Right beside the church was the graveyard. Maybe he can help me get away this overwhelming burden.

I scampered towards his grave. I desperately fell on my knees when his grave came into view.

I cried out this time not acknowledging the fact that maybe by my shouting, the dead in the graves would be disturbed.

"If you disapproved, why are you letting this happen?" I pointed at the church.

It was pointless to hold back the inevitable streak of liquid that threatened to fall from eyes. So, I obliged to their adamant request and as soon as my consent reached my brain, the tears liberated themselves from the feeble restraint I had put on them.

There was an impregnated silence that filled the atmosphere. It was uncanny and unnerving. It seemed that after the words left my mouth, they hung in mid air. They did not produce any response.

It was explicit that he was ignoring me. He did not have any right to ignore me. It is his fault that my life is entangled in this mess.

I spat out in sheer resentment," It's all your fault I am trapped in this position in the first place. If you would not have died, mother would not be marrying Carter today and I won't be feeling this empty inside. It seems as if termites are residing inside me, gnawing at every possible place leaving me as an empty shell." My voice broke at the end while my throat became excessively parched with the shouting.

After a moment, I pondered upon the words that had came tumbling out of my mouth due to my emotions exploiting me; it made me guilty. I wanted to take back the words that I had uttered in imprudence in the form of a ramble.

Nothing spilled out of the eyes of the sky. The only thing that was different in this moment from the previous one was the heat of the sun.

It seemed that he was angry at me as the sun lividly relayed its heat.

"You have every right to be angry. I should not have shouted. It's neither yours or anyone's fault. It's just the game of fate." I whispered after  sobering up from my former fury.

My cheeks were damp and the tears seemed to be finished. A headache had set foot in the territory of the region of my head. I felt dizzy and tired of everything. I wanted to embrace the tempting warm ground, to curl into a ball and somehow escape this cruel reality for some precious moments.

The silence of the atmosphere was disturbed by my constant sniffing. There was still no reply. My eyelids were threatening to cover my eyes to give me a chance to escape into an oblivion, that a cold breeze touched my damp cheeks, timidly. That action sent a wave of coldness to course through my body and made my lethargy dissipate into thin air.

He did reply, though it was late; nonetheless he did and that was enough. A new set of tears covered my eyes but these ones were truly tears of joy.

He wanted to wipe away the tears as the breeze softly brushed against my cheeks. It was a wonderful sensation as the image of my father conjured up in front of me smiling and calling me "Pancake." That made me smile.

The honking of cars and animated talking of people shattered the image. I gasped. I was brought back into reality. Though, I wanted to forget it, the reality was standing there waiting for me to catch up.

"I guess it's a good bye, then." I watched with a forlorn expression at the grave.

"No let me rephrase it. See you soon. I love you father." The last few words sounded foreign on my tongue, but eerily were the right ones to say. I need to get accustomed to this phrase.

Glancing the last time at the grave and waving a little, I entered reality. The scarce escape from reality did lift enough burden from me that I could breathe properly.

She was distraught while her eyes were roaming around the place. Carter was beside her, somewhat attempting to calm her down.

She really did care for me?

A splinter of warmth lit inside my chest, flaring with enough intensity to overwhelm the vacancy within me. As soon as her eyes landed on me, she broke free of the hold of Carter and ran towards me in an awkward gait, that made me laugh despite me being on the verge of breaking down earlier.

"What's so funny?" She asked crossly.
"Nothing." I barely said when she tackled me in a hug, the warmth emanating from it was what I had been craving for. I wanted her to hold me more, but she pulled away too soon, taking away the warmth; encasing me in coldness.

"Where did you run off to? Do you have any idea how worried I was?" She exhibited dregs of disappointed and anger whilst she was actually splashed with relief. I watched as her arm rested on Carter's shoulder. This added to my already gloomy mood.

How can she forget about father who was currently so close to us?
Wouldn't she be a bit guilty for her remarriage happening 'coincidentally' in the same church in which his funeral was held?
Wouldn't she go to his grave to even say 'hi'?

"Well?" I was broken out of my trance whilst I realised she was waiting for an answer.

"It was congested inside. Got out for fresh air." I mumbled out the response while making my way towards the car, eluding any more possible prodding.

After me being seated, the newly wedded couple occupied the front seats, shortly. There was utter silence in the car, a thing I was thankful for.

A brief five minutes had passed while I was wallowing in the peaceful silence. She, surely had a knack for breaking the silence.

"Honey, Carter will be moving in with us. I don't want you to feel homesick. Besides, a good thing is that the our work time does not clash. Whenever I won't be home, he'll be there to keep you company and viceversa. And a reminder to you Susan that I'll be getting to work first thing tomorrow."
She kept on speaking while her face was fixed ahead. Carter nodded along her words.

I was still sceptical that she married Carter just because I won't get lonely. I was used to her working late. Nonetheless, I could not question her. Her only response would be, "A mother knows what's best for her children."

The rest of the ride was silent. Since my birthday, my life was full of surprises. This announcement added to the number of surprises. I was not surprised that it did not trigger any reaction from me.

I was numb.

There was nothing I felt. Previously, when she made the announcement of her remarriage, I felt a knife slashing my heart everyday. Now, my heart was full with scars, it was devoid of any space.

No new scars.

The tires screeched to a halt near our house and I trod hurriedly inside the comfort of my house. I heard her footsteps trailing behind me, in a faint clattering sound.

Her voice halted me in my track, abruptly.
"And where do you think you are going young lady?" Her eyebrow rose while eyeing me.

"M-mee?" I asked while pointing at me, making the most innocent face.

She just sighed, a sigh of defeat. "Supposedly, the answer is yes..."

"Umm, what am I supposed to do?"

"The guests are coming over to our place, for the celebration of our wedding and I want you not to sidle out again. It's rude and above all annoying when people ask me where is my daughter!" She spoke in what seemed an angry tone.

"But let me..."

"No buts. You're staying here and that's final. You'll be going to attend to the guests at the door while I get changed." With that being said she made her way towards her room.

Carter had seen the little exchange of words amongst us. He did not follow her, rather sat in front of the couch on which I was currently sprawled.

He intertwined his hands and started to ogle me from head to toe. Slightly unnerved by his gaze, I collected my slouched position and sat upright. The fact that my dress had a strapless sweetheart neckline added more to my insecurity.

An awkward silence had descended the room, blanketing it. Neither of us daring to speak a word.

"You can go and get comfortable by changing your attire. I'll receive the guests." He was the first to break the silence. On the other hand, I did not how to respond. My etiquettes were gone down the drain.

Nodding, I made my way to the room uneasily as I practically felt something burning at my back - a burn growing in intensity with every step. As soon as I entered my room, I heaved a sigh.

This Carter is frightening. He was gawking at me whilst he had just claimed my mother as his wife mere half an hour ago.

Maybe its my imagination. I am exhausted and am imagining things. Nodding to myself, I made way into the shower.

The burning sensation was still there as I faced myself in the mirror. Even though I wanted to convince myself that it was my imagination, the feeling of the burn made it more real.
Nonetheless, I was dressed in a loose fitting shirt with trousers along with a thin sweater.

I was immensely weary to face the guests. My tempting, warm bed was more than enticing. My heavy footsteps halted in front of my bed and without any second thoughts I was in my bed, wrapped in the blanket. Sleep was hovering over my numb body. I felt so light that it seemed that I would sink into the mattress.

Sleep overwhelmed my scrambled thoughts and everything went black.

The shrilling of the alarm clock penetrated through my reverie. I gasped hard, it seemed that I was drowned and had just resurfaced. An hour had passed already and the mess in front of me was barely put in place.

"Rethinking the past will not change it, Susan. The past will remain the same. No matter how much we desire, it will remain embedded somewhere deep inside. No matter how much we want to forget, it will escape the chains, it will resurface the deep ocean, it will climb up the ravine, and it will force us to see it again again until no place in the body is left unscarred." Trembling, I agreed with myself.

In order to forget I immersed myself in the mess that laid in front of me.

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