Tibbrsvjmbfs

20.8k- eyeー

My brain: Should he go to therapy and solve his problems?

Also my brain: PTSD is interesting- nightmares!

(I'm not saying this to romanticize mental health, PTSD and emotional repression are both absolutely horrible. I just happen to find anything involving the mind interesting)

Atsu's parents were terrible, terrible people. Karasuma and Irina both knew thisーthey had been arrested for working with the yakuza, which in and of itself was a heinous act; but they also abused their children. Both of them- Karasuma had been surprised at the prospect of Atsu having a sister, but found it reassuring. Until he found out she was dead.

Karasuma wondered sometimes how a kid his age could handle that stress he's under constantly. Then the government agent realized their were more important things to deal with, like where he was going to live.

Then Irina came in with that he could live with her. Karasuma agreed silently, the only indicator being the tip of his head and the crease of his smile.

_

Warmth glows on paper flesh and charcoal eyes through crumbling glass and drearily warped clouds. His lips are a blushing hue of pink and he looks just a little less sickly than he had a week ago.

"That's it for today's lesson, and Hino, I need to speak with you after class."

The boy just nodded at her words; the class was more enthraled by her Japanese than him. Which was odd, but not unexpected in these circumstances. He sighs, purple stains his under eye in a terrible shade and hue of sleeplessness and drowsy.

A yawn breaks through his lips.

_

Irina is as nonchalant as she always is. Though, there's something different now, something that even he notices (he's beginning to realize he notices a lot).

She's fiddling, her fingers interlacing with one another, she cracks her knuckles and sighs, budding courage in her mind to tell him. It's almost as though she's confessing to stealing a cookie- though to Atsu, stealing a cookie had more consequences than the average. It hurts his head to think about, so he doesn't.

"Ms. Jelavic, if you're not going to say anything, can I go to sleep?" He mutters it so quietly the only reason she hears it is the fact she's trained to. She gulps.

"Hino, I'm going to ask you a very serious question-" Her voice is strong, a calm before the storm.

Atsu looks at her with dull eyes, there is no twitch of his brow, or creasing of his lips, he doesn't show her to continue; he just sits with unamused eyes.

"Would y-you like to live with me?" If she looked a little closerーif she'd been a tad more perceptive, she'd see the fear and confusion in his eyes. She'd see the way his body tensed, how his legs started to twitch and his fingers clenched to his fists.

Even so- he can handle it, he has no other choice. He nods his head and gulps. When he leaves the room and goes out to lunch he bites his tongue and sighs. It's all happening again, he thinks.

It's all going to restart and he's just going to get hurt again; but this time he won't have Kanashi- he won't have anyone. He's just going to suffer, alone. Atsu doesn't think he can handle that, but he'll adapt, he will learn to live with it. It'll be slow and painful. A horrible process of repitation and suffering, but everything is fine, because he already knows what and what not to do.

_

Atsu is tense at then end of the day, his ears are ringing, but he shows no signs of distress or pain. If Irina knows he's weak now, he thinks, who knows what she could do later.

A hand places itself on his shoulders but he doesn't tense- he knows that if she knows it would all go downhill; so he goes into her car and they drive and drive until they are by an apartment complex on the uppercut part of town.

She takes out a navy blue suitcase and hands it to him.

"This has all your stuff in it."

They walk toward one of the complexes. She takes out a pair of keys and opens the door with a smirk, taking off sunglasses Atsu is sure she wasn't wearing a moment before.

"Welcome~,"

He nods. Black eyes scanning for any odd things, like a bottle of hydrogen peroxide that isn't in the bathroom. He can't find any. Irina takes him to his room, it's pretty dull, but better than the last. There's a twin sized bed in the middle, with milky white sheets, pillows and a burgundy desk on its left. A second set of doors, what he's assuming is a closest is on the opposite of his bed. He opens the suitcase and takes everything out in search for one thing.

It was some he's sure they didn't pack until he sees it and a smile makes its way onto his face. A dusty set of papers binded together by a teetering white bow lay ontop of one another with scrawled, childish hand writing a small sketch of a smiling girl with closed eyes and hair as messy as his.

He flips over to the first page and traces his nimble fingers over the words.

To: My Nii-chan!

I know how much you like to write even if you dont show it so I made you this at school! Maybe you can write me one of those poems you always write for me in here, Sensei says that you have a conishun were you kant feel that you love me or that I love you. So I made you this so you can be happy and smile at me when you think I don't notice. Maybe you'll teach me and Kana-nii how to make poems like you!

Love,

Ame Hino

So he turns to the next page and reaches into his backpack for a pencil, sprawling letters on the page as if they were his lifeline.

B is for Bloodlust;

I don't know who to trust
So I'll trust you

And you'll be the rain,

To show me through my pain.