A/n I couldn't think of a title for this chapter...

The next morning was like any other. The warm sheets and small rays of sunlight slipping through the crack of the door, it was all normal. Except...

The red headed emperor cuddled the phantom as the phantom grew closer to the warmth that held him. All seemed faint and comforting but all knew they had to speak of their lives before they encountered again.

Kuroko batted his eyes opened, his focus became clearer, seeing a sleeping red head in front of him.

"You awake?" Kuroko tensed as he heard a startling sentence out of nowhere before realizing the man had been awake. Before replying, the moments of the night before flooded his mind, embarrassment and regret flowed as the joy and fear clashed.

"Y-yes..." the grip around Kuroko tightened, the feel of possession and protection cradled him. He had missed the warmth, his care, his love.

No, it's not the same.

A hand forced Kuroko's head into his chest.  "Okay... let me stay like this for a bit before we answer each other's questions..." his soft yet dominating voice whispered while taking in the sweet and pure scent of Kuroko.

His cheeks flushed before he replied with an okay.

If only he wouldn't leave him...
~time skip~

"Coffee?" Kuroko questioned from his kitchen while Akashi lost himself in a book Kuroko had been reading lately. He raised a hand as a yes, a signal only Kuroko really understood.

The phantom poured a cup and placed it in front of Akashi. He put down the book and nodded his thanks. Picking up the glass, he picks up an interesting hint of hazelnut before taking a sip. Then he placed the cup down.

He's different, he told himself. Don't forget, he's different.

"Is there anything you want to know?" Akashi was hesitating, what if he didn't really accept him? It all changed too quickly and too fast as he went from being overly possessive and manipulative, to one that would listen and more of a gentle person. So, why bother trying? He wouldn't listen, would he?

Kuroko sighed.

"Yes... I wanted to ask what you wanted to talk about last night. We didn't get to discuss it." It was a lie. That wasn't what he wanted to know, what he needed to know, but he had to save that question for last.

Akashi focused on his one and only. He wasn't gritting his teeth or clenching his fists, he decided to listen.

When did I fall for him?

It was a question he had been asking himself ever since the last encounter. He couldn't find his answer so he decided to answer the other's.

"Last night... I wanted to tell you that I..." he wanted to tell him that he wasn't dead but alive. That all was okay. He stared at his coffee. "I'm the one who killed him." He might as well have him hate him for all eternity.

"You mentioned that." Not a single beat missed in his voice but inside, he was fearing him yet he accepted him, or least tried to. He glanced up, then back, almost saying 'you don't understand.'

"Well you see..."

"Why did you come back." He changed his mind. He can't wait any longer. His grip on the mug grew tighter. "Or if you don't want to answer that, what was really what you wanted to talk about." His look was stern as his words, but as a sign of anxiety, his hands were clenching yet relaxing and so forth.

"I love you."  Kuroko was dumbfounded, almost unable to comprehend those simple words.

And in a way, he was offended.

"You, love me? What is this, a joke? Not too long ago you put the blame on me! That it was my fault he died. You even talked to me as if I was a toy on our last encounter!"

"Then why did you sleep with me? Did you really not have those feelings I had hoped you had?" He places his mug on the coffee table.  "I was scared. I don't want to lose you again."

"Again?!" He slammed his cup down on the table, standing up in the process. "I lost the love of my life-"

"You-"

"And nothing will bring him back. You can't and never will replace him." His eyes showed no mercy and Akashi's showed pain and a hint of pity.

So why bother?

Because he's mine.

"Honestly," He started off. "I don't know why I would ever fall in love with you," he spoke, insultingly. "However," his voice grew softer, "I do. I just do. I can't help but think 'wow, I could have had a life with you. I could have, not him, but me.' But then I realized that I have done much harm than good." He chuckled sadly. "And you will never love me back I see."

Was he joking?

He claimed possessively that he was his, yet he claims that he loved, no correction, loves him? He wanted to throw something in frustration.

"Kuroko," he continued. "Ever since our last encounter, I couldn't help but think about you in general. And I know, it sounds weird and crazy, but I did. I thought about why he loved you and what you loved about him." He shook his head, fighting back every urge to let a tear loose.

"Then why couldn't you just apologize? Why did you have to blame me right after?!" He didn't even know exactly why he was upset, but he was.

"Because I panicked! I couldn't stand-"

"What," he cut him off. "Can't stand the fact that you can't have everything?! That once one tactic doesn't work, you use another one?"

Now it was his turn to be offended. "Do you really think I am manipulative enough to pretend to love you?"

"Yes!" He took no time at all responding. "After his death, your father blamed me for everything. That I was the reason why he died, the reason why he could never have the life he had wanted, that I was a goddamn failure! The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, does it?!"

"What makes you think that I would ever become like him!" He stood up, almost subconsciously showing he was superior.

"I-" he backed off. He couldn't think of anything else, his head hurt and he just wanted to cry. All of the terrible feelings came back, creeping and branching to his lungs to his heart, grasping and clenching, the feeling of it about to burst.  Akashi pinched the bridge of his nose, frustrated with himself.

"You're right, I didn't act accordingly, but I was jealous. I wanted your love and I forced my love to you."

"Love...?" Now he really did cry. He couldn't hold back. "I'm sorry, so that was love? Affection? You putting me down and making me feel useless was affection?" He laughed solemnly. "I love you, but I hate you so goddamn much. I wish you were dead but I am so happy I could just die. But right now, I am so frustrated that your first move was to make everything just go downhill from here. I don't want to see you and him as one. And so here's my answer."

He bowed and clutched his chest, hating himself for what he was going to do next.

"I'm sorry."

A/n wow so this chapter was confusing... I hope to edit this one soon

Idk when my next update will be but hopefully my writers block doesn't hate me.

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