if you ever wondered
what it felt like to be consumed
by a darkness that can only be described
as an angry, gaping hole
in the place where love should be kept

if you ever wondered
what it felt like to be smothered
by a voice that never quite shuts up
that picks away at your skin
and prods at your soul
until you give in to its truth

if you ever wondered
what it feels like
to live with an illness or two
in your brain

stop wondering, please

- i thought of dying last night, but then i didn't.