Chapter 25

Warning: R-18

Parang naputol ang pisi ng pasensya niya. Rinig ko ang pagtatama ng ngipin at kita ko ang pagsulpot ng mga ugat sa bisig. Inalis niya ang kamay sa akin, at kahit mukhang hirap na hirap, yumuko siya, at marahan akong hinalikan sa noo.

His breathing was labored. I could feel him panting as his chest heaved against mine. His pulsating length was probing me, distracting my train of thought.

"Juancho..." I called, not knowing what to do anymore.

"Give me a minute, baby," he murmured. "I'm too aroused. I don't want to hurt you."

I touched his arms and gave them a light squeeze. They were hard and smooth against my fingers. Their muscles were flexed as if he was dying out of control.

"You're my first," I said weakly.

He drew back slightly, catching my gaze. The blaze in his eyes never went out. It was as if his arousal hadn't gone down at all—in fact, it had doubled.

"And only," he concluded.

Wala na siyang sinayang na oras. Lumapit siya at hinalikan ako sa labi. Sa pagkabigla, impit akong napasigaw. Sinamantala niya ang pagkakataon na 'yon para palalimin ang halik.

Mahigpit kong kinapitan ang braso niya habang patuloy siya sa paghalik sa akin.

His lips were soft and moist. They were parting wide enough for my tongue to squeeze in. From the side of my head, his hand traveled down my neck, across my shoulders, and finally into one of my globes.

I grunted softly. He did the same thing he had done earlier—he drew circles around my nipple. Bumaba ang mga halik niya sa leeg at balikat ko, ang mainit na hininga ay halos umabot sa tainga ko. I saw his Adam's apple move, and when I tilted my head slightly, he bit me on the shoulder.

It wasn't painful, but it did make me crave more.

I fiddled with the hem of his muscle tee, hoping to yank it off. Napatigil siya sa ginagawa.

"Tanggalin mo," I said, enthralled by the way he was touching me.

I didn't have to beg. He backed away from me and took it off, his muscles stiffening as he did.

I swallowed when I saw his naked body again.

His arms were bulging with veins, and his chiseled chest was retching and panting from exertion. His abs were rippling, as evidenced by the visible lines on his belly.

"Get up," he said, his voice hoarse.

Nahihipnotismo akong sumunod. Naupo ako, humahanga pa rin sa lalaking-lalaking itsura niya. Gumalaw ang buto sa panga niya nang isa-isahing tanggalin ang butones ng dress ko.

Sa kalagitnaan, nalaglag ang manggas sa gitna ng braso ko. Sa isang iglap, naramdaman ko ang hangin na humahaplos sa dibdib ko. Napatigil din si Juancho sa pagtatanggal pa ng butones. Nandidilim ang mga mata niyang tiningnan ang katawan ko.

Tinamaan ako ng hiya. Sinubukan kong takpan ng kamay ko ang dibdib, ngunit kinuha lang niya iyon at mariing hinawakan. He gazed at my breasts with burning hunger, and before he could finish unbuttoning my dress, he pushed me back down on the mattress and kissed me again. This time, it was a lot more intense.

"I'm sorry," he said in between our kisses. "But I don't think I can be gentle with you."

He didn't wait for my response. Instead, his lips followed the path of my collarbone, tattoo, and shoulder until they came face-to-face with my globes. I watched him do all that, trying not to moan. He looked up at me, and with thickened lust, he put one in his mouth.

"Juancho..." mahinang-mahinang daing ko. Ang isang kamay ko ay nasa balikat niya; ang isa ay nasa likod.

I dug my nails into his back as I watched him suck my peak. His gaze was still fixed on me, but I was too engrossed by the feeling he was giving me to pay attention to anything else.

"So soft, Mirae..." he whispered, sending volts of electricity throughout my veins.

Pinagpatuloy niya ang ginagawa habang wala akong ibang masabi kung hindi ang pangalan niya. He was teasing, playing, and enjoying himself while I was dying out of pleasure.

"Don't close your eyes," he commanded when I was about to do so.

Humingal ako. "H-Hindi ko kaya..."

He hardened his tongue and licked my peak again, triggering a whimper from me. Napapikit ako sa sensasyon. Lalo ring dumiin ang kuko ko sa likod niya.

"Mirae," he muttered. "I said don't close your eyes."

"Just keep going, can't you?"

"Watch me." His fingers wandered down to caress my thigh, almost coming dangerously close to my core. "Come on, show me how much you want this..."

Kahit nanghihina, pilit kong ibinukas ang mga mata.

"Good girl..." he mouthed.

Halos mawalan ako ng ulirat nang magpatuloy siya. Nagpalipat-lipat ang halik niya sa magkabilang dibdib ko habang ang mga mata ay mariing pinapanood ang reaksyon ko.

My lips were parted, and I couldn't even muster a moan. While still sucking on my breasts, his hand palmed my core.

"Juancho!" I whimpered as shivers went through my body.

Wala siyang naging pakialam sa daing ko. Pinagpatuloy niya ang paglalaro sa hiyas ko. His one hand was supporting his weight while the other slid around in my nub, momentarily tormenting the insides of my creases.

Itinigil niya ang paghalik sa dibdib ko, at bahagyang lumayo sa akin. Nang bumalik sa ibabaw ko, magkapantay na ang mga mukha namin. Tola sinadya pang itama ang dulo ng pagkalalaki sa bukana ko.

"You're soaked..." napapaos na aniya sa tainga ko.

I felt my folds throb even more.

"Don't hold back. We're the only ones here. I don't care if you scream..."

My cheeks heated up. I couldn't imagine screaming his name in pleasure... even though I wanted so much to do that.

"Bakit ko naman gagawin 'yon?" tanong ko, ang boses ay nanginginig. "I-I'm not too aroused..."

He let out a low chuckle. "Yeah?"

He had proven me wrong in so many ways when he started dry-humping my core. I could feel myself moisten even more that I had started calling his name repeatedly. His hard, thick tip almost went too far because of my wetness. If not for the garments in between, he could've entered me completely.

Dinig na dinig ko ang malalim at mahina niyang pag-ungol, dahilan para lalo akong mag-init. Humawak ako sa braso niya, at sinalubong ang bawat pag-ulos niya.

He must've noticed what I was trying to do because he quickened his pace.

"Jesus Christ, Millicent! Stay fucking still!" he groaned.

I didn't listen. I continued meeting his thrusts. Mukhang napikon siya dahil iniangat niya ang katawan sa akin at ipinangko ang balakang ko. He pushed down restlessly on my folds, going so hard and deep that I yearned for more. I watched as our sexes touched. My cloth in that area was wet from my own impending orgasm.

"Juancho..." hirap na hirap na tawag ko nang maramdaman ang pamumuo ng kamunduhan sa puson ko.

He kept pushing, with his lips parted and his veins poking into the skin of his neck. I clamped my eyes shut and yelled his name with all my strength, knowing that I had finally crossed the threshold.

He stopped and immediately took off my dress. He didn't even let himself come. I opened my eyes to check what he was doing, and I was even more jazzed to see him staring at my folds as if he were watching me have an orgasm.

Hindi pa ako nakakabawi sa nangyari, yumukod siya at nilapitan iyon.

"Ano'ng ginagawa mo?!" mahina ngunit mariing tanong ko habang iniiwas ang sarili sa kanya.

Tumingin siya sa akin, ang mga mata'y lasing sa pagnanasa. "I want a taste..."

Before I could say anything, he shoved his head down my folds, and all I could do was scream his name as he teased me with his tongue. He gently slid a finger inside me... and it hurt a bit. He must have sensed my discomfort that he massaged my nub with his thumb while moving his long finger in.

I closed my eyes again and let him take full control of my body. It was intense, raw, and fiery. He persisted in sucking me down there. I just grabbed his hair and pulled him closer to my folds. The fake protest had left my body.

I had no idea I could withstand pleasure on such a grand scale. I had no idea he could make me feel this good.

I whimpered and moaned until I felt my second climax.

Juancho consumed every drop of my spasm, and I just let him. Para akong nanakawan ng lakas sa magkasunod na rurok na pinagdalhan niya sa akin.

"Tired?" he asked, chuckling. "I thought you had strong endurance?"

Unti-unti akong nagmulat at sinamaan siya ng tingin. "Hindi ako pagod."

I caught his arrogant grin as his eyes swept over my body. He climbed back on top of me, but I didn't let him mess with my mound this time.

God, if I didn't stop him, he would wear me out like a rag doll!

I pushed him and turned our positions around. He seemed so surprised by what I did that he was unable to stop me.

I sat on his stomach indifferent to the fact that my still-wet core was touching his skin.

"Mirae—"

I cut him off with a kiss on the lips.

"Shut up," I ordered.

After hearing that, a shadow fell over his eyes. Kumuyom ang panga niya at tuluyang nawala ang panunudyo sa itsura. Naghintay ako ng sasabihin niya, pero inilagay lang niya ang mga kamay sa baywang ko habang uhaw na nakatitig sa katawan ko.

I kissed him slowly, playing with his lips and tongue. I slid my lips from his earlobe to his neck and shoulders, nibbling the flesh as I went. He panted weakly as I nipped at his neck, making sure to leave my mark.

Like a good little copycat, I replicated the things he did to me. After playing and taunting his peaks, I ran my fingers down his abs and... crotch.

Napahinga siya nang malalim. Lumipat naman ako sa kandungan niya.

I looked at him and saw that he was leaning on his elbow, watching me do whatever I wanted to his body.

I touched him against his sweat shorts. Napabuntong-hininga siya. I carefully stroked him, feeling my heart flutter in my chest. Sa daliri, ramdam ko ang pagpintig at lalong paglaki noon. Kahit hindi sigurado, pinagpatuloy ko ang ginagawa. Lalo na't nakikita ko ang pagkagusto sa mukha niya.

"You're big..." I said sensually.

Humingal siya, hindi na makasagot. Unti-unti kong hinawakan ang garter ng sweat shorts niya at maingat na tinanggal iyon kasama ang underwear niya.

Pinigilan ko ang mapasinghap nang tuluyang makita ang pagkalalaki niya. Its size and thickness exceeded my expectations... and it was fully erected. There were a lot of words I could have used to describe it, but as the heat began to scorch my system, they all left my head.

"Millicent..." napapaos na suway niya nang hawakan ko iyon.

It was swelling and pulsating in my palms. It was hard and... raw.

"Fuck," he cursed, his voice controlled, when I squeezed it. "Stop! I don't want to come into your hands!"

In a trance, I lifted myself. I wanted it inside me. He seemed to understand what I was up to because he gripped my waist and guided me. I stroked his length one more time before its tip touched my folds.

Sabay kaming napasinghap. Ang init noon ay tila kuryenteng dumaloy sa ugat ko.

"It's gonna hurt," he warned.

I couldn't care less. Slowly, I made my way down, supported by his steady hands. His low, sultry grunt of pleasure echoed through the tent, and I could only shut my eyes tighter against the scalding pain until it fully went in.

Hindi ako gumalaw. Pinakiramdaman ko lang ang pagguhit ng sakit doon. Parang nahati ang katawan ko. Bahagya kong iminulat ang mata, at kung hindi ko nabanaag ang pagkasabik sa mukha ni Juancho, baka hindi na ako para magpatuloy roon.

Umupo siya, ang isang kamay ay sinuportahan ang sarili. Naramdaman ko ang isa pang kamay niya sa likod ko, marahang tinutulak ako palapit sa kanya.

He started kissing me again, his length throbbing against the walls of my core. From my back, his hand went down to my nub and eased it, taking my mind off the pain.

After a moment of silence, I made a slight motion, prompting us to grunt in unison. The pain was still there, but the look of pleasure on his face had completely thrown me off.

"Mirae..." he breathed.

Kasabay ng dahan-dahang paggalaw ko sa ibabaw niya ay ang paglalaro niya sa hiyas ko, tila ba inaalis doon ang sakit. I threw my head back and dug my fingers into his shoulders. Unti-unti namang pumunta ang kamay niya sa baywang ko at muli'y ginabayan ako sa paggalaw.

The rush of pleasure returned to my body. I shrieked in time with my rows. We were mumbling each other's names, triggering a flood of emotions.

"Faster, baby..." Juancho grunted. "God, I've wanted this for so long..."

It sent me to a higher frenzy. I picked up the pace, with him meeting my thrusts halfway. Narinig ko ang mararahas na pagmumura niya.

"Faster," he echoed, his voice commanding.

I drew my hips in circular motions as I moved, making our breaths even more labored. He held me in his strong grip, and before I knew it, he tossed me down hard onto the mattress.

He parted my legs apart. His steaming body pressed against mine as he dove in and out of me faster and deeper than I could have imagined possible.

"Juancho!" sigaw ko. "Please..."

The feeling of pleasure took hold of me. I barely recognized my own voice shouting his name.

"It feels good, Juancho..." I whimpered. "It feels good."

He continued pumping until my walls tightened around his length. With one powerful thrust, I reached my peak again.

Hindi pa siya tumigil hanggang sa naramdaman ko ang pagpintig ng pagkalalaki niya sa loob ko. Aalisin na sana niya ang sarili sa akin ngunit iniipit ko siya sa hita ko. Still immersed in bliss, he let his seed blow up inside me.

Humihingal kami nang matapos. Ramdam ko ang bigat niya ngunit wala akong puso para paalisin siya sa ibabaw ko. Gusto ko ang pakiramdam ng init ng balat niya.

"Juancho..."

"Hmm?"

I bit the inside of my lips. He was breathing on my neck. I realized that I came thrice while he only came once.

"What are you thinking, Mirae?" he asked softly as he brushes his lips slightly against my neck. "Hmm? Tell me..."

Lumunok ako, bahagyang tinamaan ng hiya.

"O-Okay lang?" nag-iinit ang mukhang tanong ko.

Sandali siyang natahimik bago ako sagutin. "I should be the one asking that, don't you think?"

"Sumagot ka na lang..."

Iniangat niya ang mukha at tiningnan ako, ang isang kamay ay humahaplos sa buhok ko. "You're beautiful."

"Eh..."

"It's true." He gave me a small smile. "You're beautiful and... better."

Ikinunot ko ang noo. "Better?"

"Yeah." He nodded. "Better than what I imagined..."

My cheeks heated up even more. "Na-i-imagine mo 'yon?"

"Well..." he trailed off. "I've imagined making love with you."

Umawang ang labi ko. Pabiro kong hinampas ang dibdib niya kaya napangisi siya.

"Ang bastos mo!" sabi ko pa. "Siguro ako rin ang iniisip mo kapag nag-aano ka, 'no?!"

"Ano?" he mouthed, chuckling.

"A-Ano..."

"Uh-uh?" he asked playfully. "When I'm touching myself?"

"Gago ka!" bulalas ko kahit na iyon naman talaga ang ibig kong sabihin. "Alis ka na nga! Magpapahinga na 'ko!"

"Ayoko pa," pag-iinarte niya bago muling sumubsob sa leeg ko.

"Bilis na! Ang sakit na ng katawan ko!"

Gumalaw siya kaya akala ko ay aalis na talaga siya sa ibabaw ko. Nang pagpalitin niya ang puwesto namin ay marahas na lang akong napamura. Bubungangaan ko na sana siya nang maramdaman ko ang pagyakap niya sa akin.

"Ayaw mo?" tanong niya.

Nagbuntong-hininga ako. Isinandal ko ang tainga sa dibdib niya at pinakinggan ang ritmo noon. "Alin?"

"You know, I thought a lot about you. Even before we became a thing," he admitted. "I'm sorry. Are you offended?"

Marahan akong napatawa. Is he trying to be a gentleman now?

"Hindi," sagit ko. "Magagalit ako kung iba pa ang iisipin mo."

Tumawa rin siya. "Good, because I don't think I can ever stop..."

He helped me clean up after that. He also let me use his arms as my pillow. With the blanket, he covered our naked bodies as well.

It was a magical night. I felt like he left a mark on my body, and I left a mark on his. I heard him whispering how much he loved me, but I was too tired to say anything back. I just hugged him, contented that he was the one to whom I had given everything.

At that moment, I realized that the best part of having sex was never the act itself, but rather the company of the person you shared it with.

"Mirae, wake up na..."

Para akong nananaginip nang marinig iyon. May nakahawak sa pisngi ko at pinupugpog ako ng halik. Dahan-dahan akong nagmulat, at tumambad sa akin ang guwapong mukha ni Juancho.

Nakangiti siya, may kinang ng saya sa mga mata.

"Good morning," bati niya sa natural na malalim na boses.

Humikab ako, at nangingiti niya lang na ginaya iyon. Pinanlisikan ko siya ng mata pero hindi nabura ang aliw sa itsura niya. It was still dark, probably around 3 o'clock. I didn't know why he was rousing me from my sleep so early.

Gustuhin ko mang mang-asar dahil mukhang hindi naman siya nakatulog, pinangunahan ako ng hiya. Nanumbalik kasi sa akin ang mga ginawa namin kagabi.

He chuckled, probably noticing my shame.

"You're blushing," kumento pa niya.

Sumimangot ako at unti-unting itinaas ang kumot para takpan ang pisngi ko. Muli siyang tumawa.

"We should go outside," he said. "It's not safe for you to stay here with me."

Dumoble ang hiya ko sa sinabi niya. Nakakainis na naintindihan ko agad ang ibig niyang iparating! "Napakataas ng libido mong hayop ka!"

He burst into laughter. "We're naked, Mirae. What do you expect? A morning prayer?"

"Morning prayer... Impakto!" bulalas ko. "Gusto mo sigurong lumuhod ako sa'yo, 'no?!"

"What?" Napatigil siya sa pagtawa.

"He! Alam na alam ko ang takbo ng utak mo!"

"I'm not even thinking about that!"

I continued to nag at him, trying to cover up my shame. And so, on that same mattress, we ended up doing it again while he was spooning me. It was still painful, but much more tolerable.

He was right about us staying in this closed area; I was sure that he spent the night keeping himself under control for another round while I was sleeping.

Madilim pa rin ang langit nang magising ako. Hindi gaya kanina, wala na si Juancho sa tabi ko. Bihis na ako at nalinisan na rin... kahit pa wala naman akong naaalalang ako ang gumawa noon sa sarili.

Kahit parang binugbog ang katawan ay lumabas ako at pupungas-pungas na hinanap siya. Iika-ika ako kung maglakad pero hindi ko alintana iyon. Sinilip ko ang motor na naka-park pa rin sa dati nitong puwesto—ang lobo ko ay nakatali pa rin sa side mirror.

I walked around the area, the trimmed grass brushing up against my feet. Hindi ko alam kung paano nalaman ni Juancho na imposibleng makapagdala ako ng tsinelas. Nang makarating kasi kami rito, iniabot niya iyon sa akin kasama ang tuwalya.

Nag-init ang puso ko nang makita siya malapit sa lawa. Nakahanda roon ang dalawang upuan at isang mesa, para bang alam niyang sasamahan ko siyang roon kapag nagising ako. May malamyos na musikang tumutugtog sa telepono niya habang abala siya sa pagbabasa.

He was really... busy. He just made time for me. Tuwing may bakanteng oras ay nagbabasa siya ng kung ano-anong cases. Pakiramdam ko tuloy, marami siyang naaaksayang panahon sa akin. Imbes na magpahinga, iginugugol niya ang bakanteng oras sa pag-aaral.

"Juancho," tawag ko.

Agad siyang lumingon sa akin. Ibinaba ang papel na hawak at marahan pang ngumiti. Nang makita akong hirap na maglakad palapit sa kanya, ang ngiti ay napalitan ng mayabang na ngisi.

Hindi ko na pinansin iyon. Baka ulanin ko lang siya ng mura. Mukha kasing proud na proud pa siya na hindi ako makalakad nang maayos!

"Ba't mo 'ko iniwan?"

Inalalayan niya ako sa upuan bago hinigit ang isa pang upuan para tumabi sa akin.

"Nagbabasa ako, eh," tugon niya.

Tumawa ako. "The Art of Seduction?"

"Criminal Procedure." Umirap siya pero inabot naman ang kamay ko at banayad na hinawakan iyon.

Humilig ako sa balikat niya. "Paano ka nagbabasa? Ang dilim kaya."

"Flashlight ng phone."

"Eh, bakit dito? Bakit hindi sa tent? May solar do'n," pangungusisa ko pa.

"You're there. I can't focus."

"Ginising mo 'ko kanina..."

He chuckled. "I'm sorry about that. Hindi kasi ako makatulog."

"Bakit naman? Hindi ka ba napagod?"

"Napagod..." Hinaplos niya ang kamay ko. "I just don't want to sleep. I'm afraid it's a dream."

Lihim akong napangiti sa sinseridad ng boses niya. "Para namang mawawala pa 'ko sa'yo. Pinangakuan na nga kita ng kasal."

Hindi siya sumagot. Pinagpatuloy niya lang ang banayad na paghaplos sa kamay ko. Ipinikit ko ang mga mata at hinayaan siya. Kung pupuwedeng manirahan sa isang alaala, alam kong ito ang habambuhay kong tahanan.

Hindi ako ang tipo ng tao na nagpaplano para sa hinaharap. Nabubuhay ako para sa kasalukuyan. Pinapanood ko ang dahan-dahang paglalahad ng kapalaran, sumasabay sa agos ng tadhana.

Pero nang mga sandaling 'yon, naisip ko kaming dalawa. Sa isang bahay... sa isang buhay.

Puwedeng may mga anak, puwedeng wala. Mapipikon ako sa mga iuuwi niyang aso at pusa, pero tutulungan ko pa rin siyang mag-alaga sa kanila. Iinisin ko siya araw at gabi hanggang sa makita ko ang supladong pag-irap niya. Hahawakan ko ang kamay niya sa problema, at sasamahan siya sa lahat ng tagumpay.

"Mirae."

"Hmm?"

"I'm curious about something."

"Tell me."

He breathed deeply. "About your tattoo."

After hearing that, I knew exactly what he wanted to know. "'Yong peklat?"

"Yeah..."

His heart was pounding so hard that I couldn't help but smile. Humawak din ako sa kamay niya at marahang pinisil iyon.

"I had it as a kid," I whispered. "It was a stab wound."

Sandali kaming binalot ng katahimikan. Ang paglalaro ng kamay niya sa akin ay natigil. Alam kong magiging ganoon ang reaksyon niya kaya ako na ang nagpatuloy sa paghaplos sa mga daliri niya.

"Stab...?"

Marahan akong tumango. "Bata pa 'ko no'n, Juancho. Hindi ko naman na tanda."

"Where... where did it happen?" Halos kapusin siya ng hininga sa pagtatanong.

"Hindi ko alam. Basta sariwa pa 'yon no'ng iwan ako ng nanay ko sa ampunan." Napangiti ako. "Kaya siguro hindi ko rin maalala 'yong sakit. Mas inintindi ko kasi 'yong realidad ko na naabanduna ako."

Hindi siya nakapagsalita. Naramdaman ko ang panlalamig ng kamay niya kaya dinala ko iyon sa labi ko at puno ng pag-iingat na hinalikan.

"Pinalagyan ko 'yon ng tattoo kay Kat kasi hindi siya maganda..." pagpapatuloy ko. "Not only the scar, but also the memory it entailed."

"Ilang taon ka no'n?" tanong niya.

"Three."

"Kilala mo kung sino'ng gumawa?"

Umiling ako. "Wala na akong naaalala, Juancho. Hindi kaya ng 200 mb ko 'yon." Tumawa pa ako.

Gaya ng inaasahan ko, hindi siya nakitawa sa akin. Inangat ko ang ulo mula sa balikat niya at bahagyang sumilip sa kanya. Malalim ang kunot sa noo at nagtatagis ang mga panga niya. tila nagkokontrol ng galit.

"Aawayin mo 'ko?" mahinang tanong ko. "Hindi ko naman kasalanang hindi ko na tanda. Ano'ng gagawin ko? Kahit tanggalin mo ang utak ko, wala kang mahahanap d'yan."

Umiling siya at malalim na nagbuntong-hininga. Malamlam ang mga mata niya nang tingnan ako.

"Is there a meaning behind it?"

"Sa tattoo?" Tumango siya. "Uhm... 'yong peony flower, maraming meaning. Pero sa Japanese culture, it's a representation of a masculine and courageous character. Bagay sa'kin, 'di ba?"

Ngumiti ako sa kanya.

"'Yong nakasulat naman sa baba, ar scáth a chéile a mhaireann na daoine. Irish phrase 'yon. Ang ibig sabihin, we live in each other's shadow," pagpapaliwanag ko. "For me, it means no man is an island. We all need one another; we just don't want to admit it. We tend to forget how much we depend on other people. Iniisip kasi natin na mas mabuti nang mabigo kaysa ang humingi ng tulong."

He nodded slowly. "That sounded nice."

"Lagi akong pinadadalhan ng letter ng nanay ko noon, 'di ba?"

"Yeah... nasabi mo sa'kin."

"Ayun. Lagi niyang inilalagay 'yon sa dulo ng mga sulat niya sa'kin," pagkukwento ko pa. "Palatandaan ko 'yon na hindi ako mag-isa. May nakakain ako kasi may mga magsasaka, nakakapag-aral ako kasi may mga guro, nakakapunta ako sa iba't ibang lugar kasi may mga driver, at nangangarap akong maging mamamahayag para sa kanila."

Bumalik ako sa pagkakahilig sa balikat niya at muling hinigpitan ang hawak sa kamay niya.

"Ngayon, kaya ko na ring isipin na hindi ako habambuhay mag-iisa kasi nandito ka..." bulong ko. "Lagi kong inaalala noon na kapag nagkaroon ng sariling pamilya ang mga kaibigan ko, mawawalan ako ng kasama. Kahit pa sabihing walang magbabago sa turingan namin sa isa't isa, darating ang araw na hindi na ako makakasama sa mga prioridad nila."

"Mirae..."

"Hindi ako magaling maglambing, Juancho. Mas gugustuhin ko pang asarin ka kaysa landiin. Mas mahilig kasi ako sa saya kaysa sa drama." Bahagya akong tumawa. "Pero no'ng nakilala kita, nagulat ako sa mga kaya kong gawin. Kaya ko palang magsumbong, mag-inarte, maging clingy, at saka maging iyakin. Parang sa harap mo, okay lang kahit sino ako."

Hindi siya sumagot. Binawi niya ang kamay sa akin, inakbayan ako, at hinigit palapit sa kanya.

"'Wag mo akong sasaktan, ha?" bulong ko.

Pinanatili niya ang pananahimik kaya nagsalita ulit ako.

"Juancho, promise me."

I tried to get a little distance from him so I could see his face, but he stopped me.

Bahagyang kumirot ang dibdib ko. "It's too much to ask, isn't it?"

"No," he mumbled. "I just don't want to make promises I'm not sure I can keep."

"Bakit? Sasaktan mo ba 'ko?"

Naramdaman ko ang pag-iling niya. "I won't do anything to hurt you unless it's for your own good. Ang akin lang, hindi ko hawak ang mga posibleng mangyar—"

"Pero hindi mo ako iiwan, 'di ba?"

"Hindi..."

"Hindi mo 'ko paalisin?"

Hinalikan niya ang tuktok ng ulo ko. "Hindi rin..."

Tumango ako. "Edi, okay lang kahit saktan mo 'ko. Basta 'wag mo akong buburahin sa buhay mo."

"I will never," he said with conviction. "I will never erase you from my life... until my last breath."

"Ako rin," maliit ang boses na tugon ko. "Habambuhay kang residente sa puso ko. At lagi mong tatandaan 'yan kahit madalas tayong mag-away. Hindi kita ipagpapalit kahit kanino."

We carried on our conversation about our outlooks, our promises to each other, and everything else that was going on in our lives. We also talked about what happened last night and how we shouldn't do it again without taking additional safety precautions. Pareho kaming hindi pa handang maging magulang. Kung gugustuhin naming maging aktibo sa bagay na 'yon, kailangan naming mag-ingat.

We watched as the sun rose, its rays reflecting off the surface of the water. We got up, and he, being the classic Don Romantico, hugged me from behind. Along with the chirping birds and trickling water, a familiar song then played on his phone.

"Wow," sabi ko. "I didn't know it would be on your playlist..."

He chuckled. "Songs from the 1970s to the early 2000s are my jam."

"Classic?"

"Yeah..."

"Nice choice. Mine's rock and emo."

We watched the sunrise, and when the music ended, another one began. This time, we didn't just stand there and listen; he began swaying our bodies gently as if he were taking in every second of our time together.

"Ikaw ang naaalala ko d'yan," sabi pa niya. "It became my favorite because of you..."

Humilig ako sa dibdib niya at hinayaan ang sarili na magpatangay sa liriko ng lumang kanta.

"She may be the face I can't forget, a trace of pleasure or regret, may be my treasure or the price I have to pay. She may be the song that summer sings, may be the chill that autumn brings, may be a hundred different things within the measure of a day..."

My lips curled up into a smile as I listened to the words of the song. Juancho kept swaying our bodies to the music, even humming along.

"She may be the beauty or the beast, may be the famine or the feast, may turn each day into a heaven or a hell. She may be the mirror of my dreams, a smile reflected in a stream. She may not be what she may seem inside her shell."

Humarap ako sa kanya at yumakap. Ibinalik niya naman agad iyon. Rinig ko ang dibdib niya, halos kasabay ng tibok ng akin.

"You are my all or nothing, Mirae," he said gently. "You are my make or break, my win or lose, my do or die. You are my everything..."

His sincerity reached my heart. I was so happy that I could cry. Kahit kailan, hindi ko naisip na posible akong magmahal nang ganito kalalim at masuklian iyon nang mas higit pa.

"She who always seems so happy in a crowd, whose eyes can be so private and so proud. No one's allowed to see them when they cry. She may be the love that cannot hope to last, may come to me from shadows of the past... that I'll remember 'til the day I die."

"In the future, if we're not together, listen to this song, okay?"

Umiling ako. "Not a chance, Juancho."

"Of course. I just want you to be reminded," he whispered. "If we part ways, I can never move on from you, Mirae. I lost the ability to do that."

"She may be the reason I survive, the why and wherefore I'm alive, the one I'll care for through the rough and ready years. Me, I'll take her laughter and her tears, and make them all my souvenirs—"

"For where she goes, I've got to be," sinabayan niya ang kanta. "The meaning of my life is she..."

I felt a lump in my throat when the song ended. I couldn't imagine life without him. If I were his all or nothing, I would be his all. If I were his make or break, I would be his make. If I were his win or lose, I would be his win. And if it were do or die, I would be his do.

I had no idea that emotions could be so overwhelming until now. Iniisip ko pa lang na iiwan niya 'ko, parang namamatay na ang malaking bahagi ng puso ko. We wouldn't have a painful past—only a beautiful future. Hindi kami maghihiwalay. Hindi kami matatapos. There wouldn't be commas, periods, semicolons, or even spaces. We would be the longest word ever written.

Hinigpitan ko ang yakap sa kanya. "Juancho..."

"Hmm?"

"Don't entertain the idea of us not being together..." Paulit-ulit akong umiling. "Ayoko. Hindi ko kaya. Susundan kita nang susundan. Kukulitin kita nang kukulitin. Hindi tayo puwedeng maghiwalay." Lumayo ako sa kanya at hinawakan siya sa mukha. "Ha, Juancho? Hindi, ha? Hindi puwede..."

Pumungay ang mga mata niya. "You love me that much?"

I nodded eagerly. "I'm your other half, right?"

"No," he said, gently shaking his head.

"Juancho naman..."

"You're not my other half..." He pressed his forehead against mine. "You're my whole heart."

A tear escaped my eye.

"So, you don't have to be scared about losing me. You are the meaning of my life." He brought his lips up to kiss me on the top of my head. "You are my she..."

***

Song Used:
She – Elvis Costello

***

Chapters 24 and 25 are dedicated to all my loving inks.

These are the last two chapters I penned before I ran out of creative batteries. This story will be on hold with no assurance of being completed. I know this is surprising to many (especially those who have been reading silently), but as of today, I will be on an indefinite writing hiatus.

Thank you for supporting Mill and Juancho. I hope we all learn a lesson from them, even though we're only halfway through.

I love you, guys. Like you, I'll miss them too.