To Take What He Pleases
Jugo doesn't stay for long when he's finished telling his story. Sasuke walks him to the back door and he disappears, promising to return soon.
He knows he shouldn't, but Sasuke can't help but compare his life to Jugo's. He spent years of his life in a cramped, tight space. At least Sasuke had a nice room and a nice bed. He could shower and groom himself and eat when he wanted to.
"Which is worse?" he murmurs to himself before shaking off the thought. In the end, it's all horrible. There is no point in comparisons.
He goes back to his room, feeling restless and tense. He lies in his bed, up against the pillows. He feels restricted in the physical sense. He grabs at the shirt clinging to his torso before tearing it off. He slumps forward, rubbing his temples. He's tired in a way that sleep won't help and he doesn't know what to do. He wants Naruto to come home, but the sun only went down an hour ago. Similar to Sasuke's calming effect on Jugo, Naruto has a calming effect on Sasuke... but he's not here right now and all Sasuke can do is try to calm himself down in the only way he knows how.
He leans back and lifts his hips. When the rest of his clothing is gone, he masturbates lazily – thinking about everything and nothing at the same time. He draws it out, touching and toying himself in other ways only strangers have done. He thinks back to what Naruto had said when he first arrived.
"If you're a sex addict, I'll get you a toy."
Perhaps Sasuke is a sex addict. It's something he is so used to he almost feels like he needs it. Nonetheless, he can't help but think it feels kind of freeing. It hadn't before. Before, it was only business. Now is different. He can flaunt himself and tease people without the obligation of having to fuck them. Perhaps that's what he was doing to Naruto the day before. Perhaps that's what he was doing to Jugo mere hours before.
"Improper," he hazily says to himself, staring at the semen on his fingers. That's what Naruto and Jugo both said to him, but he doesn't quite understand it.
||XxXx||
After a few too many glasses of rum punch, Naruto returns home. Instead of turning to the kitchen to get the glass of water he desperately needs, he stumbles upstairs into Sasuke's room.
He finds the brunet on his bed, lying on his back with his knees bent – not wearing a stitch of clothing. He doesn't look like he's in the middle of anything – he just looks thoughtful and content. However, his serene expression is gone in a split second.
"Naruto..." he says, sitting up and covering himself.
"Why'd you do that?" Naruto asks after a pause.
"Do what?"
"Cover yourself," the blond says.
"You said it's improper..." Sasuke points out.
"It's your room," Naruto says. "You're allowed to be naked in your own room."
"That's not what you were saying yesterday." Sasuke tilts his head to the side, scrutinizing the blond. "What's wrong with you?" he asks. "You're acting different... something about you is off."
Naruto shrugs carelessly. "I'm the same as ever, kiddo." He moves into the room, nearing Sasuke.
"We're the same age," Sasuke reminds him. "In fact, I think I'm slightly older."
"You don't look or act it." Naruto sits on the edge of the bed and leans forward until they're mere inches apart. Then, without further hesitance he pushes his lips against Sasuke's. It's brief and he draws back without anything more than just that.
Sasuke is staring at him with an expression that shows confusion. "What now?" he asks quietly. He lets his gaze travel down and that's when he notices the bulge in the blond's pants. "Oh," he says with a forced laugh. "That's what."
But, for Sasuke, this part is all familiar. He's done this more times than he could count on his fingers and toes. He can do it again. He can do it for Naruto.
Is this right?
Or is it wrong?
Something about it feels wrong.
Sasuke reaches for the button on the blond's pants, undoing it with a click. Naruto does the rest as Sasuke gets off of the bed – standing bare. A second later, he sinks to his knees, swallowing the blond's cock like a professional. It then occurs to Naruto that he is a professional. "You clean?" he asks, grabbing a handful of the brunet's hair. Sasuke makes a humming sound, as if to say yes, but he doesn't stop. Neither does Naruto. He tightens his hand in the smaller man's hair and starts thrusting in and out of his mouth – fucking his face harder and faster. Sasuke lets out a meek sound, but takes it easily. He looks good on his knees. Naruto can't help but think he'd probably look good doing anything with a face like that and a tight body to match. And hell... he's good at his job.
Naruto closes his eyes, getting lost in the sensation of the other man's tongue. 'I'm an asshole,' he thinks to himself. 'I really am the worst shit on the earth.'
||XxXx||
When all is said and done, Sasuke hurries to get dressed. He thought it would have felt different. He got what he wanted, didn't he? He got to touch Naruto the way he wanted to touch him... Yet something was amiss. It was all wrong and now he doesn't feel right.
He slips into a pair of sweatpants and Naruto comes up behind him. He touches the mark on Sasuke's back, causing him to shudder. "Don't," he whispers.
"Does it bother you?" he asks. "This mark?"
"Yes."
"I can see why," Naruto murmurs. "It's dehumanizing. It says that you're a product, not a person."
"Thank you," Sasuke says cynically.
"I don't see you that way," the blond finishes, hugging the other man from behind tightly – too tightly.
"How do you see me?" he can't help but ask. He doesn't dare move. He decides to be coy instead. Lust aside, it occurs to him that he doesn't truly know Naruto. This may just be what the blond is like on a normal day – the kind of man who will take what he wants. It's somewhat disheartening. Sasuke thought he might've been different. In the end, maybe no one is.
Naruto buries his face in Sasuke's hair. "You're beautiful," he says.
"Is that all?" Sasuke pries. He hopes that's not all the blond sees. Its' all anyone ever sees. Perhaps Naruto truly is no different than the rest.
"You're determined," he continues. "You're strong. You know how to survive. I think I loved you when I was a child."
Sasuke's heart feels heavy, but he doesn't quite know why. "What about now?"
"I don't know," Naruto murmurs. A moment later, he draws way and Sasuke turns around to stare. The blond looks conflicted and withdrawn. It unsettles Sasuke. Usually Naruto looks sure and confident – like he understands everything happening around him. Now is the opposite. He looks lost, like he doesn't understand anything.
"What's wrong with you?" Sasuke asks again. It comes out shakily. If this is love, he doesn't want it.
"What's right?" Naruto mutters, sitting back down on Sasuke's bed. "I always do this..."
"Do what?" Sasuke pries.
"This," Naruto reiterates.
"Oh," is all he says. He still doesn't know what the blond is going on about, but he has a feeling he won't be getting any coherent answers.
The two men are silent – both thinking about similar things. Naruto's guilt is already beginning to weigh on him while Sasuke's naivety is preventing him from understanding what is happening. Naruto rubs a hand down his weary face and sighs. Sasuke stands against the wall and watches him. He feels uncomfortable and there's something still nagging in his chest – a feeling he thought would go away.
He got what he wanted, right? What now?
A few minutes later, Naruto stands up and wanders out of the room.
Sasuke watches him go, but he doesn't follow.
||XxXx||
It's past midnight, but Sasuke can't sleep. His mind is still reeling and thoughts are pressing him. He wanders out of his room, down the hall and onto the main floor. He leaves through the back exit and sits on the balcony. He sits on an iron swing and rubs his tired eyes.
It's quiet outside and the moon is a blurry ball of light shining through the dark, cloudy sky. The only sound that can be heard is the chirp of cicadas. For some reason, Sasuke finds it nice. Perhaps it's because of the unfamiliarity. For the first time in his life, he's allowed to take a few steps outside. He's allowed to see the moon from the other side of the wall. He's allowed to hear the sounds of the great outdoors. He's sure most people wouldn't find it as awe inspiring as he does and he can't help but wonder if it's something he'll grow apathetic towards or if it's something he should savor while he can.
He doesn't know how long this will last. Jugo said they're already looking for him. There are posters around the city with his face on them. Sasuke supposes it's inevitable. He shouldn't continue to let things weigh him down.
'Someday, Naruto will probably just be a memory,' he thinks to himself. 'Maybe not even that.'
If he's taken back to the villa, they'll be sure to remove all memories of his freedom. Once again, all memories of Naruto will be lost.
"Does it matter?" he asks aloud before answering, "Probably not."
A lie, of course. He's trying hard to convince him that certain things don't matter, but the ache won't subside. He lets out a breath and lies down on the swing. It's not comfortable, but he's not quite ready to go inside. He curls into himself, sniffling. He's not sure if it's the cool air of the lingering emotions.
"Take it with an empty mind," he reminds himself before closing his eyes.
||XxXx||
When Sasuke wakes up, the sun is halfway in the sky. He sits up quickly. He hadn't intended to stay out for the night. Inside, he locks the door and returns to his room. It's still dark in the house. The sun isn't bright enough to shine through the windows yet.
Sasuke goes back upstairs and into his room. He closes his door and burrows beneath the covers of his bed. His mind is hazy. He's still tired – in mind and body. He sniffles, though he tries not to. He's been through far worse than just this... but then again the day has been overwhelming. With the return of his memories came the return of old feelings – feelings for Naruto.
Part of him realizes it's not just due to the memories. Part of him realizes he started feeling things for the blond a mere day after being in his company.
But still, he hates it. He'd give anything not to care.
Before he knows it, his eyes begin leaking. How shameful. He knows he's not supposed to cry, but he can't help it. Everything hurts.
He presses his face into the duvet, trying to drown out any sounds to leave his mouth. The last thing he wants is for Naruto to hear him. Sasuke doesn't ever want the blond to know he's been crying over him.
He tries to breath evenly, but each breath comes out like a gasp. He can't remember ever crying this way before – even when Sai and Kiba died. Perhaps these tears are grieving something different. It truly is overwhelming.
The loss of his family is still fresh in his mind. The deaths of countless men, women and children. He can see them. He can hear them.
Even with Naruto's cock in his mouth he couldn't escape the macabre images. They found him. He wanted an out, so he took it... but it didn't work.
Naruto wasn't gentle. It surprised Sasuke. The blond has rough hands with a soft touch, but tonight he proved he could be harsh – just like any other man and how like a man to take what he pleases.
It hurts...
It hurts...
Everything hurts...
Sasuke pushes his face deeper into the bed covers, trying to keep himself as quiet as he possibly can. He feels like he might snap at any moment – like his mind might break and he'll never recover. He doesn't know how to make it okay.
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