'Well, I'm confused. It is the most horrible feeling to not understand what's going on in my own head.

I can't tell what feelings I feel the most. I know that I feel lost but what good does that do me

I feel completely fine one minute, then I feel a burst of energy, then I'm mad, then I'm sad. I feel like I'm going crazy!

I feel more alone now than I ever have in my life. Alone in what I'm going through and alone in my emotional madness.

I'm drowning. How can one swim if that person has no motivation to keep going?

How can I survive a war that I don't understand?

I need something. My life needs more than it has but what could that be?

Not family, not friends, not love.

Myself?

I feel as though I have enough thoughts to fill an entire notebook. Thoughts and fears flood my mind.

What if I never get the strength to do what I know I need to do? What if  I accept contentment? Could I ever be full and complete if I'm settling for what is pleasing?

Will I ever have my movie? Will I ever be loved like I love? Adored as I adore? Admired? Cherished?

I feel as though I have a million different sides that no one wants to see. How can one be oneself all the time? Each has so many sides that it would be impossible!

Am I going crazy?"

Nichole

I wanted to share Nichole's letter with you to show how she was thinking even when she was just talking to herself. My sweet baby girl had so many conflicting things going on in that beautiful mind of hers.

The reference she makes to "her movie" is:  she dreamed of going to California to stay with her Uncle Mike and try to pursue her dream. She would have made a wonderful comedic actress!

If you are enjoying Nichole's journey (it seems weird to say enjoying) please remember to vote. Thank you.