Chapter 13

"Millicent!" Humangos si Mari sa akin nang makarating ako sa backstage. "Everyone's almost lined up! What the fuck are you on?!"

Hinigit niya ako papunta sa tapat ng salamin at pinaupo roon. Hindi ako makapagsalita o reklamo. My mind was still trying to digest Juancho and his words. It was almost like he gave me a subtle push to keep going and do my best in a competition I had no chance of winning. Hindi ko sigurado kung hinanap niya ba talaga ako para sabihin 'yon, pero sigurado akong nabago niya ang pananaw ko sa pageant na 'to.

"Nakaka-stress ka na! Sinabi ko nang 'wag kang umalis! Tingnan mo, ang pula ng mukha mo! Hindi ko napansin na napakapal ang blush on mo!" dire-diretsong litanya ni Mari habang inaayusan ako. "If you were only not my friend, I swear to god, lalayasan kita!"

Pumikit ako at huminga nang malalim bago tinignan ang sarili sa salamin. Walang gaanong ilaw sa backstage kaya ang tanging nakikita ko lang ay ang bahagyang madilim na repleksyon ko.

Patuloy lang si Mari sa pagbubunganga habang abala ako sa paninitig sa salamin, ang puso ay nagsisimula nang magwala. Kung kanina ay wala akong pakialam sa mananalo o matatalo, ngayon, parang nabigyan ako ng bagong trabaho dahil kailangan kong baguhin ang estado ng utak ko. I had to win, or at least do the best I could.

Sininagan ni Mari ng flashlight ng telepono niya ang tuktok ng ulo ko, parang sinusuring mabuti ang kabuuan ko. At dahil nakaharap kami sa salamin ay malinaw kong naaninag ang mukha ko.

With dazzling synthetic eyelashes and eyeshadows in neutral tones, my hazel-green eyes appeared to be deadly. Hindi ko alam kung paano iyon nagawa ni Mari, pero tila buhay na buhay ang mga mata ko. My cheeks and jaws were also sculpted to perfection as if God had labored over my face for hours and paid meticulous attention to every detail.

"I did a good job," mas kalmado nang saad ni Mari, nakangiti at kumikislap ang mga mata. "Your luscious pixie cut and nude lipstick are spot on."

Tumikhim ako. I kind of agree.

"Hindi ba parang umitim ako tingnan?" tanong ko.

She shook her head. "Gan'yan talaga. In pageants, your foundation should be a shade darker than usual. Maliwanag sa stage at magmumukha kang maputla kapag sobra kang maputi."

Dahan-dahan akong tumango, kinakabahan at nanlalamig. Parang ngayon lang nag-sink in sa akin na manonood si Juancho kahit pa hindi naman na ito sakop ng trabaho niya bilang presidente ng student council. May mga organizer kami at sariling officer na nag-aayos ng event. He wasn't needed here, but he literally told me he'd watch me... and that he'd consider the interview if I kept my confidence.

"Kinakabahan ka?" untag ni Mari.

My lips quivered. "Yeah..."

"Oh my god," she muttered excitedly. "That's how you know you're in it!"

Napabuga ako ng hangin. "Hindi ba puwedeng kalmahin mo na lang ako?"

Inilagay niya ang dalawang kamay sa balikat ko. "You don't need that. I trust your adrenaline. Mas kinakabahan ako no'ng wala kang pakialam, pero ngayon? Huh!" Sumupil ang mayabang na ngiti sa labi niya. "I know you'll be in survival mode."

I squeezed my eyes shut and let out another deep sigh to slow my racing heart. "Amari..."

"Yes?"

I opened my eyes and stared at her directly. "How do you win this thing again?"

Her brow furrowed slightly, but still, she bent down to my left shoulder and said, "Carry yourself like a queen, walk like you rule the room, answer like you know everything, and show them who you are. Only then will you be crowned."

Nang tawagin ng organizer ang lahat ng kandidata ay hindi na ako nagdalawang-isip na tumayo at maglakad papunta sa puwesto ko. My chest felt like it was going to explode, but I was so full of determination and confidence that I didn't give a shit.

"Good luck, guys," batian ng mga kandidata.

"Kinakabahan ako!"

"Ako rin! Ang daming tao!"

"Okay lang 'yan! Enjoy the show na lang!"

Kanya-kanya sila ng pagpapakalma sa isa't isa. The way they were acting kind of pleased me because it didn't feel like we were competing with each other. Para bang nandoon lang kaming lahat bilang pakikisama sa event ng Journalism Week.

I mentally formed a list of the top contenders. Sa lalaki, hindi ko masabing pinakamalakas si Derek dahil mayroong dalawang kandidato sa third year at fourth year na kilalang beteran. Sa babae, halos tatlo lang kaming walang karanasan sa mga ganitong bagay. Candidates No. 1, 5, 7, and 11 were the most experienced, prepared, and composed, like seasoned veterans.

Alam kong mababa pa sa midterm exam scores ko ang tyansa na manalo ako pero kailangan kong subukan. I just hoped Mari's competitive edge and poise would swallow me whole because I knew these candidates wouldn't stand a chance against her.

I sighed. Bahala na. I would try to climb my narrow ladder to win, but I wouldn't fall in disgrace.

"First six candidates, pasok!"

The production number began, and I stood firm in my heels to retain my posture. Inalala ko lahat ng kaartehang itinuro sa akin ni Mari, at nang palabasin kami ay tuluyan kong iniwan ang hiya at pagtitimpi.

Malakas na hiyawan ang sumalubong sa amin nang makarating kami sa stage. I established eye contact with all the judges and flashed a confident smile as I danced to the pop song, allowing my body to move without holding back. I loosened up and let my adrenaline carry me through the entire choreography.

Nang bumalik kami sa backstage ay hinahapo ako. Lumapit agad sa akin si Mari at pinaypayan ako. Dinampian niya ng panyo ang leeg ko para alisin ang namumuong pawis doon.

"I didn't know you can dance," mahinang-mahinang sabi niya.

"Hindi ako mukhang tanga?"

Umiling siya. "The crowd is rooting for you. Hindi mo ba rinig?"

"'Yong music lang ang rinig ko."

She smiled widely. "You're making me proud. You've got great stage presence, and your fucking sexual appeal while dancing was insane. Minimal, yet seductive, moves."

Kumabog ang dibdib ko. "Totoo 'yan? Hindi ako mukhang tikling?"

"Oo. Mukha ba akong magsisinungaling sa gan'yang bagay?" aniya. "Keep your energy up because I couldn't hear the crowd chanting any other number but 10."

Hindi ko iyon pansin noong una dahil lunod ako sa tugtog, pero nang lumabas kami ni Derek para magpakilala ay halos mabingi ako sa lakas ng hiyawan. There were horns being blown, banners and tarpaulins being raised, and a lot of people were chanting my name. Wala akong makita bukod sa judges at ilang ilaw na itinataas ng mga nanonood.

The other candidates also had a lot of supporters, but I was surprised by the attention I was getting because I had never promoted myself.

As Derek and I modeled on stage, the audience's applause fueled the now-searing chemistry between us. For some reason, he gave off an air of rugged masculinity that impressed me. Hindi naman kasi araw-araw ay makikita siya sa ganitong ayos. He was normally quiet and reserved, so I knew his sudden outburst of vigor would take everyone by surprise.

Nang magtagpo kami sa gitna ay nagngitian kami sa isa't isa. Doon ko rin napagtanto na sa lahat ng mga kandidato't kandidata, kaming dalawa ang pinakahindi inaasahan ang pagsali. It felt like he and I were the only ones there who didn't fit the event's typical demographic—the introverted and the unfeminine.

"Guwapo ka ngayon," I said subtly as I faced the crowd again to walk up to the microphone.

Hindi pa ako nakakapagsalita ay humiyaw ulit ang mga tao. It was so overwhelming that the organizers had to start calming them down.

"Silencing the media protects no one but those in power."

The crowd went silent as my clear voice resounded over the entire amphitheater.

"As a future journalist, I stand for the abolition of media repressions, the end of impunity, and the defense of press liberty," I spoke slowly and firmly to emphasize each word. "I am Millicent Rae Velasco, 21, 4A!"

Pagkatapos na pagkatapos kong magsalita ay muling nagtilian ang mga nanonood. Alam kong suportadong-suporta ako ng mga kaklase ko dahil rinig ko ang nangingibabaw nilang mga boses. Nagpakilala rin si Derek at hindi ko maiwasang humanga sa kanya dahil puno rin ng kumpyansa ang pagsasalita niya. Bago muling rumampa pabalik sa stage ay pumustura pa kami sa gitna.

Mabilis ang mga naging pangyayari. Ang naramdaman ko na lang ay ang kamay ni Mari na hinihigit ako at ang dali-dali niyang pag-aabot ng casual outfit sa akin. It was a skin-toned dress with champagne-colored vine details that went all the way up the top and onto the long sleeves. Ang neckline ay sapat lang ang lalim para magpakita ng kaunting balat sa dibdib nang hindi nailalantad ang tattoo ko. Ang pinakapalda naman nay palobo ang istilo para matalbog itong tingnan sa paglalakad ko.

Habang nagbibihis ay laking pasasalamat ko na ang mga damit na nakuha nina Mari at ng mga kaklase ko ay may mga manggas at hindi kinakailangang ihantad ang kaliwang balikat ko. I didn't want my tattoo to be seen because if someone looked closely, they'd see my scar. And when they did, they would ask me how I got it, which could set off yet another nightmare and bring back my memory of being abandoned.

"Ready?" si Mari.

Tumango ako. "How messed up can a casual interview be?"

Dahil mga lalaki ang unang tinawag, nagkaroon pa ako ng oras para kumalma. Rinig na rinig sa backstage ang daing ng candidates dahil lahat kami ay natataranta na. Pagkatapos kasi ng casual attire ay tutuloy na kami sa evening gown kung saan haharap kaming lahat sa question and answer portion.

I sat in a monobloc and took deep breaths. Kinuha ko rin ang telepono ko para sana abalahin ang sarili, pero lalo lang akong kinabahan nang makita ang apat na mensahe mula kay Juancho.

From: Juancho

Well done. You danced beautifully.

From: Juancho

You've got a lot of fanboys but make sure not to entertain them later. You'll be squished in.

From: Juancho

Masakit na ba ang paa mo?

From: Juancho

You can perform alone. Walking with a partner is shit.

I could feel my cheeks heating up. His texts made it sound like he was jealous. Alam kong hindi ako dapat mag-isip o umasa, pero hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili ko lalo na't nandito siya't nanonood imbes na magtrabaho o mag-aral. After all, he was a busy man, and yet he was here, making time.

Hindi na ako nakapag-reply dahil pinaghanda na kami ng organizer. Isa-isa kaming pinarampa, at laking pasasalamat ko na lang na nailalakad ko nang maayos ang suot kong heels. I wasn't used to wearing shoes that were inches tall, so it was a small win for me.

Para sa casual interview, lahat kami ay nasa stage. The first six candidates took up space in the front row, while the remaining half of us stood in the back. Nakapuwesto kami sa gitna ng dalawang kandidato sa harap namin kaya nasa pagitan ako nina Candidates No. 4 and 5. I believed people called this a window formation.

"Good evening, our beautiful ladies!" maligayang saad ng lalaking host bago lumapit sa unang kandidata. "You know what, Nikki? I've been hosting this pageant for three consecutive years, and this is the first time I've seen such a large crowd because usually, it's just the journalism students, their teachers, and a few of their friends. But now we've got an audience outdoors," sabi niya sa partner niya.

"As a former journalism student in this school, I have to agree with you, Odin," nakangiting sabi ni Nikki, ang babaeng host habang tumatabi na sa pang-anim na kandidata. "I guess our good-looking candidates have a lot of people who support them, and"—she paused as she checked us out—"oh, look at their outfits, dazzling and gleaming like their beauties."

"They're prepared," Odin, the male host, said.

Ang mga mata ko ay lumilipat lang sa dalawang nagsasalita. Minsan, nakikipag-eye contact ako sa judges dahil importante raw iyon sabi ni Mari. Hindi ko alam kung paanong nangyari 'yon, pero siya ang mas may karanasan sa mga ganitong bagay kaya nakinig na lang ako. I just assumed that making eye contact with them would somehow show that I was confident.

"Candidate Number 1, good evening."

"Good evening, Odin." Her tone was calm and assured.

Napangiti ang host. "How's your night so far?"

"It's going pretty nicely. The candidates are friendly, and I don't think there is any competition among us. Also, the energy from the audience is contagious and I am just happy to be here."

The crowd went ballistic. Hindi ko sila masisi dahil kahanga-hanga ang pagiging kalmado niya. Totoo talagang experienced siya. Ni walang tensyon sa boses niya.

"That's good to hear," Odin commented. "You seemed well-prepared. Can you tell me about your preparations for this pageant?"

"Sure. As a freshman, I've always looked up to my seniors, and so competing against them was nerve-wracking," she said, still sounding composed. "I've prepared a lot for what to wear, how to walk, how to answer, and so on, but what I've prepared the most is my mentality. I told myself that I don't have to win; I just have to be here and be thankful for the opportunity to bond with my fellow candidates."

Habang pinapalakpakan namin siya ay hindi magkamayaw ang pagwawala ng puso ko. Tangina lang. Paano niya nagawa 'yon nang hindi manlang nabulol?! Tapos, ano ang sabi ni Mari? Mananalo ako basta ipakita ko sa kanila kung sino ako? P'wes, mumurahin ko silang lahat dito!

How's my night so far? Ayos lang, gago. What preparations did I make? You mean, what preparations did my classmates and friend make?

Nagpatuloy ang casual interview, at nang mga oras na 'yon, napatunayan ng veterans na talagang angat sila sa lahat. They answered flawlessly. Ang iba ay nagtunog plastic na, pero sa paraan ng pagsasalita nila, ang sarap pa ring pakinggan sa tainga. Humanga rin ako sa ibang first-timer dahil pinakita nilang kaya nilang humarap sa mga tao. Aspiring journalists, indeed. May mga bayag.

"Candidate Number 10, the crowd's favorite," sabi ni Nikki, dahilan para magwala ang audience.

I set everything aside and considered what I would get if I continued to perform at my best—an interview with Juancho.

"Good evening," she said.

I smiled. "Good evening."

Napatawa ako sa agad na pag-iingay ng mga nanonood. Kung normal na araw lang, tatanungin ko sila kung bakit napaka-OA nila, pero dahil nasa pageant ako, hindi ko maiwasang maramdaman ang pag-iinit ng puso ko sa dami ng sumusuporta sa akin.

"Wow..." Nikki muttered, amazed at the crowd. "Are we in a concert?"

Halos mapapikit ako sa lakas ng hiyawan.

"Millicent, ang ganda mo!"

Nangibabaw ang boses na iyon kaya may tawanan pang nangyari.

"Single ka ba?!" sigaw pa ng isa.

I couldn't help but laugh. Parang mga gago amputa.

"Kapag ikaw napasaakin, kahit bangin tatalunin!"

"Millicent, nagpapaligaw ka ba?!"

"Kapag ikaw napasaakin, kahit diablo sasambahin!"

"Suntukin mo 'ko, ako pa magpapasalamat!"

"Kapag ikaw napasaakin, ibibigay ko sa'yo ang mundo ko!"

"Hindi na magka-rhyme, gago!"

And many more. Kinailangan pang magsalita ni Ma'am Capuso bago sila tumigil.

"Thank you for calming down," Nikki said, chuckling as she turned to face me. "You have a lot of supporters, Millicent. How do you feel right now?"

Itinapat niya ang mic sa akin.

I peered out into the crowd, and all I could see were bright lights and colorful banners. In the midst of that many people, even though I couldn't see him, I knew he was watching me.

Napangiti agad ako sa isiping iyon dahil gusto kong makita niya na confident pa rin ako, at kahit hindi niya alam, masaya ako na nandito siya.

"I'm overwhelmed," I said, letting my honesty do the talk. "I came here unprepared and hesitant because these kinds of events don't fit my personality, but the crowd's cheers, uplifting energy, and encouragement made me feel like I belonged. So, yeah!" I chuckled. "Thank you for supporting me."

There goes another round of applause accompanied by chants.

"I'm sorry I couldn't pay attention while you were answering because I was staring into your eyes," nangingiting sabi ng host habang nakatingin sa mata ko. "They're beautiful. What color are they exactly?"

"Hazel-green. The area around my pupil is hazel, but my iris is green—moss green, to be exact."

"I assume you have foreign blood."

I nodded. "I'm half-Irish."

"Oh!" Her eyes widened. "Do you think it's an advantage to be the only candidate with mixed heritage?"

"No. Aside from the fact that it's not on the criteria, no race or ancestry is superior to others," I answered. "I think that everyone, mixed or not, has equal chances of winning and that our only actual advantage is our performance."

Napahinga ako nang malalim nang pasalamatan na ako ng host. They went on to interview the two remaining candidates, and all I could do was mentally commend myself for not stuttering while I listened to the questions and answers.

Nagkaroon ng intermission number habang naghahanda kami sa huling segment ng event—evening gown. Dito na kami tatanungin ng mas seryosong at pormal na tanong. Of the five judges, two were journalists, two were pageant experts, and one was our college dean. We could be asked about social matters, since that was the concept of our Journalism Week, or just random questions about ourselves. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang mas mahirap.

"Ka-video call ko si Kat no'ng sumasagot ka. Manonood daw siya," sabi ni Mari. "She was clapping afterwards."

I scoffed. "Arte n'yo."

Mari breathed deeply, calming herself. "Why don't you try to be nice for once?"

"Stressed ka?" Tumawa ako. "Inom tayo bukas. Libre ko."

"The show isn't over yet, and you're talking about drinking."

She was so strict that I couldn't help but laugh again. Alam kong hindi ko siya personal na mapapasalamatan pero hindi ko palilipasin ang oras para yayain siyang makakuwentuhan. We were the only ones in the apartment. I should be physically present to listen to her.

For the last segment, I donned a one-shoulder black sequined gown with a slit across the middle of my right leg. Hakab na hakab ito sa katawan ko kaya kapansin-pansin ang hubog ko. I wasn't that curvy, but due to the nature of my work, I had a pretty toned body. I have four slightly defined abs, a round buttock, and a slim waist. My arms, although weren't muscular, a glance at them could tell I was working out.

Dahil one-shoulder gown ang suot ko, tanging ang kanang balikat ko lang ang nakalantad. Natakpan ng tela ang tattoo ko dahil ang kaliwang manggas nito ay mahaba. It was simple, with no patterns or any fancy designs other than the sequins that seemed to shine. The ends also fell gently to the floor, encircling my feet in a minimal sense.

Bago bumalik sa stage ay sinilip ko ulit ang telepono ko, at hindi naman ako nabigo dahil nakita ko ang gusto kong makita.

From: Juancho

I shouldn't have watched.

Napanguso ako. Bored na ba siya?

From: Juancho

Kinda regret telling you to smile because your fanboys are batshit insane, but that's a nice job, Mirae. Last na. You've got it.

"Mill, pila na!"

Hindi na ulit ako nakapag-reply dahil mabilis kaming ipinatawag. We started modeling again, and this time I didn't smile as much—instead, I just gave a sultry grin and a fiercer look to match the style of my dress. Nakapag-adjust na rin ako sa ingay ng mga tao kapag lumalabas ako.

This pageant forced me out of my comfort zone because it was so far beyond what I could handle. But then, as it went on, I felt more at ease. Malaking tulong sa akin ang suporta ng mga taong nanonood, pero alam kong ang pinakanagtulak sa akin na ayusin ang performance ko ay ang nakausap ko bago nagsimula 'to.

Maraming malakas na kandidata. Kahit sa question and answer, hindi sila nagpatalo. Most of the answers were right on target and had powerful endings. To me, it seemed like no one could lose.

"Candidate Number 10, Millicent Rae Velasco."

Strangely, I wasn't as nervous as I thought I would be. Napatapat ako kay Dean, at nang mga oras na 'yon, hinihiling kong tanungin na lang niya ako tungkol sa societal issues. Pakiramdam ko ay mas magiging makabuluhan ang sagot ko kapag ganoon ang tanong.

"Hi, Millicent."

I smiled a little. "Hi, Dean Espinosa."

Tumango siya bago ibinaba ang tingin sa papel na nasa mesa niya.

"Central State University has earned a reputation as one of the nation's top public colleges. We had brilliant students, practicing professionals, future government officials, doctors, and lawyers." He lifted his head.

Gusto kong magreklamo dahil hindi naman iyon ang nakikita ko sa school namin. We literally have underpaid teachers working excessive workloads, and many of the students don't even have classrooms because the school is so packed. Yes, students can be smart and talented, but the school system is not far from crap.

"My question is, of all our outstanding students, who do you think every student should look up to, and why?"

Napakurap ako. Who? Kailangan ng pangalan?

"Again, of all our outstanding students, who do you think every student should look up to, and why?"

At that point, there was only one person in the school that I could think of. I tried to come up with a different student's name because I didn't want to answer that one, but time is fucking running out!

Lintek naman kasi! Ano bang klaseng tanong 'yan?!

Kung kanina ay hindi ako kinakabahan, ngayon parang lalabas na ang puso ko sa dibdib ko.

"Thank you for that question," I managed to say, my hands turning cold.

Isang mura sa utak ang pinakawalan ko bago tuluyang pinutol ang mga agam-agam ko.

"Our university was full of excellent students, but upon hearing your question, just one instantly came to mind," I stated. "One who takes responsibility, provides help, advocates for students, and is rich in principles. He's privileged, but he lives far below his means. He's got the head of a leader and the heart of a friend."

Just thinking about him made my chest feel all warm and fuzzy inside. How I looked at him through a biased lens, but it didn't take long for me to see his character. How I wanted to dig in his dirt, but all I found were diamonds.

"It would take more than a minute to mention all his good traits, but if there's one person every student should look up to, I believe it's the president of the highest student organization, the future lawyer, and the perfect subject for inspiring feature articles, Mr. Juancho Alas Montero," I said with conviction. "I'm not sure if he's still here, but on behalf of the students, thank you for your service."

Alam kong mula sa kaibuturan ng puso ko ang naging sagot ko, at alam ko ring hindi lang ito dahil sa paghanga ko sa kanya. He was an honorable guy behind his closed-off personality and mysterious eyes. At kahit pagkatapos ng interview ay wala na akong rason para lapitan siya, sapat na sa akin ang nasulyapan ko ang kabutihan niya.

I bagged a lot of prizes—best in casual wear, best in evening gown, and People's Choice Award. Rinig na rinig ko ang tili ni Mari habang sinusuotan ako ng sash at binibigyan ng kung ano-ano. Marami pang special awards, at hindi rin naman nagpahuli ang mga kasama ko. They've earned it because they came prepared and performed so well.

Hindi na ako umaasang mananalo ako dahil simple lang ang tanong sa'kin. Masaya na ako sa mga nakuha ko dahil may cash prizes din naman ang mga 'yon. Isa pa, totoong magagaling lahat ng kandidata. Miski ang hosts ay sinabing walang tapon sa batch namin.

Candidate No. 7 won the second runner-up spot, and we were all delighted for her. Sa lalaki naman ay halos mapasigaw ako nang tawagin si Derek. Kapansin-pansin ang pagtutulakan ng mga kaklase namin sa unahan kaya hindi ko maiwasang mapatawa. Miski kasi si Sadie na wala namang pakialam sa mga ganito ay may hawak nang tarpaulin namin.

"For the first runner up in female category..."

There was a drum roll and shrieks, but I didn't really care because I was paying attention to my classmates. Sure win naman na kasi si Candidate No. 1.

"It's Candidate Number 1, Jade Salvacion!"

Napatingin ako sa hosts nang sabihin nila 'yon, balisa na baka nagkamali sila ng pag-a-announce. That candidate, I believed, was the most deserving. Kahit first year pa lang ay ang dami niya nang napatunayan.

Kaya lang, bago ko pa matapos ang reaksyon ko, inanunsyo na ng hosts ang first runner up sa male category, at hindi rin nagtagal ay nagsimula na silang magtanong sa mga tao kung sino sa tingin nila ang mananalo.

"Millicent!"

"10!"

"Si mahal na green ang mata!"

I could feel the tension rising in my chest as more and more of them yelled my name and number. Hindi ko na magawang ngumiti dahil may parte sa akin ang kinakabahan sa reaksyon nila kapag hindi ako ang nanalo.

Para kasing mga tanga! Ang daming magaling! Milagro ang hihingin nila para manalo ako!

"You guessed it right, folks! Our Ms. Journalism is none other than Candidate Number 10, Millicent Rae Velasco!"

Hindi ko alam kung paano ako nakapunta sa unahan nang hindi natutumba. Halos mabingi pa ako sa ingay ng mga tao, at wala akong ideya kung ano ang itsura ko habang pinauulanan ng confetti. Isinuot sa akin ang korona at sash. Kinuhanan din ako ng litrato kasama ang lalaking nanalo.

While all these things were happening, I felt like I was on cloud nine. I thought I was just hallucinating because if somebody had told me I would win five hours ago, I would have burst out laughing.

Bumukas ang ilaw sa crowd kasabay ng hiyawan ng mga tao, at sa hindi malamang dahilan, nahuli agad ni Juancho ang atensyon ko.

He was seated three rows behind the judges and was holding a long, skinny green balloon. Mukhang nagulat siya sa pagtatama ng mga mata namin dahil bahagyang umawang ang labi niya. Dahan-dahan niyang ibinagsak sa katabing upuan ang hawak na lobo bago tipid na ngumiti sa akin.

"Congrats," he mouthed, sending volts of joy through my system.

Parang doon lang nag-sink in sa akin na ako ang nanalo. Hindi pa sana mapuputol ang tinginan namin kung hindi lang lumapit sa akin ang mga kandidato't kandidata para magpa-picture. Nang sumulyap ulit ako sa puwesto niya ay nadismaya ako nang wala na siya roon.

Kinunan muna ako ni Mari ng ilang litrato gamit ang DSLR ko saka ako niyaya na mag-picture kasama siya. Dahil masyado siyang masaya para sa akin, hindi ko na alam kung anong poses ang ginawa namin. Ang tanda ko lang ay ang pagsusuot ko sa kanya ng korona at pagbibigay ng bulaklak bago ko siya walang habas na binuhat. Sigurado akong pikon 'yon dahil nawala ang poise niya.

Hindi ko alam kung gaano katagal akong nasa stage dahil sa dami ng pumupunta sa akin para magpa-picture. Binobola pa nila ako, at kung hindi lang ako naka-gown at korona ay baka nabaligtad ko na sila. Hindi pamilyar ang mukha ng iba pero ngiti lang ako nang ngiti sa camera. It was a beautiful and rare moment. Susulitin ko na lalo't imposibleng makakuha ulit ako ng ganitong klase ng suporta.

After taking pictures with my classmates and congratulating Derek, I was all set to leave the stage. Kaya lang, kaunting hakbang na lang ang layo ko mula sa backstage ay lumapit sa akin ang lalaking nanalo.

"Pa-picture," mahinang sabi niya, parang nahihiya.

"Huh? May picture na tayo, ah?"

Ngumiti siya. "Selfie."

Napatawa ako. "Arte."

He let out a nervous laugh, so I tapped his shoulder to calm him. Para kasi siyang natataranta.

"Game," sabi ko bago tumabi sa kanya.

"Puwede do'n sa gitna? Para 'yong logo ang background natin."

I didn't want to drag it out any longer, so I just agreed. We went to the middle, and as we were about to take a picture, I noticed Juancho helping the officers clean up. Nakatingin siya sa lalaking katabi ko, nakakunot ang noo, habang ibinibilog ang mga kurdon.

"Mill?"

Tumikhim ako at pilit na ngumiti sa kandidato. Ni hindi ko alam ang pangalan niya.

He took a picture while I desperately tried not to look at Juancho, even though I could feel his intense gaze on us. Paano'y nasa baba lang naman siya ng stage.

"Isa pa."

Tumango lang ako.

Bahagyang bumaba ang lalaki para tapatan ang height ko. Iginilid niya ang mukha sa direksyon ko hanggang sa kaunting espasyo na lang ang natira sa pagitan namin. After a few shots, he stood back up again.

"Magpa-picture tay—"

"Millicent," putol sa kanya ni Juancho, dahilan para kumabog nang husto ang puso ko.

Magkasalubong ang mga kilay niya at ngayon ay nasa gilid na ng stage kung saan nakapuwesto kanina ang hosts. Masungit na masungit ang tingin niya sa katabi ko na para bang malaking kasalanan ang nagawa namin.

"Magpahinga ka na muna sa backstage." Inilipat niya ang mata sa paa ko. "Baka magkapaltos ka."

Napakurap ako, hindi alam kung paano magsasalita.

"Ah, ano, Mill, sige!" the guy beside me chuckled awkwardly. "Sorry. Pagod ka nga rin pala. Next time na lang."

Wala akong nagawa kung hindi ang magpaalam sa kanya dahil sinimangutan na ako ni Juancho. Sumenyas pa siya sa backstage na para bang kakaladkarin niya ako kung hindi ako kusang pupunta roon.

"Uuna na akong umuwi sa'yo. Ipagluluto kita," excited na sabi ni Mari nang makita ako. "May inarkilang tricycle si Leon. Papunta na 'yon. Tutulong din daw siya sa sa pagbubuhat ng mga gamit ko. 'Yong ilan kasi d'yan, iiwan ko pa sa locker."

Pagod akong umupo sa monobloc. Mabilis kumilos si Mari dahil nakapag-ayos agad siya ng mga ginamit niya sa akin.

"Mamaya ka na magpahinga. Magbihis ka na para madala ko na 'yang gown," utos niya pa. "Pababalikin ko rito 'yong tricycle mamaya para ikaw naman ang sunduin, okay?"

Pinanood ko siya habang abalang-abala sa pagliligpit. Nanimot siya ng mga kalat kahit na alam niyang may officer naman na maglilinis noon.

"Sino si Leon?" tanong ko.

Natigilan siya. "H-Huh?"

"'Yong tutulong sa'yo."

"Ah!" She laughed. "Kaklase!"

"'Yon ba 'yong ex ni Psyche?"

Agad ang pagsimangot niya. "Basta kaklase! Bakit ba ang dami mong tanong?"

Yumuko na lang ako para itago ang pagtawa. Puwede niyang itago ang nararamdaman niya kahit kanino, pero hindi niya iyon matatago sa akin. I knew something with her was up.

Tinanggal ko ang heels at inilagay iyon sa kahon. Nagbihis na rin ako ng dala kong sweatpants at T-shirt. Malaking tulong na malawak ang backstage at may dalawang maliit na banyo kung saan puwedeng magpalit ng damit. Wala na rin ang mga kandidata dahil may kanya-kanya naman silang service. Bukod sa naglilinis na officers, solo na namin ni Mari ang backstage.

Not long after I settled down, the tricycle Mari was waiting for arrived. Tinulungan ko siyang isalansan ang mga gamit namin doon habang ang ilan ay binitbit noong Leon sa locker niya. Masyado akong pagod upang mangusisa, kaya nang matapos kami ay inihatid lang ako ni Mari sa garden para doon hintayin ang tricycle. Hindi na kasi ako makakabalik sa backstage lalo at naglilinis doon ang officers.

Now that I'm alone, I realize how spent my body is. Marami akong sugat sa paa at ramdam ko ang panginginig ng binti ko. Mataas ang pain tolerance ko pero wala na akong ibang gustong gawin kung hindi ihiga ang pagod ko. Hindi ako sanay sa ngalay na dala ng heels.

Uminat ako at humiga sa ilalim ng puno na tinulugan ko noon. Ginawa kong unan ang isang braso habang ang kabila ay ginamit ko para kunin ang telepono sa bulsa ng sweatpants ko.

I checked to see if Juancho had any messages, but when I didn't see any, I just put my phone to my chest.

"I knew you'd be here."

"Ay, Juancho!" Halos mapaigtad ako.

"Yeah?"

Mabilis akong bumangon. "Juancho?!"

He scoffed as he neared me, carrying a brown paper bag; his face was devoid of emotion, but his steps were steady.

"Bakit hindi ka pa umuuwi?" bulaslas ko nang tuluyan siyang makalapit, ang dibdib ay nagkukumahog na naman sa kaba.

Itinuro niya ang paanan ko. Ni hindi manlang sinagot ang tanong ko. "Can I sit there?" tanong niya.

Tatanggalin ko na sana ang paa ko roon para bigyan siya ng puwesto nang pigilan niya ako. Hindi pa ako nakapagtatanong ay ibinaba na niya ang hawak na paper bag sa lupa. He then carefully picked up my feet, sat down, and placed them on top of his legs.

Natulala ako sa ginawa niya. Pakiramdam ko ay tuluyang tumigil ang pagtibok ng puso ko.

"Masakit?" malumanay na tanong niya bago tumingin sa akin.

Hindi ako nakasagot agad. Nakatingin lang ako sa kanya, nahihiwagaan sa mga bago kong emosyon na tanging siya lang ang may kakayanang magpalabas.

"Hindi ko alam na nagkasugat. Cold compress lang ang nabili ko," dagdag niya pa.

"Bakit..." I couldn't find my voice. "H-Hindi naman kailangan," I said in a breath.

Sa napakahabang oras, ni hindi ako nautal sa pagsagot at pagharap sa maraming tao, pero ngayong siya ang kausap ko, para akong kakapusin sa hininga.

"I'll try to ease the pain," he muttered. "Is that okay?"

With no more strength to speak, I could only nod.

He began massaging my calf muscles through my sweatpants and pressed the cold compress on my ankles, as if he could tell where the pain was. Banayad ang paghawak niya sa akin. Puno iyon ng pag-iingat gaya noong niyakap niya ako.

Habang pinanonood siya ay inilabas niya mula sa paper bag ang tumbler, disposable spoon and fork, at isang dilaw na cup noodles. Nang iabot iyon sa akin ay napagtanto kong cheesy seafood ang flavor no'n—my favorite.

Mabilis kong sinalinan ng mainit na tubig mula sa tumbler ang cup noodles, at ilang minuto lang ay nagsisimula na akong kumain habang minamasahe niya ang mga paa at binti ko.

"Nag-enjoy ka?" he asked softly, breaking the silence.

"Medyo," tugon ko. "Lalo sa prizes."

He chuckled sarcastically. "Baka sa mga nanliligaw sa'yo sa audience."

Kinagat ko ang pang-ibabang labi para pigilan ang pagngiti. Ang arte!

"First time kong masuportahan nang gano'n. Nakakainis pero nakakatuwa ri—Aray!" Bahagyang dumiin ang pagmamasahe niya sa binti ko. "Siraulo ka ba? Ang sakit-sakit n'yan!"

"Tsk. Ano'ng nakakatuwa ro'n? Ang corny-corny," inis na sabi niya. "They can just clap or cheer. What's with personal questions and stupid jokes?"

I gave him a small kick in the legs. "Sumpong ka na naman! Buti nga sila nagchi-cheer, eh! Ikaw, pampasikip lang sa amphitheater."

"I was cheering for you. Naghanap pa ako ng green na lobo sa office kasi nakikita kong 'yon ang hawak ng supporters mo," depensa niya.

Natigilan ako at sinubukang i-proseso ang sinabi niya.

"Huh?"

Umirap siya sa akin. "Wala."

"Ikaw? Magchi-cheer sa'kin?" I pointed at myself, confused. "Wala kang ibang sinuportahan?"

Hindi siya sumagot. Ibinaba lang niya ang tingin sa paa ko.

"Totoo, Juancho?" rinig ko ang saya sa boses ko. "If that's the case, bibigyan kita ng lotion mula sa napanalunan ko."

"Lotion?"

Ibinaba ko ang ubos nang cup noodles sa hita ko. "Alangang pera? Amin ni Mari 'yon, 'no."

"I'm okay," he said, glancing back up at me. "I'm solved with your winning answer."

It was my turn to be embarrassed. How could I forget?!

"Narinig mo?" tanong ko.

Ngumisi siya. "Loud and clear."

"Joke lang 'yon!" depensa ko. "Wala lang akong ibang naisip na relevant na estudyante rito sa school kaya ikaw ang isinagot ko!"

"As far as I know, your friend won the best thesis award last semester and is one of the best—if not the best—psychology students."

Kumunot ang noo ko. Oo nga, 'no?

"Don't tell me you didn't consider your friend," panunudyo niya.

"Role model daw!" pagrarason ko. "Lagi kong iniinis 'yon kaya hindi puwede!"

"At ako? Hindi mo iniinis?"

Sumimangot ako. "Edi 'wag! Kung alam ko lang, sarili ko na lang sana ang sinagot ko. Tuturuan kong magyosi at mag-cutting ang mga estudyante nang hindi kinakabahan."

He cracked up laughing like he was having so much fun to the point that his mouth and eyes had laugh lines around them. Even his pearly white teeth shone through.

Napahinga ako nang malalim. Iyon ang unang beses na tumawa siya nang ganoon kasaya sa akin... at sa mga mata ko, ang guwapo-guwapo niyang tingnan.

"You really are silly," natatawa pa ring saad niya. "You can be serious, funny, feminine, masculine, grumpy, playful, and all the other possible things. You can even make me forget about my problems," parang sa sarili niya lang sinasabi iyon.

With a small smile on his lips, he dropped his eyes on my feet before massaging them again.

"I know you as someone who is frank and honest, so hearing such things from you is like knowing myself from a different perspective." Slowly and carefully, he caressed my feet. "So, even if you didn't win," he whispered, looking at me, "you've won me over, Candidate Number 10."

The warmth in my heart made it impossible for me to stifle the smile that was forming on my lips.

"I'll do your interview," he said.

I felt my smile widen even more. "Final na?"

"Mhmm..." He nodded. "But I have one condition."

"Ano?"

He tilted his head. "I get to ask questions about you, too."

My heart raced with excitement. "'Yon lang?"

"And we'll do it at my place," he added. "You set the time and date."

That night, he offered to take me home, but I told him I would be picked up by a tricycle. He waited with me and did not stop massaging my feet and calves, listening to my rants about the tiring event. Nang dumating ang tricycle ay nakita ko pa siyang nakasunod sa amin. Tumigil siya sa kanto, at saka lang tuluyang umalis nang papasok na ako ng apartment.

Rae #EndImpunity 🔒 @doraemill · 2s
Sarap ng pakiramdam ng paa ko haha sinong puwedeng sipain

After tweeting that and laughing at myself, I thought of something and just went with it right away.

Mirae #EndImpunity 🔒 @doraemill · 2s
Thank you for taking care of me, Juancho. I guess you'd be the fourth person I'd want to commit to.