I sat in the meeting room waiting these maggots to get their asses down here. We had discuss something very very important. Important as in the world is in danger. Finally they arrived and sat down. "ALRIGHT MAGGOTS LISTEN UP!" I yelled to try and wake them up. Man a mean fella like me finally lets them sleep in and they still wanna sleep during my meeting. Not on my watch.

I took my pistol and shot a plant that was to my side. That woke them up. "Now that you're awake. I have something very important to tell you."

They all looked at me with wide eyes. They have been so bored. It's been a very slow year every since the Great Gorilla War of 6091. Which by the way was last year. "I got a call yesterday from chief saying there is going to be an attack.......(cough) on us."

"But why Commander Yuri ? We haven't bothered anyone. Not since the Great Gorilla War." Said private Dennis aka my right hand man.

"Well Dennis, you know how we sent private Steve on that mission to our neighboring planet Parkson? Well he kinda slept with the leader's daughter and he is piiiissssseed. So apparently he's sending his men here to fight."

"Well sir what happened to private Steve?" Someone said.

"Umm you. He's living his life in ummm... somewhere else." I said hesitantly as I walked out the door to see the chief.

As I did, I heard someone say "I think private Steve went to heaven." God these people are smart (cough) not.

.................................................................
In case you are confused, here is a little bit of info to catch you up.

Yuri is from Yuri on Ice and Dennis is my teacher. I just used their names. Anyway, the year is 6092 right after the Great Gorilla War of 6091. This planet is called earth (obviously that's the only thing that kinda normal in this story😜). One of the soldiers slept with the leader of Parkson's daughter on his mission and now the leader is sending his men to fight.