Miles

* Eleven months earlier *

I walked down the hallway hoping that no one noticed how on edge I was. Today was cheerleading tryouts and I'd spent the last couple of months working on different moves and skills. I had even gone as far as to take a 2-week course that prepared me for the things I'd do as a cheerleader.

Even though I was about to be a junior this would be my first year trying out. Lately, I felt the need to try something new. Everything in my life felt too comfortable and I was tired of being stuck in one place without trying something different.

So there I was trying to be a cheerleader. A freaking cheerleader. There wasn't anything wrong with being one but it wasn't me, and that's exactly why I had to become one.

After rounding a corner I continued down the hallway before coming to a stop in front of Mr. Heronadale's classroom. Inside Ashely, Skye, and Miles would all be sitting together with an empty desk waiting for me, and I knew that if I didn't loosen up they would definitely notice how nervous I was. Throwing a small smile- a very fake smile- on my face I walked into the room just as the late bell rang.

As soon as I slid into my desk all my friends smiles dropped a little and I knew I hadn't been as convincing as I thought I would be.

Ashley, who was basically guaranteed cheerleading captain this year, offered me a sympathetic smile. "I can feel you stressing, Lil." She said. "All you have to do is show spirit and use the skills you learned at camp. You'll do good, promise." That was Ash, always the one to ease people worries and fears with her constantly optimistic views. Except right now I just wanted someone to understand where I was coming from and not act like what I was feeling was wrong. Seriously, what's wrong with being nervous every once in a while?

That's where Skye came in. She shrugged her shoulders at me, understanding that my smile to Ashley was tight and forced. And I know it meant "what can you do? that's ash, and you know she means the best." Sometimes I thought that Skye and I were long lost fraternal sisters because it was a little creepy how we were able to read each other's thoughts so easily. But I did know that Ash meant well so I copied Skye and shrugged it off.

Then Skye broke off half of the Pop Tart she had sitting on her desk. The flavor was s'mores, my favorite. At that moment I was so immensely grateful to have her. She didn't have to say anything but I knew. She was there for me and she understood. That's when Miles came in and as usual, ruined the moment.

"Who cares if you make the team or not?" He said it with a roll of his eyes, clearly stating that he didn't even in the slightest. Ashely shot him a look that read 'be nice' but he just stared back at us. "What? It's getting annoying watching you mope around like your life is going to end if you don't make the team."

I stared right back at him, not knowing how to defend myself. All the shut ups and fuck yous went out the windows with my dignity. He and I both knew damn well there was a time where I would've agreed with him. But now things were different.

"Some things are bigger than you, Miles," Skye said with the amount of sass I wish I had at that moment.

'Oh, nothing is bigger than me." He laughed when Skye's nose wrinkled at his innuendo. Ashley and I were a lot more used to him saying these things, having known him since he was five and insisted on taking his dinosaur blanket with him literally everywhere he went.

If only he was still five and didn't take jabs at me and make sex jokes to the most prude girl in junior year.

«»

I stood off to the side of the gymnasium next to the five other girls who were trying out. Straight across from us stood last years varsity squad, minus the girls who graduated. They didn't have to try out to make the team. Rules were that Junior Varsity and new girls had to audition but if you were previously already on the A-team you were automatically guaranteed a spot. They were just there for moral support but to me they were just a reminder of everything I had to live up to. I had to do backflips as smooth and effortless as Shelly, kicks as high Dorinda, and pep that poured from me in buckets the way it did Ashley.

The way tryouts worked was like this: I'd start at one end of the court while the judges were sitting on the other side waiting for me to begin. I'd walked toward them and do tricks if I pleased. (Ash said I should at least do a front handspring and cartwheel and if I really wanted to impress them a front walkover) Then I'd do the cheer that was assigned to me before performing. After that, I was allowed to perform any routine I had come up with on my own so that I was able to show what I had to offer the team.

I was last to go and after watching one girl fumble through the cheer and other barely land her back handspring I was pretty confident I could take one of the three spots that we were trying to fill.

The first half of my tryout went smoothly. After reaching them and starting my cheer all I could think about was that there might be lipstick on my teeth. I didn't know if they could tell but I'd often been told that my eyes always gave away what I was thinking. Hopefully, my nerves didn't cost me any points.

Next, I started with a routine that Ashley had helped me perfect for the last week. Stunt, stunt, split, stunt, finale. All with a megawatt smile on my face. Except that my finale was more complicated than I thought it was going to be on land. Most of my practice sessions had been on a trampoline with two or three on the padded ground.

The crack that sliced through the adrenaline filled gym was like a train whistle in the dead of night. I didn't fully understand what was happening and why I was suddenly on the floor with crippling pain on my wrist that laid underneath me. I looked up at the faces swarming me asking me if I was okay before I looked at myself. When I finally did realize that something was wrong and that this kind of pain wasn't normal I looked down at my left wrist. Everything looked fine but I knew there was no way that this kind pain was anything closed to being okay.

As nausea started to take over my body all I could think was shit. SHIT. no way I'm even making the JV team. Then all I saw was black.

«»

Waking up in the hospital with your friends and family surrounding you and having people wait on you wasn't nearly as fun as it sounds. At least not when you had a cast around your wrist and everyone staring at you with pity in their eyes. Everybody except Miles that is.

A pretty nurse in light blue scrubs came up to my bed and placed a cup of water to my lips before asking, "How are you feeling sweetie?"

I looked down at my wrist and couldn't help but think that I was feeling everything but fine. Still, I knew that's not what she wanted to hear. She wanted me to be okay so that she could move on to a patient that had a life-threatening disease or something that actually mattered. So I gave her what she wanted.

"Fine." My voice still sounded hoarse so I held out my hand for the cup of water. The plastic cup felt cold and smooth against my fingers as I brought it up to my lips. The nurse, whose name tag read 'Amelia', gave me another polite smile before walking out.

Mom and Dad rushed forward placing kisses on my forehead and told me how glad they were that I was okay. I smiled and told them that I loved them and knew they loved me but they were being a little suffocating with it. Dad smiled and ruffled my hair, knowing I was teasing but I noticed the small drop in Mom's smile.

Dad must have seen it too because he immediately spoke up. "Why don't we go and get you some food?"

"Yes please, I'm starving." It was a lie but it'd give them and myself some privacy. Plus, Dad might even have to comfort Mom. I laughed at the thought that Dad would do anything but criticize Mom for being so sensitive.

As soon as they were out of the room Ash, Skye, and Miles surrounded my bed.

"You know there's always next year." Ashley began. "Don't be too upset. You did awesome, really. If you hadn't hurt your arm you would have definitely made the team." I think that was supposed to make me feel better but it didn't. "If could have been worse."

Really? Could it have been worse? I'd always hated that saying. Its purpose was for you to feel guilty that you were complaining when there were kids dying from starvation. It made your feelings invalid. I smiled though because Ashley had the best intentions and that mattered more than the way she expressed it.

Skye drew my attention towards her when she pulled out a black sharpie and began to write on my cast. "When I was 12 I fractured my arm and had a cast too. My favorite part was having people sign it." She finished whatever she was writing and went to hand it to Miles. She eyed him down and thought better of it before handing it to Ash.

"I don't trust you." She told him, earning a laugh in response.

He looked at me and shook his head. "I wouldn't want to sign your stupid cast anyways." I rolled my eyes knowing he was only teasing me.

"Oh, and Zach and Mark couldn't be here because they have that scrimmage out of town." I gave him an understanding nod. I knew they'd be here if they could.

"Well, I'm going to catch up with your parents and get something to eat. Y'all coming with?" Skye picked up her purse from the chair while directing her question to ash and miles.

"You don't mind, right?"

I shook my head at Ashley's question. A quick glance at Miles told me that he was going to stay. I knew he didn't want to be here but he was, and that had to count for something. For a while neither of us said anything but it was getting more awkward by the second. For some odd reason, things were tense between us.

"Today was quite a day." It was small talk but it filled the empty air with more than just silence and tension.

"cheerleading tryouts were wild." He replied. the tryouts were also open, meaning he saw every second of my humiliation. " and you did," he shrugged a shoulder."Well, you did... you." He didn't know how to say the truth or if he should say it while I was in a hospital bed.

"I sucked."

"Hey, you said it, not me." He said it lightly and laughed like it was a joke. But jokes weren't supposed to hurt. They weren't supposed to feel like a thousand needles piercing your skin all at once.

"You're a douche," I said it because it was the truth and because I hurt over something I'd said in the first place. I shouldn't have cared what he or anyone thought to begin with, but I did.

"And you suck at cheerleading."

Knowing he meant it and that it was true made me regret ever wanting to get out of my comfort zone to begin with. No matter what I did everything came crashing down.

It was either be scared of trying anything new and end up on a dead-end road or risk being that girl who managed to fracture her risk at tryouts.

I'd picked my poison and Miles was always going to be there to make sure I knew it.

a/n
This update might've taken a month or two and might suck more than Lila's cheerleading skills, sorryyyy. Also let's just pretend they go to year round school because I can't keep track of aligning when she's in school and what sport is even going on. I'm a mess with all that. Anyways P a r t  T h r e e coming soon! ;)

P.S. if you like this book it'd be amazing if you recommended it to your friends and help me get to 5k