Disclaimer: I am in NO WAY advocating suicide, nor am I suicidal. This is just a work of fiction. That is it. I promise. Please DO NOT commit suicide. If you are suicidal, please seek help. And if you are going through a dark time or are easily triggered, I would advice you not to read this. You have been warned.

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Dedicated to the beautiful soul who had to leave too soon

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She took a shallow breath of air, trying to calm herself down. Tears were streaming down her face, pressing her forehead to her knees, pulling her legs closer to herself.

It was just too much to bear. She couldn't handle it anymore. The pressure from her parents, the bullying, her overwhelming thoughts.

She just wanted it all to stop.

She got to her feet, running her fingers through her tangled hair, taking a look around her room. Her curtains were drawn, the soft rays of moonlight seeping in through the gap between the curtains. The room was dark, barely bright enough to see, the only light coming from the moon, but it was perfect for her.

She headed towards the bed in the centre of the room, fumbling for the bottle on her bedside table, her shaking hands struggling to uncap it.

It had to be done. She couldn't stop now.

She collapsed to the floor, tired, and in more ways than one. She could feel the energy draining our of her, her will to live slowly dissipating.

What was the point? She wasn't cared for. There were too many expectations placed on her shoulders and she was only a burden to everyone around her. No one cared. Why should they? She was useless.

She wasn't worth it.

Kate, stay strong. It'll get better, I promise.

Empty promises. That was all her brother's words were. He didn't understand. There was no 'getting better', not in her situation anyway.

Like she's told herself countless times before: what was the point?

Her mind wandered to the times her schoolmates made fun of her, brought her down until she was burnt to the ground. Until her heard and her soul were shattered into a million pieces, unable to be fixed. There was no putting her back together.

Years and years of bullying tore her apart bit by bit until she was turned into dust.

The Kate she once knew was no longer.

In her eyes, she was basically as good as dead.

She poured a handful of pills into her palm and put them in her mouth, forcing herself to swallow all of them dry, bawling her eyes out. She couldn't stop crying. The wound wouldn't heal. She couldn't stop the pain. The despair. The hurt.

She couldn't bear it any longer.

She wiped away the endless stream of tears with the back of her hand, but it was useless. The cheeks were stained with tears, and that way it would remain. Her emotions were a mess. She couldn't determine how she felt.

All she knew was that she was empty. Lost.

Gone.

Her hands started trembling from crying too hard, from the anxiety building up in her. It was too much. It was too late.

Who cares?

No one.

It was a vicious cycle, really. One moment she felt like she was on top of the world, that perhaps things will get better and that she will get her life back, free from the chains of anxiety and depression that years of bullying and excessive pressure has built, and the next, she was back in a spiral of darkness, like nothing has changed.

Like nothing ever will.

She stood up, taking one shaky step after another to the chair set up directly underneath her ceiling fan, climbing on it and standing on her feet, her eyes sweeping across her dark room yet again.

It was just like any other teen's room, really. A messy bed, books and papers strewn all over, clothes in a messy pile in the corner of the room. But there were things, subtle things, things anyone could easily skip over, that were amiss.

Her shorts and T-shirts that were never used anymore. The small black bag hidden under her mattress, filled with blades. Her navy journal filled with her consuming thoughts.

But no one would've noticed. She hid it too well. No one saw through her.

Except her brother. Her older brother. Her beloved brother.

But even he couldn't save her.

She was far beyond saving.

She grabbed the noose hanging from the fan and looped it around her neck, her hand digging into the rope. She closed her eyes, tears still falling down her face, savouring the last few moments of her life.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, her heart breaking one last time.

But it was alright. It was all going to end soon.

It'll be okay.

She tightened the noose, still gripping onto the rope around her neck.

"Goodbye."

Kate pushed the chair away, until her whole body was dangling in midair, suspended by the rope around her neck.

The noose tightened around it, digging into her neck and windpipe, and she felt the air in her lungs get choked out of her.

It hurt, but only for a little while longer.

It's going to be over soon. 

And then, everything — all the suffering, all the pain and hurt and scars, all the darkness — will finally be

g o n e.

___

A/N: Hey guys. I'm going to be completely transparent here. I am writing this on the plane on the way back to Australia to continue my studies after visiting my family for about two weeks.

Also, I'm noticing a recurring trend of me writing about suicide. Well. I can assure you it's completely coincidental. I just love writing very intense, emotional scenes and I love dark stories so they tend to take a dark turn, if you catch my drift. I promise you I am not suicidal and I very well intend on continuing to live.

If you follow my blog (which, if you don't, you should. It's angelyntjf.wordpress.com and the link to it is in my bio as well), you'll know that I've recently written a post opening up a bit about my struggles with my own mental health, hoping that it'll help you with your own struggles, and I've also explained why I did it.

You see, one of my friends, albeit not a close one, recently committed suicide and I wish I could say otherwise but I can't. She's such a lovely person, one of the few people in school who was actually nice, to me or and to others.

In my mind, she's still so alive, so cheerful, always smiling and happy. But I should've known otherwise. I should've been more observant and noticed the little things. How could I have been so blind, especially since I've gone through the same thing?

I've always known that suicide greatly affects the people around you, but I never knew to what extent until now.

I've known her since I was about 7, having gone through both primary and secondary school with her, even if we were never classmates. She's such a beautiful person. She has such a big heart. I wish she didn't have to go like this. I wish she didn't feel this way, like there were no other alternatives but to kill herself.

This news affects me so much and I can't stop thinking about her. She has been on my mind ever since I heard the news. And, I suppose, one of the reasons is because I relate to it so much. I was in a very very bad place only a few months ago and if I had acted on any of my dark thoughts, I wouldn't be here today.

So, this story is dedicated to her: the beautiful soul who had to go in such a tragic way.

And I hope none of you will go through this. Remember that there are always people out there who love you and that you are never alone. There are always other people going through the same things and there are always people who care about you and cherish you and want you in their lives, even if you may think otherwise.

Never keep it in. Talk to people. Your parents, your siblings, your close friends, your counsellor. Talk to the person you can trust. Or, if you don't want to open up to them, you can always turn to online support such as 7 Cups of Tea where you can talk about it anonymously, or you can call a hotline. Or you can even talk to me if you feel like you have no one to talk to.

You don't have to go through this alone.

There are so many people out there who want to help you. Just speak up and ask for help. You are not alone. People will help you. You only need to ask.

You are not useless. You are not worthless. If anything, you deserve the world.

So, I implore you, hold on. Hold on to the hope that you'll get better. That there's only upwards from here. Hold onto the hope that you'll be able to live the life that you want. But that will only happen if you hold on and push on.

Stay strong. You can do this.

I believe in you.

Much love,

Angie

PS. I've said it before and I say it again, I am in NO WAY advocating suicide. If anything, I strongly believe that death is not the answer and WILL NEVER be the answer. Please please please don't kill yourself. It will not solve anything. Just hang in there, okay?