Zach

*Four Months Ago*

I hopped onto the dark blue duvet that reminded me of heaven. Its soft and silky feel had bliss running through my veins. There was no place on earth I'd rather be than right here lying next to the person who had every inch of my heart. Turning my head I smirked at the figure laying upside down next to me. His head was dangling off the edge of the bed, all the blood rushing to his face. Not seeming to mind he stuck his tongue out at me like a five year old who had just been told they couldn't have any candy. Shaking my head I left out a laugh at his silliness.

Mark could always bring a smile to my lips. But I was bored. We had been hanging out in his room for the last couple of hours and I was starting to feel like a corpse. Besides making out and beating Mark in multiple Mario Kart games nothing remotely interesting had happened. For some reason I was in an adventurous mood. Adrenaline surged through me begging to be released. While I loved being in Mark presence—it soothed me in ways nothing else could— I also wanted to live my life. I was 17 for Christ's sakes and here I was spending my weekend indoors, wasting away into nothingness.

"Babe," I rolled over onto my stomach so that I was laying next to Mark's thin form. "Lets go out and do something."

"What do you propose we do, my cheerleader?" Mark replied with a quirked eyebrow. Placing my hand on his chest I tried to contain my excitement that he was willing to go along with my plans.

"Let's go on a double date! Me and you with Zach and Remi. Last time was so much fun."

Mark sat up and scratched his head. I studied him, wondering why he all of a sudden looked so reluctant.

"Maybe we should just hang out you and me. They're probably busy with their own plans. I think that Zach told me he had something planned. You know how they are, always up to something." He started kissing my neck, no doubt with the intentions to distract me from answering back with a clear head. Rolling my eyes I gently pushed him away from him. Marks eyes flashed with annoyance before he looked away and threw his body back so that his legs were laid on my lap and his head propped up by pillows.

"I just saw his Snapchat and they didn't seem busy to me. I'm bored and I want to see my friends so I'm texting Zach."

"Remi isn't your friend."

"What?" I looked up from my phone, where I had been typing out a text.

"Remi isn't your friend. She's Zach's current girlfriend, and while Zach may be your friend, she isn't."

I sat looking at him, my level of annoyance rising every second. Sure I'd only known the girl for a month but we were cool. I didn't have to be best friends with her to go out and have some fun for a night. Zach was finally happy and even though I once wished to be the cause of it that wasn't the case anymore. Now all I wanted was to make sure that the glue we used to put the pieces of our friendship back together held up.

"Why are you being such an ass?" As much as I loved Mark I wasn't about to take any shit from him. He knew I'd put him in his place and even claimed it's one of the reasons we complimented each other so well.

"Fuck," He roughly ran a hand through his dark curls. "Zach's going to kill me for telling you this."

My heart skipped a beat and I sucked in a deep breath. Whatever it was had to be bad because not a lot got to Mark and this seemed to be eating away at him.

"Remi told Zach that she doesn't like him hanging out with you." He must have noticed my clutched hands and nails that were seconds away from drawing blood because he quickly continued. "When someone heard that the four of us had gone on a double date the other week they told her how weird it was and how she must be really confident. When she asked why they told her about y'alls history. Except they got the facts all wrong and she came out of the conversation thinking that you guys used to 'talk'  and that you never really got over him. They even went as far as to tell her that the only reason you're with me is to be close to him."

I lowered my head into my hands, fighting back tears.
How weak.
Here I was talking to my boyfriend about how I used to have the biggest crush on his best friend.
How embarrassing.

Now Zach was going to be reminded of how desperate I used to be. Desperate to be loved. To be wanted. To feel something other than hate for myself. Now I'd be reminded of how stupid I used to be. Stupid to think that he would ever love me the way I loved him. Stupid to think that I had a chance at a happily ever after. That I deserved to be happy.

Now I'd be reminded that I was still all of those things.

Pulling myself together I grabbed my phone off the bed and swiped open the correct app.

Me:
Meet me at McDonald's tomorrow at six. We need to talk.

«»

After placing my usual order of nuggets, sweet tea, and a apple pie I made my way towards the back. Sitting down in me and Zach's usual spot I unraveled the maroon scarf my mom had made me from around my neck and placed it next to me. Patiently waiting for Zach to arrive I drummed my fingers to the beat of a song I had stuck in my head. When that became boring I began chewing away at my nails, a nervous habit I'd also got from my dear madre.

When he finally did arrive I'd lost two nails and had finished half of my ten piece order of chicken nuggets.

He came down the aisle and tentatively smiled before taking the seat across from me.

"You're not going to get anything?" I asked, staring at my food so I didn't have to look into his piercing blue eyes.

"No, I can't stay long." He replied, causing me to glance up. His freckles dashed across his nose and trickled out onto his cheeks. The sun that filtered in made them stand out and I couldn't help the thrashing that began in my stomach. There was no doubt that the boy in front of me was made by the Gods. He was drop dead gorgeous and could make Aphrodite herself began to drool. With all of the feelings from the past being brought up I couldn't help but remember why I'd fallen for him in the first place.

Damn him for having a prefect smile to go along with his rich laugh and dazzling blue eyes. Damn him and his heart of gold. Damn him for being him.

I smiled lightly, not sure where to began. "I should probably get on with this then, huh?" I asked, trying to lighten the mood as well.

"Mark told you, didn't he?" The words left his lips before I could make a fool out of myself.

Not being able to bring myself to speak I simply nodded my reply. And for the next ten minutes neither of us said a word. We sat there drowning in our thoughts.

Him of Remi and Me of Him.

It was as if we were on a boat, him and I. The sun shone and we smelled of the ocean. And every time I imagined a future with him in it I stepped closer to the bow. Eventually, I ended up looking down below at the blue water that matched his eyes. As he made his way up to me I threw my legs over the railing so that all it would take was a light gust of wind to push me over. He'd walk up to me and as soon as I'd glimpse the freckles that danced lightly across his face I'd say the words I knew he'd never repeat. Not the way I'd want him to to. I love you. And then I wouldn't need that gush of wind because he'd lightly bump into me and I'd go tumbling over, lost in my favorite color. I'd try to swim but it was as if I'd lost all ability. My love for him would drag me down until I drowned in my sorrows.

His love was my oxygen, so I died.

Finally Zach spoke. "I want to stay friends ."

"But?" I trailed.

"I love her."

I wanted to yell at him until my voice gave out. "You've only known her for a month." But I couldn't say that. I understood where he was coming from more than I wished. If there was anything I'd ever learned it was that you don't get to choose who you love, and more than that, you don't get to choose who loves you back.

So instead I said, "I know."

He gathered his belongings and left with a quick goodbye.

And every daydream of the future that contained him disappeared to the wind, leaving me to drown and gasp for oxygen I'd never receive.

a/n

there is now a character glossary, so if you ever get confused on who is who then go the chapter titled Characters.

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