Looks at rankings,

*spits out KoolAid™*

Number 1 in Assassination Classroom??

How in the phucc?

Atsu has gotten better at a lot of things over the many years of endurance he's gone through.

He's gotten better at not crying when he's beaten and bandaging himself and Kanashi, he's gotten better at pretending that everything is fine, at telling himself that his life isn't hell. He's gotten better at ignoring the fact that Ame is dead and he wasn't strong enough; he's gotten better at lying to himself- telling himself he isn't dying and that he will celebrate Kanashi's birthday with her; he's gotten better at ignoring the pain in his stomach.

Karasuma is helping them with training today, letting students randomly attack him with the specialized blades used to attack the alien; Nagisa triggers something that makes their teacher flip him in a complex block that even he knows shouldn't be used for beginners. Atsu can feel the fear stifling off of his teacher- he decides to try for once to tag the military worker- it'll help with his final plan.

He hopes this is over soon.

His footsteps are quiet when he walks- he's learnt that if his parents don't hear him, sometimes they forget about his and Kanashi's existence and leave him and her alone. He likes it when they forget, then he's only hungry, but he'd take hunger over a belt and bloody baths any day of the week.

He's gotten better at holding in his hunger.

Green is such an odd color to him, he's never associated it with anything in his life. It's the color of seaweed but he doesn't care about seaweed. Seaweed didn't drown her.

His footsteps are quiet as he approaches, Karasuma doesn't notice him there. His presence is almost nonexistent and he knows this. Atsu is behind the military professional, his green weapon in his loose grip, his eyes are as dull as the blade in his hand. He presses it to the center of Karasuma's back.

"I win."

All Karasuma can do is stare when the emotionless boy walks away from him, because he didn't take notice until then but, his footsteps are quiet. As if he is weightless, as if it's practiced.

_

They have a new gym teacher the next day and Atsu things he's strange. The Hino doesn't like him, there's something off that triggers a distinct memory of his parents when a friend is over. When friends used to come over, before they all died. Before his parents got involved in the business they run now.

The air is crisp and cold and it smells like rain but Atsu has gotten better at ignoring the chill that goes up his spine and the dread that leaks into his stomach. He hates the smell of rain, but he's been getting better at pretending it doesn't bother him as of late.

Akira Takaoka is an odd man. He's too nice- too sweet, but the man will never know that Atsu is staring, he's gotten better at being discreet about it.

"So, you're talking over P.E. to help Mr. Karasuma get caught up?"

"Yep, those are my marching orders from the top at HQ, poor guy needs some time to himself."

Then Atsu spaces out on the meaningless conversation- he's more focused on the fact Karma ditched this class. It's not like the redhead has never ditched, but it's the first time Atsu has noticed.

His ears feel hot and he doesn't know why- he'll have to learn to ignore it. Maybe he'll get good at it before his supplier dies.

_

"Alright! Everybody here? Now, things are gonna be tougher than you think. But stick it out like the champs I know you are and we're talkin' more sweets."

The floor is covered in dirt and weeds that sprout from deep cracks. White chalk lines the borders around each student and that's all he can take in at the moment. Laughter floats from each student and Atsu just stares at their new teacher with an inscrutable gaze-

Something is off, he knows that name. Akira Takaoka, he's heard it before. Somewhere from when his parents were talking about murdering someone that owed them. Atsu has definitely done research on him. He knows that name and he wants to know from where. He just needs to remember- he knows he can, he's gotten better at it.

He's seen that face on an article but where. Thinking, thinking, thinking. Where? Where has he heard that name? He's thinking, thinking, thinking.

Crisp papers are handed out to the class, it's an absurd schedule, but Atsu can handle it. He can handle anything. He's gotten better at ignoring the burning pain in his muscles. He's felt worse. The papercut that inevitably came ment nothing to him, but it was still a pain, he'd ignore it. He got better at ignoring everything when they began to demean him- he learnt to not take it to heart.

Meahara doesn't agree, he stands up for himself- that's the first mistake a person can make in the eyes of an abuser- don't say no, the punishment is worse than the original task given. He gets knee'd in the abdomin. "Rule number one: we don't do 'can't'."

Then it hits Atsu at he remembers the paper- the incident in Chisoka- the one where three guards all made a suicide pact to get away from their trainer; the one who was never convicted because of his confectionery smiles and sugar coated words.

The man lurches forward, as a way to strike fear but that's one thing get cannot use as an advantage in this situation, to scare all the students. Atsu doesn't fear him. Atsu doesn't care- so the coach just ignores him.

_

Squats, what a joke. Atsu was breezing through this with no effort needed, his muscles were numb to slashing, squats were nothing; it seems that the teacher noticed the nonexistent determination brewing in his students. He tells someone something, but apathy makes it impossible for Atsu to associate himself with the situation. He's gotten better at ignoring violence and the aftermath of pain.

Gurgling water and muffled screams bounce around in his head. He can still see her flailing in the water; she keeps spitting up blood and her asthma is choking her.

He just cries as he drags Kanashi to the shore and jumps back in to the ocean- he's almost seven, he's strong, but not strong enough.

Karasuma hasn't and he won't stand for it, Takaoka, in return tells his rival to pick a star pupil to defeat him-

He picks Atsu and the boy holds the knife without hesitation, his face is blank. Full of an unreadable emotion, Takaoka can't read it. He blinks when Atsu blows air in his eyes.

"You're up," Is the only signal given to him.

Holding the cool metal between his hand delicately, he throws it up with bored eyes, when he catches it gets runs left as fast as he can, which is a decent speed.

The ravenette rushes out of his field of vision. Out of all their fields of vision, but Takaoka knew which direction he disappeared into and so it should be easy to tell where he's going to attack-

There's a sudden pressure on his back and get gasps out in surprise. Carmine syrup drips from his back and into the weed ridden ground, he collapses in pure shock. Spit leaks from his lips and he cannot move, he's paralyzed in fear.

"I win." Is the only remark Takaoka gets for his defeat.

There's a searing silence. One so deafening it hurts. It makes ears bleed in a horrible ringing of white pain- Atsu can leave if he wants too, his footsteps are quiet, but he's pushing it off, because no matter how hard he tries he will never get better at dealing with the fact neither him nor Kanashi will make it to their next birthdays.

"M-moth-mother, pl-please. Stop, it-it
it hurts. Everything hurts."

He was nine when they started.

"Mr. Karasuma, can I go? My father called me, my mother is in the hospital with Kanashi."

Karasuma just nods, his eyes haze with confusion and cold calculations, he's never seen a fifteen year old look that dull with a knife- usually there's fear or bloodlust or confusion or confidence, but with Atsu- with Atsu there was nothing.

As if it didn't matter that a life was in his hand.

As if he'd delt with holding the life of someone between his fingers before- as if he's killed- as if he were used to- as if he were numb to the concept of death.

And that... No kid should have those eyes. No kid should have the immunity to scars as he does- no kid should wince when being congratulated.

_

Atsu bumps into Principal Asano on his way to the border of the mountain, the strawberry-blonde stops him dead in his tracks. The coal eyed boy puts on a smile that puts a plastic taste on his tongue.

"Why, Hino, where are you going? Not just skipping class, are you?"

"My mother's in the hospital, Kanashi had a problem again, I think it's getting too hard for her." He mumbles, eyes suffocated with forced numbness. His lips composed upwards- it's uncomfortable but he doesn't want to get tattled on for not showing respect- there's no more gauze in the bathroom so get doesn't have a choice in whether or not he smiles.

"It was good to see you again, Mr. Asano-"

"It's Principal Asano on school grounds, Atsu."

"Of course, Principal Asano, it was good seeing you, but I have to go now."

"Say hello to you father for me, yes?"

"I will, goodbye." He waves- the enthusiasm is so sweet and honey like it's sickening, but this all proves the principal right, because this means that even though his sister was admitted into the hospital Atsu Hino can remain stony and cold.

Truly the child he'd always wanted, what a shame he and Gakushu don't get along. Truly a shame.

Why couldn't his son be more like Atsu, then again, from what he'd talked with the parents about, their son had always been like this. One thing that caught Gakuho's eye was how tense- how weary and paranoid Atsu was in that room, it was almost as if he was looking for someone that wasn't there.

Some little voice in his head that called to him, telling him to drown in a sea of guilt- Gakuho knows those eyes. He had those eyes when his student killed himself. Get was hearing things and he drowned himself in work. When he was in his prime- when he left his son to negligence and nothing but books. Honestly, Gakuho though it was necessary that his son train at a young age.

But not even Gakushu matched with Atsu's intellectual abilities. It's a shame.

Atsu is running now, and that's another thing he beat Gakushu at, his footsteps are quiet. He's gotten better at being trifling.

『X is for xanthochroia;』
•|°
✼The yellow that dresses me up is such an ugly shade of sunlight and bruises and straw. ✼
•|°
／In purple and blue
Yellow and green
Red and pink, my blood is the theme＼
•|°
・・Or maybe it's just to hear me scream?
To yell and cry
Letting a final, scornful goodbye. ・・
•|°
《Well whatever it is
Whatever it may be
I don't really care
It doesn't interest me》

•|°
＾It's not like a dream
But a nightmare instead
With all of these terrible voices trapped in my head.＾

•|°
‐This is not what it seems
Help me, please?
I beg of thee‐
•|°
//Can't you see my bloody nose?
My cold blue lips and frosty numb toes?
My crimson tears that endlessly flow\\
•|°
∥My hyper aware eyes
That dart across the room. ∥
×∆Π¶×
↓
ノThis is my final goodbye, remember
↓
We'll be together again soonﾉ