you love me despite the history of my hands, their mangled confession at the end of the world, let there be you, my world 

danez smith

tell me, is something wrong? if something's wrong, you can count on me. you know i'll take my heart clean apart if it helps your heart beat. 

sleeping at last

I have this strange feeling that i'm not myself anymore. it's hard to put into words, but i guess it's like i was fast asleep, and someone came, disassembled me, and hurriedly put me back together again. that sort of feeling.

sputnik sweetheart // haruki murakami

━

The truth of it is, Adya can feel herself crumbling.

Kal━ Clark tells her that it will get better, that the world around her is unfamiliar and she now has to live with the fact that her people, her planet is gone, destroyed and that this feeling of hollowness in her chest is going to go away, she will get better, she will move one and she will heal.

He tells her that she will be fine, a soft smile on his lips and a look in his eyes that makes Adya want to believe, want to have faith in what he says. It makes a sliver of hope curl in her chest, something warm taking place and momentarily distracting her from the ache in her chest. 

There was something about him, something about Kal-El, about Clark Kent that made Adya want to be better, that made her want to believe and have hope. Clark Kent and his ever-present smile and faith in people's ability to do good, to be better. Clark Kent was the embodiment of hope, of good, of kindness with a shell of steel and ichor in his veins.  

And Adya doesn't have the heart to tell him that it's more than that. It's more than just an ache, that it's more than the grief and loss. She feels her world crumbling, the strings keeping her afloat slowly tearing off. She can't tell him that some days, the longing to know who she is is so overwhelming that she can't breathe. That some days, she can barely move, crippled with an ache she can not find the source of, with the want to remember, remember what her home had been like, what she had been like before she was rescued.

Adya feels as if she was a mess of broken shards hurriedly put together, with parts of her missing and nowhere to be found. Clark tells her that she will, that she will know who she was one day, that she would no longer feel as if she were a half-formed thought and instead a person, that the gaps in her memory would return and she would not feel as if she were an empty shell.

Somedays, it feels as if Clark is the only thing holding her together, it feels as if he is carefully holding onto the shattered pieces of her soul.  A part of her knows that she's asking for too much, had been putting too much onto him and so she tries to settle into a new normal, tries to ignore the ache in the back of her mind, the hollowness in her chest and the feeling of numbness that settled into her joints.

But all the progress she had made is deemed fruitless when she wakes up one day with pinks and purples staining her skin with no recollection of where she had been for the past two days. 

━

ADYA VES-UR

CLARK KENT // KAL-EL

disclaimer

I do not own clark kent, krypton, kryptonian myths or the other known characters mentioned here barring than my own. My original characters and their plotlines belong to me, anything familiar belongs to DC Comics.

This fic contains the use of strong language, mental health issues, body horror, psychological horror, religious themes etc. 

note

took me a month and some days but I've finally written that summary !!! woooo!

Adya is my baby, my softest child and 90% of the time she has no clue what's going on or what to do. She very desperately needs a hug and also a very good therapist bc girlie is fucked up in ways you can't even imagine but she does get an a for effort.

So, adya is basically very confused and clark is just sunshine incarnate and they're soulmates despite what the world may throw at them. They're very cute and adya is very much a 'he deserves better and so I will be better' and clark's a 'nothing you could do would make me love you less' but oooooh boy is he in for some shit, my guy has no idea on what's abt to happen.

There will be a deep dive into the kryptonian myths and culture and honestly? pretty excited for that bc I love myself some lore.  Do you have to have prior knowledge? Not really, but will it help? yes but eh you do you.

Also, I'll try to portray the mental health issues and other issues/disorders that might come up as accurately as possible bc there are some parts that are a lil sensitive so cut me some slack if there are some inacurraries ? pls ?

Honestly, don't have much to say,, so enjoy!!