These are just text posts I find on Tumblr and put it into ya

Maybe there's a part two or more of y'all want it

It originally was going to be just 500+ words

But it's already nearly 2300 words

All of this comes from tumblr

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Alfred: if I was trapped in a room filled with explosives and the only way out was to eat a whole tomato I would die

Shelby: how the hell would you get in that situation

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"Hickity heck, get fucking rekt." - Thaovy

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Ludwig, going through a first aid kit: WHY WOULD YOU FILL IT WITH CHEETOS

Gilbert, bleeding out: I thought I'd be funny

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Hope: you okay?

Shelby: yeah, why?

Hope: you asked the woman at that store if damage repair shampoo also worked on emotions

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Lovino: I googled deadbeat emo kid today and your pic popped up

Taylor: at least my picture doesn't pop up when I google Grumpy Humpty Dumpty

Lovino: what were you doing googling that?

Taylor: you have your hobbies I have mine

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Cooper: Dreamz got wine drunk last night

Cooper: she tried to set our marriage certificate on fire

Cooper: she kept saying "good luck trying to return me without the receipt"

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*Doing a "friendship" race during the carry your partner portion*

Matthew: *carrying Hope bridal-style, jogging a little and talking calmly with him*

Alfred: *sprints past, carrying Shelby over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes; they're both screaming*

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Gilbert: I wish I was a dinosaur

Dreamz: why? Because they're big and scary? Because—

Gilbert: because they're all dead

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Yao: I can't believe you gave Loung espresso!

Arthur: But he asked nicely. And you said that you were teaching him manners.

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Dreamz: I'll keep all of my emotions right here.

Dreamz: *Gestures to chest*

Dreamz: And then one day I'll die

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*At a photoshoot*

Hayden: That's it. Everyone look like you're gardening.

Hayden: Spencer grab that little hoe

Spencer: *grabs Dennis*

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Yao: One bonus of being an older adult is grossly misusing modern slang on purpose and watching teenagers cry inside

Yao: A fine example: the other day I pointed at his shoes and, while looking Loung right in the eye, went "Man, are those bae or what, huh?" and the look on his face was something I will treasure for years.

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Shelby, meeting Hope for the first time: Hey miss Neufeld hope_forever_18 Canadian dudette?

Hope: Hope

Shelby: oh, sorry miss Hope Neufeld hope_forever_18 Canadian dudette

Hope: Wha—no?

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Hope, normally: I'm really such a quiet person, I'd prefer to blend into the background and stay out of trouble.

Hope, during golf tapping her mic: Is this thing on? Yes, just checking. GILBERT CAN SUCK A DICK

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Amelia: Dennis and Spencer are at that special age where they only have one thing on their mind.

Hayden, thinking he knows this meme: Murder?

Amelia, sighing: Dick jokes

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Hayden: as your best friend—

Spencer: Dennis's my best friend

Hayden:

Hayden: AS YOUR BEST FRIEND—

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Dreamz: fuck, I want to die

Mare: language

Dreamz: Hickity Heck, I crave death.

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Arthur: If you don't buckle down and do your work, you're going to end up at McDonald's.

Alfred: If I don't do my work, we get to go to McDonald's?!?!

Arthur: Wha—no!

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Hope: Would you slap your lover in the face for two million dollars?

Shelby: I would roundhouse kick Alfred in the face for free.

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Matthew: Do you think Hope will prefer flowers, or an adoption certificate for a baby vulture?

Alfred: If you don't know the answer to that, you're going to be single forever.

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Thaovy: well, like I always say...

Thaovy: fuck

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Arthur: You know, when I was your age—

Alfred: You know, when I was your height...

Arthur:

Arthur: Listen—

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Alfred: We've all done things we're not proud of.

Alfred: except...Matthew

Matthew: Well, no, actually I'm, um- I'm actually really bad at returning library books.

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Spencer: bro, good luck, bro

Dennis: bro, I don't need luck, bro, I have you

Spencer, tearing up: bro

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Gilbert: You're so sweet, and cute, and precious.

Dreamz: I AM NOT SWEET. I AM DARK AND MYSTERIOUS AND DANGEROUS AND VERY PISSED OFF.

Gilbert: so cute

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Thaovy: when I was small—

Lovino: *snorts*

Lovino: was

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Shelby: Words can't hurt me, these shades are Gucci.

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Shelby: why are people so obsessed with top or bottom? Honestly, I would be excited just to have a bunk bed.

Alfred: Shelby no

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Francis: You promised me you wouldn't get me bees again

Arthur, in the distance: Just open it

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Sammi: Can I ride this skateboard outside?

Hope: I'm not your mom, do what you want

Sammi, leaving: okay!!

Hope: Not on the road! Stay on the sidewalk!!!

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*at a museum*

Sammi: These artifacts are the oldest things at this museum.

Sammi, bumping into Yao:

Sammi: I was wrong

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Arthur: It sounds like you're asking me out on a man-date

Francis: Arthur, why are you so afraid of loving me?

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Gilbert: I am a very bad person. I am a very, very bad person. I am a horrible person.

Everyone: *silence*

Gilbert: "no you're not, Gilbert. We love you, Gilbert."

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Ludwig: Gilbert, why is your selfie sticky taped to the top of the Christmas tree?

Gilbert: because I'm a star

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Gilbert: I hope no one lowkey hates me.

Gilbert: Highkey hate me. Hate me with every fiber of your being.

Gilbert: go big or go home

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"There are a lot of tragedies happening lately. A lot of death, a lot of hurt, a lot of loss and frustration with the system. Don't forget to be compassionate despite that. Don't let the world make you unkind. Help where you can." -Feliciano

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Dennis: Close your eyes, bro

Spencer: alright, bro

Dennis: what do you see, bro?

Spencer: nothing, bro

Dennis: that's my life without you, bro

Spencer, holding back the tears: bro...

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Arthur: Your equations look like chicken scratch, but you got them all correct.

Alfred, later at home: I think he's onto us, mathmachicken

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Alfred: What's your favorite machine at the gym?

Shelby: the vending

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"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem." -Dreamz

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Feliciano: I have a question: what's thanksgiving?

Thaovy: It's where all the Americans come together and be thankful for not being British anymore.

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Thaovy: Today I yote my water bottle across the hall

Sammi: Did you just used "yeet" in past tense?

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Thaovy: Hey Shelby, are you dressing up for halloween?

Shelby: I'm already in costume

Thaovy: ...But you're wearing the same clothes as always??

Shelby: That's because I'm already the scariest thing out there.

Shelby: I'm the consequences of growing up and becoming an adult

Thaovy: *screams*

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*at Disneyland on the teacups*

Taylor, Jenna, Annalise, and Hope: *spinning a little and talking*

Shelby, Dreamz, Thaovy, Sammi: *flying past them as they spin it as fast as possible, screaming*

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Judge: I hereby sentence you to 68 years of prison.

Sammi, as Thaovy's lawyer: Your honor, my client respectfully requests one more year to be added to her sentence.

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Terrance: wanna play a game?

Samuel: uh...sure?

Terrance: It's called "Dennis or Amelia". I give you actual quotes I've heard Spencer say, and you guess if he was talking to Spencer or to his (ex)girlfriend.

Samuel:

Samuel: nice

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*has a poster with the word DEATH*

Matthew: There's only one thing worse than death

Matthew, tears away paper so the whiteboard says "ALFRED'S DEATH": Boom

Arthur, gasping: Alfred

Matthew: no

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Thaovy: Y'all'd've'f'ld've

Shelby: You all would have if I would have?

Thaovy: Correct! It's almost a complete sentence of contractions

Shelby: The South is out of control.

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Officer: alright, what're your names?

Gilbert: don't tell him, Thaovy

Officer, writing it down (incorrectly): Thaovy

Gilbert: oh shit

Thaovy: way to go Gilbert

Officer:

Thaovy: fuck

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Dreamz: That's my way of doing things. When life gives me pain, I take that pain and push it down. And if the pain starts to come up again, I push more pain down on top of it. Why confront something when you can just avoid it?

Hope: Dreamz... do you need hug?

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Sebastian: can you pass the salt?

Thaovy: sure

Thaovy: *hands him a piece of paper*

Sebastian, taking and looking at it: ...this is just a piece of paper with Lovino's picture on it

Thaovy: exactly

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Gilbert: Hello? Police? There's an insanely good looking man in my house.

Gilbert: Wait a second. Cancel that. It's only my reflection.

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Dreamz: FUCK

Mare: language

Jett: English

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Yao: Oh, you guys are pathetic! When I was your age, we didn't even have cellphones.

Jenna: Yeah, but you had stuff that we don't have!

Thaovy: Yeah, like dinosaurs and Moses.

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Feliciano: Lovino, no one's pure evil! I mean, yes, some people have a hard outer shell, but inside, everybody has a creamy center.

Lovino: Feliciano, people aren't chocolates. Do you know what they are, mostly? Bastards. Bastard coated bastards with bastard filling.

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Ludwig: GILBERT NO

Gilbert: what

Ludwig: sorry, force of habit

Ludwig: FELICIANO NO

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Shelby: perhaps I can drink my sorrows away...

Shelby: *opens a Capri Sun*

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ft. Michelle

Shelby: I'm going to bed

Michelle: it's noon

Shelby: time isn't real

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Waiter: How would you like your tea, sir?

Alfred: tax free

*Eagle caws in the distance*

Arthur: *groans*

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Thaovy: HELP IM DROWNING

Hope: stop screaming you're in five feet water

Thaovy, whose height is 4'10: NOT EVERYONE IS TALL

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Shelby: I'm the most responsible member of this group

Hope: Yesterday you set the bathroom on fire.

Shelby: there was a spider okay

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Lovino: Surgery is just stabbing someone to life.

Ludwig: Please never become a surgeon.

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Jacob: what happened here man

Hayden: it was crazy man. Spencer and Dennis were fighting. It was an all out bawl.

Jacob: don't you mean a brawl?

Hayden: no, a bawl. Dennis hurt Spencer's feelings so Spencer started crying, and then Dennis felt bad so he started crying. Now they're holding each other while they cry. A big ol' bawl.

Dennis, while sniffling: Hayden made a pun

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*ghost hunting with everyone*

Arthur: You know, the spirits of this world can be very aggressive. So it is important to take all necessary precautions when approaching.

*meanwhile*

Dreamz and Thaovy in unison, blowing air horns at the demons: GET FUCKED

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Francis: Can't you make those lines any neater?

Thaovy: I am a creative person, not a straight person, okay!

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Gilbert: How did you find me?

Dreamz: Oh, I saw a huge explosion and wondered "Now, who could that be?"

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Sammi: I forgot to sleep because I was looking at memes.

Loung: If you ever wonder why you have no friends, remember that sentence.

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Hope: I relate to Belle because she loves to read books and loves people for their souls.

Gilbert: I relate to Tinkerbell because she needs attention or she dies.

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Dreamz: am I in hell

Thaovy: No, Dreamz. If you were in hell, you'd be on a throne and the devil would be packing.

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Alfred: Z is just a sideways N.

Shelby: it's 2AM please stop

Alfred: zo

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Spencer: how's the prettiest person in the world doing today?

Amelia: n-nothing, how about yo—

Dennis, across the room: IM FINE FUCK FACE

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Hope: name one thing you can't live without

Sebastian: T-Thaovy

Thaovy: mEMES

Sebastian:

Thaovy:

Thaovy: *dabs*

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Arthur: you look nice, I want to kiss you

Francis: what

Arthur: I SAID IF YOU DIED I WOULDNT MISS YOU

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Shelby: Hunger and sex are different sorts of motivations. Hunger responds to a need. If we don't eat, we die. Sex is not–in this sense–a need. If we don't have sex, we may feel like dying, but we do not.

Gilbert: How do you know nobody ever died from lack of sex?

Thaovy: Because you're still alive.

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Arthur: I love your hair

Francis: what

Arthur: I said I love the air, Francis. Pay attention

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Francis: You're smiling. Did something good happen?

Arthur: Why? I can't smile because I feel like it?

Matthew: Alfred tripped and fell in the parking lot.

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Samuel: I spy with my little eye something beginning with "s"

Terrance, looking over to Spencer and Dennis conversing: is it "sexual tension"

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Yao, to Loung: I wonder what's Sammi thinking about

Sammi: *wii music*

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Ludwig: Could you please STOP saying "yeet" it's not funny anymore

Thaovy: I'll stop when my soul leaves this body

Ludwig:

Thaovy: So when tHIS BITCH EMPTY

Ludwig: NO—

Thaovy: Y E E T

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Spencer: I wrote Dennis a note telling him how I feel.

Hayden: that's progress!

Spencer: I tore it up and flushed it.

Hayden:

Hayden: it's still progress!

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Sebastian: Whose turn is it to give the pep talk?

Ludwig, sighing: it's Lovino's turn...

Lovino: Fuck shit up out there, but don't die.

Gilbert, wiping away a tear: inspirational...

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Thaovy: So you remember the plan if I ever get shot right

Sammi: of course

Thaovy: tell me

Sammi: in the case of you ever being shot, as you fall to the ground, I am to sing MMMMM WHATCHA SAY no matter the circumstances

Thaovy: good

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Thaovy: hey Ludwig can you tell me the opposite of these words?

Ludwig: ?

Thaovy: always, coming, from, take, me, down

Ludwig: Never, Going, To, Give, You, Up

Gilbert, in the distance: *laughing*

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Hope: Synonyms are weird because if you invite someone to your cottage in the forest, that just sounds nice and cozy, but if I invite you to my cabin in the woods, you're going to die.

Thaovy: My favorite is "butt dial" vs "booty call".

Annalise: It's called connotation.

Thaovy: Also, "forgive me father, I have sinned," vs "sorry daddy, I've been naughty".

Shelby: Great news! Language is now cancelled!

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I couldn't remember the last one but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I also could be wrong but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

thanks y'all i'll be here all day

i think