walked away. I headed towards a chair seeing as how the pain in my stomach hadn't receded much. Zach, another person I used to believe was my friend, drifted away from the group and took a seat next to me. His face was clear of any emotion. He was the one person I couldn't ever read, always the closed book. An unexpected tear rolled down his face before he quickly wiped it away. He then turned his attention to Macy who sat in the chair opposite of him, which I was grateful for. If she would have sat on his other side, where I am, I'm not sure what would have happened. How would it feel for someone to sit on you and pass right through? Funny, I would imagine.

"Just be glad she's okay. You can't blame yourself for this, okay. You just can't."  Macy laid her hand on top of his. I begged him to remove it, but he didn't acknowledge my silent pleas.

"It's my fault that she thought she couldn't come to me. She thought that I wouldn't be there for her, but she was wrong." He glanced at her before quickly looking away. "You can't tell me that you don't feel any guilt. You weren't exactly the best friend. Don't you think she deserved better? She deserved better than us." There was something about the way he viewed me that made my spine tingle with hypocrisy. The world deserved better than me, not the other way around.

Macy laced her fingers through his but refused to look at him. I knew they had a complicated past. They couldn't ignore the fact that once upon a time they had loved each other, even knowing the toxic way everything ended. I understand that Zach needed the comfort, but he knew better than anyone that they'd spin in circles on the merry-go-round they called love until someone was thrown off, left with nothing but bruises on their heart.

I stood up, trying to ignore the pain coursing through me and walked over to Mark and Emma. Seeing him here made my heart ache. Even though we hadn't been very close in a while, I couldn't ignore the feelings that still lingered. I was ashamed to admit that if he'd given me another chance, I would have taken it. No questions asked. Even after we'd both fucked up, I just couldn't make the memories go away. First, I'd smile at the good ones and feel like I was on cloud nine. Then the bad ones would creep in leaving my body racked with sobs.

"Why do you think she did it? I mean I never really saw her unhappy. Sure, she was quiet sometimes but, how come she didn't just talk to someone?" Emma's voice was laced with more boredom than curiosity.

"If someone told you that they didn't know how to be happy, that all they wanted was to be happy, but they thought they would never really be able to. If they told you that they just couldn't live like this anymore. What would you say? Huh?" He waited for her reply, but she just shook her head at him, obviously confused at his outburst. "Exactly." He said, through gritted teeth.

Somehow, he still managed to know me better than anyone. He saw through the layers of makeup, clothes, and lies. He saw me. In the end he just wasn't able to face the truth. He didn't want to admit that I wasn't the girl he'd liked anymore. I was more of a burden than blessing. And now, I was just a shell of her, and he wasn't able to handle that he helped turn me into that. Shit, I didn't even know how to cope with it.

Lastly, I made my way towards Ashley. My best friend. She was the one person I should have been able to talk to. In the end, I wasn't able to. She was this bubbly person, always full of light. I'd grown up with her by side. She made me laugh on my hardest days and kept my secrets locked away. Like all friendships we had our problems, but there was never one we couldn't overcome. When it came to advice, she was always the realist. "Get over it", she'd say or, "Lil don't waste your time." And my favorite, "Shit happens, but that's what you have toilets for. Get it out of your system and move on." She'd led an easy life compared to my own and that perhaps is why apart of me felt she would never get it and I was... alone.

It was obvious that she had been crying. Her eyes were red, and she had a napkin in her hand to blow her nose. It pulled at my heart to see her sad. The only time I'd seen her cry was when her father passed away two years ago. Other than that, she was my light when darkness seeped into my heart. Here was a girl who deserved the world, crying over a friend who didn't even deserve her tears. I'd betrayed her. I was a selfish and cruel person for what I did to her, and too much of a coward to even tell her.

Ashley closed her eyes and began to whisper a prayer, something she did when the world let her down.

"Lil if you're listening, if you're somehow able to see me wherever you are, know this. Without you here next to me everyone's laughs will dim. Everyone's smiles will become less frequent. I know the world let you down. I know it shattered your heart. But now you're shattering mine. While the world may be cruel, you were the opposite. Your smile could make the saddest soul happy and the coldest hearts thaw. The love you showed everyone may not have always been returned the way you wanted it to, but that doesn't mean that no one cares. I care. I care so much. So, come back to me. Go to college. Have a career. Have kids and a husband who will love you relentlessly. Let yourself be happy. Find yourself. You have to come back to me. You have to live."