The food tastes off.

Off in ways Atsu can't really describe. He's tasted poison (he's taken it on purpose, he doesn't know why―maybe he was missing his sister too much―), and this isn't it. It tastes fake, off. Like plastic.

Everyone else is eating, so maybe he just isn't hungry. Atsu doesn't know, not really―to be honest, he doesn't know much other than what he had to learn.

"Hey, Atsu-chan!" Karma calls him. He looks back. "Why aren't you eating? If it's not to your taste I'm sure I could make it spicier―"

"No, I'm not hungry." He says. "It's weird."

"What? Not being hungry? I've never seen you eat all that much."

"No, the food. It tastes weird. Try it." He takes a spoon of curry and turns it to Karma, intending for him to take it from his hands. He doesn't expect Karma to eat it off the spoon when Atsu's holding it.

Atsu narrows his eyebrows and watches Karma swallow it with no problem. "Does it taste weird?"

Karma's face shifts to something Atsu can't quite place, his cheeks are flushed, but he doesn't look sick. He takes a bite of the food, his face is still flushed but its fading. Strange. That's not a symptom of hunger that he remembers. "Uhm, uh. No. It tastes pretty good."

"Maybe it's just me. I'm not very hungry." It tastes like something gone sour, Atsu thinks, pennies in his mouth and fruit peel in his hair.

"Ah, then. Uh. See ya!" Karma says, voice a little higher than it was before. He's acting strange, Atsu thinks. He wonders what's wrong, what he can do. He decides on nothing. He doesn't know what the problem is or how to solve it, so he doesn't linger on it. He pushes away the curry and soda.

His mouth feels like sandpaper anyway. He's not very hungry.

There's a party downstares that everyone is going to tonight, but Atsu would rather stay home or in his room, playing solitaire. The thought of those bright lights and loud noises make him nauseous. Makes his throat feel like that sandpaper is scratching against him harder. Nacchan would have loved it. She loves the fireworks from the festivals. Maybe he should go, for her, so her spirit can see it if she's folling him, like she always did. Bandaged like he was. 

He was perfect in their game. 

Repress. He thinks. Repress, lock it away into a box, throw away the key, don't thnk about it, she's —

Atsu thinks he might be some sort of dreamer, he's made it to this point. He's just waiting for the carpet to pull, for the mirror to crack, skinned knees and scraped hands are the only things he's familiar with. He made a smoke filled building his home for a long, long time and he can find a home here. 

In his sandpaper throat and his glass-shard hands. He can make a home in healing wounds and Irina's clemintine house. Mold himself to the edges and grow up from there, he can be better. He can smile now, he can learn how to be happy. 

Atsu isn't going to be though. 

He doesn't deserve it. Not what with he's done. He messed up one too many times, burnt down so many bridges that his whole stomach collapsed into the ocean his sister drowned in. 

(He should have drowned then was a thought that occured so often he always had it close in his mind, it crept, silent like a wave and took im under when he was at rock bottom.)

__

"Hey, uh, Atsu, you in there?" Someone is knocking at his door just as he finishes his game.

"Come in." he says. "I'm done playing anyway."

Kayano opens the door to see Atsu packing up his cards and sighs in relief. "Geez, I thought you were doing something else."

"I wanted to play Bullshit but everyone else was downstairs an it's no fun without other players." Atsu shrugs, shruggingly. 

"Okay, so," Sh etakes in a deep breathe. "our whole class minus like, seven, got poisoned and we need as many people as we can to help get it back. Will you help us?"

Atsu thinks to his sisters, how he couldn't save either of them. He thinks of himself, his ace and guilt and fears, and he nods. "Okay," he says. "I'll go."

She nods, reluctant, like you might just be some monster under the water, you hum to her, she leads, you follow. 

__

When they both get there, Karasuma gives a warning for everyone, to be on your guards, all of them, before you all start climbing the side of the cliff. Atsu doesn't have much experience with this sort of thing. He used to try to climb out of the side of the house when he was small and naive about the way his parents worked. It never went very well, but it's the best he can do right now. 

At least he doesn't flinch when the rocks cut.

He also doesn't pay attention when they goad the teachers into joining them. The teachers do, of couse, fall for the quick bait. Karasuma says things that he already knows, our best strategy is the element of disguise, he says, like tehy don't  know. He restates the goal, get to the top floor, and— when they do make it to the top, not with Irina's whining as help, they hide behind the railing. 

"The side door is locked," Risu says cheerfully. "One moment."

__

The entrance hall is magnifacent, one of the less fancy one Atsu has seen but still somehow infinitly tackier. The walls are gold and red and that theme crosses over to the entire room. "Why the hell do they have so many damn security guards." Karasuma says, the picture of boredom and composure. Like this isn't  huge inconvienience.

"That's.." Nagisa murmurs absentmindedly. "a lot of guys for us to sneak past."

Irina doesn't seem to see the problem, "C'mon, what are we waiting for, lets just do it."

The rest of the group interjects, becuase she has to be batshit, but Atsu can see teh plan brewing in her eyes when she sees.. something past the wall. 

She marches onward, winking. "Watch and learn, sweethearts."

She stumbles, then. She continues stumbling until she stumbles into a boyguard. Protection. Atsu has to wonder what exactly she's going to pull. "Oh, sorry," she slurrs. "blame the minibar in my room." Atsu has to wonder if they're dumb enough to not realize how her breathe doesn't reak of alcohol. "Is that!" she sounds so excited. "Oh that's the piano I'm playing on next week! I came over a week early to practice.. mind if I play a few bars?" she doesn't wait for an answer, already sitting in the tiny piano seat. 

She plays motzart perfectly. He almost wants to laugh. She sends the signal, though, and everyone marches foreward. Atsu wonders if he's ever going to get that sandpaper taste out of his mouth. 

H is for hysterical -

now this is all theoretical

would you go over there is all

unto the sea and sail alone

i kow that i would fail

hoisting a ship and a caiptains tail

i'd drown in that sea, like a cross to a nail

though i could climb and swim with grave scale

i would not survive without you

the world would be far too pale

H is for hydrangeas - 

i would sallow the moon

on your hallow ground

sip on the sun to carve you out

the finest of man

of the finest tree

i would love if you

too loved me

HOT DAMN IT'S BEEN A SECOND. IT'S LIKE, 1AM. THIS IS PROBABLY REALLY BAD AND ALSO IT'S GOING TO BE ANOTHER HOT SECOND. I DO PROMISE THAT THIS ROUND THE Z WILL BE FINAL.