Olivia's room was a mammoth mess. Clothes and boxes of shoes covered the floor haphazardly.
Sighing, I started to pick up the lids of the shoe boxes and put them on their respective shoe box.

Among this ruckus of shoe boxes and clothes, a magazine laid. The display page of the magazine immobilized me. It held me under its incantation. It exhibited a bride clad in a ravishing white gown with a smile adorning her face.

Do all brides smile on their wedding day?

My mother also had the brightest smile on that day. Why could not I even curve my lips a bit above?

Because I felt guilt-ridden.

I felt a pang of hurt ripple through my body.

Betrayal.

She was betraying my father.

She was defying the promise she made, seventeen years ago.

God, it rained so heavily that day. I struggled hard enough to tell her what that rain meant. When she was vexed of my constant bickering, she tugged my arm, sat me down while lowering her body beside me on the bed.

I just watched her.

Taking a deep breath, she began,"Look Susan, your father would want me to move on and be happy. Above all he would want me to provide you with a fatherly figure in your life."

I wanted to disagree, tell her I was happy without any man in my life who would claim the position held by my father, eleven years ago. Before my mouth could open to voice my opinion, her fore finger made contact with her lips with a shushing sound that followed.

She continued, "I'll be getting a lot busy with business. I need to work more hard in order for you to go to a good college. In order to avoid you feeling lonely, I had to take this step after eleven years."

How could I feel lonely with the trail of TV shows, books and homework standing firmly behind my back?

Her eyes had this flicker of hope that I will understand the dilemma she was facing. The weight of this expectation settled on my body, making it impossible to ignore. It threatened me that it will metamorphosis into some thing even more bulkier- contrite, regret, remorse...

In order to lighten my body from the heavy burden settled on my body I nodded.

Her face broke into a grin, while I broke from inside. This broken feeling started with a scratch, deepening in an attempt to penetrate further.

My mother was fully convinced by my satisfied facade that I had approved her remarriage.

The wedding was due next week. Time galloped along the road to reach its destination. It seemed that even time was exhilarated for the remarriage.

I was encircled in pleated fabrics, sequins, glitter and whatnot. I was asked to stand, to stretch my arms, then a yellow measuring tape would flash across my eyes before it disappeared under my waist.

For this whole week, the smile on mother's face never left it place while my emotions conflicted hers. My muscles ached due to feigning happiness, making me weary.

*~*~
She twirled around to show me her white dress with a hint of pink. The intricate design on the back was detailed with beads, sequins and finished with a bow. The fluffy material was ruffled below the waist and cascaded down to the floor. It was glamorous and breathtakingly ravishing. A single look at the dress and everyone would fall in love with it.

I was the bridesmaid. My dress matched the light pink colour of the bride's dress with a strapless sweetheart neckline. Nothing glimmering or shining. Solely simple, yet pretty. It was softly pleated and ended just above my knees.

She was truly blissful and with her smile, her dress looked even more alluring. My peevish mood was secured tightly within me. The knots it had tied with me never loosened. I plastered a fake smile - not a task that was new to me. It was there just to please the human eyes that flickered between the bride and bridesmaid, and found everything perfectly happy.

How ingenuous of these people? Believing in what they are seeing.

Accompanying my mother towards the ride to the church, my fingers clasping the bouquet of flowers started becoming oddly cold. On the other hand, I was relieved because I was free for a few precious moments to give rest to my facial muscles who had to strain hard to make me appear jubiliant.

My heart twisted painfully when the familiar looking church came into my view. My irises widened and I looked at my mother, absolutely appalled. She just gave me a sympathetic look before clambering out of the car by the help of another bridesmaid.

It was the same church which had a graveyard- the graveyard in which father was buried. I could not withstand the thought of my father being close enough to witness the remarriage of his wife.

"Susan, hurry up and come out of the car." Some one called.

Half- heartedly, I pushed the door open to come out in the open. It was a warm day. The sun was beaming down upon us emanating the warm rays, being ecstatic like the rest of the people on the remarriage of my mother.

It seemed that nature as well as people were happy to witness her remarriage, excluding me.

Why did I feel a deep hole burrowing inside me?

Nonetheless, in order to please the desire of people, I stepped towards the entrance of the church. Just like the tutorial shown by one of my cousin's, I walked ahead of my mother. She trailed behind me, cautiously walking to elude any possibility of tripping or ruining her dress. When I had successfully crossed the aisle and made it to the altar, I excused myself and joined the spectators.

I did not want to stand close to my mother when she would be taking her vows, the same ones she once took seventeen years ago. Mingling in the people, I found an empty spot beside one of my relatives on the pew.

The priest began.

I became completely oblivious to my surroundings as I was deep in thought of as to how will my new life turn out to be.

"I now pronounce you as husband and wife."

A thick emotion clogged my trachea, while my breathing started to become ragged.

Tears blurred the vision.

"You may now kiss the bride."

A treacherous tear escaped trailing down my face splattering onto my dress, which hungrily absorbed it.

I looked away. I could not watch them.

"Why are you crying?" My relative asked.

My chest tightened and I could not form a coherent sentence in my brain. Her eyes bore into my figure, waiting for a reply.

"T-tears o-of j-joy." I spluttered the words out of my dry throat. My sentence was punctuated with a hiccup.

There was a sting in my chest which slunk to the rear end of my chest, not leaving its sensation. It was as if that sting could not be content with permeating my chest. It travelled up to my throat that I felt choked up on my tears.

The church despite being spacious, started to close all it's walls at me. It was claustrophobic.

I carried my precarious and crumbling self from the pew.

I need to escape this suffocation.

______________________________________

This chapter is divided into two as my aim for each chapter is to write around 1,000 words. This chapter will continue from here in the next part :)

Where do you think Susan will go to escape this suffocation?

Thank you for reading.

AYS_621