"...I swear to god she is the world's worst marine." Trafalgar's cold voice growled, pulling me from unconciousness.

Not the nicest way to start chapter three off, but whatever.

"Truffles, be a dear and go fuck yourself with a baguette, okay?" I mumbled with a sleepy yawn.

Whatever I was laying on was far warmer than the sea stone sheets on my bed and I doubt I've felt this comfortable in a long time.

I heard a different deep voice chuckle, followed by what sounded like a hard kick. "Oi, marimo! Don't laugh at the beautiful lady!"

Beautiful lady? Marimo? Ah, that must be 'Black Leg' Sanji and 'Pirate Hunter' Roronoa Zoro.

I heard Trafalgar growl.

"She is not some beautiful lady." The Surgeon of Death growled. "She's a Vice-Admiral in the Navy with an obsurd habit of stripping."

I opened my eyes just in time to see Black Leg's nose gush an insane amount of blood.

"Stripping?!" He nearly squealed, hearts taking place where his eyes used to be.

I rolled my own eyes as Cat Burglar smacked Black Leg on the head. "Marines! Vice-Admiral! Navy! Do any of those words register at all with you?" The ginger navigator shrieked.

As Black Leg began his flirtatious apologies, I sat up in bed only to find that I was wearing normal, non-sea stone clothing, but my wrist was locked to the bed frame with a pair of sea stone cuffs.

Looking around, I gave a puzzled quirk of my eyebrow. "Where is your captain? I wish to negotiate the terms of my imprisonment."

Cat Burglar and Demon Child gave each other a look. "Luffy is-"

"HERE!" A boyish voice cut her off as a young man with a straw hat burst through the door with enthusiasm the likes of which I had never seen before.

The boy crashed into Trafalgar, who gave a startled yelp as he was sent careening onto my bed and into my chest.

My initial shock lasted a second before a suave, shit-eating grin came onto my face.

"Truffles. Baby. If you still had feelings for me you could have just said so. I didn't know you were so bold as to make a move in front of your friends!"

That got Black Leg started.

"WHAT?!" He howled, fire in his visible eye. "TRAFALGAR, YOU BASTARD! HOW DARE YOU TOUCH THIS PURE AS SNOW MADEMOISELLE?! I'LL KICK YOUR FUCKING ARSE ALL THE WAY BACK TO THE NORTH BLUE!"

The cook was held back by Sogeking, Soul King, and Cyborg as Straw Hat laughed his ass off and Pirate Hunter raised a semi-interested eyebrow at the Surgeon of Death.

Trafalgar pushed himself off of me with a snarl and several curses, though his face was flushed.

The Pet- as I have taken to calling the strange racoon-dog- looked frantic for a moment and tugged on Trafalgar's jeans, questioning his health and calling for a doctor frantically at the sight of the sadistic surgeon's coloring.

I let out a laugh. "Don't worry, Pet! Truffles is just upset because he doesn't want to admit that I was the best one night stand he ever had!"

I didn't get to see Black Leg explode further before both Straw Hat women were sitting at attention on the bed in front of me.

"I'm sorry... What?" Cat Burglar questioned. "You've slept with this beautiful hunk of man meat?!"

"Nami-swan!" I heard Black Leg whine as the ginger woman thumbed at Trafalgar over her shoulder.

Demon Child smirked and rested her chin in her hand. "Do tell."

"Robin!" The whine came from the Cyborg this time.

"What do night stands have to do with anything?" Straw Hat questioned innocently, the pet racoon-dog joining in the innocence. This left Pirate Hunter to awkwardly try and explain quietly while Trafalgar silently seethed.

I shrugged at the two women. "There's not much to tell. Trafucker and Buggy the Clown became part of the Shichibukai around the same time White Hunter Smoker and I became Vice-Admirals. There was a party and copious amounts of alcohol. One thing led to another and the next morning I'm waking up naked next to this guy."

I smirked at Trafalgar's hate filled face.

"The memories came back later, but honestly I was so smashed at the time that he could have been Boa Hancock for all I knew. But I mean come on, pirate or not who wouldn't tap that lady?"

I heard the sound of blood once more gushing from Black Leg's nose at the mental image and I looked over at Straw Hat.

"That right there is one lucky kid. Iron Mace Alvida and Pirate Empress Boa Hancock, the two most beautiful women in the world, are fucking obsessed with him. Hell, I'm straight and I'm jealous as shit!"

I let out another laugh and it seamed that Trafalgar finally had enough.

"Just stop! Everyone stop RIGHT FUCKING NOW!"

All eyes turned to the Surgeon of Death and he glared at every one of the Straw Hats.

"Does no one remember that this is a Vice-Admiral you are so casually conversing with?"

Silence filled the room and all eyes warily turned to me. I gave them a shrug and raised my hands up innocently.

"Hey, as long as you take me to the next island I swear on the grave of my commanding officer that I won't do anything to you guys." Yet.

Trafalgar scoffed and crossed his arms. "You would swear on Akainu's grave? He's not even dead."

I shook my head. "Nah, not him. My first commanding officer, Rocinante."

Trafucker clammed up instantly and his eyes nearly bulged out of his head as he took a step back.

What's his problem?

Cat Burglar looked between the two of us for a few moments before turning to look at Straw Hat. "Luffy, you're the captain. What do you think?"

I looked over to the boy and flashed a grin.

The pirate had his arms crossed and his head tilted to the side. His eyes were closed and his bottom lip was pushed out into a pout. He looked to be very deep in thought... For a simpleton, that is.

"Well..." He hummed. "I guess so since she and Torao are friends."

Trafalgar growled. "We are not-"

"The best of friends!" I cut the Surgeon of Death off with a shit-eating grin.

Trafalgar's scowl deepened at me and I raised a hand. "I need to make a call."

In only a few moments Demon Child had a den-den mushi in her hands and I punched in the familiar numbers, humming slightly as I waited for the old fuddy duddy to pick up.

"Hello?" The snail finally asked in that oh-so-familiar nagging voice. "Who is this?"

"Heyyy Cabe!" I called out, a large smile on my face.

I watched the pirates' shocked faces as the snail growled. "Saskia, where the hell are you?! I've been worried sick! Why haven't you contacted me sooner?!"

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, sorry 'bout that, mom. I'm actually hitching a ride to the next island with Smo-bear's targets."

The snail gave a confused look. "Vice-Admiral Smoker's targets? What-"

That was when Straw Hat took the speaker from my hand. "This is Monkey D. Luffy!" He shouted. "Who are you?"

The snail's jaw went slack with shock for a moment, then righted itself as Cabe cleared his throat.

"This is Captain Cabe of the Stripping Admiral's crew. You are accompaning my Vice-Admiral to the next island?"

"That's right!" Straw Hat shouted, putting one hand on his hip.

I smiled and leaned in, pulling the boy's rubber arm over to speak to my Captain. "And guess what Cabe, Trafucker's here too!"

The snail groaned and squeezed its eyes shut almost painfully. "God, not that guy again."

Trafalgar's glare deepened and he nearly let out a snarl. The snail did the work for him.

"No drinking around him, understand? Actually, no drinking in general! You know you're a flirty drunk and I will not have you fraternizing with pirates any more than you already are!" Cabe snarled. "Whoever on that ship is in charge of the alcohol, make sure the Vice-Admiral does not have access to it."

Pirate Hunter let out a hearty guffaw. "Believe me, no fucking marine is getting my saké."

A snarl came from behind him and Black Leg stormed over. "I am not throwing out tonight's rum cake just for you, shitty marine!" He snarled at the den-den mushi, then turned to me with hearts in his eyes. "But you can eat all you like Saskia-chaaaan~!"

I grinned and looked back down at the scowling snail. "Oh, I like this one."

[INCOMPLETE]